The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Dragon v. Daxter; Magic v. Jak

Advisory: Please make sure your "Formatting" is set to "Dark" before continuing to read. Thank you.

A/N: The sidekicks already duked it out. Now let's see what they can all do together.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sony Entertainment.
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This episode was not brought to you today by Doritos and Mountain Dew: The snacks of gaming kings around the world!

Anyone up for double-dash carting after this?

When a task is too unnerving for yourself, it is better to share the burden and work together with someone else.

This time, we're plugging into all four controller ports for the all-stars rumble.

Teamwork is often stronger than the sum of its individual parts, such as Twilight Sparkle and Spike from Equestria.

And Jak and Daxter with their power of Eco.

We've seen Spike win against Daxter on his own, but will Twilight be enough help for him to take on both Jak and Daxter at once?

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Jak & Daxter
-Human and ottsel
-Have been shoved through time
-Utilize Eco for strength (red), speed (blue), shield and healing (green), energy projectiles (yellow), invulnerability and power (dark), and time-stopping and lasers (light)
-Morph gun has multiple types of ammunition: shotgun, mini-gun, a mini-nuke, anti-gravity field, grenade launcher
-Eco has a very limited time usage even at full capacity
-The gun uses up Eco in addition to Jak's own Eco ability use, depleting his reserves even faster
-Daxter can get himself into trouble just as much as he can weasel his way out of it
-Jak lacks concentration when angry

Before life began in the world, there was Eco, separated into six different types. This Eco was left behind by the Pre-cursors before they disappeared.

Prince Mar was born as the son of King Dumb***.

Damas.

Whatever. Then a bandit king kicked Daddy Dearest into the desert wastes and separated him from his son.

After being shoved into the past... somehow... Jak was raised by a sage named Samos. In this land, he would meet his eventually best friend Daxter. Like any mischievous teenager duo probably would, they stole a boat to explore the forbidden misty islands.

Then, Daxter fell into a pit of Dark Eco and turned into a weasel.

Actually, he's an ottsel. I... don't really know what that is, but roll with it. Anyway, in order to reverse the transformation, he'd need to find the sage of Dark Eco. To prepare them for the long journey, Samos trained them to utilize the other forms of Eco. Blue gives Jak super speed and Red does the same for his strength.

Green Eco lets Jak heal and throw down shields. Then he ended up getting super-blasted by Praxis's Dark Eco laser after a trip into a dystopian future. Heh heh... eh, I guess you had to be there.

After two years plus or minus a spin-off game, Daxter managed to find Jak and free him from the machine. The silent protagonist gained his voice and a new form from the experiment: Dark Jak.

By absorbing Dark Eco, Dark Jak can plow through anything with invulnerability, shoot projectiles, and grow to three times his normal size.

And if that form wasn't enough, Jak earned yet another final form after meeting the Pre-Cursors in person. It turned out that they were all ottsels like Daxter. They granted him the power to use Light Eco, allowing him to become... Light Jak.

Light Jak can fly, shoot lasers, put up force fields, and even slow time to a near stop. But whenever they aren't carrying enough Eco to basically become god, Daxter leaves the heavy-lifting to Jak and the Morph Gun.

The Morph Gun can use all kinds of Eco to act as a shotgun, grenade launcher, a mini-gun, and can even blast Dark Eco in a way that alters the laws of gravity on enemies.

Or it can even blow up just about everything with a mini-nuke.

The amount of Eco that Jak can carry is relatively short, roughly less than a minute for each Eco type. Still, Jak and Daxter have accomplished several feats throughout their lives.

They can spin fast enough to cut through metal doors like they were paper, and they managed to put an end to Praxis. Oh, and one time they won a racing tournament while they were poisoned the entire time.

The biggest mistake would be underestimating this duo.

"Yeah! Nice work, Jak! You haven't forgotten what I taught you!"

Twilight Sparkle and Spike
-Alicorn and baby dragon
-Bonded by magic and servitude
-Twilight has versatile magic: levitation, illumination, beams, altering gravity (The Crystal Empire), semi-intangibility (Inspiration Manifestation), shields, stopping all movement (Castle Mane-ia and The Hoofields and The McColts), teleportation
-Enchantments: Object animation (Winter Wrap-Up), forced infatuation (Lesson Zero)
-Dark magic (The Crystal Empire)/Alicorn magic(Uncertain, but it had the same color as dark magic)
-Crystal immobility (The Cutie Re-Mark)
-Spike: Can incinerate any paper type in an instant with his fire breath; can even reach temperatures hot enough to melt an entire glacier cloud (The Equestrian Games)
-Both have survived impacts and conditions that no ordinary creatures reasonably should
-Twilight can fly, but her magic has a limit depending on how energized or fatigued she feels
-Spike can cause problems just as frequently as he solves them
-Twilight loses focus when upset, but gains more focus when furious (Twilight's Kingdom). Is this a paradox?

There are times when the powers that be will lead two lives into contact with each other. This is all too true in the bond between Twilight Sparkle and her baby dragon Spike. But before they became the equivalent of princess and butler, Twilight was once a filly all on her own.

You know... aside from a conveniently placed older brother that also doubled as her best friend. Did we happen to mention the babysitter that also doubled as Equestria's third alicorn princess? How about those unicorns from the same school that invited her to a party with a pony just as nerdy as the main nerd?

Poor planning and/or writing aside, Twilight's first established bond as far as was understood by the audience was with the dragon she hatched from his egg... albeit with the help of a Sonic Rainboom's explosion.

After some crazy crap happened, Twilight was accepted directly under Celestia's teaching... probably to keep a close eye on the pony that was an otherwise, uncontrollable magic bomb.

Spike was assigned to Twilight as her assistant: helping find books, cleaning up after her, and cooking.

Heck, yeah! Dragon fire-grill!

Well, there was probably some of that too. After all, Spike's fire breath can extend to a long line of campfire logs with just one exhale. But he also picked up stove and oven prowess.

Still, being called an infant doesn't really help anyone take you seriously, and he often got left behind while Twilight had to go deal with creatures of shadows, chaos, dragon smoke, and eventually a cult leader with communist tattoo powers.

Though, Spike has had his own fair share of adventures too. Some of which have proven that he can survive extremely cold and hot temperatures, live after belly-flopping in lava, hold his own against an evil king's crystals long enough for the Crystal Empire's new ruler to intercept, and even melt glacier-sized clouds.

He even helped a dragon princess graduate to dragon lord and convinced her to not become a threat to ponies in his homeland. He's got some big balls for a toddler.

Twilight has power to spare too. Over the years, she has picked up a number of spells from lifting and throwing objects with levitation, to phasing other ponies through glass, to teleporting between positions in about one second, to altering her gravitational flow... all the way to casting and dispelling dark magic.

She can even pick up new spells on the fly, as long as someone else casts it where she can see it.

And after finishing another magical pony's spell, she was granted the body and power of an alicorn. With the title of Princess, she gained pegasus flight and earth pony strength, which can apparently break through wooden doors without much effort.

Combine all of that with her dragon's intense durability (basically every episode in which he acts as the comic relief), lava resistance ("Dragon Quest"), and thick scales that seem to cancel out piercing pain (from "Green Isn't Your Color"), and you've pretty much got an unstoppable team.

Well... not quite. Both Twilight Sparkle and Spike have had their share of losing control of situations when they get upset. Spike has been the cause of just as many, if not more problems than he solves on his own. Twilight can quickly lose all sense of logic and reason when she gets stressed out or stays up too late trying to solve the tiniest detailed problems in her schedules. Plus, her magic has had unintended drawbacks when she gets upset.

But there's a twist to that magic frenzy. Get her angry enough, and she comes full-circle to the point of being so focused that she becomes a nigh-unstoppable, magic-flinging machine. Heck, during one of these lividly mellow sessions, she held her own against another overpowered magician at an extremely high altitude for multiple cycles of a time-travel loop.

Still, if you can give her time, patience, and enough book material to fill her free-time, you shouldn't have to worry about the Deus-Ex-Magica of Twilight Sparkle.

... and her little dragon too.

"That is why you are my number one assistant."

"Missed that. One more time?"

"I said-" *spring noise* "Heh heh. Come on, Spike."

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

It's a partly cloudy day over town. It seems the pegasi have missed a week's worth of light sprinkling again. Several weather ponies gather the clouds more tightly together, prepping them to release the rain. Suddenly, an ancient-looking ship with flight sails crashes through, scattering some of the clouds along with the pegasi carrying them.

"Pull up! Pull up!" insists a voice from inside the transport.

"I can't! The shift is jammed!" exclaims a different, scratchy voice.

Both voices scream as the vehicle crashes against a couple rooftops, takes out a tree, and smashes straight against a giant crystalline structure. A blonde man with long pointy ears falls out, performing the superhero landing on one knee. A much smaller, orange creature lands face-first off to the side.

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Meanwhile, inside the castle library, the young teacher is giving her first student free reign over the list of her next potential friendship lessons. That is the case, until the entire room shakes. A distant crashing noise warbles through the walls.

"What was that?!" Starlight looks over in surprise.

"I don't know." Her teacher shakes her head. "I'm going to go check it out. Come on, Spike!"

"Roger that." Spike hops atop the pony's back as she gallops down the hallway.

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The ottsel picks himself up. Stars dance around his head before he shakes them loose. He adjusts his goggles to hold against his forehead instead of his eyes.

The blonde looks down sternly. "Remind me again why I thought it was a good idea for you to drive?"

"Hey, you've crashed at least one more time than I have." The ottsel crosses his arms.

"What's going on out here?"

Both of the ship's former occupants look over at the new voice. It appears to be a somewhat equine creature that is lavender in complexion. Atop her back sits a reptile of similar scale color to his ride. He looks up at the castle wall and gasps.

"Twilight, look! It's an airship, and it looks like they're trying to attack the castle!"

She gasps before looking back at the alleged terrorists. "Not if I can help it."

"Whoa, hold on." The man holds up his hands. "This isn't-"

"You think we're scared?" The ottsel scurries around the man's inventory and plops a two-handed gun into his arms. "We've dealt with tougher schmucks than you!"

"Aw, crud-whiskers..." mutters the man, bracing for the inevitable battle.

"FIGHT!"

Twilight's horn glows brightly with magic. She shoots a barrage of small blasts (complete with Tie-Fighter sound effects) at the enemy. Jak thinks fast and glows green. A shield in what looks like a plexiglass sphere surrounds him, dispersing all of the incoming magic blasts. Twilight snorts and gallops forward, carrying Spike along with her.

"I got her!" Daxter shouts.

The ottsel jumps off of Jak's shoulder and lands on Twilight's face. He then proceeds to 'twang' Twilight's horn like a ruler against the edge of a desk. She grunts in pain every time he flaps her horn.

"Stop it!" yells Spike as he scratches Daxter in the arm.

"Yow!" The ottsel falls back.

The dragon proceeds to breathe fire onto the enemy sidekick. A blaze surrounds Daxter, and he proceeds to run around in circles while screaming. Jak shakes his head and shoots some shotgun bullets at the enemy.

Twilight flies up and sets up her magic barrier for any stray, incoming attacks. Jak switches his Morph Gun to mini-gun form and sprays a long stream of bullets into the sky. The alicorn flies around, outpacing the gunner's aim as best as she can. She blasts down some more magic blasts in retaliation.

Jak glows blue, using his burst in speed to outrun the return fire. Meanwhile, Daxter finally rolls out his fired self and scampers up a nearby tree. While Jak and Twilight exchange shotgun rounds with magic missiles, the ottsel leaps off the highest branch with an ancient Karate cry.

Daxter's efforts manage to dislodge the dragon from his seat. The sidekicks bounce along the ground a few times while throwing punches and claw strikes against each other. Twilight flies lower to try and help Spike out. Jak's gun takes a different form as he shoots just under Twilight's next expected position.

"Whoa!"

The alicorn suddenly finds herself flying upside-down and wildly flailing her hooves. She grunts and focuses a magical aura around herself. The universe seems to rotate one hundred eighty degrees, allowing her to fly normally. She casts the spell on herself again once she's out of Jak's weird anti-gravity field.

Jak switches his Morph Gun's form and prepares to fire the next ammo type. At this time, Spike manages to tail swipe Daxter into the air. The ottsel lands right on Jak's weapon just as the trigger is pulled. Daxter screams as the small nuke flies into the air, out of the camera's sight.

Anger crosses the boy's face. He gets covered in purple energy. He proceeds to break the ground with a downward punch. Twilight and Spike are startled by this new form. Dark Jak grabs both pony and dragon in his larger fists and swings them around against two places on the ground. After struggling for one second more, Twilight disappears in a flash of magenta light and reappears a few feet away. Unfortunately, that leaves Dark Jak to swing Spike around alone.

After pulling a couple punches, Dark Jak tosses Spike down to his feet. The camera pans up to a star-object in the sky. The alleged star quickly takes on a more missile-and-ottsel form.

"Jak, incoming!" hollers Daxter.

At this point, Jak returns to normal long enough to start running for it. Twilight looks up and yelps. She casts a spell on herself, causing her to look almost see-through. The mini-nuke explodes against the ground, making sight impossible. Daxter ends up getting thrown above the explosion's cloud and he hollers in excitement before landing pretty close to Jak.

As the smoke fades, bits of debris still scatter around. Some pieces of rock literally go through Twilight's semi-intangible self and land harmlessly on the ground to her other side. She changes back to normal and looks at the destruction. She gallops over to what appears to be a charred corpse in the shape of a baby dragon.

"Spike?" Pools of water gather in her eyes. "Spike!" She shuts her eyes and cries to the sky. "Spike!"

Daxter scampers up his main man's shoulder and head. "Hmm... you mad?"

The tears almost evaporate from Twilight's face. "No... I'm not mad." Her eyes glow pure white as she whispers. "I'm absolutely livid." She slowly flies up as magic surrounds her.

"Shoot! Hang on, Daxter."

Jak punches his fists together. His body and clothes glow a bluish white as angel wings grow out of his back. He crosses his arms, raring to use an Eco power.

"Oh-ho, no. You are not getting away with another super form after what you've done!" Twilight's horn glows brightly and releases magic in an instantly expanding circumference. "Za-mother-bucking-Warudo!"

Jak's Light Eco attack spreads out almost at the same time as Twilight's spell. He and Daxter are caught in the magenta aura. They're stuck in midair, unable to move anything more than their mouths or eyes. The rest of the environment and Twilight are caught in a time-stopping bluish tint. Everything and everybody has pretty much stopped.

...

*Tick.* *Tick.* *Tick.*

Light Jak's power fades as his perceived minute ends. However, he's still stuck in Twilight's motion-freeze spell. But Twilight is no longer blue nor trapped in slowed time. She teleports right behind them and fires her longest beam of magic since this battle started. Jak and Daxter yell out as the magenta light wipes them out of sight.

Twilight lands on the ground on her hooves. She blinks and the white light fades to her usual eyes. With that, the tears return. She folds her wings and sobs.

*Cough.*

She looks up. A small smoke cloud floats off the currently black dragon.

"Spike!" Twilight gallops over to her assistant's side.

"Twi...light..." Spike coughs against the soot. "Did...Did they hurt you?"

She shakily smiles with tears still dripping. "No. I'm okay."

"Oh, thank Celestia." He closes his eyes and takes some deeper breaths.

It's at this time that the heavy rain shower begins as scheduled.

"K.O.!"

Twilight can be seen carrying Spike on her back while holding up a shield spell to act as a makeshift umbrella.

We might just have a fetish for vaporizing people on this show.

It may be true that Jak and Daxter have more weapon options and supernatural powers than Twilight and Spike. However, the still numerous abilities that Twilight and Spike have are more reliable than the time limits that hinder Eco users. Twilight had a spell that could protect her or counter each and every Eco ability that Jak had. She has her own gravity-altering spell that could counter Jak's gravity field variation to the morph gun, a shield that could be sustained for a much longer than a lump of seconds, and intangibility and teleportation to avoid taking damage from everything else.

Heck, not even Light Jak's time-stopping powers could save him from the effect of Twilight's own motion-stopping spell, which doesn't actually halt the victim's perception of time. That would end up draining Eco by just making Jak's time go by normally.

And the ridiculous things that Spike has put up with in the past prove that he'd have no trouble surviving the punishment dealt as severely by Dark Jak. Plus, he's a much more capable survivor than Daxter, with higher tolerance for heat and pain.

Besides, Twilight and Spike aren't some grunts that could be taken down in Eco-fueled shots, at least not when they're within the main focus of the story.

Finally, these Equestrians have a tendency to use a level of caution and common sense that Jak and Daxter's 'hit everything that moves' strategy wouldn't be very effective against. Brains and brawn together beat brawn alone this time.

In the end, they forgot to shoot when they saw the whites of her eyes.

The winners are Twilight Sparkle and Spike.

Next time on Death Battle...

"World's fastest superhero? Bull crap! That's me!"

"No pony is going to call me 'Crash' ever again!"
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