“Mwah. Mwah.”
The first thing that James noticed, as he clawed his way out of the sweet, comforting black embrace that was sleep, was a particular sensation around his mouth. It was a tingly, welling sensation, as if someone was running a gentle electrical current throughout his body.
“Mwah. Mwah.”
As the sleep was driven back the sensation sharpened. Instead of a jolt he could feel something soft being pressed against his lips. He could also feel something tickling his face and his nose, something not quite nearly as soft as what was repeatedly brushing against his mouth but still remarkable soft.
“Mwah.”
Now he could feel a weight on his chest. The weight wasn’t a heavy one; probably not more than sixty pounds he guessed. Inhaling, his senses were overrun with the smell of vanilla and something else that he couldn’t quite place. He could feel something tickling his legs, something with the same softness of what was tickling his face.
Though his eyes didn’t open, his mouth became a thin line. “Rarity? What are you doing?”
The soft, tingly sensation on his lips vanished. A rather unladylike “Eep!” broke the silence of the room as the weight on his chest shifted. Before the weight left him, one of his eyes opened just a crack.
He could see that Rarity was lying on top of him. Her head was resting on his chest, her face turned away from him. Though a blanket covered the two of them he could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. If one didn’t know any better, they’d have said that she was asleep. James would have thought that as well, if not for the fact that the blush on Rarity’s face was so aggressive that it had worked its way throughout her upper body.
The sight instantly brought a smile to his face. “Rarity,” he cooed, reaching up to tickle the mare’s sides. “Rarity~”
Though he continued poking her sides, Rarity didn’t move an inch from her position. One of her hooves “discreetly” swiped at his hands, but other than that her sleeping façade was kept intact.
“Rarity. Rarrrrrrity. Come on. I know that you’re awake.”
One of James’s hands left her side and tried for her tummy but the fashionista was quick to nip that in the bud, quickly grabbing his hand and hugging it against her chest. His smile widened when he heard a very quiet whine escape the mare’s mouth.
Sensing victory, he doubled his assault with his other hand. “Were you stealing smooches, Rarity? Do I need to contact the kissing police? Are you a kiss burglar?”
Another whine escaped Rarity’s mouth. She began squirming, trying to wiggle away from his devious fingers. When she could go no more, precariously perched on top of him as she was, she slowly lifted her head to look at him.
“Oh! Good morning, James dear,” she said, making a show of rubbing her eye and yawning. “Thank you ever so much for waking me up.”
“Good morning?”
“Yes, good morning.”
James’s smile widened. “Well good morning to you too, Kissy McKisserson,”
Rarity’s blush brightened, but she tried to draw attention away from it by fussing with her mane. “Yes, well.” Coughing into her hoof, she looked down at him with a nervous smile. “Why don’t the two of us—”
“Subject 2 appears to be quite flustered, though she hasn’t moved from Subject 1’s side. Observations suggest that she may try to goat Subject 1 into kiss her so that the two are equally flustered.”
Both Rarity and James slowly looked over to the corner of the room, where the telltale sounds of a quill scratching against paper could be heard. There, sitting amidst a dozen purple throw pillows, was Twilight Sparkle.
“Huh… It looks like one of your stuffed animals came to life, Rare,” James said, giving Rarity’s side a parting poke. “Quick, go over there and poke its belly before it starts singing songs and trying to be like the peoples.”
“Twilight?!” Rarity screeched, her eyes bugging out of her head. “What in Equestria are you doing here?!”
Twilight’s eyes snapped up from her clipboard. “Oh horse feathers,” she muttered, sinking deeper into her camouflage. “I’ve been spotted…”
“I can see you, Twilight,” Rarity snapped. “Your coat is a shade darker than those pillows!”
“Is that purple stuffed animal sitting in Applejack’s box?” James asked, craning his neck to get a better look.
Such a sentence was just enough to make Rarity look away from her royal house invader and back toward her bed buddy. “Applejack’s box? What in Luna’s name are you talking about, dear?”
“Underneath all of those pillows. You can very clearly see that your stuffed animal is sitting in a box.”
“Twilight is not—urgh!” Making a face, the fashionista followed James’s gaze. To her surprise he was right. Twilight, partially covered in pillows, was also sitting in a box. “Does… James?”
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a question?”
“Sure, fire away.”
“That is your box correct?”
Humming, James gave the box a once over. “Yep, as far as I can tell that’s my box. Well, it’s Applejack’s box but I have it in my house so she can have somewhere to sit whenever she’s over.”
Rarity nodded slowly, looking for all the world like she was in the middle of diffusing a bomb. She wracked her brain, trying to think of a way to elegantly phrase the question that she so desperately wanted to ask. James, being the kind soul that he was, lent his support in her harrowing venture by giving her back a scratch.
“…Now, James dear, could you please read to me what you have… written on that box?”
“What? The letters a bit too small for you to read them right?”
Not looking away from the box, an almost mystified expression on her face, Rarity shook her head. “I simply wish to confirm that I have not, excuse me for saying this, lost my marbles.”
“Oh, in that case it says only silly ponies can sit in that box,” James told her with a smile.
Rarity said nothing, letting the statement hang in the air as she just stared down at him. She waited for him to start laughing, to tell her that he was just kidding, but James just continued to stare at her with an honest, heartfelt smile. The seconds crawled by, still no laughter, still no sign of a joke.
…Perhaps this was the joke? Not the string of sounds that James had just uttered, but life in general. Perhaps she, James and everypony and everything that she knew and loved was simply the build up to the punchline of some cosmic being.
She could be very well naught but a walking shadow; a poor player that strutted and fretted her hour upon the stage, and is was no more. Hers might simply be a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, but ultimately signifying nothing. She might just be, even though she had done and achieved so much in her young life, nothing more than a part of a greater whole that was the buildup and the punchline.
For a moment the bedroom seemed just a bit bigger than it had been a moment ago as Rarity let herself flop back onto her living mattress, taking a deep breath to soothe herself.
“…I was afraid that you’d say that,” she said with a sigh.
Sinking into her pillow cover a bit more, Twilight’s eyes drifted back down to her notes. “Both Subjects appear easily distracted, might—”
Before she could finish her sentence, Rarity’s horn glowed. Her magical aura enveloped one of the pillows that laid forgotten on her bed. With a flick of her horn she sent it hurtling toward Twilight. The princess’s mountain of pillows did nothing to protect her as the projectile connected against her muzzle with an unmerciful amount of force.
“OW! Rarity! What are you throwing pillows for?”
“Twilight, darling, can’t you see that I’m having an episode here?” Rarity whined, rubbing her cheek against James’s chest.
“Well, I hope you have a thirty-minute time slot and the commercials aren’t that long,” James said, wrapping his arms around the little unicorn.
“…Thank you dear. I think.”
Giving her a little squeeze, James looked back over at Twilight. “So what brings you to this neck of the woods, Twi?” His gaze drifted back down toward the box. “And where the heck did you get that thing? Last time I saw it it was collecting dust in my closet.”
Rubbing her nose, which had been so viciously attacked just a few moments ago, Twilight perked up. “Well, actually, it’s a pretty interesting story.”
“More interesting than the fact that you broke into my home?” Rarity questioned, only to be shushed by her bed buddy.
“Since my findings while you were knowingly under observation were… lackluster I decided to see how you reacted around each other when you didn’t know I was around,” the princess said, her mountain of pillows shaking as she gave a happy wiggle.
“Alright, so you decided to try the stalking option,” James said with a nod of the head. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re sitting in my box.”
“Applejack’s box, dear,” Rarity corrected, finally letting her head submerge into the kiddie pool of madness that she found herself floating in.
“Yeah, Applejack’s box, my mistake,” James said, apologetically scratching the fashionista’s ear. “I know you’re a pretty silly pony yourself, Twi, but I don’t think that Applejack would want you sitting in her box like you owned the thing.”
“If you give me just a second I’ll get to that,” Twilight said matter-of-factly, as if what James had just said was perfectly sane and normal. “Now, since I couldn’t be in two places at once for the first night of my observations—”
Rarity’s ears perked up. “The first and only night.”
“But—”
“While I appreciate your willingness to help James and I with our… admittedly unusual problem, that does not mean that I want you to watch me whilst I sleep!”
Twilight just stared at Rarity for a moment with a neutral expression on her face. Slowly, she began to write something on her notepad. “Subject 2 seems to resent me observing her. Must take greater lengths to better conceal myself in the future.”
“What did you—efgndfkjd!”
“Keep going, Twi,” James encouraged as Rarity squirmed on top of him. “I’ll keep the snuggle-bug here occupied.”
Rarity’s eyes were hazy as she looked up at him. Though she was trying her hardest to glare she couldn’t quite get herself to properly focus on him. “I am—oh~! I am not a—a-ah~! I am a lady! Not—ohmygoodness~.
“Aw, that’s really cute,” Twilight said, covering her mouth with a giggle. “Now, where was I?”
“Something about your first night of stalking,” James helpfully supplied.
“Aw yes, thank you. Since I couldn’t be in two places at once I decided to set up at Rarity’s house since this was the optimal location to see how the two of you would interact with each other while you were sleepwalking.”
Still, squirming, Rarity wiggled up James’s body. “You ruffian,” she huffed, pressing her chest against his face as she wrapped her hooves around his head. “Laying hands on a lady so nonchalantly.” James, with a muffled chuckle, continued scratching his bed buddy as she ran a hoof through his hair.
A blush came to Twilight’s face. “And, um, well.” She coughed into a hoof as Rarity stared at her with a raised eyebrow.
“Come on now, dear. Let’s hear whatever silliness that you got yourself into.”
Twilight coughed again, finally getting a grip on herself. “I had observed you opening the door for James and leading him to your bedroom. For about an hour or two after that I just sat back and recorded everything that you two did, your movements, your breathing, how you held each other, along with a dozen other things.”
“Oh, and did you find anything interesting?”
“That’s just it, Rarity,” the princess said, looking down at her notes. “As far as I can tell there isn’t anything unusual. Neither of you have any signs of an outside force using magic on you, there’s no special magical signatures in your house. There’s nothing forcing James to walk halfway across town to your house and there’s nothing making you open the door for him.”
“Could someone maybe be messing with us through our dreams?” James asked through a mouthful of fur.
Twilight shook her head. “I would have caught something like that when I checked for foreign magic on the both of you.” Ears pinning against her head, she huffed, looking a bit frustrated. “I had thought that maybe the two of you were just subconsciously seeking companionship, and it was just luck that the two of you came together like you are, but when I tried to test that out by switching Rarity with myself you… reacted, James.”
James poked his head out from Rarity’s chest tuft. “I didn’t do anything… lewd to you did I?”
“No, no. When I tried to cuddle you you got up out of the bed and left the room,” Twilight told him. “A few minutes later you came back with this box and, before I could do anything, you picked me up and put me in it. After that you put Rarity back into the bed and continued to cuddle her like nothing was out of the ordinary.”
A small, pleased smile came to Rarity’s face. “Well, James’s excellent taste aside, why didn’t you simply get out of the box after the two of us were back in the bed, dear?”
Twilight opened her mouth but quickly closed it. “I… I don’t know,” she muttered, looking down at the box. “I was meaning to but…”
“Silly ponies can’t resist the silly pony box,” James said, his voice a whisper as he picked up and placed the fashionista lower down on his body. “They’re drawn to it, seeking it for their silly orange master.”
Rarity couldn’t help but snort when she saw the look that he was giving her. “You simply are too much, darling,” she said, playfully batting his shoulder.
“The legends are true, Rare-bear,” James insisted, lifting up his head so that he could get a better look at the unicorn. “It’s the box of power. One box to rule them—”
Before he could react his lips came into contact with something soft and furry. Upon closer inspection he realized that it was Rarity’s cheek. As he jerked his head back, his eyes wide, the fashionista let out a giggle.
“Oh, how simply daring, kissing a mare without warning!” she teased, her blue eyes shining as she looked down at him. “And there you were teasing me for kissing you.”
“I, um, I didn’t—” James sputtered, a blush coming to his face. “You, I didn’t, why—”
Grinning like a mad mare, Rarity leaned down and nuzzled his cheek. He could feel her lips brushing against his slightly scruffy cheek, which only caused him to blush harder. In the corner he could hear Twilight giggling to herself as she scribbled on her notepad.
It appears that my theory was correct. Subject 2 has indeed decided to trick Subject 1 into kissing her with the intention of leaving him flustered.
“Oh, there’s absolutely no reason to get so flustered, dear. I can understand why you would be so bold when a lady such as myself if just lying there unsuspecting as I am.”
“I, you, I didn’t—”
“Though that doesn’t mean I am at all displeased. You seemed to be an excellent kisser.”
“I JUST KISSED YOU ON THE CHEEK! AND I DIDN’T EVEN DO IT ON PURPOSE! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT HAD YOUR CHEEK RIGHT THERE!”
“Oh, you silly, silly, man.”
“I’M NOT SILLY! YOU’RE SILLY! AND SO IS TWILIGHT!!”
Though Subject 1 appears distressed, there is a smile on his face. Data suggests that both subjects enjoyed the intimacy. Is it the kissing itself or is it because they kissed each other?
Twilight looked up from her notes. James had his hands on Rarity’s face, trying to push the mare away as she tried to lean down and nuzzle him. Both the human and the unicorn were blushing, both of them were smiling and there was a sparkle in their eyes as they playfully pushed,shoved, and teased each other. Twilight couldn’t help but beam, warmth filling her chest at the sight of her two friends so happy and gay.
Further tests and observations could be conducted but I have a feeling that it is not needed Twilight wrote, sinking into her box. While what the two are experiencing is an unexplained anomaly it is in no way harmful to either of them.
“You do turn such an excellent shade of red, darling.”
“Hey, get away! Stranger danger! I don’t know you! The moon landing was a myth! Peanuts are just—”
“Mwah.”
“Stoooooooooooopppppppppp!”
Though I believe that I shall commandeer this box. For science of course.