It is like waking up from a deep sleep, waking up into screams and fire. I can't see much past the veil of pink flames with gold undertones. I don't feel my body. Not even as numbness, just nothing there. I am an empty shell without even the shell.
What is going on?
Who am I?
Where am I?
Why are there ponies behind the flames, gurgling and clutching their barrels?
Visions trickle into the head I do not have.
Three points of consciousness swirling around a forming ball of molten rock, just one among many in the inky vastness between stars. They know each other, although there is nothing like names at the time. They are equal, all important and necessary, the manifestations of forces of reality - chaos, order, and will.
The avatar of chaos blindly creates shapes, living constructions on the steaming ball, a forming planet. One after the other hiss out, melted by the flowing magma from the cooling planet's core much to the satisfaction of the other present force - order and inevitable end. It does not stop the will of life from creating more and more, changing the pattern ever so slightly in an attempt to form a being able to survive the volcanic heat.
It takes the third force - will, directed change to finally offset the infinite cycle of blind creation and inevitable destruction. The third being works hard to put precious seconds of existence of the creatures of chaos to good use. With each created being, their lifespan gets longer as the third will improves further and further at helping them adapt to the deadly environment of sulfuric gasses, lack of breathable air, and burning heat of still hot ash forming the first continents.
Ages pass, and the three beings understand more and more about their playground. They are no longer blind, unintelligent forces asserting their influence over anything smaller than them. The third will's repeated attempts at granting their creations prolonged existence sparked something in the other two - curiosity. No longer there is just nonsensical life and painful death on the planet in their possession, they now want to compete. After all, their minds are eons older now, and they know there is no need to rush anywhere.
Their planet is still an ashen ball of cooling lava, but now with atmosphere slightly saturated with oxygen, something previous creations of the being of life seemed to need. The being of chaos - god is a good word for one with absolute power of its nature - has been working on an idea. Blind creation followed by destruction isn't enough to satisfy his curiosity. He wants something that can offset the cycle of life, or possibly completely break it. After ages of careful crafting and letting his divine power permeate his experiment, he puts the new 'demigod' down on the planet and watches.
There is no name for the creature for there are no words yet. It stands on four legs for better stability. It has a flexible, long neck to easily look around without having too many weak points like eyes all over. The bottoms of its legs are reinforced with natural armor so that the flexible flesh doesn't bruise as easily when moving over rocky ground. Two big eyes protected by eyelids and long eyelashes against mess in the air on the creature's head see far and wide. Big, floppy ears atop its head turn in the direction of any sound immediately. Its body is covered by soft strands of white hair for warmth with the only exception being much longer, red ones atop its head, neck, and flowing down from a little stubby nub just above its plot. The god of life did not want to make the creature too large, so he put a long, thin horn on its forehead granting it power to instinctively grab things too far for its limbs to reach with the power of a wish. The last feature of the new being was a set of wings on its back made to allow it to fly over lava and impassable terrain the planet is full of.
The other two gods stare in amazement. The solitary equine imbued with the divine essence of life is curious about everything. It tries to taste rocks, patches of grass, yet another unaware creation of the god of life which found its place to live on the ever-changing spinning ball, dust, lava, anything it can reach. Attempts to drink still flowing magma nearly end badly for it, but the pure power of the god who created the quadruped allows it to regenerate half of its face melted off.
The creature learns with every failure, and so do the other gods.
As it grows attuned to its surroundings and familiar with trees, grass, moss, and other signs of growth, the being's divine power answers. Wherever it steps, coulourful flowers grow, lava cools down, forming a basis for dirt and plants. The creature seems to love colours and shapes, tirelessly trying to form new and more interesting ones.
Then it dawns on the gods - they don't have to fight, they can compete with better and better creations, their avatars. All they need to do is maintain balance between their aspects of chaos, order, and will. Their creations can be their champions, and work for their amusement. However, the god of chaos and life is far ahead of the other two.
With the formula already there, though, they can imitate the original quadruped and form another two, imbuing them with their power as well. Thus, the three primal alicorns of Life, Magic, and Death are born.
They don't have names yet, and know nothing of their purpose, but their nature takes hold of them. Wherever the alicorn of Death steps, Life's creations turn to ash and emptiness. Magic works on adaptation, and soon the first new beings - bacteria, algae, hives of primitive bees strive to overcome death either by rebirth or saving and recovering at least a part of the collective mind after the alicorn of Death's touch. Soon enough, the alicorn of Death's power cannot overcome Magic's improvements and Life's tireless effort to turn the planet into verdant and lush paradise. The god of order and death pumps more and more of its power to the alicorn, but it is of no use. Individually, the black alicorn of Death is the closest to the power of the gods by far, but Magic's ingenuity keeps him at bay and renders his presence mute.
Seeing the other two working together, the alicorn of Death gets lonely and apathetic. The alicorn of Life approaches him with fear for her garden, but her caring nature does not allow her to ignore the black one's plight. As she stands in the circle of rotten wood, dead grass, and ash surrounding the avatar of Death, she realizes what the black alicorn does for her. He makes space for new creations, new canvas for her to fill not with chaotic mess, but improvements. She walks over to him without fear now and leads him through her garden.
The three primal alicorns discover the order their makers are forces of, but these three are not bound by the original rules.
It gets boring for the three gods soon enough. They want to watch conflict between aspects, and complete harmony is far from it. They create new creatures, violent and dominating, but the demigods are strong enough to stop them. Under the protection of the alicorn of Death, the avatar of Magic and Will discovers the trio are just toys for something much greater.
Gods don't understand what is going on, and throw more and more at the three demigods. However, their friendship and cooperation stand strong, leaving the gods no choice but to cut more of their power away in order to create other alicorns. Some turn out dangerous, some indifferent, and some join the primal three.
The gods of order and chaos are satisfied with the new situation, but the god of will sees an opportunity. How much more freedom would he have in his games if the other two were gone? The other two who are significantly weaker than he is after giving a good fraction of their power away. He shares the secret about their creators with the primal alicorns and gives them weapons, fragments of his own ultimate power they can use against the other gods to obtain freedom.
The alicorns keep the weapons, but not use them any time soon. They are busy with alicorn of Life's plan of imitating their own makers. She creates the first ponies, limiting their power to only certain aspects. Earthponies, pegasi, unicorns, thestrals, flutterponies, sea ponies, and many many more variations grace the beautiful garden the avatar of Life built for them.
Of course, curiosity and different needs breed conflict between the primitive races, but the avatar of Will stops Life and Death from wiping the board and trying again in favor of observing and steering the evolution this time.
The gods of chaos and order discover the third one's betrayal and desire to overturn the nature of existence. In necessary concord, they graft a new rule of their influence over the battleground below. The god of will is banished into the void between realities and only his weapons, fragments or elements, remain. The god of chaos loves the personal touch, so he assumes a strange form made of various parts of his creations and loses drastic part of his power which is absorbed by the planet to allow for unchecked natural development. The god of order and death loses all power to influence the battleground directly, but instead focuses on taking over individuals and turning them into avatars possessing power beyond that of alicorns.
As the language develops on the evolving planet, the gods take pride in names, misguided they might be, the ponies and other new races give them in their legends - Discord, Nightmare, and Harmony.
No! Wrong memories, not mine! Too much knowledge, too much history, too much for a unicorn... no, alicorn.
My reality twists in order to assert the correct form my chaotic mind accidentally guessed.
The black alicorn with mane of dark purple flames sits alone yet again, outcast for his deeds and mistakes. One of the new alicorns, a golden mare hesitantly walks over and sits by his side. He doesn't know what possessed her to even come close to him, but as her warmth seeps through his coat, he wraps his enormous wing around her. She puts her muzzle on his shoulder and closes her eyes.
Two outcasts, one despised and one misunderstood. The alicorn of Order and Death, Void, and the alicorn of Lust, Desire, and Secrets, Scream.
Together, forever.
Still too many memories for just one mind, still not mine. I knew them, but I'm not either. It hurts. There is nothing to feel pain, and yet I still feel like being ripped apart.
I push against the flow of information not meant for me.
Young, sheltered unicorn, depressed and broken, thrown into the terrifying life of adults.
Alone, alone, alone...
Seeking to find a tiny bit of peace for himself and failing over and over.
Flickers of hope pass through the cold loneliness - a batpony and a griffon.
Forcefully transformed into an alicorn to be used, to fight.
Betrayed my creator, my enemy who wanted to destroy all I held dear. All of them...
I died to save them, but time doesn't wait.
All of them are gone.
Alone again...
Finally finding the right thread of memories, I push myself upwards on legs forming from ash and bone dust of the ponies burning around me.
I have questions, but those will have to wait.
I hoped I would leave everything behind, that I wouldn't come back. I knew that if I somehow returned it would be into a world where all I loved was gone.
My name is Blazing Light, and I don't want to be here.
But I am.
On my own.
[Blazing's Entry]
Okay, why the hay did I get resurrected with a damn journal and a pen?
That stopped being funny two diaries ago.
[End Entry]