//------------------------------// // 16 Contact // Story: Lyra-7% // by Meep the Changeling //------------------------------// Lyra Heartstrings - 24th of Faust 09 EoH - Morning Multiverse Location: Imperial Equestria, Badlands, Equis #9 - The Solar Empire Trigger’s living room had become a mess. The party train came in and unloaded a heaping table full of way to much fun. A dumb saying, but accurate. I’d never thought that simple foods like cupcakes and cookies could make for an actually fun party… I’d never gotten to try them before. I wasn’t top brass after all. Still, it had seemed like four people and no booze was too few and not enough to have a party. If the sea of cupcake wrappers, open board games, and red plastic cups was any sort of evidence, that assumption was entirely unfounded. I felt a bit drunk. Not in the ‘buzzed’ way or the ‘impaired’ way. Just that happy sort of afterglow a few good drinks gives you when you hit that sweet spot between sober and drunk. Which was really really damn weird since nothing had been alcoholic. Maybe the social stuff provided that feeling, and not the drink. That would explain plenty. Unfortunately it didn’t explain anything about how or what the flying fuck we had been doing all day. According to the wall clock it was twentyfive-oh-three, which I had thought was an error, but Trigger had informed me that human time and pony time was kept differently. But also that it was still pretty late at night. How the hell had we spent an entire day screwing around with party games?! How had that been more fun than, well, any goddamn thing I could remember?! And no, ‘Pinkie throws great parties so two just hanging out makes for a great time’ is NOT an explanation, Trigger! “Ah man… This is just weird… I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep!” I protested. “I didn’t think the whole day was going to just freaking blink by like that!” Pinkie One rolled her eyes, “I had Sai book you, your snakie-snake, and your marefriend one of the guestrooms. It’s just down the hall.” I gave her a confused look. “Um, we’re not dating…” She returned my confused look. “Oh? You guys married already? When is it?” When is it? The fuck kind of question is that? The sort a trolling joker uses to mess with you, obviously. “Is she teasing me?” I asked Pinkie Two. “Maybe, or maybe she’s actually from the fuuuurture!” She droned, waving her forelegs in a silly-dramatic way. The four of us laughed before I shook my head. “Nah, we just met… Pretty sure we're friends, but that’s it. I um, I guess interspecies couples are common here? And same sex couples too? Because everyone’s been super casual with talking about me getting hitched to one of you guys.” “Yeah, it’s really not a big deal,” Trigger conformed with a grin. “Most ‘lings here are married to a pony, or dating one… And it’s not always a ‘I need food’ arrangement either. Oh! Also most mares I know are bisexual. I’m not sure if that’s normal or well, if that’s just who I know.” Pinkie Two bobbed her head in agreement. “Mhm! I have records of everypony and lingie onboard! Want to go over their marriage certificates and help plan anniversary parties with me tomorrow? Oh! How long are you staying?” I shook my head in amusement. “Well,” I began slowly, “I normally move on as soon as the VM has recharged. It’s battery is fried, so it can just do one portal per charge right now… But er, well, this time I’ll have to stick around until my gear’s fixed. “Speaking of, Sky won't screw me on the VM, will she?” Trigger shook his head. “Nah, she’s a butt, but she keeps her word. Not that she won't lie, but I’ve never seen her go back on a business deal, ever.” I supposed that would have to be good enough… “Besides, Triggie can fix it up if she breaks it or something,” Pinkie One said with a smile. “Also, there’s no way Sai hasn’t made a molecular scan of it,” Trigger added. “So if it is broken, we can replicate a new one… It will still be broken because the scanned version is broken, but well, we can replace it as it is now, pretty much indefinitely.” My eyes widened slightly. “You have freaking matter replicators!?” “Yeah, but we can’t use them too much,” Trigger sighe., “We only have two of this thing’s reactors running, so there isn’t much of an energy surplus for replicating much more than our ‘industrial dues’… We kinda use them to outcompete other companies production rates. “If Sky breaks your current one, you’ll get a replacement. But don’t expect a backup or anything. I’d give you a spare one if I were in charge, but I’m not.” That sucked… With the 20 hop maximum limit, and with me having already used four hops, I was going to burn through those pretty quick… Two per universe. Shit. “Maybe another version of you guys can get me a spare,” I thought out loud. “Maybe… But um…” Trigger cleared his throat, an embarrassed look crossing his face. “Didn’t think to mention It but there are only six of me. Not counting the one on the Prime.” “Shit!” I cursed, making the Pinkies eardroop. “Bathroom’s over there,” Pinkie One informed pointing with a hoof. “How do you not remember that?” “What?” I asked, stunned. “No, that’s-“ The two Pink mares suddenly burst into a gigglefit! “Hehehehe! Human faces are so expressive!” Pinkie Two snickered. “Oh har har…” I grumbled. “Trigger, I guess you’ve used your counterpart’s portal thing to check around. Do you know anything I should look out for?” Trigger nodded. “Mhm. One universe… Well, it had an apocalypse. Three have, actually, but that me died in it. You’ll recognize it by the scorched wasteland everywhere-“ My eyes brightened at the mention of a wasteland. “Awesome! Just like home then.” “Er, what?” Trigger asked, taken aback. “My homeworld, meteoric wasteland with a dash of war-blasted rockscape of doom.” I explained. “Oh… Well, yeah. I guess you’ll be fine there then,” Trigger mused. “What about the other two?” I asked curiously. “Well, one of them had a… It’s complicated,” Trigger sighed. “I don’t think anyone from that universe could know the truth, too much devastation. I wrote down most of it as an outsider, and I think that’s the only way to know the truth. “Tee-ehl-dee-ar; there are multiple wrecked human ships in that universe. Ever see Terminator Two? That happened. A lot. And it was made worse by a human warfleet getting time displaced because the idiots decided to try wormhole travel without magic to provide a temporal anchor. “So if you wind up there, while ponies won… Expect to be attacked on site.” I winced, the two Pinkies’ sorry nods of confirmation as I looked to them for answers being all I needed. You couldn’t not trust those two. It’s like they radiated friendship. “Owch… What about the other one?” I asked, hoping it would be less grim. “Oh yeah, Magic plague. Everyone died,” Trigger summarized casually. “W-what? How is that not dangerous?!” I demanded. “You should have opened with that! How do I recognize it!?” “It’s no big, the plague has no victims and burned out. It’s long gone. Besides, I lied a bit. Everyone died except for that me,” Trigger continued. “How do you survive a magical plague that kills everyone on a planet?” I asked disbelievingly. Pinkie One shrugged. “Have your tray table up, and seatback in the full upright position?” Trigger shrugged too. “No clue. But he did. He’s still there too. He also built a ton of robots for company. That world is completely safe. Nothing organic left on it except one stallion.” “That’s…grim. Poor bastard,” I sympathized. “Meh, he’s fine,” Pinkie Two dismissed. “He builded a me-bot. He’s good. She’s nice.” I shook my head. Unless you made a very very good android, I doubted you’d really ever be able to interact with an AI just like another person. I mean, physically at least interact. Mentally, well, I’d never seen a difference. Cuz there isn’t one to be found there. The robotics behind a prefect organic simulation type android on the other hand... “Still has to be lonely,” I sympathized. “He really isn’t,” Trigger comforted. “I mean, we can’t talk to him, but he looks and sounds happy.” “Alright… I haven’t seen him so I guess I can’t judge,” I said with a shrug. “What about the ‘one on the Prime’, what’s that mean?” “Oh!” Trigger frowned. “You don’t know? The ‘Prime’ is a term in multiversal mechanics meaning the central universe from which all other offshoots originate. It’s the ‘template’ for every other possibility that ever could be. The Prime is the the list of constants, and the table of variables. Tells you what will remain the same, and what can change.” My god… I did NOT want to know what it took to get a degree in Multiversal Mechanics… Ugh... “That seems important,” I understated. “What’s that Sky like?” “I don’t know… Our Sky got her view of the Prime blocked by a vector graphic of the Prime Sky glaring at her from a pillow fort with a sign on it reading ‘No girls allowed, except for Pinkies.’” I triple blinked. “S-seriously?” Trigger nodded. “Pinkie, do the thing!” Pinkie Two nodded and hit a button on the wallscreen, calling up the gloriously gelastic graphic in question. “I- ser- HA!” I laughed, breaking out into a grin at the seriously hilarious image. Pinkie one giggled. “I know! Sky says it’s a ‘firewall’, because she’s too embarrassed! I think it’s just an opaque hologram protected directly into her portals.” “No matter where they show up!” Pinkie Two explained with a smirk. I shook my head, grinning ear to ear. As dangerous as my last few hops had been, and as the other universes I had been warned about sounded, I was glad there was still fun out there to find. “Off topic, but I just thought of something… You or Sky don’t happen to have made an actual Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Multiverse, have you?” I asked curiously. After all, knowing things ahead of time would only be slightly, massively helpful. Trigger beamed me a huge smile. “Lyra, you’ve just figured out what I’m going to do this summer! Thanks.” I frowned, sad that one didn’t already exist. “Darn… Ah well, glad you have a new project.” Glancing back up at the clock, I shook my head. “I’ve really spent way too much time just goofing off… It was fun though. Where was that room again? I need to make sure Bon’s okay, and It’s getting late.” Pinkie One’s ears drooped as she made the saddest face in the world. “Awwww! No sleepover?” Ack! Heart! Pains! Emotions! Ow! “N-not tonight,” I managed to gasp. Her ears perked back up happily. “So, tomorrow? You’re fun to play cards with!” I rolled my eyes. “You’re just amused that you didn’t have anything that would fit me… Speaking of, are my pants done? Cuz you guys probably want this bedsheet back.” Pinkie two nod nodded and tossed me the newly modified silk pants. “Finished them like, hours ago.” I gave her a friendly glare. “You didn’t ask for them,” she teased playfully. “How do I get to the guest room?” I asked with a sigh as I slipped my pants on under the sheet before tossing the sheet aside. “Sai, please guide Lyra to her room once she leaves,” Trigger ordered. “As you wish, sir.” The AI replied. “Man, I hate how she has you talk like that,” Trigger grumbled to himself. “You did allow her control over my programming, sir. You should have expected a more formal mode of speech,” Sai said in reply. I rolled my eyes, the two talked like old friends almost constantly. “I’m going to get going. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow for more ‘doing work’.” I said, air quoting. “Yes. Lots of work to no-ass,” Trigger agreed with a solemn nod. “And some to whole-ass. I’ll fix up your kit tomorrow, it will count as an engineering shift anyways. Heh heh.” I stood up and walked over to the door, shaking my head in amusement. “You guys are great! I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Bye!” A Pinkie called as I reached for the door release panel. I tapped the blank white panel with my fingertips. Nothing. The door remained closed. “Huh…” I mused. “It doesn't register sometimes,” Trigger explained with a sigh. “Give it another tap.” “Kay,” I said, tapping it again. The panel flashed red, the room’s lights failed, the white replaced by the dull red of emergency lighting as an electronic groan straight out of an eldritch horror’s throat ripped through the PA system, and through the room’s speakers filling my head and my ears with the single all consuming distorted word. “Huuuuummmmaaaannnnnnn….” Flintlock Rose - 24th of Faust 09 EoH - Morning (Moments earlier) Multiverse Location: Imperial Equestria, Badlands, Equis #9 - The Solar Empire “Your armor is finished. How’s the gun’s progress?” Ayna asked, her voice holding a ring of satisfaction. My skill at weapons design had impressed Ayna a lot. After she’d learned I was good with guns (I am named ‘flintlock’ after all), the only thing Ayna designed by herself was the grip, and only then because she’d copied Lyra’s shape to get the ergonomics prefect. After our first three prototypes, she’d decided to let me put together our final design while she worked on my armor. I hadn’t expected her to finish it so soon! “How’d you do it that quick?” I asked, turning to look at my changeling friend as she held out two small devices to me. Both were teardrop shaped, and had wrist straps to keep them secured to the ends of your forelegs. Both were mostly colored in black, with one of the two given gold decorations to make it look sort of ‘techy’, with a large black rectangle on the face. The other was silver and had a gold ring on one end that looked like it was meant to be pulled. “I… cheated. Sort of,” Ayna admitted. “The armor is really just hardlight and holograms, it’s tougher than most metals and way more energy efficient than just bamphing matter into existence… Also I couldn’t make a replicator small enough to work as a morpher.” I frowned slightly, I’d wanted proper metal… “Um…thanks.” I said politely taking the devices. “Trust me, you won't know the difference between the materials. I tuned things just right. Feature wise, when active, the armor is as protective as Emm-eye-ehl Dee-Tee-Ehl forty six one-seventeen alloy steel, allows you to customize the cloak’s coloring to a high degree… Not active camo quality, but enough to blend into the background a little, or change fashion as desired. “The plating will also absorb about fifty to fifty one percent of kinetic energy that strikes it from the outside and use that energy to partially restore its power supply. This will reduce the amount of pain you feel from impacts and should prevent a concussion… Your head will resist up to seventy six. I decided to focus it there instead of making the armor better all over. I remembered as a hybrid you have a brain instead of decentralized system. “The armor has a few offensive features too. It will allow you to channel your own magic to produce energy rays from the hooves or eyes, project force bubbles to contain a foe, and fire concussive blasts… You should go easy on those, they are powered by your own magic, not the armor’s reserves. “It also multiplies your physical attributes, with the armor on, you are twice as good as you are normally. You can increase this multiplier for any physical attribute, but only one at a time. You can multiply a single thing up to ten times greater than normal, but the higher the multiplier, the more the power drain. The drain is exponential, with a complex equation I will spare you as it’s unimportant. “And those features feed off your own magic, just like the weapons. So they will drain your stamina really fast, you’ll get about a minute of use before fatigue sets in with a times five multiplier… And about six seconds at a times ten. I recommend you use that feature in bursts of split second intervals. Like with the weapons, the interface to use this feature is ‘think, do’. “It also has a built in forcefield to negate attacks, but it’s…temperamental. It should block a few hits before collapsing. Just hide some place for a minute and it should recharge on ambient magical current. “The final feature is an ‘equipment belt’. The armor can store the data on up to nine different objects and replicate a copy of that object in hardlight. Effectively letting you materialize it. Weapons are best, but shields and barricades are good too. It can also scan objects in, again, with a think-do interface. Anything copied can only go up to a hundred meters from you before it will dissipate. This draws on the armor’s reserves, so using it will drain the limited power. In total it has like, six hours of juice and will recharge on ambient energy in a half hour of non use. “To activate the armor, make sure each device is on your forelegs and then ether spike your adrenaline for an auto-deploy, or just do the same morphing sequence from the book you gave me. To deactivate, will it to go away.” All of that sounded bucking amazing! Screw metal plating, even if it wasn't that protective, all that was awesome! But... “Er… What morphing sequence?” I asked, frowning in confusion. “You asked me to make you a power ranger’s outfit, that looked like Doom’s armor. So I made you one,” Ayna informed, face twisting in bafflement. “I can’t read that language…” I reminded, giving her an apologetic smile. “Oh! Derp,” Ayna giggled. “Rear up, flex the hoof the ring one is on, the ring bit slides out on a telescoping shaft, ram that ring into the slot on the gold one, and say an activation phrase. I went with ‘It’s morph’n time!’ because the others are just… Cheezy. “Oh! There will be a small explosion behind you when you activate the armor. Don’t worry, it’s holographic, and just there for authenticity and coolness factor. You’ll also spark when hit, again, for coolness. I also decided against having it play some thrash metal tunes while active as I realized that might get annoying to not-me people.” I triple blinked stunned by exactly how much she’d packed into those things in just a few hours. “How the buck did you do all this in just a few hours!?” “Meh,” Ayna gave me a dismissive hoof wave. “I had existing components for the enchantments… This is all stuff I’ve made before in a custom case. I really only had to program the hardlight from scratch. “You know… I was tempted to make the phrase, ‘Michael... Bay, Aye-ah!’ because of the explosion, but I realized nopony but me would even get that jo-” Her words were cut off as the room plunged into absolute darkness. Emergency lights flicking on a second later, casting a dull red light over the busy workshop. A terrifying electronic hiss straight out of tartarus rumbled through the room’s speakers as an unknowable horror cried one word. “Huuuuummmmaaaannnnnnn….” It hissed. I couldn’t help but grin a bit as I grabbed both the devices from Ayna. Call me crazy, but it seemed like something fun was about to happen! Hopefully Ayna wouldn’t panic like anypony else I kne- The changeling took a deep breath and let out a hiss of extreme irritation. “Uuuuggh! I am never going to hear the end of this… I told her it was to old to work properly, too degraded… But nooo! Stupid reality!” She griped. Ayna turned around, and slammed a large red button on a cabinet with the flat of her hoof, immediately triggering explosive bolts on the cabinet, blasting the front panel off. I couldn’t help but notice a small green light on the button turn on which read ‘Big brother was right’ as she retrieved the cabinet's contents. “Uh, why the bolts?” I asked confused, heart racing form a mix of fear and excitement. What can I say? I’ve always been an adrenaline junkie. “So I’m not tempted to use this for non-emergencies, as putting the door back on is irritating and takes a few hours of work,” Ayna informed, taking a small white and yellow vest-like piece of armor from the cabinet. “I’m glad you are not panicking. I’ll need some help. We planned for this.” The speaker’s crackled again, a stallion's voice quickly announcing. “Everyling! Prepare to repel boarders! Repeat: Prepare to repel boarders! Assume automated security is hostile. And also Sky, I told you so. This is all on her head everyone.” She slipped into the armor, which covered her barrel, but little else. It looked good on her. All white save for the yellow shoulder straps, and a small patch on the lower barrel. As well as the seven large green glowing gemstones set into it’s spine. The moment she put it on, the glowing stripes on her sides brightened, going from ‘glowstick’ to ‘flashlight’. A moment later her eyes began to glow as well. “Before you ask, this is the same as your armor, but better. Because I’m a harvester, a living emotional energy supercapacitor, and this vest is charged with over eight years of two Pinkie Pie’s love for my siblings,” Ayna informed. “According to big brother, we have five minutes before the AI in this ship fully wakes up, then one hour before we are all doomed. “We have two reactors to shut down, because if the AI’s got now power, we can just take it apart, then turn the ship back on. I’ll need help, so what I’m asking is-” Ayna frowned, turned around, reached back into the cabinet, grabbed a little rolodex, flipped threw it, pulled out a card, nodded, and then asked. “Are you a bad enough dude to save the president? Wait… That one doesn't work, does it?” I facehooved. “Do you have a rolodex full of adventure novel quotes in your emergency cache?” Ayna blushed and nodded. “I-I’m not good with words…” I shook my head. “I love danger. I like to save people. Let’s do this.” Ayna smiled, took a deep breath, and with a sharp crack began to radiate a fiery green aura. “Great! We will have to hurt some security robots, but that should be it. Big brother has a plan. We’ll be fine… Oh um, all the doors will be locked though so…” Ayna trotted over to the door, and in one swift motion rammed both her hooves through it, twisting and breaking the metal before forcing the door open with a loud shriek of distressed metal. I slipped the bracelet thingies onto my wrists, flexed my hoof, and then fumbled for like thirty seconds to get the ring into the slot. This would take a lot of practice… The ring finally clicked into place. “Uh, It’s morphing time?” I said, trying to remember the- My entire body flashed a brilliant green! Sleek silvery armor materializing from nowhere as something exploded behind me, a green cloak rippling into existence with the sound of the fireball. I felt the enchantments kick in, like my body was suddenly charged by some kind of fantastic energy. I felt my limits jump upwards, raising the bar for what I could do. Mere words had done for me what a decade of constant training would have done. “Oh buck the hay, yes!” I exclaimed before rushing through the hole in the door to catch up with Ayna, “Right! Let’s break some robots!” Lyra Heartstrings - 24th of Faust 09 EoH - Morning Multiverse Location: Imperial Equestria, Badlands, Equis #9 - The Solar Empire My heart stopped for a moment in pure terror. I had not seen that coming. If Cheer.ly hadn’t taken controll of my heart, I’d have had a heart attack for sure. As the terror began to be pushed aside by adrenaline, Trigger jumped up from his seat. “Buck! I should have thought about the door buttons!” He exclaimed quickly rushing over to the wall. “You three stay here and keep down. It will be okay, I trained for this day!” The two Pinkies nodded, quickly running for the bedroom. “Wait, didn’t they wield some sort of superweapon?” I asked, “Why send them away!?” “One did, but she doesn't have it right now, and she’s a baker, not a soldier,” Trigger snapped. “I’m not letting her get hurt, and I’m not letting this universe fall like my old home did! Now get down.” He ripped a picture off the wall, revealing a large red button, which he slammed at the first instant. With a loud thump and a shower of sparks, a panel blew off of the wall near the door, revealing a hidden weapons cache. “They may not be trained soldiers, but I am. What’s the plan?” I asked, blinking in shock as I realized what I had said only after I said it. The hell? When had I gotten so heroic? Ah, yes… This whole thing was my fault, I needed to help unfuck this mess! “I’m not going to put you into danger. There are security drones out there. I fixed most of them!” Trigger insisted as he buckled a harne festooned with all sorts of gizmos over his…chest. I really needed to learn horse anatomy… “They don’t let you pass basic till you can out preform kill-bots,” I grunted. “You need someone to watch your back.” “I don’t have a weapon workable by hands here!” Trigger barked. Ignoring Trigger’s protests I walked over to the bag containing my gear Ayna’s drone had dropped off earlier and rummaged through it, pulling out my sword after a few moments and snapping it on. “I’ve got a fuckmothering lightsaber. Let’s roll!” I countered, deciding against telling him I couldn’t fence… Trigger turned, eyes widening slightly. “So you do… Fine. You can help. Um…” He reached into the cache and tossed me a small belt. “Strap that on anyplace you can and press the buckle. It’s a shield generator, should take a few hits. It’s supposed to be my backup… But you’re right.” I took the small belt and searched for a place to slip it on. Luckily it fit on my waist comfortably… Which made sense. Ponies being built like large dogs have a somewhat similar to human waist size, but it was about an inch and a quarter too loose for me there, making it hang to one side Unfortunately, it wouldn't really fit any place else… How else can you put on a belt? I gave the buckle a tap as Sky finished strapping on his own equipment, the harness covering his upper- er fronter and backer body. “Right, Ayna, myself, and my engineering crew planned this out,” Trigger began. “Ayna is probably already working on shutting down the reactors. My team will be working to disable the emergency backup power system now too. So they can do their jobs without getting security bot rectal exams, you and I are going to be blowing up random bits of ship as we make a beeline for the AI core. “That should make the bitch focus on us and send most of her shit our way. We are likely to die as it will take at least fifteen minutes to kill the power. If we dont die, we cut that core to pieces like I should have despite Sky’s threats to have me shot for treason. Ready?” I nodded. “As ready as a girl in some pants can be. What weapons do you have? Some grenades? I can try to cover you but the hallways are long so ranged weapons have an advan-” Trigger held up a hoof and reached with both forelegs into the cache and pulled out a massive, square shaped, overbuilt, high tech cannon of a gun, and snapped it into place on his back, the weapon clicking into place on his harness as automated hydraulic arms unfolded from the weapon to secure it and support it on his back, and sides. “I’ve got a Big Bucking Gun,” Trigger answered, ratcheting the weapon into an ‘over the shoulder’ position and pumping a slide that I was sure was pointless. Because that thing screamed energy weapon. “So you do,” I replied, feeling a good bit of envy. “I’m so happy my lil sis is Red Granite’s weapons guy,” Trigger sighed half happily, half bitterly. “Let’s roll. Doors will be locked. Cut them open would you? This is NOT a close range weapon.” I nodded and stabbed my blade into the doors, cutting a circle out of the door and shoving the disk out. As it crashed into the floor on the other side I stepped through the hole into the hallway. The once comforting corridor looked hellish lit up in the red glow of the emergency lights, and the sound of weapons fire came faintly from our left. “Head right!” Trigger ordered. “Don’t charge anything, keep next to me, and keep my ass covered. This thing has serious spread.” “Understood!” I replied. The two of us made our way down the hall, stopping only long enough for Trigger to take a bomb from his harness, and stick it to a random bit of wall or floor every few hundred yards. The dull crack and sizzle of the explosives made me wonder what sort of device they were, but I didn’t dare look back at the flash to see. Whatever they were, the way the lit up the hallway like noon meant I’d be blinded if I did. I should have grabbed my helmet… We had been running for five minutes before the plan of ‘be bait’ payed off. With a shower of metallic shards a wall panel thirty feet ahead exploded outwards, a hallway filling, treaded war machine slamming into position, denting the opposite wall as snake-like tentacles tipped in laser emitters whipped out, slicing the air with a dozen different blue-white lasers. The lasers stopped mid air, sparking and screeching as the shields Trigger and I wore turned the beams aside. I readied my blade, wondering how many of it’s weapons I could cut off before it overwhelmed our shields an- The ‘skreeee-dee-deedeededede-thoom!’ of Trigger’s weapon washed out every other sound in existence! An enormous ball of green energy shot down the hallway at the speed of a fastball pitch, detonating in a blinding flash with a second ‘THOOM!’ which echoed through the hallways along with the sound of metal shrapnel pinging off of everything within a dozen yards. My vision cleared in time to see small bolts of green lightning dancing around the ash-black section of floor… Wall… Ceiling… Robot scrap… Er, everything really. I knew that weapon. It was the King of Cannons. The Doomsday Bazooka that lays waste to everything. It was the Big Fucking Gun Nine Thousand! It looked different here. But I knew it. I’d used it in a game in history class. Trigger said Ayna made it for Red Granite, Rose’s dad. A guy who according to her, had gone into another dimension to kill hellspa- “Holy mother of fucking physics! Rose’s dad is Doomguy!” I exclaimed to myself in wide eyed shock. “Yeah, you could translate his nickname that way,” Trigger agreed resuming our run down the corridor. “But you say that because, why?” “It finally clicked!” I answered, running after him. “And Rose is… Who?” He asked. “A mare I came here with,” I answered. I almost tripped, my mind having gone back to history’s Video Games of Our Ancestors segment. I knew why her mother’s gear looked familiar too! “Oh my god her mom’s Samus Aran!” I added, the shock making me forget the life or death emergency for a moment. “Uh, no, it’s pronounced Sa’mas Arr’an, cuz it’s changelish. I didn’t know they had a kid, neat,” Trigger said quickly. “Now focus! We have three hundred more meters to go and I only have five more shots!” Doomguy and Samus existed here, and they were married. With a kid! And I was on a starship, beneath a sea of sand, fighting off robots to stop an evil AI and save the planet. “Your universe is fucking awesome!” I exclaimed with a big grin. “Damn straight!” Trigger Agreed. “Now let’s go downstairs, and carve ourselves a bitch!”