//------------------------------// // You thought your Hearth's Warming was bad? // Story: Rebellious Alicorn Teenager Shenanigans // by Masterweaver //------------------------------// Okay, so here's the thing: I don't really like Hearth's Warming. I don't hate it, mind, but it's kind of meh to me overall. 'The unification of the three tribes and the founding of Equestria,' blah blah blah, the legend is pretty distorted from their original histories, but whatever--it's a day to unite people. Great, whatever. What's wrong with doing that the whole damn year, I ask you? I mean, sure it's kind of hard to ask people to care all the time about everything. Having a day marked as 'here is the day of fellowship you MUST participate in to be considered Not A Loner,' fine. It's just... it feels redundant. We're ponies. We do this all the time. Literally, if one of us isn't doing this, walk down the road two blocks and hey presto! Somebody is helping out. Great. Anyway, so I don't hate the holiday, or like it, it's just 'oh yeah, presents, songs, wooo.' Not that I'd ever admit that to my family, I mean--princess of love, princess of friendship, they're BIG on Hearth's Warming. Like sure, Mumzy could just order the servants to do the decorating for her, but noooooo, she has to hang up at least one garland in every hall in the palace. And Dad's always the one to go down and be all macho when he chops down the tree. So guess who gets hearth control? That's right. The snarky teenage alicorn. Oh, but it's a lot crazier than you think. We don't just put our family up on the hearth, no no no, that would be too easy. We have our family hearth in our private chambers... and then there is The Hearth, which is really just the Crystal Atmospheric Regulation Chamber, only Mom renamed it the Holistic Environmental Atmospheric Regulation Thaumic Hub, because now she can call it "The H.E.A.R.T.H." with a sense of gravitas. It's--okay, it's pretty impressive, the place is what channels the magic of the crystal heart to control the weather, but every year around Hearth's Warming we get a stream of citizens with their own Hearth's Warming dolls. And they file in, hand them to me, and I put them on the regulation rings and say my cheesy 'You're all part of my family' junk. And sure, everybody is all smiles on the surface and... ...it's just... They're connected to the Crystal Heart. And I... I can tell when the smiles are fake. I can look at their faces and see it. I know their names too, did you know that? I take one look and I instantly know: That's Elegant Facet, and she's pretty happy. That's Crystal Anthem, she's a little stressed. There goes Rhodium Glitter, angry at something... I didn't ask to have this power. At least it's only limited to the Crystal Empire, but.... look, it's kind of awkward trying to be super cheerful when you can tell one guy is having a Really Bad Day. And I mean, I sort of have a reputation as 'wild and carefree' that I like to maintain, because it lets me have a lot more freedom than actually having to be a princess all day every day, and thinking about stuff like that... So, anyway. There's this one Hearth's Warming. Well, more like the whole month before Hearth's Warming. And, you know, the citizens are coming up with their family dolls, and some are pretty well crafted but a lot are those mass-produced 'I want to be part of the national tradition but I don't want to act like you're actually FAMILY because that would be weird so have something that looks fancy but falls apart after the holiday' types. And I mean, I totally get it. Double dolls for everyone? When you can have, I don't know, your siblings and your parents and your aunts and uncles all under one roof? Who has the time for that? And they do look pretty--I space them out with the high-crafted ones so it isn't obvious they're not up to snuff, and nobody gets offended. But anyway, so up comes this family, and DAMN. Right off the bat I can feel this is the Impoverished Pony Standard. Their clothes are a few years out of style--probably good when they were bought, but raggedy now, and they're kind of, you know, pretty nervous about the whole thing. But the kids are eager to meet General Flufflebun in the flesh, and they've got--I shit you not-- cardboard cutouts with fabric glued on. And smiley faces made out of twine, and--they were poor, alright?! Bad times, what have you, there's really no easy way to dodge it. And as pure luck would have it, right behind them was one of Those Fillies. You know the ones. "I'm rich, therefore I'm important, also I know everything about fashion and probably at least a few dozen other subjects that I only heard my parents mention in snatches, behold my judgemental wisdom you uneducated plebeians, only I don't know that word so I'll call you pebbles!" I mean, they bring down the whole upper class just by existing. I mean, at least her parents were decent--who am I kidding, her parents were great people. See, little rich snot goes up to the poor kids and says 'how dare you insult princess Flurry Heart with those poorly-made mockeries of dolls?!' I swear I am not making this up, she actually said that. And her parents immediately, and publically, berate her, right in front of everyone, but it's clear she's not going to get the message. So, in swoops the noble princess, and she gives this epic speech about how it's not the quality of the doll, it's the effort, because this is a symbol of our selves and our unity and did you sew this doll yourself? You had your maid do it? How quaint, so I'll put your doll here in an ordinary corner but these incredible works of art are going HERE in this framed part of the regulation rings, howzabout that, okay, we're done here. I mean I made it a lot more flowery but come on. Side note, rich parents gave poor parents a hunk of money and a few tips on the job market. It's a Hearth's Warming Miracle yaaaaaaay oh whatever. See, what I didn't know was that framed part of the regulation rings? That was right above one of the vent shards that excess magic is released from. And, apparently in the middle of the night, some of the cardboard dolls fall in. Which means the magic builds up. Which means the thaumic flow is disrupted a bit. Let me remind you, this chamber is responsible for regulating the weather of the Crystal Empire. Now it started pretty simply, right? Temperature started to rise, just a bit out of normal, and the people running the place are like 'okay, huh, must be wind from the south.' Tweak it a bit, goes down, everything is hunky dory, no need to tell the royal family noooooo, it's not like this crucial mechanism right beneath their home should be anything they need to worry about! And hey, just because Auntie Twi is in the family doesn't mean the rest of us have any magical genius know how or anything, we're all just too busy for that sort of nonsense, right? I just... how many times. How many times has a problem come up, because the people aware of the problem decided not to talk about it? Even a minor incident report. That would have worked out. Sure it would have been buried in the paperwork, but when things went down the tubes we'd have known where to look! I-it's just--I need a moment. I mean I get worked up just, just thinking about this. Gaaaaaaa. Okay, where was I... Weather, right. So they try to cool it down a notch. And the next day, there's a bit of rain--not snow, rain. Which was weird, right? So they decide hey, maybe we should work on--you know what, it's a lot of magibabble, the point is every day a problem crops up and they try some minor adjustments that lead to a slightly larger problem. Higher temperatures, rain, reports of drying grass, cloudy skies, hail, icy roads, flooding, snow-- It was after the wind knocked over the big Hearth's Warming tree in the square that they finally fessed up. Can you believe it? Actual problems for our citizens are not worth getting a fuss over, but knocking over a big tree, that's what convinces you to talk to us? So of course, guess when this is. That's right, Hearth's Warming Eve. So we go down to the H.E.A.R.T.H. to see what's up, but the easiest way to test things is to shut the system down and check it. At least, that's what Sunburst said and he knows his stuff, so yeah. Of course, that will let in the winds from the frozen north. You know what Mumzy says to that? "It'll be like the first Hearth's Warming! Where everypony was snowed in and then rescued by the fire of friendship!" I mean sure, she was trying to spin it positively to the public and keep them from panicking but, geeze, why don't we go out and hunt some Windigos while we're at it, huh? I'm pretty sure that tradition died out for a reason! But you know, whatever, everybody loves Mumzy. And it keeps everybody in good spirits. Of course we all hand out our Royal Christmas Gifts of blankets and whatnot, make sure everypony is in their house, and shut down the system for assessment. Bam. Instant snowstorm. Dad at least had the sense to put a shield spell around the base of the palace so we could access the Crystal Heart, but geeze. Everypony was complaining about the cold, working overtime to test the thaumic flow--they found the cardboard in the system eventually, but by that point the magic had practically melted it onto the crystal so we had to pull the thing out and, well, guess what. It was entirely unusable. We needed a replacement crystal. And, surprise surprise, there weren't any in the palace storage rooms. Nopony knew why. I still think it was gremlins. Gremlins are real! Don't--I've seen them! Don't give me that look! Whatever, the point is, we needed a replacement crystal. And to get it, we'd need to head out into the raging snowstorm and grab it from the crystal storage warehouse a good thirty minutes away--without factoring in the weather, that is. With it, it'd be a lot longer. Teleportation was out because the building was protected against magical thievery, and spot to spot teleportation... you don't do that in haphazard weather. Unless you want to be fragged. No, somebody had to go out and walk. So began a planning session. And it dragged on. And on. And on. I mean, the longer we waited the worse things would get, right? So eventually I figured screw it, I'll go get the damn thing myself. I mean this wasn't the first time I'd been in cold weather, right? I knew Mumzy and Dad would seriously object if I just offered because they're Mumzy and Dad, so I just walked out without saying anything, went up to the balcony, and jumped into the wind like the badass I am. Yeah, not my best idea, fine. I'll admit it. And I admitted it right after being blown off course and smacking into a dozen chimnies. My wings, definitely out of commission, but meh. They could heal. And the pain kept me focused. So here I was, walking down the snow to the warehouse, and the snow was getting in my eyes and my mane and my mangled feathers and, you know what? I was just blind and wet and in pain. Not cold though. That was strange. I didn't know why that was, but I figured it was maybe just an alicorn thing? And I needed the crystal more than I needed the alicorn thing. So I get to the warehouse, punch through the door, and shake off all the water on my body. Go through the shelves, find the crystal we needed, put it in my pack, walk out the door-- And I look at the palace, just barely visible through the winds and I'm like, "You know what, I'm teleporting back." So I do. Except there's a shield around the base of the palace, so I can't get in. I could get up to the balcony, but my wings are out of whack, and I did just teleport a fair distance. Great. So I press against the shield, considering my options. And at this point I'm kind of annoyed and tired, so I just aim my horn and start zapping at the shield. And... well... It basically freezes over. Like, it becomes this sort of pink ice. I'll admit I stared for a bit. Cause, really? How does that make any sense? But I shook myself out of it, used my alicorn earth pony strength to punch through, and went into the palace. Straight up to the H.E.A.R.T.H. and slotted the crystal in. Then I went to the planning room, announced the deed was done, no need to thank me, I was going to bed. And then Mumzy pointed out I had finally, FINALLY, gotten my cutie mark. Yeah, so... I don't like Hearth's Warming, but I don't hate it either.