~5th Serving~
Is This a Mommy?
It’s dangerous stuff, waking up. You never know what you might wake up to. In the case of this particular unicorn, she woke up to something soft and warm booping her on the nose. “Is this a mommy?” She heard a squeaky bashful little voice ask. “She smells like a mommy, maybe.”
She felt her heart race. There was somepony out there. ‘Who could it be?’ Her survival instincts took over. Playing possum had served her well thus far. Maybe it’ll work a bit longer.
“How would we know what a mommy smells like? We’ve never had a mommy.” The unicorn heard another voice, a very matter-of-fact one, point out.
“Oh. Um. That’s true.” The squeaky little voice mumbled, sounding a little despondent. “But...Cadie thinks this is what a mommy would smell like if we had one, maybe.”
‘They sound...harmless?’ The unicorn thought, hopefully.
“Damp fur and seaweed?” The matter-of-fact voice asked, skeptically.
“Um, yes?” Squeaky whispered, sounding optimistic.
“Well, we did catch her swimming in the canal, all fresh and stuffs.” A loud, brash voice pointed out.
“You sure she was swimming? She looked like drowning to me.” She could practically hear the matter-of-fact voice frowning. “Maybe mommies don’t float?”
“Um, she looked like she was doing her best, maybe?” Squeaky said, kindly.
“At not floating?” Matter-of-fact said. “Well, Ms. Sugar Belle always said that it’s the un-fresh ones that float up, so at least we know she is fresh. Maybe this is what fresh mommies smell like?” Matter-of-fact seemed open to the possibility, at least.
“Um, Daddy always said everything tastes sweeter and better when they’re fresh. And daddy is always right,” Squeaky said.
“So you’re saying she might taste like a mommy?” Brash suggested. There was a brief pause. The unicorn began to worry that the voices were actually seriously considering this.
‘Uh, maybe they’re not so harmless?’ The unicorn thought, anxiously. She felt three little tongues lick her cheeks. ‘They are actually tasting her?!’ She thought, panic rising.
“Um….” The unicorn heard Squeaky smack her lips thoughtfully at the taste, “Maybe Cadie can add some sugar and cinnamon? Maybe some mint?” Squeaky suggested, helpfully.
‘How kind.’ The unicorn thought, irritably.
“I told you she’d be better in a dress, always,” Brash was quick to judge.
‘How is a dress meant to help?!’ The unicorn thought.
“You can’t eat dresses,” Matter-of-fact pointed out.
‘So it’s alright to eat me?!’ The unicorn squeaked inwardly.
“Um, maybe it’s like fresh quince? You need the right recipe and everything, maybe,” Squeaky suggested, her hope of a tasty unicorn not wavering in the slightest.
“That’s it! We need a mommy recipe!” Brash exclaimed. “Told you we should’ve bat one at the mommy store, always!”
“The pay-for ones are no good. Everything’s better homemade. Daddy says so, so it’s true,” Matter-Of-Fact argued. It turns out ‘daddy’ is the ultimate watertight argument. “Daddy knows everything so he would know how to make a mommy. We should ask him for the recipe.”
“But we still don’t know if she’s the right flavour,” Brash pointed out. “I mean, mommies have to be mommy-flavoured, right?”
“Um, wasn’t Daddy tasting all three of them on the lips? Um, you know, after he fished them out of the water?” Squeaky asked, “Won’t Daddy know if they taste like mommies, maybe?”
‘What do they mean by tasting me on the….’ The unicorn gave a loud squeak as realization struck her. Her squeak was quickly taken over by a violent fit of coughing, as if her body hated her very lungs and wished nothing more than to expel it with all due haste.
“Wh-whoah! I-I was joking about the dress, honest!” Brash squeaked in surprise. The unicorn opened her bleary eyes just in time to see a pair of leathery wings flare out in surprise. “Hey, uh, are you okay, un-tasty miss?” A tiny pair of hoofsies held onto her, as if to comfort her wretching body.
“Cadie, call for help.” Matter-of-fact said, her voice shaky under her firm tone.
“Um, um, owkay.” Squeaky took a long, deep breath. “Heeeeelp?”
“What’s going on?” The unicorn saw what looked like a door burst open, revealing the blurry outline of a snow-white earth pony.
“Is something wrong, Red Heart?” The fuzzy silhouette of what she vaguely recognized as a human appeared behind the pony. She couldn’t be sure, but it kinda looked like he wasn’t wearing anything from the waist upwards.
She couldn’t say she disliked the view.
“Looks like your fillies got inside again, Baker.” The earth pony sighed as she trotted up to the unicorn’s side. “There there, calm down, they are mostly harmless.” She firmly rubbed the unicorn’s back, quickly taming her fit of coughs. “You’re safe now, dear. I am a nurse. My name is Red Heart. I’m here to look after you.” The earth pony said slowly, comfortingly. The earth pony’s gentle smile slid into focus as she leaned in close to the unicorn’s face.
“Hey, we were totally looking after her too, always!” The unicorn looked down and finally found the brash one sitting next to her, little hoofsies still clutching her own comfortingly. She was a small light-peach filly, barely of age to gain her cutie mark. The leathery lilac wings on her back identified her as a thestral. She quickly found two more clutching her protectively - a cream-coated unicorn filly wearing a pair of half-moon glasses and a what looked like a dark-furred unicorn foal.
“Um, yes, we were even going to add some sugar and mint to the recipe to make her taste be-...mmmphh mpph mpph.” The dark-furred unicorn foal’s mouth was quickly plugged by a little hoofsie, courtesy of the glasses-wearing unicorn.
“Yeah, we were gonna make fresh mom-....mmmph mph!” The thestral filly’s mouth quickly found itself similarly hoofsie-plugged.
“Please don’t say anything. I’m out of hooves.” The little glasses-wearing unicorn muttered back at the earth pony and human.
“Now now, girls, be nice, okay?” The tall, messy-maned human chuckled as he came into view.
“Aww, daddy, but we were being nice!” The fillies protested, flailing their little hoofsies to defy his attempts at scooping them up.
‘He’s….their daddy?’ The unicorn thought, ‘That sounds familiar.’ A sudden throb of pain struck her temple with all the subtlety of a bulldozer. “Ugh.” She clutched her head, wincing all the while.
Credit where it’s due, Red Heart wasn’t one of those nurses who asks ‘does it hurt?’. “Here, painkillers.” She placed a large bottle of rum in her hooves.
The unicorn stared at it.
“It’s medical alcohol,” the nurse said in answer to the unicorn’s questioning look.
‘It even has ‘Berry Punch’s Marshmallow Rum’ on the brand! It’s about as medical as my hoof!’
Red Heart seemed to sense her hesitation. “It’s alright. It’s marshmallow flavoured.” She said, reassuringly.
Unfortunately, Red Heart didn’t seem like one of those nurses who made sense either.
The unicorn noticed, rather belatedly, that she was on a bed, one she shared with not only the fillies but two other unconscious mares. “Maarshmallooooows.” The azure blue pegasus lying next to her threw her forehooves out in her sleep. Unfortunately for the unicorn, she was sitting in range of the pegasus’ sleep-hug. “Omnomnom.” The azure pegasus sank her maw into the unicorn’s cutie mark, chewing hungrily all the while. “Mmmh, shoft, but needsh shugar and mintsh.” The pegasus mare mumbled sleepily. The unicorn didn't recognize her, but there was something about the pegasus mare that rubbed her the wrong way, like sandpaper for toilet tissue. It was something that irked her enough to want to banish her to the moon or something.
The other mare, a light pink changeling judging by the layered carapace over her fur, blinked owlishly as she stirred. She looked down at the sight of the unicorn being force-fed rum, smothered by fillies, while being nommed on by a grown pegasus mare. She gave a sleepy nod of profound understanding before wresting the rum from Red Heart’s hooves. The others stared blankly as the changeling took a long, hard swig. “Gulp….gulp...gulp...phwaaah!” The changeling sighed, putting the bottle down. “Okay, this is starting to make sense.” She waved the vague forehoof of one who had found enlightenment at the bottom of the bottle. “You are combining into your final form.”
The crickets cheered at her revelation.
“It’s worse than I thought.” Nurse Red Heart muttered, quickly prying the changeling’s mouth open and shining a pen torch as she peered inside.
“What is it?” The human asked, worriedly.
“Um, does she wanna combine too?” Squeaky asked.
“No, that would be silly.” The glasses filly pointed out in a rare show of sense. “Pink would clash with our colour co-our-day-neigh-shun. That would be unlucky."
“No.” Red Heart muttered, somberly, “The rum’s all gone.”
“Oh. Where did it go?” The pink changeling mare asked.
“The wrong place.” The unicorn finally muttered. “Sorry, but can somepony please tell me what happened?”
“Uh, you don’t remember?” The human asked, looking concerned.
The unicorn frowned at the question. Should she be remembering something? In fact….should she remember anything at all? She clutched her head in sudden panic. “I…” She mumbled, “I don’t….I don’t remember a thing.” She looked up at them all in wide-eyed horror. “W-where is this?” She looked about at the bed, and the ponies surrounding her, at the human looming over her. “Why am I here?” She looked down at herself, at her hoofsies, at the pegasus mare still nomming her cutie mark. “Who am I?!” She gasped.
“It’s alright, calm down. It’s only brain damage.” Nurse Red Heart said, patting her calmingly on her withers. “You’ll be able to walk it off.”
“Do any of you remember anything?” The human asked the other two, worriedly.
“Hmmm?” The pegasus mare blinked owlishly as she decided to stop chewing on the unicorn’s tush long enough to regain consciousness. “Mmm.” She seemed to consider the question with all the thoughtfulness of the recently comatose. The unicorn felt some hope rising. “Mmm, dunno. But this marshmallow is familiar. Gimme a few more minutes and I might remember something.” She returned to nomming on her tush. Never had hope been abandoned so quickly.
“One moment.” The changeling mare grabbed the seemingly-empty bottle of rum and somehow managed to magically chug down some more liquid brain power. “Hmm, yesh, I remememember naow,” she said with the serene smile of the enlightened, “We’re pretty pony princessesh with crownsh and castlesh and everything.” She said, swaying dangerously with all the enlightenment.
They all stared at the changeling blankly. They all came to a silent agreement. That was crazy talk.
“You all lost your memories?” The human asked, worriedly.
“Well done with the mouth-to-mouth, Baker,” Nurse Red Heart said, patting the human on his shoulder, “You kissed their brains out.”
“Yay, Daddy!” The three little fillies cheered. They didn’t seem very sure what it was their daddy did well, but they looked proud of it nonetheless.