On a cold, frigid, summer night, a horny as hell Deadpool tried to earn enough money to buy birthday presents for the love of his life, Princess Luna, by selling chimichangas on a street corner.
"Changas!" Deadpool cheered "Get your chimichangas! Fresh, red or green sauced changas!" But nopony bought any chimichangas. If only they knew they were delicious meals on the go and didn't need a three hoof rating to intreague the masses. But then again, this is Equeatria, a place where intelligence seems to either be Einstein meets Archimedes, or Michael Bay & Uwe Boll's love child. "Ch-changas... red or green sauced... changas..."
Oh, this is bad!
Indeed. We haven't even sold one yet.
Deadpool shivered.
"It's so cold... freezing!" He chattered "But we need something for Luna or else no sexy times! What are we gonna do!?"
"Hurry up!" A mare shouted. "Zest'y party is about to start!"
"What's the rush?" A stallion replied, following said mare "They're probably just serving the same bad food as last year."
"...Lightbulb!" Deadpool proclaimed.
In the canterlot ballroom, the place is decorated to the highest of standards. Mares & stallions all wore fancy dresses & suits, leizuring around, talking about the... stocks, I think? I don't know, I'm not a fancy guy! Anyways, Deadpool easily drugged the security & threw them all in a pile that was ingeniously disguised as a pyramid. He took the microphone away from the official announcer (who was tied up & gagged in the back) and stood behind the curtains.
"We've got some great food for you this year, folks." Deadpool spoke. Some cheering was heard, along with the spitting of the already served food. "Chimichangas!"
"CHIMICHANGAS!?!?!?" Everyone inside asked in shock. The curtain opened, and Deadpool stood in the middle, twirling two of the deep fried burritos in his hands.
"That's right! Yum-Yummy Chimichangas!!!" A mare fainting was heard in the crowd.
"...How... uncultured." Zesty Gourmand, the unicorn the brony fandom now seemed to hate more, spoke in the crowd. Deadpool snapped and charged at the crowd.
"CHIMICHANGAS!!!" He shouted in anger. All the ponies screamed and ran away from him as he threw the chimichangas at them. "HERE!!! EAT!!! EAT A CHANGA!!!" He had Zest in a corner, holding a changa at her face. She was frightened, but he had a creepy, nearly-there evil smile across his face. "Mmmm? It's quite delicious." He snickered evily.
"Who's this brute!?" Deadpool was ready to 'smite' the critic with a changa, but was tackled by Shining Armor.
"Ok!!!" The stallion yelled, holding Deadpool down. "Let's see your invitation!" Deadpool threw him off.
"I'M THE CATERER!!!" Deadpool yelled "And Chimichangas are on the menu! PLEASE!!! You've all got to take a chimichanga!!! Just try! A little bite... please!? I swear they're delicious! CHIMICHANGAS!!!" He fell to the floor, huddled up. "...♫Hello Darkness, my old friend... ♫"
"So uncultured." Zesty interupted, walking away with a 'humph!'. Deadpool watched her go away.
...You want her address?
"Do it."
Shall we get the suit?
"Oh yeah."
Zesty suddenly woke up from... something. Last thing she remembered, she was walking to her house, followed by her falling unconscious as something hit her in the back of her head. She was tied up at the moment, and blindfolded.
"Oh great, some brute has taken me hostage." She groaned to herself. "Look, if you want money, I can give you whatever you want. This isn't my first time being taken away, and this won't be my last."
"...That's very unexpecting. I thought you'd be like 'Oh no! I'm kidnapped! Help me! Someone! Help!'"
"You really think I'm like that? I am a critic, not a damsel in distress."
"A very s****y critic, might I add."
"...Who is this?" Her blindfold was taken off.
"Ta-Da!!!" Deadpool spoke "It's my X-Force costume! I use it for assassinations to save the world, and, in this case, interrogations and pure torture!!!"
"...Like you can do anything to torture me, welp." Zesty replied. Deadpool's face closed in to her, their eyes nearly touching each other.
"Oh, I have my ways, Ms. Critic! I have my ways... Chimichanga?"
"Bah!"
"...CHIMICHANGA!!!" He pulled out some hair clippers, a tattoo needle, and a piercer. "And to the people at home... just imagine this b***h as Lazlow! Let's make you purty!!!"
The father-daughter duo, Coriander Cumin, and Saffron Masala, worked at their restaurant, but stopped as they heard something banging outside. The two stepped outside to see some construction workers setting up a sign outside. It was a three hoof sign.
"...What!?" The the two asked in shock. Deadpool appeared next to the two.
"You can thank me for that." He spoke, then pulled out some photos. "And some of these!" The photos was Zest, now with multiple piercings, various man parts, and, overall, she no longer had a mane... nor any coat. She was completely naked. Deadpool teleported inside, now with a turban (though it was really a towel) and a fake beard on. He spoke with a really bad Indian accent while shaking his head like a bobble head. "I will respect your culture by speaking in an Indian accent and shaking my head like a bobble head."
MrAquino just said that. And That's racist!
DING!!!
"Heh, will, just like Bollywood, I guess it's time for a musical! We just don't have frightening CGI characters, but we can get the music! Hit it!"
Another song played The two, and the other customers, joined.
♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫
♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫
♫Chilli Chilli Chilli Chilli♫
♫Chilli chilli chilli chilli♫
♫Likcki licki licki licki♫
♫Likcki licki licki licki♫
♫Chick chick chick chickey♫
♫Chick chick chick chickey♫
♫I'm so hungry, in Bombay
I need some good food from Bollywood
my racha food is very good
but the Indian cook miss understood♫
♫It burns burns burns!!!
Indian curry is so ho.o.ot
It burns burns burns!!!
burns like fire oh my go.o.od
It burns burns burns!!!
I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op
It burns burns burns!!!
in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫
♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫
♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫
♫Chilli Chilli Chilli Chilli♫
♫Chilli chilli chilli chilli♫
♫Likcki licki licki licki♫
♫Likcki licki licki licki♫
♫Chick chick chick chickey♫
♫Chick chick chick chickey♫
♫On the next day of my holiday
it was so gory on my lavatory
Ca Guta food is not so good, its not made for the tourist group♫
♫It burns burns burns!!!
Indian curry is so ho.o.ot
It burns burns burns!!!
burns like fire oh my go.o.od
It burns burns burns!!!
I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op
It burns burns burns!!!
in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫
♫It burns burns burns!!!
(it burns burns burns)
In my mouth and tomorrow in my butt
It burns burns burns!!!
Indian curry is so ho.o.ot
It burns burns burns!!!
burns like fire oh my go.o.od
It burns burns burns!!!
I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op
It burns burns burns!!!
in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫
A growl in Deadpool's stomach was heard.
"...The bathroom's over there." Coriander spoke, pointing ahead. Deadpool, without speaking, ran to the bathroom. The rest is history.