Dear Princess Twilight,
There's a problem in the human world. I might have accidentally sort of broken reality. Our Twilight is doing science stuff to try to figure out what's going on. I'm hoping you could see if maybe there's some magical help you might be able to offer.
By the way, I have my unicorn magic back. I'm still human, but I can use my magic. So at least that's a silver lining?
If you're not busy, please help. Things are getting really, really weird over here.
The long, flexible legs of the odd ball-shaped robot became flying messes of tangled shrapnel as the robot itself exploded. Sunset turned to her left and fired off a second fiery blast from her hand, striking another robot and reducing it to scrap.
"LOOK OUT!" Rainbow Dash yelled. Sunset ducked and rolled to her left as a bomb fell where she had been standing and exploded, spraying chunks of pavement. Sunset hastily conjured a shield spell and braced herself. She glanced up and saw Rainbow kick a robot bee in the face, then spin around and axe-kick it to the ground, where it smashed into a million bits.
The normally quiet suburb where most Canterlot High students lived had turned into a scene of absolute chaos and confusion. Dozens of bizarre robots were running wild in the city; some of them were animal-shaped and behaved mostly like the animals they appeared to be—except for bomb-dropping bees or bizarre ostriches which launched their buzzsaw-like heads at random passersby. Sunset had been running around for the past hour, using her newly-restored magic to take out as many of the weird robotic invaders as she could; her friends had all ponied up at around the same time her magic had come back, and were helping however they could. Rainbow Dash was flying around attacking the flying robots, Applejack was just plain beating the crap out of anything that tried to attack her, and the others were keeping people inside and safe as best they could.
A high-pitched whine from behind Sunset reminded her of the other strange thing that had shown up—right around the same time everything else had gone to hell, actually—and told her she needed to duck and cover quickly. Not that she needed much convincing, as a bright red car had just roared around the corner and was bearing down on her. Driving the car was a blue robot with a red visor for a face; a huge, futuristic cannon was mounted to the hood of the car.
Sunset teleported six feet to her left, pressing her back flat against the wall of the nearest building, and watched as a massive ball of shining plasma blazed toward the robot car. The driver exploded violently, screeching electronically as bits of his machine body sprayed in every direction; his head spun to a stop at Sunset's feet, the visor shattered and revealing blinking lights and seared electronics. The car itself was still moving, but smoke and sparks were pouring from its damaged undercarriage.
Another ball of plasma hit the car, and it collapsed in a pile of mangled scrap, a single wheel bouncing merrily away.
Heavy steel boots thudded to the pavement beside Sunset. "Are you alright?" a gentle voice asked.
Sunset nodded. "Where the hell are these things coming from?" she asked.
"My world," her rescuer said with a weary sigh. "I'm sorry. None of this is your problem. You've got your own problems..."
Sunset laid a hand on the cold blue armor covering his shoulder and offered him a smile. "It isn't your fault, X. It's mine." She sighed, looking out at the scrap-strewn streets. "I caused all this."
X's green eyes regarded her calmly. "Can you still fight?" he asked.
Sunset grimaced. "I think so," she said. "It's been a long time since I had my magic, and I'm not used to using it for things like this." She winced at a nearby crash and a loud yell. "But my friends need me."
X smiled. "Let's go."
* * * * *
Two hours later, everything had mostly calmed down, and Sunset, her friends, and X had regrouped at Canterlot High. In the school foyer, they found Principal Celestia waiting for them...along with a lavender alicorn who came up to about Sunset's chest.
"Twilight?" Applejack asked. "That you?"
"Yes," Princess Twilight Sparkle said. "I just got here. Nobody was around outside, so I came into the school. Principal Celestia's been telling me about what's been going on." She glanced over the group, then spotted X. She blinked as she studied him. "You're...not from this world, are you?"
X shook his head. "No, and I get the feeling you're not either."
Twilight raised a hoof and made a 'so-so' gesture. "My world and this world are directly connected parallels of each other," she said.
"Ah," X said. "My name is X. I'm...not human." His X-Buster shifted, rearranged, and morphed, becoming a white hand with a heavy blue gauntlet covering the arm above it.
Twilight's eyes widened. "I see," she said. She shook her head. "Sunset, what happened here?"
"Yeah, Sunset. Tell her all about it," Rainbow said with a smirk.
Sunset covered her face with her hands.
"Rainbow Dash, be nice," Fluttershy chided, laying a supportive hand on Sunset's shoulder. "It's not your fault," she said soothingly. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Sunset sighed. "Well, if you're gonna help us, you...you have to know," she said. "Just...follow me." She looked around at everyone, her face flushing. "JUST Twilight," she said. "The rest of you stay here. This is embarrassing enough without an audience."
Twilight raised an eyebrow at that.
"Okay, sugarcube," Applejack said. "We'll sit tight out here. We could use a minute an' a cold drink anyhow."
"I'll unlock the soda machine," Celestia said. As the girls cheered at the prospect of free drinks, Sunset led Twilight through the halls.
"Sci-Twi—I mean, the other Twilight—has taken over one of the science labs," Sunset said.
"Sci-Twi?" Twilight asked.
"It's...kind of her nickname," Sunset said. "Rainbow Dash started it, and it caught on." She smiled. "She likes it, actually. She's never had a nickname before."
"Well, it's not a bad one," Twilight said with a giggle. Sobering up, she asked, "Seriously though, in your letter, you said you broke reality. How'd you...?"
Sunset coughed, her face flaming red. "You'll...you'll see it in a minute," she said. She stopped in front of a wooden classroom door and knocked. "Twilight? The princess is here."
The door lock clicked, and the human version of Twilight Sparkle opened the door, looking at them with bleary eyes from behind smudged glasses. She blinked twice as she beheld her counterpart. Her jaw dropped. "Whaaaa...?"
"This is my real form," Princess Twilight said. "Whatever's going on here screwed up the portal."
Sci-Twi shook her head, then stepped back. "Well, I hope you can figure it out," she said. Sunset and Twilight entered; Sci-Twi locked the door again behind them. "I just ran another scan on it. It's...it's still surging."
"Surging?" Twilight asked, tilting her head and cocking an ear.
Sunset led Twilight over to a table in the center of the room, where three sheets of lead shielding had been placed around an object which sat on a wire stand, several sensor leads attached to it. It was about ten inches long, thick, and a dusky purple in color, wider at one end, with a somewhat knobbly, translucent tip. The tip was glowing brightly; wisps of lavender and yellow magic swirled around it.
Twilight frowned as she studied the object. "What...what is it?"
Sunset ducked her head. Sci-Twi adjusted her glasses as she passed a box of latex gloves to her counterpart. Twilight glanced at the gloves, looked up at Sci-Twi sheepishly, and raised a hoof.
Sci-Twi grimaced, but put the gloves away. "Cover your hooves with something," she said. "You really don't want to touch that thing."
Twilight's brow creased. "Is it...dangerous?"
"No, just gross," Sci-Twi said, giving Sunset a sour look. Sunset's flush deepened.
"Gross?" Twilight asked, blinking. She studied the object again. Aside from the glowing thing surrounded in wisps of magic, it seemed innocuous enough, aside from being shaped vaguely like...
No, not vaguely like. Exactly like...
Twilight shook her head and stared at Sunset, flicking an ear. "Is...is that a..." She gulped. "Sunset, is that a dildo?!"
Sunset looked away.
Sci-Twi coughed. "Tell her exactly how you broke the universe, Sunset."
* * * * *
Sunset panted, falling flat against the mattress, her entire body flushed, gasping for breath.
As her breathing slowed, she heard an embarrassed-sounding cough. "Well," a quiet voice said, "that...wasn't something I ever expected to see."
Sunset blinked, then looked up slowly.
Green eyes set in a pale, youthful, male face looked back at her above a sheepish smile. The face was framed by a blue metal helmet.
* * * * *
Princess Twilight's left eye and right ear twitched. "You...broke the universe...with a dildo."
Sunset's face burned a deeper shade of red than her hair. "Look, I didn't know, okay? I mean, I bought it on the Internet! From, you know, a normal...place..."
Princess Twilight facehoofed. "For Celestia's sake..."
"Don't drag her into this, you're making it weird!"
"IT'S ALREADY WEIRD!"
"Will you two please stop yelling at each other?" Sci-Twi yelled, taking off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Look, Other-Me...does it really matter how it happened? Isn't the important part fixing it?"
Princess Twilight sighed. "Well, that's true, but in order to understand just how this all happened and how severe the damage is, I do need..." Her cheeks colored. "Details."
"Oh God," Sunset moaned, burying her face in her hands.
Princess Twilight coughed and turned to her. "How many times, Sunset?"
Sunset peered at her between her fingers. "Umm...at...at least once a night...for a little over a week," she whimpered.
Princess Twilight's face turned as dark as Sunset's. "Seriously?"
"I WAS HORNY, OKAY?"
Sci-Twi cleared her throat. "Apparently, whenever Sunset experiences an orgasm, she...leaks."
Princess Twilight and Sunset both stared at her. Now it was Sci-Twi's turn to blush. "MAGIC! She leaks MAGIC!"
Sunset cleared her throat. "Y-yes," she said. "We've figured out that the, umm...jewel..thingy..." She grimaced. "It's some kind of magic receptor, and I've been, err...charging it up..."
Twilight sighed. "Well, I can tell just by looking at it that it's radiating powerful chaos magic, but what's something with that kind of power even doing in this world...?"
* * * * *
"Discord? Are you alright? You've been grimacing and shuddering suddenly a lot lately."
Discord pasted a sickly grimace on his face. "Oh, I don't want to burden you with my little problems..."
Fluttershy placed a hoof on his shoulder and smiled tenderly. "We're friends, Discord. Whatever's bothering you, I'd be happy to help."
Discord smiled. "It's...well..." He coughed. "I misplaced one of my testicles a while back, and I've been getting these funny twinges down there lately...I think someone might have found it."
Fluttershy blinked, her irises shrinking to pinpricks. Her gaze reflexively flickered to Discord's lower end, then back up. "I...I'm sorry," she said. "Did...did you say you lost your testicle?" That last word was squeaked out in a half-whisper, half-mouse-noise.
Discord shrugged. "It's not that big a deal," he said. "I have several."
"HOW DO YOU JUST...JUST LOSE A...A...A THAT?!" Fluttershy's eyes widened. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to—I—" She paused, cleared her throat, then calmly continued, "It...doesn't seem like that's the sort of thing you could just misplace..."
Discord waved his eagle claw dismissively. "Spirit of chaos, body works differently than yours, sometimes these things just happen."
Fluttershy blinked twice, then shook her head. "I-if you say so," she hedged. "W-well...aren't you worried about g-getting it, um...back?"
Discord shrugged. "Not especially," he said. "It's not really worth the trouble. It just...tickles something fierce, is all." He smiled gamely. "Shall I brew a fresh pot?"
* * * * *
"I'm more interested in how a powerful magical artifact ended up embedded in a sex toy," Sci-Twi said sourly.
"That's a really good question that I'd like to get an answer to myself," Sunset said. "But right now, we need to figure out how to turn it off."
Twilight smirked. "Well, we already know how it got turned on."
"Ha ha," Sunset said, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, Twilight. How the heck do we stop this thing?"
Twilight shook her head. "I'll have to run some tests," she said. "Until I've thoroughly probed it—"
Sci-Twi made a strangled, choking noise.
"—and measured its wavelength and emission frequencies—"
Twilight glared at both of them. "I WILL FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHUT IT OFF," she said loudly, flicking an ear in irritation. "Now...what exactly is the damage? I mean, how bad is it?"
The ground shook with the force of a nearby explosion, staggering them. Sunset reflexively covered her face with her arm; looking out the window, she saw the top of a three-story building erupt into a cloud of smoke and debris. "What now?!" she moaned.
Twilight's eyes widened. "You, uhh...you go find out what that was," she said. "I'll stay here with Sci-Twi and work on the dildo."
Shooting her a dirty look, Sunset ran for the door and unlocked it. Her friends and X were already waiting on the other side, X's right arm already morphing into his X-Buster. "Be ready for anything," he warned.
Sunset nodded. "We'll go check out that explosion," she said. "Fluttershy, stay here and fill Twilight in on exactly what's been going on. The rest of you, spread out. Let's go!"
* * * * *
Loud peals of laughter rang out over the city, and another explosion shook an apartment building, knocking a fire escape loose; it tore free of its bolts and crashed to the ground with a loud metallic screech.
Sunset shaded her eyes and squinted. "There!" she said, pointing at a fast-moving figure which zoomed through the skies.
"What the—" X narrowed his eyes, which clicked and whirred with internal machinery. "It's...some sort of creature? No...a man in a costume. Or a robot? I'm having difficulty scanning—LOOK OUT!" X tackled Sunset to the ground; Sunset hastily cast a shield bubble around them.
A small, spherical orange bomb hit the pavement nearby, flashed yellow twice, and exploded, melting the stone and leaving a glowing hot crater almost a meter wide.
"Ooooh, aren't you a bad little witch," a high voice sneered. With a high-pitched whine of powerful VTL engines, a bat-shaped steel glider descended to just above street level. Standing atop it was a muscular man in a skintight green costume, over which he wore a purple tunic, boots, gloves, and a long-tailed stocking cap. His face was concealed by a ghoulish mask with mad yellow eyes and long, pointed ears. He reached into a satchel that hung at his hip. "I've got a special treat for you..."
Something latched onto the pumpkin-shaped bomb he pulled out, yanked it out of his hand, and threw it high into the air, where it exploded harmlessly. Even as the mad bomber turned in shock, tight, sticky strands that resembled dense spider webs wound around him and his glider, slamming him to the ground. The glider sputtered and whined as its engines choked upon impact.
A dark figure dropped into their midst. Short and lithe, he was dressed from head to toe in a black bodysuit with red trim on the arms, upper torso, and head. He turned slightly, regarding X and Sunset through the large, opaque white eyes of his mask. "Sorry, just playing through," he said in a youthful voice.