//------------------------------//
// Redacted 
// Story: The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall 
// by Megatron 
//------------------------------//

After his return home from Ponyville, Lord Corn Wall had begun the process of setting his new plans into motion. Many of these plans would break down in the preparation stages either due to another noble doing something similar or the plan itself being physically impossible. In fact nothing notable happened until the mail arrived roughly a week after the failed time machine experiment. As Fire Star skimmed through the masses of ads, bills, and miscellaneous other letters he found one that stood out from the others not due to content or appearance, but due to the sender. The name was so much like any other he had ever seen that he thought it was from a rich foreigner or even an alien! These claims were baseless but made sense in Fire Star’s mind.

“My lord I have a piece of mail that might interest you!” Fire Star said in frenzy. 
“Is it the latest issue of Distinguished Gentleman’s Monthly?” asked Corn Wall.
“No my lord.”
“Is it the Annual Mares of Canterlot Calendar?”
“No my lord, I think it’s from some foreigner!”
“Who sent it?” 
Fire Star starred at the name for a few seconds before trying to read it aloud. “Red Ack Ted.” He finally spilled out. “That doesn’t sound like anypony’s name I’ve ever heard of.” Corn Wall grabbed the letter and read the name for himself.
“That’s not Red Ack Ted, it says Redacted!” Anger swelled within Corn Wall. “The government has been censoring our mail again!”
“Is that good?” asked Fire Star.
“No it’s not!” responded Corn Wall. “I’m taking this matter up with the princess!”

To the average Pony, complaining to the princess in person was a truly mad action. Many would never dream of it let alone for something as silly as one letter having been censored (not even necessarily by the government). Nobles on the other hand, complained so often that the royal guards knew each by name. Trying to stop them was pointless due to the fact that they never take no for an answer and that Celestia would always let them through anyways due to the fact that she found their pointless problems entertaining. Celestia saw Lord Corn Wall entering the room and immediately put down the book she was reading, Corn Wall was gullible and she had managed to make him humiliate himself in a multitude of different ways in front of the common folk. 

“What is it Corn Wall?” she said, holding back laughter.
“Your majesty, I received a letter this morning that was censored, did you play any part in this?” Corn Wall inquired.
“Not at all, why would I censor a noble’s mail?” Celestia responded.
“Well that’s what I was wondering, who would censor the sender of a letter?”
“I’ve heard that the baker’s guild has been sending censored ads to everypony in Canterlot so that they can get away with spamming your mail box twice!” Celestia said.
“Oh I say, I’m going down to the baker’s guild office so that I can teach them not to spam the great and mighty Lord Corn Wall!” and with those words Cornwall dashed out of the throne room and Celestia burst into laughter immediately after he was out of earshot. 

For you see, Celestia herself had sent the letter to Corn Wall knowing that it would cause him to come questioning. She did not predict however just how easily he believed the false diversion she had thrown at him. Once she finished laughing she picked up the book again, still giggling, and eagerly awaited for the results of Corn Walls “lesson to the baker’s guild”. 

The baker’s guild was based in a shabby building near the edge of the city except for the fact that it had a giant muffin on the sign. Though the baker’s guild resembled the average bakery in function and design the ponies in it couldn’t be more different. They had no love of cooking and thus worried only about the quantity of their goods and not the quality. Their leader had earned himself the loathing of Celestia due to his greed and vanity. It was for this reason that she sent an angry Lord Corn Wall his way. 

“I demand an audience with your master!” Corn Wall announced as he burst into the room.
“He’s up in the room upstairs.” Responded a strangely calm Bureaucrat. 
“Right, tally-ho I say!” Corn Wall said, charging up stairs. These stairs however weren’t like ordinary stairs due to the fact that they didn’t seem to end. It has long been theorized that this was due to the baker’s guild office having been built over a spot that had been saturated with magical energy at some point. While the stairs went far past the height of the building, they did eventually end. Corn Wall had now ended up in a place more terrifying than the staircase, the upstairs hallway. On one side of the hallway there was a line of secretaries all seated and staring at Lord Corn Wall. 

The leader of the baker’s guild was under the impression that the more ponies you threw at a problem the quicker it would go away. When he heard that there were slight problems with scheduling he used his normal method and simply hired more secretaries. Instead of having more secretaries for the office however, he thought that it would help if he gave his secretary her own secretary. And then he gave that secretary a secretary and so on until he couldn’t fit any more secretaries in the unnaturally long hallway. The horror of having to go up the never ending staircase everyday combined with the confusion brought by this odd secretary chain must have caused them to develop some sort of shared hive mind. 

“Why are you here?” the secretaries asked in unison.
Lord Corn Wall paused for a moment before replying “I’d like to speak with your manager.”
“The Great One is in the room at the end of the hallway.” They said.
“…Thank you.” Said a very unnerved Corn Wall. He tried to ignore the secretaries and moved down the hall. Above the door he saw a sign that read “THE AWESOMEST PONY IN THE UNIVERSE!” in bright red letters.
Corn Wall entered the office to see the guild leader sitting at his desk, counting his bits. “Who the hay are you?” he asked.
“I am Lord Corn Wall, noble of Equestria, and I demand that you stop sending out censored ads at once!” the guild leader starred blankly at Corn Wall for a second before laughing. 
“Noble of Equestria that’s a new one. Who put you up to this? Barley? Sun?”
“I say! A Stallion of my stature will not be treated this way!” The guild leader simply kept laughing until Corn Wall, infuriated, stormed out of the room, spitting curses under his breath. 

Upon exiting the room, Corn Wall saw the secretaries were once again starring at him. They looked him over for a few seconds then started chanting, “Join us!” Lord Corn Wall was terrified and came to the conclusion that this building was evil. The ads didn’t matter anymore all that he cared about now was escaping. He ran past the grabbing arms of the secretaries and went as quickly down the stairs as his Pony legs could go (surprisingly fast considering he was a noble). Once he reached the ground floor he charged out the door, knocking back several bureaucrats to do so. The bureaucrats thought nothing of this and many didn’t even look up from their work since most visitors ended up leaving in this way. For Lord Corn Wall it was one of the most terrifying moments of his life. For those who worked there, it was Thursday. 

And so Corn Wall fled back to the safety of his manor house, paranoid that this hive mind might extend beyond that hallway (thankfully it did not). The noble vowed never to buy anything from the baker’s guild in an act of revenge (this wouldn’t make any noticeable difference in their sales) and ordered all letters from Redacted burnt (ultimately Celestia wouldn’t send anymore). When news of the affair reached Celestia she laughed hard, amazed at just how well her plan had worked.