Letters From a Little Princess Monster
Three Day Promise - Part One
Ponyville was a place where it was extremely difficult to feel sorry for oneself, particularly when the one in question was Princess Luna taking a quiet dawn stroll through the small town, greeting the cheerful ponies as they proceeded onward to their daily activities, already in progress. She was ‘Off Duty’ as much as the Princess of the Moon could be when the sun was up and her sunglasses were on, but she was not taking this trip for recreation purposes.
As she walked, Luna caught a glimpse of Big Mac where he was helping Applejack and Apple Bloom set up their market cart for the day, and after due consideration, diverted her path as not to disturb the family activity. Perhaps some recreation later, in private.
In any case, Luna’s destination took longer than she expected to reach, but the Ponyville Golden Oak Library was still closed regardless of the optimistic opening time listed on the sign. She paused, casting out her perceptions into the oak tree for the slug-a-bed unicorn and feeling only slightly disappointed to feel the dreams of the little dragon splashing through a lava puddle instead. She consoled her regret with a sip from a cup of the wonderful coffee she had discovered in this town, leaving the cup to hover by her side while she opened up the newspaper that had been sitting on the library front step and began to read.
After all, it was a public library, therefore a public newspaper.
In due time, the creak of an approaching wagon filled the dawn air, complete with a low and unceasing grumble of a city unicorn put to unexpected rural labor. Luna kept her casual air while scratching a few corrections on the crossword puzzle, which through some horrible mistake of the publisher had several of the answers wrong. Seven down was undoubtedly ‘Atorcoppe’ and Eleven across could only be ‘Dragones,’ but Fourteen down was a mystery. ‘Vyolence’ just did not fit correctly, despite being obviously correct.
After waiting for the proper moment, Luna put down the paper and said, “Good morn, Lady Trix—”
She stopped. She had to stop. It took at least three breaths before the impact of Trixie’s garish orange coat could be properly taken in, and another four breaths before Luna could dare to say anything without giggling like a schoolfilly. Had Celestia’s student been any more orange, she would have been glowing, possibly even with sparkles. Luna even pushed her sunglasses up on her forehead in the hopes that perhaps they were the cause of the vivid discoloration. It did not help.
Ignoring Her Dread Sovereign, the orange unicorn shrugged out from under the wagon traces, removed her luggage from the back, and placed it up against the library door before reaching back into the wagon to shake another pony awake.
“Wha? Are we, like, there yet? Whoa.” The scraggly earth pony crawling out of the back of the wagon looked over at Princess Luna and blinked several times. “Cool. You look just like Princess Luna.”
“Come on, Flax Seed. Time to go.” Trixie’s magic picked the earth pony up, which was probably not a very difficult feat as the skinny stallion looked as if he would become airborne in a stiff breeze. She fairly stuffed him into the wagon traces, pointed him in the direction of the Ponyville market, and gave the wagon a shove. “I had a… time at your spa, but you need to get going. Right now. See you never.”
With a deep sigh and one last check to make certain the skinny earth pony was headed the right direction, The Bright and Orange Trixie turned to Luna and just stared her in the eyes. It was oddly reassuring, as most of the Canterlot royalty would only glance at the former Nightmare Moon out of the corner of their eyes before scurrying away like frightened mice, but it also triggered a little nagging sense of guilt, as Trixie looked as if her relaxing trip to the spa needed another, somewhat longer trip to a different spa to recover from the first trip.
And a bucket of manedye. Or two.
“Um. Lady Trixie.” Luna paused. She had to say something, particularly something kind and thoughtful, but the only thing that came out was, “Intentional or accidental?”
“Accidental.” Trixie scowled down at her own bright orange coat. “Nopony could ever do this to themselves intentionally. And I know better than to even try counterspelling it, because all of my hair would probably fall out and I don’t want to go into winter stark naked.”
“It’s… unique,” said Luna. “Not that I would dare follow your example. Most of the Canterlot royalty would have collective heart failure, and the ones who survived would be most likely rendered color-blind.”
“True,” said Trixie with a nod as a little of the tension around her eyes began to ease. “I kept a few of the manedye packet combinations if you want to slip them into Celestia’s tub some night. I was going to use them on a different pony, but...” Trixie shrugged.
“I…” Luna froze up with her mind locked onto the image of a bright orange Celestia sitting on the throne, calmly taking care of the Day Court as the Canterlot royalty lay sprawled around her, clutching their pearls and breathing into paper bags. In their youth, the Royal Sisters had been an unstoppable pair, with no greased doorknob or pail of water over a door being beyond their reach. A prank of this magnitude would be a giant step in Luna’s recovery from being Nightmare Moon, and one that Celestia might even appreciate. Well, after sufficient shouting and chasing through the hallways of the castle, as well as a recovery period in the Royal Kitchens, pillaging the cake storage room.
“You are a most disruptive student, Lady Lulamoon.” She held out her hoof and Trixie floated a few nondescript pellets of manedye out of her bags, which Luna tucked away quickly. “You, however, are not the reason why I have traveled here from Canterlot this day. Celestia and I had a very interesting conversation last night after her return from Ponyville, about a particular spell.”
“So, what has Menace done now?” Trixie kept an expression of cocky good humor for a few moments until the resulting silence eroded it into a serious question. “You’re not mad at the way she swapped Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo, are you? I told her it was a great idea. Diamond Tiara was even delivering newspapers this morning for Scootaloo, pushing the scooter like a real champ. They’ve really gotten into each other’s lives, far more than I thought they would.”
Luna remained silent.
Trixie continued, “Of course it can’t last. They can’t really know what it is like to be each other— Oh. Spell. You don’t mean…”
Luna nodded. Celestia had fairly preened about how smart Trixie was when she was not being a total pain in the plot or inebriated. Of course, if Trixie were really as smart as she pretended, she would have noticed little Twilight Sparkle hiding behind a nearby bush, taking notes.
“Ohhh…” Trixie fairly breathed the word as if it were made of cotton candy, and her eyes sparkled with mischief. “I don’t know whether to kiss her or spank her.” The sparkles of mischief in Trixie’s eyes dulled as thought processes nimbly ran to their inevitable conclusion for anypony who was familiar with the spell. “Do you know if they switched back yet? Wait, never mind, I saw Diamond Tiara on a scooter. Uh-oh. Do you know what happens when the minds of two ponies are swapped for over—”
Trixie looked up from her chain of thought just long enough to catch Luna’s stern expression.
“Yeah, you know.” Trixie looked down at the ground with her jaw set and her breathing becoming regular. It was a little odd, because Luna was used to the far more common panic reaction in ponies as they reacted to bad news. “Does she know?”
“I am not certain,” said Luna. “Do you, Twilight Sparkle?”
The little purple alicorn slunk out of her concealing bush, with notepad and pencil bobbing along in her wake as she took small, timid steps over to stand beside Trixie. She held her head low until Trixie put an orange hoof under her chin and lifted, bringing those dangerous violet eyes to bear on Luna. “Your ‘sister’ asked you a question, Menace,” said Trixie. She brushed her cheek against the little pony and nudged against her. “There’s not a wrong answer, or I would have given it. If you know, say so.”
“Been too long. They never will change back.”
“Wrong,” said Trixie before Luna could even open her mouth to confirm the diagnosis. “Trixie knows this trick well. It should only last an hour or two, tops, but I know a loophole.” She looked around. “Where’s the rest of the disaster brigade? I don’t want to try to explain it twice.”
“Over at the train,” said Twilight, still blinking a little in confusion, but with a spark of hope in her eyes that Luna would never have been able to bring out on her own. “Archer’s coming back home today. School starts tomorrow.”
~ ~ ✶ ~ ~
“I can’t believe school starts tomorrow,” groused Diamond Tiara as they waited for the train doors to open. “At least I don’t have to go to Canterlot for prison school, but I never got to hang out with Silver Spoon and show her my wings during the summer.”
“My wings,” snapped Scootaloo. “All I want is for Twilight to swap us back so I can get back to crusading before school starts. We’ve got less than a day.”
“Suit yourself.” Diamond Tiara flicked her short tail and trotted off in the direction of the train’s loading dock, calling back over her shoulder, “Since you told Daddy, I’m moving back to my room this afternoon. Loooser.”
“You sure we can’t just punch her a little,” said Apple Bloom.
“No,” said Scootaloo, rubbing her nose. “Not even if it didn’t come back to me. Twilight will find a way to put us back.”
“And then can we punch her? Kidding, just kidding,” said Apple Bloom with a dismissive wave. “At least with Silver Spoon back in town, Diamond Tiara will spend less time making our lives miserable.”
Twist frowned and looked over where the young pegasus was jumping up and down on the train station platform, waving at the train while waiting for the doors to open. “Diamond Tiara liketh to write to Thilver when thee’s on vacation. Do you think thee told her the whole thtory aboth Thcootth brain thwap in her letterth?”
The doors to the train opened up and Silver Spoon bolted out onto the train platform, greeting her friend with a solid right cross that dropped both Diamond Tiara out on the platform and Scootaloo next to them like matching sacks of potatoes.
In the resulting silence, Featherweight snapped a picture and said, “I think that’s a no.”
~ ~ ✶ ~ ~
“I’ll admit, this is bad.” Trixie rubbed the little alicorn on the top of her head and blew into one ear to make Twilight flick it and distract her from the growing wave of sadness and depression Trixie knew too well. “The longer two ponies have their minds switched, the less chance they have of ever returning to normal. Why didn’t you tell somepony responsible sooner?”
“I told you,” mumbled Twilight as she leaned against Trixie. “Kindof.”
“As I said, Menace. Somepony responsible.”
“Wanted to fix it myself,” said Twilight. “I goofed. I should fix it. My friends tried to help,” she added a little weakly, as if she were thinking of what happened whenever Sweetie Belle ‘helped’ cook.
“You’ve got all kinds of powerful, grown-up friends now,” said Trixie. She put a foreleg around Twilight and draped some of her dirty purple cloak over the little alicorn. “Friends share these problems. Rarity must know all kinds of spells, and heck, even that eggheaded police officer over at your house could probably help. You even have alicorns in your corner, Menace. All you had to do was send a letter to Celestia and Princess Luna at any time, asking for their assistance. In order to crack that spell before it faded, they could have used an entire school full of professors and eggheads.”
“And you,” said Luna.
Trixie waved a dismissive hoof. “Don’t be foolish. Trixie has tried that spell at one time in her youth, but it was too difficult for her at the time. By now, the initial spell has faded below the threshold of a counterspell. Their cutie marks… I mean Diamond Tiara’s cutie mark will start to revert to the correct pony soon, and in a week or so, it will be permanent.”
Under the leg she had thrown over Twilight’s shoulder, Trixie could feel a sudden trembling, as if she were steering the conversation in the wrong direction. She did not even have to look at Twilight’s face to see the pensive frown there, but it did not matter.
Trixie had a plan. Hopefully, this one would not wind up with her in the middle of a crater.
“Don’t worry,” said Trixie with a comforting squeeze. “I’ve got a foolproof plan to get them back in their own bodies. It may take every single bit of effort I can squeeze out in the next week, but Trixie will work harder than she’s ever worked before, day and night, just for you.”
Luna cleared her throat and said, “We can assist—”
“No, no. I’ve got this,” said Trixie, holding up a hoof. “It was my fault Menace got into the restricted section, so I’ll handle this one by myself.”
The faint trembling Trixie was feeling under her foreleg slowed as Twilight got out her notebook again and began to write. After a few lines, she looked up and asked, “How do you spell hypocrite?”
It was like a shot to the gut for Trixie, and she held a hoof to her forehead while speaking. “T-r-i-x-i-e.”
The little alicorn dutifully wrote it down, but looked puzzled until Trixie added, “New plan. Trixie will wrangle a few of your new friends… like Rarity over there to help.” Trixie nodded at Rarity, who was trotting in their direction with a disheveled Sweetie Belle at her side and some amount of dishevelment on her own mane too, which was a little disconcerting to Trixie. The last time Rarity had been seen in public with more than one hair out of place, Nightmare Moon had just blown up Town Hall.
“Hello, Princess Luna,” said Rarity once she had gotten close enough to bow. “Lady Trixie. Twilight.” The calm demeanor of the fashion pony only made Trixie’s inner sense of alarm scream louder, as her magic was towing along a brand new hat and cape in Trixie’s style, only a shade of dark yellow nearly the exact same shade as Trixie’s mother and which would have gone perfectly with the purple of Trixie’s former coat. At her present shade of orange, Trixie would look somewhat like a flashing traffic signal dressed in it, and Trixie really had expected some sort of nervous breakdown when they met, particularly now since Rarity had put so much effort into a new outfit.
As determined as Rarity looked, she hesitated, looking back and forth between Trixie and Princess Luna several times until Trixie said, “I was just telling Luna about our little problem.”
“Hi,” said Twilight.
“Not you,” said Trixie.
“Oh, you know about it,” said Rarity with considerable relief. “I thought you were behind this. Just what do you have to say for yourself?”
“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, and I’m trying to fix it. I just need a little help. From my friends,” added Trixie at an encouraging nod from Luna.
After a quizzical look and a sigh of relief, Rarity said, “Well, that’s good, but I don’t really know if this problem can be fixed. I’ll admit I thought about putting it back where it came from, but that’s probably out of the picture. It isn’t right, abandoning such a helpless little creature out into the dangerous world, but I can’t think of anypony who would take it in. Unless perhaps Spike has some sort of parental instinct.”
It was worth a quick glance at Sweetie Belle to see if perhaps she knew just what her older sister was talking about, but the little pony was acting very quiet, with her nose almost touching the ground.
“Hold it,” said Trixie. “Wait. Hold on. Are we talking about Scootaloo’s problem with having her mind swapped with Diamond Tiara?”
“Of course not,” huffed Rarity. She lit her horn and a small oval stone of some sort floated out from under Sweetie Belle’s mane to hover in front of Trixie. “We’re talking about you influencing my darling little sister into stealing a dragon’s egg.” Rarity hesitated. “Mind swapped?”
“Okay, that’s two,” said Trixie, feeling a little stunned.
“She found the egg by the library,” said Twilight very quietly. “Mother is dead. Rest of eggs smashed.”
Dragonees, the Scaleed Meenace, a hefty tome wrapped in Twilight Sparkle’s violet magic, floated up next to the egg for Trixie’s inspection, then flipped open and ran through the pages until it stopped at a colorful illustration matching the floating egg.
“Huh. Pygmy Tree Dragon egg,” said Trixie. She looked between the goose-sized egg and the pages several times before fixing her eyes on the book. “Where did you get the book?”
“Library,” said Twilight.
“At?” prompted Trixie. “Because that’s not from this library.”
The little alicorn squirmed uncomfortably. “The castle.”
“Which castle?” prompted Trixie, because she was fairly sure Twilight had not gone to Canterlot by herself, and the only other castle she could think of off-hoof was—
Twilight squirmed some more and murmured, “Sister’s castle.”
“The ruins?” After saying it in front of Luna, Trixie cringed inside, because that was not how you described somepony’s former home, even if they had been stuck in the moon for a thousand years and neglected maintenance during that time.
“Yes.” Twilight’s voice was nearly inaudible by now.
“In the Everfree Forest? No, wait. Forget I asked that. Dumb question.” Trixie pursed her lips and rubbed her chin. “So you stole a book—”
“Borrowed,” said Twilight, with a little more volume.
Concealing her inner pleasure out of getting a rise from the little alicorn, Trixie continued, “Borrowed a book without asking from Princess Luna’s old library. Not a problem, since Luna’s right here and she can write out the pardon while we wait.”
After a polite little cough, Sweetie Belle spoke up. “We brought back a bunch of them.”
“A bunch. Like… ten?” asked Trixie, hoping to be right for once in her life.
“Twenty one thousand, two hundred and—” Twilight counted to herself briefly “—eighty seven.”
“Twenty one…” Trixie took a deep breath to calm herself. “Where did you put them?”
Twilight pointed. Unfortunately, she was pointing at Trixie’s new home, which most likely did not have space for twenty one thousand of anything, let alone books.
Trixie walked over to the library door.
Put one hoof on the doorknob.
And turned.
Once the cascade of books had finished pouring out the door and Trixie managed to regain her footing, she took a long look through the open top of the door at the sea of books now covering all of the first floor. Luna, who had moved up beside her, nodded in sympathy before picking up one of the books and tucking it away with a “Ah, that’s where my copy of Rodrigo⁽*⁾ went.”
Leaving Trixie still with over twenty-one thousand problems.
A unique or rare manuscript from a few centuries back could easily run over a thousand bits. Twenty one thousand of them… could buy Ponyville, and have enough left over in loose change to purchase a brass band and an ice cream factory.
(*) Fortunately for Trixie’s nerves, she did not know there were only two known surviving copies of the romantic fiction Rodrigo Hardflanks, Stallion of the Sun, the last of which auctioned for several million bits just a few years prior.
Trixie picked up one of the nearby books for closer examination, then gave out a shriek and slammed it down again as she panted in panic.
“My, what a large spider,” said Rarity with all of the false calm of somepony who had managed to back away several body lengths in the blink of an eye.
“It’s not too big,” said Sweetie Belle as she moved up to the sloping stack of books and started moving them in search of the missing arachnid. “The others we brought back were a lot bigger before Twilight shrunk them.”
Trixie looked at the library.
The library seemed to look back, with eight glittering blue eyes in each shadow.
“New plan,” said Trixie, carefully backing up away from the infested library while deeply regretting the number of fireproofing spells she had used on it. “Go get everybody else and we’ll have a meeting in the Town Hall to figure out how to deal with what’s going on.”
“Are we meeting in your office?” asked Twilight.
“What office?” said Trixie. “I don’t have an office.”