//------------------------------// // ... is it worth it? // Story: Love Fears Loss // by SoloBrony //------------------------------// "Alright, kids! See you tomorrow!" The foals all waved and yelled their goodbyes as they made their way to the gate. I sighed happily and started packing everything up, starting with the water tank. Heh. I thought the mayor was being generous when he let us borrow the park for our practice; given the amount of tourism it's drawing, I almost feel like we should be charging them! As I tallied up the grades for the day, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction at the performance of the recruits. It's only been a few days, but we've drawn in some real talent in this city. I wonder how Dash and the others are doing in their cities. Maybe this should be a regular thing the 'bolts do! As I loaded the last of the supplies onto the cart, I froze at the sound of a squeaky, familiar voice. "Hey, Soarin." Oh dang, oh dang, I didn't really think through what I'd say if this happened. What do?! I stopped for a few seconds, and drew in a deep breath. I slowly let it out, and turned to face Laverna. "Heya, Ver." She was standing on the other side of the park's wrought-iron fence from me, and just stood there, quietly searching my face. I smiled at her, and curled all four of my legs under myself, lying down so that I was head-level with her. I always thought this posture sorta made a pony look like a goose, but whatever. At least now I look non-threatening, right? "... Are you trying to look non-threatening?" I smirked at how easily she saw right through me. "Uh... yeah?" "You sorta look like a duck when you sit like that." Laverna snickered, and I joined her. She shook her head at me, still grinning. "You're really somethin' else. Did you really set up all of this 'Wonderbolt Youth Outreach' stuff just to lure me out?" I shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much." Laverna tilted her head at me, her eyebrows knitting in confusion and disbelief. "Wha... seriously? "I know I'm supposed to say, 'not just for that', or something. And like, the program's pretty cool in general. But no, yeah, that was why we did it. Or how we came up with it, I guess – the other 'bolts thought it was a good idea in general." "... Whoa. I was just askin' to be silly." I spent a few seconds searching her face before I replied. "Nah, you kinda hoped that was the reason." It was Laverna's turn to smirk at being ferreted out. "Kinda, I guess. So, like... why, though? I don't get it." "Well, I couldn't just leave things like they were." "I did sorta disappear on you. Sorry about that, I was... I wasn't thinkin' straight." "Yeah, I understand. What happened back there was really messed-up." "No kidding! What was that guy thinking, jumping me like that?! I mean, I'm not proud of what I did, but..." Laverna looked frowned, looking off to the side. I could see a blush burning through her coat. "He kinda asked for it." "Yeah! Yeah, he really did!" "Still, Ver... he was just trying to help you. You know that, right?" "Yeah, right! He wanted to put me back in the system. Don't tell me you're with them on that! I held up a hoof in a placating gesture. Hoo, boy. This is going to be bad. "I'm not trying to put you anywhere, Ver. I just want to help." Laverna eyed me suspiciously, frowning. She sighed, glancing off to the side. "And why's that, huh? What's it get you? "Huh? Ver, I'm not trying to get anything. I just don't want to see you living on the street!" Laverna scowled at me, all but growling now. "Oh no, don't you feed me that! I'm not buying that goodness of my heart garbage again! If you can't tell me what you want, it just means it's more than I'd be willing to pay!" What the heck is she talking about?! "Are you honestly trying to say you've never had anypony willing to help you – just to do so? What about your brother, Chaser? Did he always expect something in return?" Laverna froze, whatever she was about to say dying on her lips. She glanced around in thought for a moment, before looking back to me. "Of course not. But that's different! Family, y'know – of course you help family. "What about your friends at the orphanage? I spoke to Dorian – he said you made a lot of friends while you were there!" "Well, yeah, with the other kids, but we all needed to hang together. That's just survival. Nobody ever helped me unless they were bein' paid to do it – and most of them still had an angle when it came to me." I just worked my jaw silently for a while. Is she serious? What kind of 'angle' could the Endicotts have had? "Well, fine. Think of me as another kid, then – whatever. I mean, it's not like I expected something from you for the flying lessons, or whatever!" "But... I thought you liked hangin' out with me. You did that as a favor?" "Err, dang, that's not what I meant. Just, like... my point is that I think of you as a friend. Of course I want to help you." Laverna squinted at me, like she could somehow ferret a secret out of me just by staring hard enough. After a few seconds, she pointed a hoof at me. "But this is why you stuck around, isn't it? The reason you started hanging out with me. You were worried about how I was living." I don't like where this is going... "... Yeah. That's true." "Why did you care? Why do you care at all? It doesn't make any different to you how I live." "Because nopony should have to live on the street! Everypony ought to have a home they can go to – and that includes you!" To my surprise, Laverna looked grossed-out by what I'd said, her lips curling back and her eyes taking on a wincing expression. "I don't want a home. Four walls aren't worth putting up with someone kicking you around every day. Kicking you around...? "... Is that how you see family? Something that kicks you around?" "Wha—? Family? No, not family – parents. Adults. "But, parents are supposed to be part of your family, Ver. They watch out for you, try to help you—" "Yeah, yeah, I got the speech before. It's all garbage, though; the reality is that you trade. You do whatever they say, they give you a roof. No thanks." I was about to retort, but I shut my mouth just before any sound could come out. This is really what she thinks parents are. She really thinks having a home means being, like... a servant. "... Is that how you were treated at the Endicotts' place? As a servant?" Laverna suddenly went rigid, her eyes wide. Then, her brows furrowed, mixing her expression between horror and anger. "How d'you know about the 'cotts? I never told you about that place!" That settles it. Laurence and Laverna are the same pony. "I was worried about you, so I did a little looking. You didn't answer my question, though." Laverna took a second thinking, and then draw in a sharp breath. "... Nah. At the other places, maybe. The 'cotts were... worse." I nodded quickly. No point in forcing her to talk more about it right now... "I get it. You've had a rough time with homes so far – but that doesn't mean you should give up, okay? You shouldn't have to—" Laverna cut me off with a wave of her hoof, and I realized there were tears streaming down her face. Her voice came out watery, to top it off. "What don't you get? I'm not interested! I'd rather die out here than let somepony kick me around again, you get me? This isn't a bucking negotiation. I don't need more 'parents', people who don't even know me trying to tell me how to live my life. Whatever you're selling – keep it!" Laverna turned to go, and I instinctively sprang to my feet, calling after her, though my voice was cracking. "Wait! Ver, I'm just trying to—" "You're just trying to tell me what to do, same as everypony else! I don't know what your damage is, but if the way I live bugs you so much, then forget about me!" She started trotting away, and I froze. I could feel the pain, the stress, and the frustration of the entire situation slipping away. She doesn't want my help. It's that simple. Who am I to force myself into somepony's life if they don't want me there? I looked down at my hooves, wondering if I'd done anything wrong. What more could I do? I don't know what the right thing to do is... But... I know what the wrong thing is. I snapped my head up. My vision was blurry, but I could still see her. I gently took off into the air, and swiftly closed the gap, landing in front of her. She gasped lightly as I landed in front of her, but I spoke before she could get a word in. "My damage is that I think everypony deserves someone in their corner, Ver. Everyone should have somewhere they can call home, someone who will help them – and, yeah, seeing the way you were living there, it broke my heart. I couldn't stand the thought that you didn't have that. I didn't know – nopony knew – what oughtta be done, but I definitely know that doing nothing is the wrong answer. Ver, are you really happy living like this?" I could hear her crying, just a few feet in front of me. Her heavy breathing was the only sound on the street, it seemed to me, for a few seconds. "Of course not! But there's no other option left for me, don't you get it? I don't have some happy family to go back to. I get it; you had some kind of great parents who were like friends to you. I don't have those, and sticking me in a house with a couple of bigger ponies isn't going to magically fix that. No one wants me, Soarin, and no matter what they tell you on those little pamplets at the orphanage, no one is going to be happy to have someone in their home they didn't ask for. Like, the Endicotts? They wanted Chaser! They had him all pegged as somepony that would do whatever they asked. They only brought me on 'cuz he told them he wouldn't go anywhere without me! I was baggage! That's what it's like. So, whatever you had... stop thinking you can share your 'happy ever after' with me!" The two of us just stood there, staring at each other for a while, sniffling. My mind was reeling from the implications of what she had said; my skin felt like ice, and I thought I was going to be sick. That playful, helpful, mature, mysterious colt that Dorian described... what did he have to go through to give up on the idea of a home? What did it take to make him the miserable filly I see here? "... Yeah. Fair enough." "H-huh...?" Laverna stared up at me, her mouth hanging open slightly. I sniffled slightly, and cleared my throat. "Fair enough. I won't try to push my 'happy ever after' on you. Instead... let me help you find yours." She stared at me, her eyes darting between both of mine for a while. A few quiet moments passed. Then she nodded.