//------------------------------// // Part 1 - The Slammed Door // Story: A Widow's Search // by Flynt Coal //------------------------------// It’s almost kind of funny to consider just how worthless gold really is when you think about it. A geology student I’d met at a party back when I was in school told me that gold was actually the weakest natural metal. Easily bent. Easily beaten. Only valuable because ponies assign it worth. Because it looks pretty on the outside. I guess that makes my name and the cutie mark that goes with it only fitting. A superficial heart is only capable of giving superficial love. Currently I sit before the open wine cabinet, gazing at the fine collection we’d accumulated over the years. My reflection stared back at me from the glass, my dark pink coat and red and yellow mane and tail slightly grayer than I remembered. As I sat in place, contemplating making the mistake I’d managed to avoid making for a long time, the events of the past hour played back on an endless loop. At least, I’m pretty sure it’s been an hour since the uniformed stallion with the short cut mane showed up at my front door. “Mrs. Golden Heart?” he had asked when I’d answered the door. I had bristled a bit at the use of my former title. Sure, it was still technically a few weeks before the paperwork would go through, but in my mind, I was no longer a Mrs. Nevertheless, I nodded, seeing no point in correcting him. If anything, I was more curious about why an officer of Equestria’s military was at my doorstep—I didn’t have any relatives in the Guard as far as I was aware. Clearing his throat nervously, the stallion reached into a satchel at his side and produced a piece of parchment. “As the next of kin of Doctor Arcane Star, it is my duty to inform you that as of eighteen hundred hours yesterday, your husband was killed while working in the line of duty.” He held the parchment out, looking at me with sincere, sympathetic eyes. “I’m sorry.” I don’t remember much of the exchange after that, my mind was just a numb haze. I think I’d asked him how long Star had been working with the military and the stallion said that he’d been working as head researcher on a special classified project for about a week. It was the first I’d heard about it. As the officer departed, I shut the door and went to the living room couch, where I sat and read through the document in my possession. Apparently, he’d been on a train that had gone off the rails a few miles south of a small farming town called Ponyville. There wasn’t a lot of information on what caused the crash—apparently some sort of obstruction on the tracks was to blame—but the report stated that the other passengers on the train only suffered minor injuries. Reading and rereading the document, I felt… nothing. Sure, my relationship with Arcane Star had been… rocky for much of our marriage, but I thought the knowledge that my husband of over thirty years was now dead would make me feel something. A lump formed in my throat as the thought filled me with sudden guilt; had we really fallen so far out of love that I can’t even be bothered to feel sad that he’s gone? Pushing that unsettling thought from my mind, I got up from the couch and went to the study. The lump in my throat returned when I opened the door and was assaulted by the smell of musty books and dry paper. His smell. He used to spend days cooped up in here with his research whenever he wasn’t traveling the far corners of Equestria chasing ridiculous fantasies. It took me a moment to realize that the pain in my throat wasn’t grief when it occurred to me that even now, thinking about him only made me annoyed. Forcing myself into the room, I sat down at the old wooden desk and had to dig through a mess of books, paper and other assorted junk before I could find a blank piece of parchment and a quill. A picture of what appeared to be an absurd piece of artwork depicting some sort of bipedal creature in unusual armor looked up at me from the desk, but I pushed it aside along with the rest. It was nothing but a cold reminder of the “work” that had kept Star away from us for all these years. Regardless of my feelings, there was still work to be done. The rest of my family needed to be informed, and funeral preparations needed to be made. I decided to start with my second oldest. After all, she still lived here in Canterlot, and if I used an express mail service I could probably get a letter to her by tomorrow. Dear Moon Dancer, I stared at the blank page for who knows how long. How exactly do you even start a letter like this? ‘Hey, your father just died, think you can put those organizational skills to work and help with the funeral arrangements?’ Then again, even if I could come up with something decent to write, there was no guarantee I’d hear back from her. She hadn’t exactly kept in touch for the past couple of years. Setting aside Moon Dancer’s letter for the time being, I grabbed another piece of parchment and started writing to my oldest, Coffee Cream. She was working as an assistant at a studio in Applewood, and would probably need a lot of notice to get time off to come to Canterlot. As I finished her letter, I heard the front door open and two high-pitched voices bickering as they entered. Forcing a smile on my face, I stepped out of the study into the front hall, where my forced smile turned a little genuine at the sight of the two tiny foals obliviously tracking dirt into the house as they raced around each other. A little brown colt named Choo-Choo and an orange filly called Helium Mix. A pair of twins with nothing in common but their sire, whether he happened to be my husband or… somepony else. As much as they were a reminder of just how messed up my family life has become, seeing them always brought me no shortage of joy, and I was happy not to have to think about recent developments for a few precious minutes. “Choo-Choo, Helium. What did I tell you about wiping your hooves off before coming in?” I chided gently. The two foals froze in place, like they’d just been caught in the act of stealing snacks. “Sorry, mommy,” Choo-Choo said, bringing out the puppy dog eyes. Seeing this, his sister followed suit. I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit as I pulled them both into a hug. “Don’t worry, sweetie. I’m sure I’ll be able to find it in my heart to forgive both of you…” I said, before giving both of the little foals a sly grin. “After you get some towels from the kitchen and clean up your mess, then go straight upstairs to do your homework!” “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh…” Choo-Choo groaned continuously as he trudged towards the kitchen, his head thrown back in an over-dramatic fashion. “...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh….” I was actually kind of impressed when he came back with a pair of towels and was still letting out the same exaggerated groan. For her part, Helium Mix seemed perfectly happy with her small punishment and she smiled up at me as she wiped up tiny muddy hoofprints. “So, how was school?” I asked as they worked. “Popsicle Stick tried to kiss me today!” Helium chirped. “He did?” I asked, playing up the drama a bit. “And did you let him?” “Yeah she did,” Choo-Choo chimed in. “Let him have it!” Helium grinned proudly as she proclaimed, “I headbutted him!” Before I could stop myself, I let out a loud snort of laughter. I knew that I probably should have chastised her for getting into a fight at school, but I could only keep laughing as the image played out again in my head. I suppose I could always have a serious talk with her if it became a recurring issue, but for now it seemed to be an isolated incident, so I felt okay about letting it slide this time. “Well, I guess all the colts will think twice before asking you out on a date in the future!” I teased. Soon enough, the pair of them finished their little chore and then obediently headed to their rooms to get started on their homework. Little Helium was still talking excitedly about her day, and I had to ask her to save some stories for dinner. “Is Daddy gonna be here?” she asked in response. The question froze me in place and my eyes briefly darted to the living room where a certain document was still sitting on the couch. Seeing my quizzical look, Helium continued. “I thought I saw him yesterday when I was coming home from school. That means he’s back from his trip now, right?” Before I knew it, the smile on my face was false again. “Your father’s… the thing about that is….” I wasn’t sure what was going to be harder: Explaining that Arcane and I had been in the process of separating, or explaining that he was dead. “I’ll… explain later. Now go on. I’m sure you’ve got lots of homework to do.” I watched the little filly head upstairs with a little less enthusiasm than earlier before I turned around and snatched the parchment from the living room couch. After putting it away in Arcane Star’s office, I headed straight for the kitchen. Now, here I stood in a staring contest with the cupboard filled with imported bottles. As much as I gave him crap for his neglectful custom, Arcane Star gave back as good as he got when it came to my own habits. I’m not proud to say that part of what motivated me to keep such a long streak of sobriety was to give him less ammunition in our fights. However, now that he was gone…. I reached into the cupboard and pulled out the first bottle I could get. Chateau Everfree, 871 A.L. However, I made no move to open it. I had this unshakeable feeling that Star was going to walk in as soon as I poured myself a glass and start lecturing me again about self-control. That the military stallion and the parchment he delivered had simply been a twisted daydream. None of it felt real. How could it be? After all, I’d just spoken to Star yesterday afternoon before he…. Oh, Celestia…. The events of yesterday afternoon suddenly came rushing back. All of a sudden, I could see Arcane Star’s tan coat and short blue mane as he stood at the front door exactly where the military pony had stood hours before. “Hi, Goldie,” he had greeted quietly. There wasn’t any warmth in it. Just pure tension. “Can I come in?” I’d stood in the doorframe with the door only half open. Normally, I might have let him in—we’d lived together here for years; most of his things were still here even—but the sight of him standing there so casually ignited a furious fire in my gut. “No. No you may not,” I had all but spat. “What, you disappear off the face of the planet for a week without so much as telling me where you’re going, and you think you can just… j-just show up out of the blue?!” Arcane Star had the audacity to let out an exasperated groan. “Goldie, can we please not do this now? I’m only in town for a couple of days, and I just….” “Oh, so you’re going back on your wild goose chase that soon, huh?” “Well, if you must know, I got myself a job,” he said calmly, but with a hint of indignance. “Oh, what job, Star? What university’s actually willing to hire you after you’ve spent the last forty years destroying your reputation?!” “It’s not a university, it’s….” Curiously, Arcane Star’s hoof drifted over to a briefcase on the ground beside him that I hadn’t initially noticed. “Look, I can’t tell you what it is right now. But in time—give it a year, maybe two—once our project gets publishable results, you’ll see that I was right about everything!” I couldn’t believe it. After all this time, he was still determined to prove that his theories on the existence of extraterrestrials were true! “That won’t change anything,” I had said coldly. “Our divorce papers have already been filed and in a few weeks they’ll be fully processed.” “Then there’s still time for us to undo this.” Then, to my surprise, Star actually stepped up to me and took my hoof in his, looking at me with nothing but absolute sincerity. “I want to make things right, and I think I finally have the means to do it. I just need you to wait a bit longer….” The way he’d spoken to me in that moment was almost like the days when we’d first started dating. Back when we were in love and willing to do anything for each other. I looked right back into his eyes and tried desperately to find something from that time. I thought back to our very first years together. Eating out at the most obscure, hole-in-the-wall bars and giggling to ourselves about the kind of characters we saw there. Taking long walks along the mountain trails outside of Canterlot. Looking up at the stars in the night sky, and trying to imagine what the worlds light years away looked like. When Arcane Star talked about those distant worlds, his face would light up in the most adorable way that made me grin from ear to ear. Now when he did it, it only made me sick. When did the things we loved most about each other become things we resented? “No. I… I-I can’t,” I said as I had pushed away his hoof. “I’m sorry, but I can’t spend another moment in this lifetime waiting for you! Wondering when you’re coming back. If you’re coming back! I have made a full-time job out of waiting for you while raising Moon Dancer and Coffee Cream, and I’ll be damned if I do it again for the twins!” I started to close the door, but Star held it open with a desperate hoof. “Wait, please…” he said. “They’re my foals too, Goldie!” By that point, I didn’t feel anything for Star but anger. “You certainly didn’t seem to think so whenever you left us for months at a time!” Of course, that could have been my fault as much as it had been his. After all, neither of us were one-hundred percent certain that he was actually their father. We’d argued for a bit longer before I finally decided I’d heard enough. “Please. The foals need their father,” Arcane Star had said. “You should have thought of that when you were their father.” The sound of the door slamming in his face and my own cold words echoed in my mind as it finally dawned on me with pure horror what exactly I’d done. “As of eighteen hundred hours yesterday, your husband was killed…” the military messenger had said. “I’m only in town for a couple of days…” my husband had told me before being killed in a train crash miles away not three hours later. It was then that I realized…. Maybe if I’d not been so stubborn…. Maybe if I hadn’t been so eager to slam that door…. “Oh Celestia no…” I whimpered, covering my mouth with a foreleg when I realized I’d spoken out loud. The world started spinning around me and I couldn’t breathe as I realized the true source of the guilt I’d been feeling ever since I heard the news. It’s my fault. Without another moment’s hesitation, I found the bottle opener and opened the wine in my hooves. One or two drinks wouldn’t hurt, right? At least, not as much as the realization that I…. I didn’t even bother to pour myself a proper glass. I awoke to a deep, skull rattling pounding in my head. I cracked an eye open, and the early morning sunlight creeping in through the window was blinding. Wait… morning?! Immediately I sat up, my pounding head protesting the sudden movement. How could it be morning already? I barely even remember eating dinner last night! The reason for that became apparent as I took in my surroundings and found that my worst fears had been realized. I wasn’t even in my own bed, but on the living room couch. Four wine bottles sat on the table in the middle of the room, all of them half empty or less. With panic, I realized that the entire previous evening was a blank, and I currently had no idea whether my foals were okay. Fighting the stomach-churning nausea and my pounding head, I stood and staggered my way through the house to the stairs and called up. “Helium? Choo-Choo? Are you awake?” I called up, my voice hoarse. I wasn’t even sure what time it was, but considering how high the sun was in the sky, it was a safe bet that it was later than I would have liked. “Choo-Choo?! Helium?!” I called again after several seconds passed with no answer. “Relax, Mom,” a mare’s voice—not a foal’s—came from the kitchen. “I took them to school this morning. They’re fine.” I recognized the voice immediately, even if it felt like I hadn’t heard it in a very long time. Minding my throbbing head, I carefully walked into the kitchen and found a familiar young mare sitting at the table, a rather large book open before her. I couldn’t remember how long it’s been since I’d seen that pale cream coat and maroon mane with moderate purple and violet streaks. What was more, she was wearing the black sweater I’d given her for her birthday. “Moon Dancer?” I said as I looked at her dark purple eyes through the large glasses she wore. They looked to have been broken and crudely repaired with white tape. When had that happened? My daughter said nothing, merely pushing a glass of water across the table towards me with a distasteful look. I took it gratefully and took a swig, gulping as much of it down as I could in one breath. When I was finished, I set the glass down and gave my daughter an uneasy smile. “It’s good to see you, Honey, but… what are you doing here? I thought you were still busy with your studies….” Wordlessly, Moon Dancer levitated a newspaper page towards me in a pale gray aura. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was this morning’s Equestria Daily, and based on the pained look on my daughter’s face, I had a sinking feeling that I knew what kind of article I was going to find. Sure enough, I unfolded the paper and near the bottom of the second page, I saw it. Tragic Train Crash Ends Life A black and white photo of a train halfway off the tracks sat below the title, the engine car on its side. I skimmed through the article until I saw the name sticking out like a sore leg. Arcane Star. “I… I wanted to ask you whether it was true,” Moon Dancer started. “But… when I came over and found you in this, uh, state… yeah….” Moon Dancer’s sad look hardened. “To be honest, I’m trying really, really hard not to be angry with you right now. I had to get Choo-Choo and Helium ready for school while you were passed out on the couch. The whole time, they kept telling me about ‘how silly Mommy was last night.’” With an agonized groan, I held a hoof to my forehead as an entirely different kind of headache began to emerge. The last thing I needed right now was more guilt. “I’m sorry, Honey,” was all I could muster. My daughter simply acknowledged my apology with a nod. “Like I said, I’m trying not to be angry considering… what happened,” she said, lifting her glasses so she could wipe her eyes. “Even still… I-I thought we were past this, Mom! I know that things between you and Dad were complicated, and learning that he’s gone must have been hard, but… dammit, did it just not occur to you that this would be hard for us too?!” I could only sit there and nod as my daughter lectured me; a complete reversal of our usual roles. “I came here because I needed you, Mom!” Moon Dancer continued, her voice rising as her eyes grew glossy again. “I wanted to talk to you, to know that everything was gonna be okay. Instead, I found myself cleaning up your mess. Again!” I spread my forelegs wide. It was a bit melodramatic, but I didn’t really care at the moment. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Moon Dancer. I already apologized!” “I just want to make sure you understand how serious this is.” My daughter looked away with a scowl. “Whatever. Let’s just… talk about something else, okay?” She looked back at me with a more relaxed expression as she asked, “How’s work?” I tried to assume more relaxed posture myself now that we’ve switched topics. “It’s moving along. Nothing’s been made official yet, but we’ve been speaking with Countess Coloratura’s manager about the possibility of her doing a charity tour to raise money for our organization.” Feed the Foals was the charity organization I worked for, although my position as chief manager of the financial department meant I wasn’t involved with any of the negotiation with Coloratura’s ponies. “Sorry, Countess who?” Moon Dancer asked. “The latest popular music artist, dear,” I said, grinning a bit at the thought of me being more “hip” with the popular music scene than my daughter. “Razzle Dazzle is currently number one in the charts!” “Oh.” Moon Dancer was never one to keep up with popular trends. “How about you? What do you get up to out on your own?” I asked, grinning impishly. “Have a secret coltfriend you don’t want to tell me about?” Moon Dancer gave one of her trademark eyerolls she seemed to save specifically for our conversations. “No, Mom. I’ve got way more important things to be thinking about than dating!” “So, fill me in. What important things have been keeping you soooo busy?” Moon Dancer shifted uncomfortably. “Just, y’know… studying ‘n stuff.” “With all the studying you’ve been doing, you must be the smartest pony in Equestria by now!” Then, with my infinite wisdom, I opened up a can of worms that should probably have remained shut. “Surely, the smartest pony in Equestria can use that big brain of hers to make time for her family.” “Uugh…” Moon Dancer sighed. “This again?” “We don’t hear from you at all, Honey. Surely you’re not so busy you can’t even find time to write every once in awhile!” “I wrote to you last Hearth’s Warming!” she argued. “Only because I asked you to in my letter!” I argued back. “I don’t even see what the big deal is!” “How about not making your mother worry?!” “What’s there to worry about? I literally read books all day!” “It would just be good to hear from you every once in awhile!” I shouted, not even aware I was raising my voice. “Even Coffee Cream frequently writes, and she’s halfway across Equestria!” I should have just kept my mouth shut after that, but something about my daughter’s tone got under my skin. I wasn’t sure whether it was the hangover or the whirlwind of emotions running through me that morning, but before I knew it I was saying something that I would immediately regret. “Honestly, Moon Dancer, would you even be here talking to me right now if your father hadn’t literally just died?!” Moon Dancer opened her mouth, but all that came out were incredulous grunts. For my part, I had my own gaping mouth covered by my hooves as I tried desperately to think of something to say to repair the damage. The following long silence was made all the more painful for both of us when we realized that my words were right, despite how much I wished I could take them back. For whatever reason, Moon Dancer had become extremely reclusive ever since her birthday two years ago. I’d spoken to her occasionally in the intervening time, but it was always because I had been the one to reach out to her. She always said she was simply too busy with her studies, but we both knew there was more to it than that. Taking in her appearance again, I noticed how dirty and ragged the sweater she wore was. How unkempt her mane and tail were. “Honey, I’m…” I started, but Moon Dancer was already getting up and trotting to the front door. “Sorry, I was wrong: It looks like we’re both not ready to deal with this yet,” she said coldly as she opened the door and stepped out. “I’ll get started on the funeral arrangements. You just… take a day or two. Get your head together.” Moon Dancer shut the door firmly behind her. I knocked three times on the pale red door and waited, looking up at the simple townhouse in Middle Canterlot. I had taken my daughter’s advice and taken the day off work, but quickly found myself growing restless and in need of a distraction. That was when I found myself headed toward the abode of an old friend. In a little less than a minute, the door opened and an older unicorn stallion stood in its frame. He had a mint green coat and a blond mane and tail fading to gray, along with a matching goatee. Somehow, I managed to forget that Lyonel Heartstrings had put on weight every time I saw him; that he was no longer the strapping young stallion who was my friend in youth. Given the surprised way he looked at me, I wondered if he thought the same thing looking at me. Then again, maybe he just wasn’t expecting to see me today. “Hey, Ly,” I greeted with a tired smile. “Goldie?” he said with a tilt of his head. “This is certainly a surprise, though definitely not an unpleasant one.” He smiled back. “How are you?” “I’ve been better,” I answered. “You busy?” “Not terribly—one of the perks of working from home.” His smile faded as he studied me more closely. “Goldie, is something wrong?” I nodded. “I’ve been having a rough couple of days. Was hoping we could talk?” A playful smile managed to return to his face. “Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but you certainly look like a mare who’s had a rough night!” Usually, I didn’t mind when Lyonel teased me a bit. In fact, I enjoyed our banter. But I wasn’t in the mood for it right now. Ever perceptive, Lyonel picked up on this right away. “Would you like to join me for lunch? Maybe talk while we hit up Donut Joe’s?” The promise of donuts and coffee in the near future put a genuine smile on my face, and I nodded. “I’d like that. There’s… something you should probably know.” So without saying much more, Lyonel and I left the vicinity of his house and walked towards Donut Joe’s. We kept our conversation light on the way: I didn’t want to delve into everything that was happening until we were sitting comfortably in a diner with plenty of sweets to choose from. “So, how are things?” I asked as we walked along. “Not too bad. Just got back from visiting Lyra in Ponyville, actually,” he said with a smile. When I asked him how she was doing, he replied, “She’s doing great! She’s seeing somepony now, and they seem very happy.” His look suddenly turned serious as he continued, “What about your own daughter? You know, Lyra still asks about Moon Dancer whenever we see each other. Is she doing alright? Have you heard from her at all?” “I spoke to her quite recently, actually,” was all I said. I didn’t want to get into my problems with my daughter at this particular time. Not when there was so much else on my mind. “Well, be sure to tell her that her friends miss her.” The rest of our walk passed in comfortable silence until we reached Donut Joe’s. The place wasn’t too crowded, with only a few ponies at the bar and a couple of tables. Donut Joe himself was serving up his namesake pastries to customers from behind the counter, and when he saw us come in he nodded, indicating that somepony would be with us shortly. Once we sat down and made our orders, Lyonel decided to get down to brass tacks. “So, what’s troubling you, Goldie?” I took a breath. Guess this was as good a time as any to start. “Have you read the paper this morning?” “No, I haven’t gotten around to reading past the front page,” Lyonel said with a shake of his head. “Why?” “Look… it’s about Arcane Star….” Lyonel just groaned. “Ugh, what did he do this time? Go looking for alien artifacts in the Princess’s bathroom?” “He’s dead.” It got so quiet at that moment that I could actually hear the low murmurs of the few other patrons of Donut Joe’s as clearly as if they were sitting at our table with us. Lyonel stared at me gob-smacked, opening and closing his mouth a few times before his brain could finally process words again. “He’s… really?” A dead stare from me was the only answer he needed. “Sweet Celestia…. When…?” “A few days ago. I just found out yesterday.” I then proceeded to tell him about the military pony that showed up on my doorstep and the train crash. In truth, I wasn’t entirely sure how Lyonel would take the news. He and Arcane Star had been friends ever since they were in school, but recent years had changed that. Lyonel had lost his job at Canterlot University after he and Star had made their third expedition to the Frozen North. The two had fought after that, and I don’t think they’ve spoken to each other since. “Celestia and Luna both…” Lyonel said again, reaching across the table to put a hoof on mine. “I’m so sorry, Goldie. Are you going to be okay?” I looked down at the table. “I… I-I don’t know….” We paused our conversation as the server came back with our orders: a simple latte for Lyonel and a triple-triple with milk and sugar along with a chocolate and cream donut for me. I usually tried to avoid such unhealthy choices when I came here, but at that moment I needed the pick me up. “Do you maybe want to talk about how you’re feeling right now?” Lyonel asked when our server left. “I know that you and Star were going through another of your famed rough patches, but I’m sure this must still be hard. To be honest… this is pretty hard for me to digest, too.” “It’s my fault…” I said quietly, trying to get my suddenly trembling forelegs under control. “What? Goldie, how could you possibly think…?” “He stopped by… the day he died,” I said, taking a sip of my coffee before continuing. “He wanted to see the kids. Wanted to make things right… and I turned him away.” A terrible ache rose at the back of my throat and my vision blurred as everything began to come to the surface. “If I hadn’t pushed him away… hadn’t quite literally slammed the door in his face, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten on that train, a-and….” Unable to hold back any longer, I let the dam burst and the tears flow. I felt like such an idiot: I just knew the ponies at the other tables were looking our way. Before I knew it, I felt a pair of forelegs wrap around me and I opened my eyes to see that Lyonel was now beside me, giving me the comfort I desperately needed right then. “What happened to him wasn’t your fault, okay?” he said tenderly. “You couldn’t have possibly known what would happen, so don’t you think that for even a second, okay?” I caught him glancing up at the other ponies in the establishment, wordlessly telling them to go back to their drinks, and they did exactly that. “It’s not just that…” I all but whispered, not even realizing what had truly been bothering me until I started to say it. “What if everything’s been my fault? What if the only reason he distanced himself so much from us was because I’d been pushing him away?” I certainly took every opportunity I had to remind Star of every way he was inadequate as a husband right up until his death, all the while not demonstrating that I was any better as a wife. Who’s to say I wasn’t the problem rather than him? “Goldie, Star’s always been one to get wrapped up in his studies and forget that the rest of the world exists. He’s been that way as long as I’ve known him, even before I introduced you,” Lyonel said before giving a single chuckle. “That’s probably where Moon Dancer gets it, now that I think about it.” “Yeah…” I let out a weak chuckle of my own as I remembered the long nights Arcane Star and Moon Dancer would study together, the little filly ecstatic to be studying with her dad, no matter what the subject. Those were some of the few moments that I was able to forget about his sporadic absence and just enjoy time as a family. Beginning to feel a little bit better, I allowed myself to relax a little as Lyonel continued to hold me and stroke my back. I will readily admit, I felt very warm and comfortable in his embrace and my mind may have ventured to a few places that may not have been appropriate for someone with his marital status. More than once I had wondered how our lives might have been if Lyonel and I had ended up taking things in a different direction…. But all too soon, Lyonel ended the embrace and gave my back a few final rubs as he asked, “Feeling better?” I nodded. “Yes, thanks Ly.” Smiling, Lyonel returned to his seat and his coffee that must’ve gotten cold by now. We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments. “I suppose it’s lucky that nopony else was killed in that crash, considering…” Lyonel stopped himself mid-sentence, and suddenly he looked like he’d just said something he wasn’t supposed to. “Considering what?” I asked. Lyonel’s face lost its lighthearted demeanor, and he rubbed his beard awkwardly as he looked away. “Nothing, I… I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all.” Then the full implications of what he’d said became apparent to me. “Wait, how did you know that Star was the only one killed in the train crash? I don’t think I mentioned that, and you said you hadn’t read about it in the paper.” Lyonel rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I… I just figured….” I suddenly thought about the day Star showed up on our doorstep. He had a briefcase that was very firmly sealed now that I remember, and he mentioned being involved with a project he couldn’t exactly talk about. And then there was the fact he had apparently been working with the military on a secret project. “Ly, you know you’re a terrible liar,” I said, the urgent desperation in my voice enough to get him looking at me once again. “If there’s something you know about Star’s death that I don’t, please tell me.” Lyonel just sighed and said, “Look, the train crash that you say killed Star… I’d actually heard about it before you mentioned it. Didn’t know that Star was the pony killed, of course, but a friend of mine works for the Ponyville branch of RERC. Apparently the crash was in his branch’s jurisdiction, and he was sent to the scene to make a report.” I leaned forward as Lyonel continued. It was more than possible that a representative from the Royal Equestrian Rail Company had some information on the crash that wasn’t public knowledge. “I spoke with him while I was visiting Lyra in Ponyville the other day, and he told me all about how there were a lot of things that didn’t add up. Said there was an unusually strong military presence there, and what was more, the passengers were shaken—said they saw something.” “Saw what?” “I don’t know, he didn’t say. But from how he talked about it, it was something unnatural. Alien even. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he spent too much time around Star.” That word echoed in my mind, and I thought back to all of Arcane Star’s ridiculous research. It seemed impossible, but I had to know for sure. “Does this friend have a name?” Despite how intrigued I had been at what Lyonel had told me the other day, after some thought I decided it was probably best that I simply drop the matter and not start poking my nose about. However, when I went back to work the following morning, my boss came into my office and suggested politely but firmly that I take the rest of the week off. I guess I’d been pretty distracted, and he didn’t want it affecting my work. When I got back home, I was slightly surprised to see the note I’d written for myself still sitting on the dining room table: the piece of paper with a single name on it. I tried to ignore it at first as I occupied myself with various other household chores, but my mind kept going back to the name of Lyonel’s friend at RERC. So against my better judgement, I grabbed the piece of paper and trotted down to the train station. After purchasing tickets, I hopped on the next train to Ponyville. It wasn’t even an hour before the train pulled into the Ponyville station. It was a testament to how many years I’d lived in Canterlot when I stepped out onto the platform and felt overwhelmed by just how… small everything about the town was. The buildings were all one to two stories tall with thatched roofs, and the dirt and cobblestone streets were devoid of the hustle and bustle I’d grown used to in the capital. Even the train station was a small one story building that was mostly outdoors, with not even a fence separating the platform from the expansive green fields around it. Of course, this all meant I was able to find the local branch of RERC relatively quickly (especially considering its close proximity to the train station). The office was a small single story building like many of the others around it, but it lacked the more homely appearance of the others, sporting a more utilitarian look befitting a corporate building. When I entered the reception area, I asked for Coltrain, the name Lyonel had given me, telling the young mare at the front desk that I was a visiting friend. The receptionist showed me to his office, and after informing the stallion I was here, left to return to her post. Coltrain’s office was what some might generously describe as “organized chaos”. A variety of papers were littered across his desk, and I could see more oozing out of the filing cabinets off to the side. Coltrain himself—a rather burly, middle-aged stallion with a dark blue coat and a black mane and tail with a fair bit of stubble on his face—looked up from the forms on his desk and studied me with some hesitation. “Y’know, when Fizzy told me I had a friend to see me, I was kinda expecting it to be somepony I actually know,” Coltrain said in a deep gravelly voice. “Sorry Mr. Coltrain, but you don’t actually know me,” I said, laying on the apologetic sweetness. “My name’s Golden Heart, I’m a friend of Lyonel Heartstrings.” Coltrain’s look of apprehension quickly vanished, and he managed a friendly smile. “Ah, Golden Heart! Ly’s mentioned you a few times. Good to put a face to the name, and a rather pretty face I might add!” I couldn’t help but smile a little sheepishly at that. I knew I wasn’t exactly a spring chicken anymore, and even if Coltrain wasn’t necessarily my type, it felt good to be complemented by a stallion at least ten years my junior. “So, what can I do for you, Mrs. Heart?” “Actually, I was hoping I could ask you some questions,” I said, careful to keep my tone pleasant. I also decided not to object to be referred to as Mrs. even if I bristled internally a little. “About the train that derailed in your area a few days ago.” Coltrain frowned and his cautious look returned. “Wait, you're not press, are you?” I actually found myself laughing a bit. “No, of course not! Just a curious old mare.” “Okay. Well… all of the details you need to know are in the public report,” Coltrain said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s not what Lyonel told me. He said that you seemed to think there was something strange about this accident.” Coltrain closed his eyes and sighed before muttering, “I told him that with confidence…” he opened his eyes and gave me an apologetic look. “I’m not really comfortable discussing any of my, uh… personal opinions about company matters.” “I promise not to spread anything you tell me,” I said. “Nothing you say will leave this office, I swear.” He still looked uncertain. “I don’t know….” “I could pay you for your trouble,” I said, glancing into my bit bag. I had brought along a fair amount, and had already purchased a train ticket for my return trip to Canterlot. I had originally been planning to get something so I had a legitimate excuse for coming here, but I suppose I didn’t necessarily have to. When Coltrain continued to look apprehensive, I looked at him pleadingly, trying to call up every ounce of raw emotion as I begged. “Please… my husband was Arcane Star: the one killed in that crash.” Coltrain’s look softened, and that’s when I knew I had him. “If you know anything about the circumstances surrounding his death, I beg you, tell me!” I didn’t mention the fact that I had been in the process of divorcing Arcane Star before he died, and simply let the pain and guilt I felt anyway lead my performance. It worked, as I found myself wiping a couple of tears from my eyes. Finally, Coltrain sighed, and stood from his desk to move past me and close the door. “Sit down, make yourself comfortable,” he said softly as he passed. I looked around the modest office and didn’t see any other chairs, so I sat in place on the simple carpet in front of his desk. “Right, so just four days ago me and a couple of the other ponies here were sent to investigate the scene of a crash that had apparently just happened a few miles down south for insurance and legal purposes. Local emergency crews were already on scene when we got there,” Coltrain said as he sat back down at his desk. He then leaned over and spoke quietly. “Right away we noticed that something about the crash was strange. We tried to find damage to the tracks that might’ve caused the accident, but everything looked fine. The engine was on its side, but the rest of the train was still perfectly upright, and we couldn’t figure out what had caused it. Now, usually in a crash like this, ponies are relatively fine. A few bumps and bruises, and maybe they’re a little shaken, but otherwise they’re fine. “But these ponies weren’t just shaken—they were traumatized. We’d quickly found out there was a fatality—your husband, Faust rest his soul—but even that didn’t add up. We just didn’t see how it was possible a crash like that would have so thoroughly…” Coltrain took another glance at my face, and cleared his throat, grimacing. “I’ll spare you the details, but the body… I only caught a glimpse of it as the authorities dealt with it, but it wasn’t pretty. I didn’t see how that could have happened in the crash. “So, that’s when we started talking to some of the passengers, and what they said defied all explanation. They told us that it felt like the train had hit something—and a closer look at the damage on the front of the engine confirmed this. Then they said they saw something: A creature unlike anything they’d ever seen before assault and murder Mr. Star.” I tilted my head, suddenly feeling a pit of fear open up inside me. “What kind of creature, exactly?” Coltrain shrugged. “Beats me. We interviewed several different passengers separately, and their descriptions were all pretty consistent. A large biped of some kind—two legs, two arms with four or five digits each—kinda like a minotaur, but… different. Said it was covered head to toe in some kind of powerful armor like a second skin. Some ponies said they saw it change color, kinda like a chameleon. Others said it had a layer of energy surrounding it, and a few even said they saw several ghostly figures gathered around it, whispering things. Obviously, it’s hard to separate fact from fiction with these small details, but what’s clear is all of the passengers we spoke to saw a tall armored biped kill Mr. Star with some kind of explosive weapon.” I stared at him wide-eyed. It seemed completely impossible to believe something like that could exist in Equestria without ever having been seen before now. At least, I was fairly sure that nothing like that had been encountered by ponies before. Now that I was thinking about it, something about that description did seem familiar…. “Oh, you think that’s interesting? Just wait. This next part is the reason I was so hesitant to tell you all of this,” Coltrain said before getting back to his story. “Some time later, the Celestia-damned military showed up. Ponies in fatigues and armor everywhere! There were even a few EBI suits with ‘em! “Military closed off the entire area. Wouldn’t let anypony leave until the suits had a word with all of us, and I mean all of us. The passengers, the Ponyville response workers, everypony. Took ages to get through ‘em all! Finally, when they got to me and my coworkers, the suits told us to simply disregard everything we’d heard about any ‘alien creature’—their own words, by the way. None of the passengers ever referred to what they saw as an alien. “The head suit then went into this big, long winded explanation of adrenalin and its effect on a pony’s perception of reality in stressful situations. I’ll admit, I kinda zoned out through a lot of the finer details, but the whole thing smelled like horseapples to me. I even got a bit wise and asked them how they think the train crashed if there was no creature. They simply showed us where a wheel had come off of the main engine, which I thought was strange, considering we’d done a thorough check of the entire thing before they arrived, and found everything in place.” Coltrain leaned back in his seat and stared off at nothing in particular. “They let us go after that, but not before making a ‘polite suggestion’ not to mention any of this to anyone. Unfortunately, the message was pretty clear to all of us.” My brain was running at a mile a minute. This was all so surreal, like something out of a sci-fi novel. But if what Coltrain told me was true…. Just what exactly had Arcane Star been involved with? “I trust you’ll keep your word and not tell anypony about this. That one suit with the glasses… somethin’ about him didn’t sit right with me,” Coltrain said, looking at me in a way that almost seemed fearful. “I’m sorry for your loss. I hope this knowledge has helped you in some way.” I thanked him before stepping out, but what he’d told me had given me anything but closure. My mind was occupied by nothing but dark thoughts of Equestrian agents and mysterious bipeds in armor. Something about the latter image stuck out to me, and it was all I could do to wait patiently and properly for the next train to Canterlot. I had planned on staying in Ponyville a bit longer—maybe visit Lyra, it has been a while since I’ve seen Lyonel’s daughter—but I suddenly couldn’t ignore the drive to return home. When I finally stepped through my front door late in the afternoon, I immediately went straight for Arcane Star’s study. I pulled out Obscure Classics: Fine Art You Probably Haven’t Seen—the book that had been open on his desk two days ago when I’d first found out about his fate. Flipping through the pages with my magic, I finally came across the one I was looking for. The image of a painting sat on one side of the page, depicting a stylized bipedal figure covered head to toe in armor, wearing a helmet that obscured its face, set against a starry background. Its armor was gray except for a few places where it had stripes of yellow. The title Star Man was just beneath it, along with the year: 982 A.L. Everything about it seemed to match the passengers’ description of the thing that attacked the train, as relayed to me by Coltrain. The fact that Arcane Star kept it with the rest of his research was also telling. I wasn’t sure what it all meant—not yet, anyway—but a look at the artist’s name below told me who I wanted to talk to next. “Mr. Worhay, please. If you could just spare five minutes—less even— to tell me about this painting…” I all but pleaded, holding up the page of the art book with Star Man on it. Andy Worhay sighed and turned away from his easel. The earth pony artist pushed the pair of glasses up his nose and brushed aside a strand of perfect white mane. “Of all my older works, surely you could find a different one to cover in our interview?” he asked, giving the image in the book a distasteful look. To my shame, the only reason I was even speaking with Andy Worhay right now was because I was posing as a writer working on a piece based on his starting works. “Please, everypony knows the stories behind your other works,” I lied. In hindsight, I probably should have done more research on the stallion before arranging this meeting with him. Looking around his studio, I didn’t recognize any of the paintings on his walls, aside from a few of the repeated, multi tinted images of celebrities like Sapphire Shores and Vinyl Scratch. His portfolio seemed dominated either by the aforementioned “pop art,” and images of various household products. I may not be able to even claim to understand “high art,” but I didn’t see what was so special about a painting of a soup can. Still, when I looked back at Star Man, I couldn’t help but notice just how… different in style it looked from the rest of Worhay’s work. Nothing else I could currently see on his walls was anything like the one in the book I was holding. “I want to know the story behind this one.” Worhay simply rolled his eyes and resumed painting his subject… only to find that said subject was no longer standing on her pedestal. A sudden smell like burned wet leaves washed over me as the somewhat dirty green mare with a red mane done up in what looked like dreads got real close to stare at the image of the painting in my book. “Whoa… that’s, like, really far out, mare…” she said, stroking the image with a lazy grin on her face. “I’m getting some way chill vibes from this.” “Tree Hugger, can you please get back up there? Remember: you’re a tree, and trees don’t move,” Andy Worhay said, tapping a hoof impatiently. I glanced at the artist’s easel to find a nearly completed image of the subject standing on her hind legs in a serene pose, branches and leaves protruding from her body. I didn’t realize it before, but the piece Warhay was creating now was just like Star Man: highly stylized and completely different from the rest of his portfolio. “C’mon, Star Man must hold some sort of significance to you if you’re still doing paintings like it now, years later,” I said. Worhay merely kept painting unabated as he answered. “If you must know, I enjoy painting something a little different every now and then. Sure, my more ‘experimental’ pieces aren’t as popular as my pop art, but one can only paint the same image of different celebrities over and over again before it gets boring.” I may not have known a whole lot about Andy Worhay’s body of work, but I did know one basic fact. “You painted Star Man twenty years ago—well before you did your first pop art.” With a frustrated huff, Worhay turned away from his work to face me again. “Listen, if you’re going to be this determined to poke around in my beeswax, I may just decide I no longer want to participate in this interview!” “Whoa… you need to chillax, dude…” Tree Hugger said from her position on the pedestal in the center of the studio. “Here, let the positive vibes I’m sending you fill your seven chakras.” Tree Hugger then began swaying in a rhythmic fashion, reaching out to Andy Worhay with her forelegs. “Hummmmm… WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE….” “Ms. Hugger, please… trees don’t talk!” Worhay said, appearing on the brink of a frustrated breakdown. To my surprise, Tree Hugger actually got a little indignant. At least, I was pretty sure. It was hard to tell when she constantly looked so... relaxed. “They totally do, though. You just need to know how to listen….” Tree Hugger seemed about to start her odd chant again, swaying back and forth as she did so, but Worhay stopped her with a hoof to her mouth. “Well they certainly don’t make that noise!” With a sigh, Andy Worhay turned and saw with a hint of disappointment that I was still here. “Look, all you need to know about Star Man was that it was a commission I got when I was just starting out. I was even still figuring out my artistic style. Naturally, I wasn’t in a position to pick and choose my commissions yet.” “Who was the commissioner?” Worhay went back to his easel, but to my surprise, it was only to start cleaning his brushes and putting them away. It would appear he had lost his creative momentum for the time being, and I felt a little bit bad that I was likely partially responsible for that (I say ‘partially responsible’ because I’m pretty sure Tree Hugger was ultimately responsible for wearing down his sanity). “I don’t know. Some kooky old stallion named Calm Mind or something,” Worhay said, sounding defeated. “Said he wanted proof of a creature he claimed to have seen in the company of Royal Guards somewhere on the outskirts of Canterlot.” I raised an eyebrow. If this was true, my initial suspicions had been correct, and the same creature that Coltrain had described—or one like it—had appeared in Equestria about twenty years ago. But the detail that Worhay mentioned about the Royal Guards was curious, and I could only imagine what it could mean if it were true. “So, I know it’s been quite a few years, but would you happen to know where to find this ‘Calm Mind’ pony?” Worhay looked at me skeptically, and I wondered whether he was beginning to catch on to the true nature of my visit. “Yeah, I know where you can find him: about six feet under. He died shortly after the commission was completed.” “Oh…” I said, feeling my ears fold back. “Guy must’ve taken a pretty nasty tumble down the mountain.” Worhay grimaced. “I remember reading that they found him near the mountain’s base with a broken neck.” I swallowed. Well, that was a dead end, certainly no pun intended. After spending a little more time with Andy Worhay, asking a few different questions so as not to make him suspicious, I thanked him and headed out. The day after my talk with Andy Worhay, I found myself sitting on a park bench just outside of the city proper. I’d had a full morning doing various chores that needed to get done, including shopping for a few groceries we desperately needed, as well as visiting the coroner responsible for Arcane Star’s remains to get started on the funeral preparations. The entire time, though, I was thinking about other things entirely. My mind was still racing with thoughts of grand conspiracies and armored creatures from beyond the stars. Sure, my last lead turned out to be a dead end, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t more to go on. There was literally decades worth of research that my late ex-husband had gathered, both in the study at home and our storage unit downtown. I was also fairly certain Lyonel still had something from his research expeditions with my ex-husband. Surely there was something in Star’s research that could shed some light on what he was involved with. That could tell me what he knew that I didn’t. But that would come later. For now, I simply curled up on the park bench and brought out the paper bag with my lunch in it: a simple but tasty daisy and daffodil sandwich with some cheese. I sighed as I took my first bite, trying to push all of the insane, stressful things from my mind and just try to enjoy some peace for the first time in what felt like a while. My peace didn’t last long, as to my surprise, another pony walked up and casually took a seat next to me, a newspaper tucked under one foreleg. He wore a simple dark gray business jacket complete with a shirt and tie over his beige coat, and had a dark mane streaked with gold. He adjusted a pair of sunglasses across the bridge of his snout before noticing that I was looking at him, and looked back to me in turn, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, do you mind if I sit here?” he asked. Although I found it strange that this somewhat middle-aged looking earth pony stallion had chosen to sit on the bench with me when there were plenty of places he could sit alone, I wasn’t exactly opposed to the company. “Not at all,” I said. “Thanks,” he said with a smile, settling into his seat beside me before opening his newspaper. “I need to get off my hooves for a bit. Work is murder.” “You don’t say,” I said before taking another bite of my sandwich. I figured I might as well make conversation while I had some company. “So, what do you do, exactly?” The stallion sat silently for a few moments, skimming through his newspaper as he seemed to think. “I work for a very important organization. It’s my job to… find solutions to unexpected problems. To clean up the messes they inevitably cause.” I wanted to ask about what exactly he meant, but some instinct deep inside me started sending up all kinds of red flags. Instead, I settled to simply sit and continue eating in silence—a silence that was starting to get a little uncomfortable. The strange stallion tsked as he turned over a page of his newspaper, shaking his head supposedly at the article he was reading. “So many ponies create such big messes for themselves,” he said almost ruefully. “Yeah?” I asked, trying to get some kind of read on this stranger. “For as much as we have evolved as a species, we ponies still have a lot in common with the simpler creatures of this world,” he said, not taking an eye off the paper in his hooves. “If we find something that piques our curiosity, naturally we want to investigate it further.” He folded his paper and looked directly at me. “But even simple beasts know not to stick their noses too closely to something that could bite it off.” With that, the strange stallion stood, turning to give me a meaningful look. “Keep your nose clean, Mrs. Golden Heart,” he said, and for once I was unconcerned by his use of my married title as I was too busy being concerned with everything else. “I would hate to have to clean up your mess too.” After carefully placing his newspaper down on the bench right beside me, the stallion turned and began a leisurely trot down the street. I opened my mouth to say something but none of the questions racing through my mind could come out. I glanced down at the newspaper he’d left beside me, and I nearly did a double-take when I realized the paper wasn’t The Equestria Daily or the Canterlot Star. It was the Ponyville Times. Without a second thought, I picked up the newspaper and a quick check of the date confirmed that it was today’s. Then I opened it to the page the stallion had been reading, and my heart stopped in my chest as I saw the article: Local Stallion Killed In Tragic Accident. The picture beside the article was of Coltrain, smiling in a photo that looked to have been taken when he was a few years younger. Eyes wide and legs trembling, I looked back up to where the mysterious stallion was walking down the street, only to find the street empty, with no indication there had ever been a pony there at all.