“No! I don’t want any Filly Scout cookies!” said Twister, in response to ‘Business’, “I refuse to aid and abet such a corrupt and vile organization!”
“Okay…” I said, “Instead of business, let’s just say I need a favor.”
“Which? Rocky Road? Tutti Frutti? Neapolitan?”
I ignored his awful pun.
“Yes, a favor that you, and only you, can provide.”
Twister’s eyes bulged. “Meeeee?” he was breathless. “This is just like my fanfics…”
I’ll have to find and burn those later…
“Keen…” Rivet looked nervous “This doesn’t sound like a good idea…”
I ignored Rivet's terrible advice. “I, Keen Eye…”
“Yes?”
“Need you, Twister…”
“Yesssss?”
“to do…”
“YESSSSS?!”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“GAAAAAAAAAAASP!”
He didn’t gasp. He said the word ‘gasp’ aloud. Then he held his mouth open for a few seconds before snapping his lips shut.
“You see,” I said “I’m kind of incognito at the moment. Whether or not there’s any sabotage, the Wonderbolts probably wouldn’t appreciate a civvie snooping around, considering how secretive you guys are. And yet, counting you, there’s now at least seven ponies that know of my actual purposes here. You can see how that presents a problem.”
“…” Twister listened, unblinking.
“Let me put it this way: practically every team sport shares a position in their line up. It’s one that’s more important than any goalie, pitcher, center, or quarterback. Do you know what it is?”
More silence from Twister.
“Hmm… This sounds like a trick question…” Rivet said, “Is it the Coach? Or the referee?”
“Wrong. It’s the bench. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Who isn’t playing is more important than who is. The bench also allows you to store pitch hitters, and swap out tired or injured players. The path to victory isn’t on the field, it’s on the bench. Right now, Rivet and I are content with playing doubles. Save for a short play with Swift Justice, I’ve sent every other pony to the bench, to silently observe until otherwise needed. That includes you. I don’t want any surprise assists. All I want is your silence and indifference. Can you give that to me?”
“…”
“…”
“Um…” Rivet poked Twister’s unmoving form. “Are you alright?”
Twister collapsed.
Oh…
It looks like he took “absolutely nothing” to include blinking…or breathing…
He was turning purple, His jaw was clenched, He was sweating, The whites of his eyes were turning an angry red, his cheeks were puffy, his pupils were dilating, and he was shaking, his muscles giving tiny convulsions as he fought tooth and nail against his own survival instincts.
“Twister!” Rivet panicked. “Keen, what do we do?”
“Hmm…”. Normally a pony holding their breath would have given up, or passed out by now, but he clung to consciousness with an unusual tenacity.
I remembered reading medical reports of ponies either dying or suffering irreversible brain damage from long periods of asphyxiation. If this keeps up…
I clapped my hooves.
“Well, if we just wait 15 minutes or so, both of our problems will be solved for us!”
“Keen no!”
“But he’ll stop breaking into your lab!”
“KEEN NO!”
“Fiiiiine…” I said. I walked up to Twister’s prone and twitching form…
And slugged him in the gut.
“Gah!” He gasped and curled up.
“See Rivet?” I said. “Crisis averted!”
“…Couldn’t you have just asked him to breathe?” Rivet said “I mean he was holding his breath on your order…”
“Yes, I COULD have, but—‘
FWUMP
My excuse was cut off by Twister tackling me, sobbing.
“I…I couldn’t do it!” He choked out, blowing into me like a tissue.
Eww...
“There there…” I said, patting his back. “Sure you failed completely, let me down, and I’ll never forgive you for it, but it doesn’t matter in the long run.”
He sniffed up phlegm. “Really?”
“Really.” I said “After nothing you ever do will ever matter in the long run.”
“…WAHHHHHHH!” he cried harder. “Please! Please put me in coach! I don’t wanna be a disappointment!”
I grinned.
Sure, if he was innocent, he would be glad to help anyways, but a bit of reverse psychology can turn an assistant into a fanatic. That is... of course, if I’m not the one being played right now. I’ve only talked to him once, but I can tell. With Twister, you can never be sure.
“That depends, Twister.” I said. “How far will you be willing to go? If it came to it, would you betray the wonderbolts? Would you betray your squad?”
“What?!” he jumped from my hooves, all signs of distress disappearing from his face. “Of course not! I would never! I would never tell you about how Squall sucks his hoof like a baby when he sleeps!”
Oh…that’s useful
“I would never give you photographic evidence of him sucking his hoof as he sleeps!” He said, as he passed exactly that.
“I would never give you a manuscript about squall Sucking his hoof, ready to be printed in all the latest academic journals!” he said, giving me a copy of "The Opodial Complex in Modern Athletes: As Illustrated by Squall’s Interest in Older Mares and How He Sucks His Hoof In His Sleep Like A Baby."
Wow…not enough to ruin his life, but definitely enough to leave some emotional scars…
“Twister…” I said “If you’re trying to bribe me with blackmail, I’m sorry to say that you are very very successful. Welcome Aboard.”
“YES!” He scooped me into a bridal carry “Where will we have the wedding?!”
“BRIBE me, not BRIDE me!”
“Oh…Homewrecker!” He dropped me onto the hard floor, landing on the back of my head.
“Owww…”
I’m already doubting this decision…
‘Anyways…” I said “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want you investigating. Even if I told you to keep an eye out, you’d probably get overzealous, give me useless information, and get ponies suspicious.”
Twister shrugged “There's no such thing as suspicious.”
“Right…” I said “I do have something else though. Silver Lining—“
“It was Silver Lining! I knew it!” Twister said.
“No… Well, maybe.” I said, “Listen, me and Silver Lining had a little tete-a-tete earlier. He’s suspicious of me now. I need you to keep an eye on Silver, distract him if he gets close to the truth, and keep him away from me. Think you can do that?”
"Aye Aye Sir!" He said, and threw something to the ground--
PHWOOSH!
--and dissapeared in a cloud of smoke.
...
“…I ask again, are you sure this is a good idea?” Rivet said.
“What do you mean?” I said.
“Well, for one, he’s Twister,” Rivet said ‘Two, he showed knowledge that there was a saboteur, and showed off how he can get though security. He was also near the battledome when the cloud machine broke. He could be the culprit.” His eyes widened “He could be blowing your cover right now!”
Just as Rivet was about to bolt out the door, I stomped on his tail.
“Yipe!”
“You never were good at strategy.” I said “It’s not that I think he’s innocent. It just doesn’t matter whether he’s guilty or innocent.”
Rivet glowered at me as he rubbed the base of his tail. “Explain.”
“Just look at his behavior. He recognized me as an investigator. He could have revealed my purposes to higher ups. He even had proof with that newspaper clipping. Instead He sought us out ,gave information, and volunteered to help. Why would he do this? There are a few possibilities that make sense.”
First: He’s innocent, and sincerely wants to help.
Second: he’s an unwilling accomplice. He’d be freed if I solve the case, so he has motive to help.
Third: He is the culprit or willing accomplice, but my investigation is to his advantage. If his motive is thrills, then a pony investigating only gives him a greater high. He might be planning a frame job, and will try to get me to hoof the wrong culprit. A risky strategy, but I’ve seen it before.
“So, on every point in the scale of innocent to guilty, it’s better for Twister to assist us.”
“Oh…You’ve really thought this through.” Rivet said. His tone showed lingering doubt.
“You’re right, though” I said, “Twister is not to be trusted. Most of what he said was backhoofedd or a lie: his reasoning to suspect sabatoge, that taunt of a puzzle, claiming to be a fan of me…”
After all, any pony that knows me well enough knows I shouldn’t be admired… and if he actually admires me, that’s even scarier.
“Wait, taunt?” Rivet said “I thought you said he was just playing games.”
“Most taunts are playful, and its playful things that are the most dangerous.” I said “He saw me struggling to reason out a puzzle, so he threw another puzzle at us. The subtexts are obvious: ‘I know more than you do’, ‘don’t focus on the screwdrivers, that part’s easy’, ‘Stop thinking so rationally, here’s more nonsensical’ ‘Stop trying to armchair detective in a locked room.’ Stuff like that. It makes me hope he’s the culprit, more reason to break him.”
“…Are you sure you’re not projecting?” Rivet said.
“SPEAKING of Twister’s lies” I said, “There was one statement that I’m not sure about. Tell me Rivet, does the word ‘Shadowbolt’ ring any bells?”
Rivet tensed up.
Bingo
“That’s…er…classified?” He looked away.
“Thanks Rivet,” I pat his head “You just told me everything I needed to know.”
He deflated, his head drooping. “Crap…”
“You would have been better off lying to me,” I said “More fitting, considering the Wonderbolts are a den of liars. After all, if it was nonsense, then you could easily say it’s nothing, but if it’s classified, that basically confirms it to exist. I can work my way from there.”
Rivet sighed. “Here we go…”
“It’s obvious that the Wonderbolts are on alert for something. The ramp up in training and training equipment, Spitfire’s disheveled workspace, the strange silence from the crown…when I made a bad joke about being a spy, Silver actually took me seriously” I chuckled “Something is definitely up”
Rivet groaned “Why in Celestia’s name did you do that?”
“Now, you helpfully confirmed that a group called “Shadowbolts” exists or existed,” I pat Rivet on the back hard enough to force a cough “so let’s look at the etymology of their crappy name: ‘Shadowbolts’ Obviously it’s meant to parallel ‘Wonderbolts’. Same number of syllables, same number of characters, same compound word structure, same ending. That isn’t coincidental.”
“If they chose a parallel name, then they must, on some level, want to be a parallel organization, separate but existing in the same field.”
“But which field is it? The Wonderbolts are two faced, after all. If it’s their public face, then they would be a rival athletic flying group. But if that were the case, then they would want the spotlight. They would want to publicly compete, look for sponsors, and drum up a rivalry for the fans. This hasn’t happened.”
“So it must be their uglier face: military. But that brings up a couple questions. First, how did they know about the Wonderbolts military aspect? I was able to reason it out, but I had you as my handicap. For most other ponies it’s probably a better kept secret. Second, who is backing them? A military is only a military if it has a government, country, or cause to prop them up.”
“There’s two possibilities. First is that a spy for another country or group discovered the military nature of the Wonderbolts, and moved to make a counterpart. The name, then, presents a problem. If the name was something vague, like ‘The Wings of Liberation’, then, if discovered, they could shrug and say ‘Wow, what a coincidence, we both have unethically secret branches of our militaries! Isn’t government grand?’ With a name like ‘Shadowbolt’, it’s explicitly states: ‘We know about you, and we’re willing to fight’. Considering the current geopolitical climate, that’s a suicidal move.”
“So we move to the second: The Shadowbolts know that the Wonderbolts are military because they were founded by defected, defecting Wonderbolts. Losing the crown’s support, they became the only thing a military without a backing can be: aimless mercenaries.”
“So, my guess is that the Wonderbolts recently clashed with these Shadowbolts. Whatever the outcome was, it wasn’t open-and-shut. There’s reason to suggest they’re still active, and the Wonderbolts are becoming more alert in response.” I grin towards Rivet. “What do you think?”
“That’s…more than I know,” Rivet said, “And probably more than I’m supposed to know. Half of what I do know is from overhearing things…” He started shaking.
“It’s alright Rivet” I said. “If it comes up, I’ll just repeat myself: You didn’t tell me anything, that’s exactly why I know.”