One glance told Twilight that her student was swiftly beginning to fade away into nothing. So, even though there was still plenty more to learn, she decided to take pity on the lilac unicorn. "Okay, I think that's enough for today. Good job Starlight."
Starlight put forth a valiant effort to cast off her biting tiredness, to defy her body in a meagre effort to impress her teacher. Her attempt failed miserably. Twilight had roused her even before Celestia had risen the sun, eager to try a new teaching method. As it had turned out, she had wanted Starlight to perform a plethora of trust exercises with all of their Ponyville friends. Though of course they first had to go over several checklists detailing exactly what they were going to do. Even now, Starlight was unsure whether the forewarning had been a blessing or a curse.
All day she had been subjected to ponies throwing things at her, dumping things on top of her or even dropping her from a height. Twilight had set up a pile of blankets and then levitated her above them. It was then up to her two pegasi friends, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, to catch her before she hit the ground. Her own magic had been strictly forbidden for the entire exercise. She had to rely completely on her friends. She was glad that one had been swiftly abandoned after Fluttershy inadvertently knocked her away from the soft padding instead of catching her. No amount of rubbing or ice packs would make her rump forgive Twilight for that one. Crystal was not a fun thing to fall on, at all.
The normally shy Pegasus had immediately sprung into caretaker mode. Nothing Starlight did or said could dissuade her, meaning that she spent the next twenty minutes being mothered like a wounded animal. As soothing as it had been, any longer and her pride would have broken her patience. To her credit, Twilight had taken the hint and decided to tone down the level of peril that her student was in from then on. She did not, unfortunately, make it any less messy. Cupcake icing still clung to her fur even now.
Despite her resolve, Starlight had eventually succumbed to the overwhelming urge to save herself. Twilight, with all of her sometimes irritating attention to detail, had added another layer of difficulty to the whole affair. By setting up several distractions specific to each of her friends, she had assured that they saved Starlight far less than they would have otherwise. She had learned to dread Rarity and Rainbow Dash's turns. For Rarity, preventing the destruction of a beautiful dress was a far bigger priority than saving Starlight from a speeding cupcake. Admittedly, Starlight could see the logic behind it but she still found a little bit of resentment bubbling up within her at her place in the pecking order. Rainbow was worse. Rather than getting distracted, Rainbow tended to try and show off. Her flourishes were impressive but Twilight was shrewd. She used that against the cyan pegasus, going against her timing to catch Rainbow out. Twilight also forbade Starlight from giving Rainbow a hint, even when, after two hours, the pegasus had still not caught on.
The final straw had come when an experimental hot sauce cupcake had come within inches of her mouth. Rather than taste a creation from deep within the unfettered insanity of Pinkie Pie's mind, Starlight had broken her vow and thrown something in the way. She had saved her tongue from what could have been the searing of a lifetime but had subjected her brain to something far worse, Twilight's lectures. They went on and on. At the very least, she did not have to suffer alone for once. That made it marginally more bearable but suffering was friends was still suffering after all.
While the others had been able to wriggle their way free an hour after noon thanks to 'prior engagements,' Starlight had no such luck. It was now six o'clock. They had been working for over twelve hours. Twilight could be something of a slave master while excitable teacher mode was engaged. However, considering what the alternative could have been, Starlight was grateful for everything nonetheless. That did not mean Twilight was going to be spared from a steady stream of sarcastic quips.
"Y'know... I'm starting to think that being thrown away in a dungeon would have been preferable to this." She shook her head to try and dispel the tiredness clinging to her face like a cobweb. It was a joke she had made many times before, Twilight had learned to simply let the slightly morbid humour lie.
Twilight chuckled as she continued filing the books back in their proper sections. A quick glance at the clock caused her to do a double take. "Wow...uh... Okay, maybe I did get a little carried away... Sorry Starlight."
"Eh, it's fine. I didn't have any plans for the day anyway. Still..." she hesitated, wondering whether she was supposed to admit this. With a shrug, she decided to just go for it. Luna had advised her to be more open after all. "I'm not exactly sure what all that was supposed to accomplish. All I learned was that Fluttershy is really good at making ponies feel better, whether they want it or not, and that Pinkie Pie's cupcakes are a good substitute for glue."
In a bid to prove her point she tried to drag her hoof through her usually sleek hair, only to find it littered with painful tugs. She quickly abandoned her attempt before she accidentally peeled off her scalp and fixed Twilight with a glare that screamed 'See what I mean?'
Given just how exhausted her student was, Twilight decided to spare her any more in-depth lectures. Instead, she simply put her hoof on the lilac unicorn's shoulder. "Friendship is built on trust, and these exercises are the perfect way to emphasise that and grow trust between friends." She also made a mental note to never push things that far again. Starlight was resilient and definitely a changed pony but she could still fall back on her old vices under the pressure. The last thing anyone in Equestria needed was for one of the most powerful unicorns in the land to have a relapse. The thought haunted the darkest recesses of Twilight's mind, the part she only visited in her deepest nightmares, the thought that she would one day have to face her student as an adversary once again.
"I'll take your word for it." Stifling a yawn, Starlight finally pulled herself off of the comfortable chair. She yearned to sink into it for just a little longer but she knew that her back would hate her if she fell asleep in a sitting position, like she had done last night. With a disgruntled huff, she changed the subject, "Right now I just need a bath."
The hoof Twilight had placed on Starlight's shoulder really was feeling a bit sticky. As in, it was almost cementing itself to the floor. She was going to have to ask what in Equestria Pinkie Pie had put in those cupcakes. "I have a special shampoo that you can use. Rarity recommended it to me. It's apparently guaranteed to leave your mane feeling fresh and rejuvenated after even the wildest of parties. Pinkie hasn't been able to beat it yet."
Starlight frowned. The fact such a thing was even a guarantee did not surprise her nearly as much as it should have. When Pinkie Pie was involved, she just learned to stop trying to question it. Twilight had been pretty firm about it really, almost manically so. It made Starlight wonder if she had actually tried already and failed. "I think I'll take you up on that offer...as weird as it sounds. Since I'd rather not be sticking to the pillow tomorrow." She gave her mane another quick tug, wincing as the strands pulled at her head. She really hoped this was actually going to work. Manes and magic did not go as well as logic dictated they should.
Twilight let out another merry giggle, the image of Starlight walking around with a pillow stuck to her head popping very vividly into her mind. As she continued to think about it, the hilarity of the image grew. Too wrapped up in her own amusement, she was completely oblivious to Starlight's rapidly mounting confusion. Whether it was from exhaustion or just being accustomed to this sort of thing, her student simply backed away towards the door.
“Okay...I'm just going to leave you here... laughing maniacally while I get myself into a more presentable state. Um...have fun!" She gave a short wave, then vanished with a loud pop. Teleportation was one of her favourite things about magic.
It took Twilight a solid minute to sober up. Perhaps the length of the day had finally begun to catch up with her too. After taking a moment to settle her breathing, she let herself settle down on the armchair that Starlight had vacated. It was delightfully warm from being occupied for so long, though there was a certain stickiness that she really should have gotten rid of before planting her haunches. She set about to do just that when a voice came from behind her.
"You finally done?"
Recognising that young, raspy male voice, Twilight did not have to turn around to know that Spike had come through the door. Her number one assistant always managed to appear at just the right time, exactly when she needed him.
“Uh huh," Twilight let him have the full brunt of an accusatory stare. She would let him sweat for just a little bit.“I see you made yourself scarce.”
Spike scratched the back of his neck, desperately trying to formulate a reasonable excuse. Anything less than stellar could have him delegated to helping Starlight through her friendship lessons for a month. He had not had to do such a thing since helping her reunite with Sunburst. He was not particularly adverse to the idea, he and Starlight got along swimmingly, despite how off-kilter she could get. It was simply a matter of he had better things to do, and of course, the castle would not clean itself.
"Oh. I uuh... had chores to do..." He shifted his eyes nervously, looking back towards the door. It was looking very tempting right now. The book he was clutching in his claws could wait until later. "Y'know... dusting, cleaning the windows and uh..." he faltered. It was true that he had been cleaning the windows and dusting the shelves, but such things had only taken him until noon. The rest of the day had been devoted to just him, his comics and a delicious, mouth-watering bowl of sparkling gems. He thought better of mentioning that though.
His shoulders relaxed instantly when he heard Twilight's soft chuckle. She reached out and gently roughed his head spikes. He could detect a sugary scent clinging to her hoof. Just what had they been doing in here all day?
"I'm only teasing Spike." Twilight smiled, even her assistant deserved some days off now and again. Seven ponies had been enough chaos for one day. "Though, if you would...please remind me to never put Starlight through something so gruelling again. I let myself get carried away."
Well able to believe that, Spike whipped out a quill and piece of parchment. Carrying such things around with him had become a necessity with Twilight. She always needed him to write something down. "Got it."
As he was scribbling down the memo, Twilight let her attention drift to the large book that he had brought with him. It was old, the leather binding showed obvious signs of wear. Many ponies had read this book. It was not the kind of thing she would have suspected Spike to be interested in, yet it struck a familiar chord within her.
"What's that?" she asked, finally giving in to her curiosity. It was certainly not a book from her library. Did that mean it was new, unread? Her mouth began to water, the anticipation of all that new knowledge just waiting for her was almost too much.
The question caused a sly grin to spread across Spike's face, all of his fear gone. Rather than answer her verbally, he simply picked the book back up and opened it. The stiff, unyielding pages landed somewhere in the middle. Her responding mortified gasp told him that she had gotten the message. Indeed, she seemed to take a couple of steps back, staring at the book as if it was going to burn her. Twilight Sparkle scared of a book, the day would never come again.
"I'm assuming mum sent you that?" Twilight asked, glaring at the offending tome. It was just like something her mum would do, as mad a mare as she was.
Not surprised that Twilight had guessed so quickly, Spike simply nodded and closed the book. He held it out to her, taunting her with it. "I thought it'd be fun."
Twilight snorted, even as she moved over to the large sofa. Hopping onto it, she nestled herself into the plush cushions, leaving plenty of room for a small young dragon to snuggle up next to her. She cracked a smile, ruffling one of her wings in an inviting gesture. "Do you want to look through it together?"
Nodding eagerly, Spike clambered up onto the sofa. He pressed his back against her soft warmth, using her perfectly preened feathers as a pillow. It had taken some getting used to, but he found alicorn Twilight just that little bit more comfortable than unicorn Twilight. He felt her sides rise and fall rapidly as she giggled beneath him. Eyes glittering with excitement, he turned to the first page.
The book was a collection of photographs, capturing the life of Twilight and her family between the leather-bound covers. The passage of time spanned from the wedding of Twilight Velvet and Night Light all the way to Spike's fourth birthday. Many a night of their childhood had been spent huddled around the book with the rest of their family. The colourful memories ignited a small warmth within them, just as the crackling fire had done so long ago. They were family, despite the difference in species and origin. As Spike turned the page, snickering to himself, Twilight leaned in and nuzzled him fondly. His head snapped up in an instant but she feigned innocence until he returned his attention to the book. Sometimes she just had to remind him how much he meant to her, whether he thought he was too old for it or not.
Giggles and groans rose and fell in the sleepy recesses of Starlight's brain. The warmth of her bath still lingered, enveloping her in a warm, fuzzy blanket that soothed her aching muscles. Twilight's shampoo had done the trick, her coat was as good as new. A soft towel was wrapped around her head, bundling her drying mane into a white cocoon. As a whole, she could not remember a time where she had felt so relaxed outside of the spa.
Following the muffled sounds, she came back to the same room. She had expected Twilight to still be cleaning up, or to have gotten absorbed in one of the history books detailing friendship through the ages of Equestria. She was partially right, though the inclusion of Spike through her for something of a loop. Her exhausted brain carelessly tossed it to the side, instead focusing on what they were actually doing. Spike seemed to the pointing at something, snickering while Twilight turned a deep shade of crimson. Her mentor looked ready to bury her head into the arm of the sofa. This was going to be perfect. She briefly considered sneaking up on them, but announcing herself offered a lot more opportunities for fun. There was also the slight chance that whatever they were reading was private.
She waited until she was just in front of them. With how absorbed they were, slipping towards them was child's play. "So...I take it that's interesting?" she asked sweetly, letting her voice drawl just a little bit. She wanted them to know that she had caught them.
Satisfaction blossomed in her breast as the two jerked in surprise and the book slammed shut. Twilight's wings popped open, almost sending poor Spike tumbling onto the floor. While they fumbled, Starlight laid herself down on the floor next to them. The thick, luxuriously soft carpet caressed her underbelly as she curled her hooves under herself. Above her, Twilight and Spike had managed to regain their composure, at least a little.
"Starlight!" Twilight's voice was a little too high and a little too cheery, causing Starlight's smirk to widen slightly. "How did the shampoo work?"
Was Twilight really trying to change the subject? Starlight had to suppress a cackle at her sudden good fortune. Whatever she had stumbled across was absolutely going to be worth the effort. "Oh, yes," she answered innocently, rolling her shoulders and tossing her head. She could feel her trapped mane bouncing around within the folds of her towel. "I'm not adhesive anymore at least."
"Adhesive?" Spike looked between the two ponies, brimming with curiosity. It seemed he really had missed a very interesting day.
"Yeah...thanks to Twilight's trust exercises I spent the whole day being pelted with cupcakes." She took a moment to watch as her mentor sank a little lower in her chair. Her next words only made Twilight want to disappear into the magenta fabric. "Then I was also dropped onto a giant cake and-"
"Okay okay! I already said I'd go easier next time! Sorry!"
Both Starlight and Spike turned, eyes wide, to see Twilight panting heavily. The alicorn's wings were flared, every feather extended to its fullest in a bid to make her look as large as possible. Spike was the first to recover, knowing Twilight far too well to think that she was actually angry.
It took Starlight a moment to realise that she had actually backed away several feet from the bottom of the sofa. In an effort to mask her blunder she jumped to her feet. Spike's snickering told her that she not been particularly successful. Her silver lining was that Twilight seemed to have been oblivious to her lapse.
"Heh-heh, maybe I should have joined in. That sounds like it would have been a lot of fun." Spike continued to snicker until a shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Starlight glaring down at him, clearly less amused than he was.
Letting her voice develop something of a frozen bite, she brought her head to within inches of the little dragon's snout and whispered, "You should have seen how the others ended up. But by all means, join us next time and find out."
Getting a distinct feeling that he was now treading deep water, Spike backed himself up as best as he could. His back pressed against Twilight's soft fur, which made him feel a little safer. Starlight would never actually hurt him but going into a verbal battle with her was something of a harrowing experience. She was not a mare to just lightly let things go.
Glancing between the two, Twilight had to hold in her laughter. She knew exactly what was coming next. Despite the difference in age, the two went after each other like brother and sister. Fond memories of her own brother, Shining Armour, pulling the exact same trick on her whenever she got a little too big for her mane, flooded back to her. Eventually, she had gotten far too old for such childish things but Starlight's unnerving unpredictability was a good tool to keep Spike guessing just a little longer than he usually would. Even so, she felt him immediately relax against her when Starlight began to chortle.
"Oh, Spike I'm only joking." She rested her hoof on the sofa next to the dragon's foot. "I'm the only one who ended up being cupcaked. Well...unless you count one of Twilight's books."
"Which I absolutely do!" Twilight's feathers ruffled, her indignation clear in every gentle rustle. This time, Starlight held her ground without batting an eyelid. "Just be glad I was able to clean it. Or you'd be writing me a new copy...by hoof!"
Starlight rolled her eyes, that threat had absolutely no weight behind it. "And then you wouldn't be able to read it so that would be kind of pointless Twilight." She grinned victoriously as Twilight's pumped up frustration devolved into just pouting at her student. "Plus, it was your fault for getting cupcakes of all things. Why not sponge balls?"
Her pout vanishing in an instant, Twilight rubbed her chin thoughtfully. That would have been a far better idea. "I...guess I never thought of that. I just asked Pinkie Pie to get me as many soft things as she could dig up. I guess cupcakes should have been obvious."
Despite herself, Starlight had to snort. "Wait... you asked Pinkie Pie? Twilight...seriously...what did you expect asking Pinkie Pie to supply a Friendship Lesson? Did you plan this at all?" She ran a hoof through her damp tail. Her teacher's lack of preparation would have annoyed her more but the bath had been a pleasant experience.
Without a suitable answer, Twilight could only shrug. Starlight did make a good point. Mentally, she highlighted and underlined her note to keep herself in check from now on. Impulsive behaviour was Starlight's forte, not hers.
They had stalled long enough. Setting her horn aglow, Starlight pulled the object of her curiosity back to the forefront of the conversation. Dangling it in front of the two, she tapped it with her hoof. "So what's this then?"
She gave no resistance when Twilight pulled it from her grasp. As long as they had her attention she was content. She allowed her curious sapphire gaze to bore into both alicorn and dragon. Twilight swallowed, dread filling her. She was not going to hear the end of this for a long time. The notion to not answer did not even cross her mind. Denying Starlight's curiosity had never ended well. "It's our family photo album. Spike wanted to go through it..." The note of accusing present in her words caused the young dragon to squirm slightly against her side. She allowed herself that little moment of vengeance then opened the book for Starlight to see. Though, she did make sure that there was nothing embarrassing on the page beforehand.
That had Starlight's interest piqued immediately. They had never talked about family, mostly at her own insistence. This gave her the perfect opportunity to gain some insight into Twilight's family without the flow of conversation having to go both ways. “You're so adorable!” she suddenly squealed, childish glee boiling up in her chest. "You're poring over that ABC book as if it's one of Meadowbrook's eight enchanted items!"
Through the bright red field of embarrassment flaring from her cheeks, Twilight did feel a small hint of triumph. "So, you do agree that there are eight then?"
"Duh, I just had to pick a mage obscure enough to where nopony would know the specifics but great enough that they would trust me. Who better than one of the greatest healers in Equestrian history? The fact you came along able to disprove my claim was just a chance in a thousand." She shrugged her shoulders as if trying to dismiss her old logic. She had done so many things wrong, her planning had been all backwards. "Maybe if I had actually enchanted the staff... then I could have removed my own mark. That way I wouldn't have thrown myself off the deep end when you came along and..."
Her twisted musings left her staring blankly at the ceiling as she turned in on herself. In the end, all she had been was a hypocrite. Her great utopia had been nothing but a lie, even to herself. Enchanting the staff should have been the obvious choice but she had been too afraid. Without her magic she would not have been equal, she would have been nothing. Twilight would have won the contest at her village hooves down and that would have been the end of it. Time would not have been torn asunder and the devastation of seven Equestria's would not rest solely on her shoulders.
Where would that have left her? Without everything that had occurred in the past, Twilight would have had no reason to take her on as a student. Would the town have taken her in, she would have been one of them after all or would she have simply wandered alone. A frigid chill settled into her heart that seemed to slow the beating organ into a weak, pathetic rhythm designed to keep her upright and no more. Her life's entire meaning hinged on their being so many of her awful deeds behind her. Would she ever be able to be Starlight again, or was she just meant to be driven by guilt for the rest of her life? Without her past misdeeds, she would never have been in a position to defeat Chrysalis and save all of Equestria. Everything good that she had ever done was only possible because of all the bad.
"Hey, Equestria to Starlight. Snap out of it!" Spike's worried voice shattered through her dark thoughts like a stone through a pane of glass.
She managed to drag herself back to the present, just in time to see Spike's claw waving itself in front of her face. Twilight had taken a slightly more dignified approach, wrapping a wing around her shoulders. The alicorn appeared to be shaking, her feathers tickled Starlight's shoulders. It took the unicorn a moment to realise that the shaking was actually her. A deep breath helped steady her, enough that she could try and set her friend's worry at ease.
"Sorry, sometimes I just...wonder what would have happened if I'd have done things differently." She shook her head and gently pushed Twilight's wing away. The alicorn retracted it without complaint. The warmth was missed but Starlight was a pony who liked her space. Despite her momentary dip, she was calm and composed. "Like...what would have happened if I had actually removed my own cutie mark. Would I still have gone completely and utterly evil or would I have just...faded into the background."
Twilight's eyes were kind and understanding. She was the reason that Starlight had been able to pull herself back from the dark path she had been spiralling down. Spike, Trixie and the others had helped as well but Twilight had been the one always at her shoulder, whether Starlight actually wanted her there or not. "You don't have to keep thinking about that Starlight. The past is in the past. All you need to do is make sure that it never repeats itself." The alicorn smiled brightly, lifting the mood by several notches. "And given all your progress, I am confident that you'll be just fine."
"Thanks, Twilight," Starlight said softly, lowering her head gratefully. As always, Twilight knew exactly what she needed to here. At points, it was a little unnerving but today she was happy to just accept the praise. For a time anyway. Before the conversation plunged itself any deeper, Starlight straightened up and thrust the photo album back into Twilight's face. "Now! Next page!" she demanded. Her mood still needed a boost, being physically damp was more than enough for tonight.
Twilight faked a loud groan that fooled no one. "Do we have to?" Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Spike gleefully flicking to the beginning of her section. All the way to her birth? This was going to be a long night. "Haven't you seen enough?"
"Pfft! Hardly! You owe me this Twilight. After throwing over a hundred cupcakes at me, you need to show me a hundred photos. It's only fair!" She bumped the fist that Spike was holding out for her, then they both tried to wear Twilight down with their yearning gaze.
"Actually, it was one hundred and twenty-nine," Twilight put in, unable to help herself. Specifics were always the way to go, they prevented confusion and kept everyone on the same page. One day, she would be able to teach Starlight that as well. Though the day was probably long away. Settling herself in for the long night, she laid herself back down behind Spike. There was room on the sofa for three but for now, Starlight seemed perfectly content with the floor.
With a roll of her eyes, Starlight twisted the book to give herself a better look. "I'd be a little disturbed that you counted but since it's you I think I'm used to it by now-"
The breath she had been using to convey her words caught in her throat, lodging itself in place and refusing to move. Her eyes widened even as her vision began to blur and distort. Deep within the recesses of her mind, a door that had been sealed with sturdy iron chains slowly began to creak open.
Surprised by the sudden, intense reaction Twilight followed Starlight's unfocused gaze to the very first picture. It was of her mother, exhausted pride radiating from her as she laid in a white bed framed by immaculate white walls. In her hooves, she held a small purple bundle of joy, the baby Twilight Sparkle. It was the day of Twilight's birth...so why?
"I...hoped never to see that memory ever again." The whimper tore from Starlight's trembling lips, even as she continued to stare at the image in front of her. As much as she stared, she was no longer seeing Twilight Velvet and Twilight Sparkle. Instead, she saw another pony, very familiar to her holding a foal that she could yet see. "I thought I'd buried it forever."
Even though she pulled her eyes away, the image remained burned into her retinas. It rapidly became clearer and more vivid, trying to drown out her physical surroundings and drew her back into the memory she had tried to purge. A room as white as the one in the photo, full of ponies in hospital scrubs bustling around her, while a small form wriggled contentedly against her chest. A phantom warmth pressed into her breast, right above her racing heart. That was all she was able to bear, her mind's eye refused to look down, already knowing exactly what she would see.
Spike shut the book as quietly as he could. Even the soft whoosh of air escaping the pages was deafening in his ears. "What memory is that?" he asked softly, slipping off the sofa and coming to Starlight's side. Twilight took up position on the other and the two waited patiently for Starlight to summon the strength to answer them.
It took several moments for Starlight's constricted throat to allow her to form a response. She knew they were going to have questions, a lot of them. If she had asked, they would have relented for as long as she needed. The temptation gouged at her. All she wanted to do was collapse onto her bed and sob alone until that awful moment in her life was buried once again.Of all the horrible things she had done, all the terrible experiences she had wanted to bury, this was the one she had actually tried to destroy. Why could it not just have...worked?
"The day I gave birth..." she mumbled wearily, trying to take a few steps away from them. Her legs failed her and she slumped back into a sitting position. The loud gasps of both Twilight and Spike echoed in her ears, causing her to wince. The wound was raw once again and her friends were privy to her darkest secret. She was going to have to tell them, erasing it would not work a second time.