Main Characters: Celestia/Amy, Luna/Selene, TWP, Twilight
Cameos: Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Cloudchaser
Original Write Date: May 29, 2012
Luna stands at the door to her sister’s bed chambers. The younger alicorn is wearing her Selene disguise and carries a telescope and saddlebags filled with snacks on her back. The older alicorn smiles down at her sister.
‘Are you sure you do not want to join us?’ Luna asks. ‘James and Twilight promise that it will be a spectacular show tonight.’
Celestia shakes her head. ‘No thank you. You should have fun on your own. Besides, I do not think Miss Cloudchaser has forgiven me yet.’
‘Very well,’ Luna sighs. ‘Take care, sister.’
The sisters lean forward and exchange a friendly nuzzle. Luna steps out of the room and trots off to her astronomy club meeting. Celestia sighs and closes the door behind her. She takes a deep breath and leans against the door. She tries holding them back, but tears start falling from her eyes. The princess drops to the ground as she sobs. She curls into as small a ball as she can and cries herself to sleep.
Twilight and Spike shelve books after a visit from Cheerilee’s class. The pair are making quick work of the mess. Twilight seems upset about something as she levitates dozens of books at once.
‘The nerve of them, implying something like that,’ the princess grumbles.
‘Give it a rest, Twilight,’ Spike sighs. ‘It is just a silly rumor. You know it is not true. The sun still came up.’
‘Yes, but...’
Twilight is cut off by a knock on the door. The librarians turn to see Selene standing in the doorway. The princess groans and goes back to shelving.
‘Gaming night is not until tomorrow.’
The pegasus steps into the library and seals the door behind her. She removes her disguise and continues forward as Princess Luna.
‘Twilight Sparkle, I need your help,’ Luna says. Twilight groans. ‘It is about my sister.’
All the books Twilight was lifting drop to ground. The younger princess spins around to face the older princess. Luna stares with tears in her eyes.
‘Please. There is nopony else I can turn to.’
Before the next astronomy club meeting, Twilight gathers James, Cloudchaser, Rei and Inkie to her. She is relating what Luna had told her friends. Cloudchaser looks less than civil.
‘...So please be nice to her tonight. We don’t want her feeling any worse than she already does,’ Twilight says.
‘Hmpf!’ Cloudchaser snorts. ‘I say what’s fair is fair.’
‘Cloudchaser!’ Twilight gasps.
‘What! It is not like she forced you to break up with your coltfriend.’
Twilight begins to argue, but James stops her.
‘She has a good reason to be bitter. Hopefully, that will ease tonight.’
Cloudchaser snorts and turns away. There is a call from the edge of the park. The group turns to see a dark blue pegasus and a tall white unicorn trotting up. The unicorn is staring at the ground as she trots along.
‘Greetings, everypony!’ Selene cheers with a smile. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I brought my sister Amy with me for the night. She has been feeling down, and I hope that being out will help cheer her up.’
‘It is always a pleasure to have more guests.’ Twilight smiles. ‘We are willing to do anything to help her mood.’
‘One way or another,’ Cloudchaser growls.
Twilight growls at the rude pegasus.
‘It is okay, Twilight Sparkle,’ Amy sighs. ‘She has good reason to be upset with me.’ She looks up at Cloudchaser. ‘Nothing I can say or do can be enough to apologize for how wrong I was to interfere with your relationship with my sister. I hope that you will forgive me one day.’
Cloudchaser is shocked by Amy's humility. ‘Well, good! Just don’t interfere again.’
James catches something out of the corner of his eye. ‘Looks like my student has arrived.’ He waves to the approaching Apple Bloom. ‘Inkie, you and Apple Bloom start setting up the telescopes. Amy, do you mind helping Rei with the sn... Amy, you help Apple Bloom with the snacks. Rei, you’re with Inkie.’
Amy nods and joins the other ponies as they head to James’ cart. Rei grumbles that she will not be left alone with the food. The other adults watch the leaving ponies for a moment.
‘CC, please be nicer to my sister,’ Selene snorts. ‘She is feeling worse today than when I found her after the last meeting.’
‘Sorry, but her actions still really hurt.’
‘Do you know why Celestia is so upset?’ Twilight asks.
Selene shakes her head. ‘Sadly, no. She has not wished to speak of it yet, nor have I forced the subject. She keeps her true feelings hidden from even her closest confidants.’
‘We just have to make her feel at home, put her at ease, show her she has friends who care for her,’ Twilight muses. ‘What else can we really do?’
James looks over at Amy. She is levitating baskets of food while trying to keep up with Apple Bloom’s endless questions. The stallion calmly goes to help Rei and Inkie with the telescopes while the mares keep talking.
James and Amy trot through Ponyville in the pre-dawn hours. James pulls his wagon behind him. Twilight and Apple Bloom are curled up in the back with the telescopes and empty food baskets. They stop at the train station. Amy stares to the east where the sun will be rising in the few hours.
‘Amazing the things gravity can do. No magic required,’ James comments.
‘Silence,’ Amy snorts.
‘Luna shouldn’t be too long. She and Cloudchaser haven’t gotten intimate yet.’
The unicorn groans. ‘What my sister does behind closed doors is her business.’
Celestia removes her necklace perception filter and stretches her wings. James watches the princess as she gets a moment to see one of the cities under her rule without the throngs ponies surrounding her.
‘So, I’ll be getting these two to a bed now...’
‘Mr Wanderer, come sit with me.’
James hitches his cart in front of the station and follows the princess as she makes her way to the platform. With the station still deserted, the two ponies sit in the waiting area. Celestia stares east, down the tracks.
‘Why didn’t you tell Luna you are jealous?’ James asks.
Celestia scowls. ‘I am not jealous. I have no idea what you are talking about.’
‘You growled when you saw Rei randomly tackle Inkie in a hug during setup. You stared at the ground and made some impressive divots with your nervous kicking when Twilight would “inadvertently” bump into me. Last, you excused yourself for a moment to kick down a tree,’ -- he turns to the princess -- ‘don’t deny it,’ -- Celestia snorts -- ‘when Cloudchaser gave Luna a little kiss towards the end of the night.’
Celestia growls and stares at a spot on the platform. James reaches up and tries putting a hoof on her shoulder. The alicorn snaps her gaze to the stallion. He returns the stare.
‘How long have you been feeling that way?’
‘A princess does not feel jealous of the relationships of her subjects... or her most loyal student... or her sister...’
‘Centuries of being lovesick then you have to officiate the wedding of your niece, a number of The Elements of Harmony, including a princess, find a stallion they like, Luna starts fancying other ponies. I am really sorry. Please let me help in any way possible.’
‘I am not lovesick. I just do not have any close friendships outside of Luna and Twilight Sparkle. Now the two of them are growing apart from me. All of my previous prized pupils are dead and gone. The hope of regaining my sister was what kept me from feeling lonely those thousand years. It feels too soon to lose her again and at the same time as my current prized pupil leaves me as well.’ Celestia kicks at the ground, cracking the boards beneath her a little. ‘It is so lonely being at the top. Despite the rumors, it is not great to be the princess.’
‘Twilight can live out several full lives before I live out my first regeneration. Do you know what keeps me going?’
‘What?’
James looks around nervously. ‘It is a secret. Come closer.’
‘You’re not going to try kissing me again, are you?’
‘Promise.’
Celestia sighs and leans down. James reaches up and boops the princess on the nose. She stares at the earth pony who is currently violating several levels of royal protocol and would likely be in irons if the princesses felt the need to bring guards with them. Celestia takes a deep breath and turns her attention back to the train platform. She dons her necklace to retake her disguise as Amy.
‘Of all of the things I might have expected from you, that is possibly the last.’
‘Was it good for you, too?’
‘Just be quiet until Luna arrives.’
James laughs and sits with the princess. After a few seconds, she lifts a foreleg and punches the stallion in the shoulder, knocking him to the platform. She laughs to herself as he picks himself up.
‘A date. Really?’ Twilight cannot believe what she is hearing.
‘Oh, my,’ Fluttershy gasps.
‘Can Celestia even go on a date?’ Applejack asks.
‘Please. Everypony needs some fun now and again,’ Rarity counters.
‘She means a real date, not one of your booty hunts,’ Rainbow Dash groans.
‘Well, everypony needs one of those now and again, too. How else would you explain that Cadence is Celestia’s niece?’
Everypony in the room looks at Luna. The princess blushes and flares her wings out.
‘We were not involved in that in any way!’
Rarity sighs and turns away. ‘Yeah. She’s a virgin.’
‘WOULD THOU LIKE TO REPEAT THYSELF?’ the princess bellows, reaching new levels of Royal Canterlot Voice.
The ponies pick themselves up from under the bookshelf Luna shouted them into.
‘Well, if James is right...’ Twilight begins.
‘When am I not?’ James asks.
‘Then who should we get to take her out?’ the princess finishes with a snort.
Pinkie raises a hoof. ‘OOO! OOO!’
‘No,’ everypony says at once.
‘Aw! You didn’t let me say it.’
The others glare at Pinkie then go back to thinking.
‘If it is just for one date, why not a flake like Thunderlane?’ Dash suggests. ‘Then maybe she and Cloudchaser will get along, having shared dating that guy.’
Luna groans. ‘I would prefer my sister and Cloudchaser bond over something other than that.’
‘I know a number of suitable stallions that would be perfect for the task.’ Rarity levitates a little black book. ‘Does your sister have a length preference?’
Luna stares at the fashionista, not knowing exactly how to respond. The unicorn laughs nervously and puts her book away. Rainbow Dash takes an extra long glance at where her friend hides her book.
‘Ya know, Big Macintosh is a pretty decent guy,’ Applejack suggests. ‘Ah can ask ‘im if he is up fer the task.’
‘He is suitable, considering the alternatives,’ Luna sighs.
‘Just one date with Droll,’ James says. ‘That would be enough to put Celestia off dating for the rest of her life and give Droll a free trip to the moon. It is win-win-win.’
The other ponies groan and facehoof.
Big Macintosh waits on the train platform at Ponyville station. His mane is slicked back, and he is wearing a sharp tie in order to make a good first impression. His impassive expression hides the fact that he notices all the mares looking at him and whispering about him.
The train arrives at the station. Big Macintosh stands tall to help stand out. Then he sees her. A tall, slender white unicorn steps off the train. She smiles and trots straight up to the large earth pony. The stallion is shocked to encounter another pony that can look him in the eyes without him leaning down.
‘Big Macintosh, I presume?’ Amy greets.
‘Eeyup.’
The unicorn wickedly grins. ‘Do you live up to that name?’
If his coat was not red already, the farmer’s blush would have made it so. He looks around nervously and whispers, ‘Eeyup.’
Amy blushes and giggles. ‘Maybe for the second date,’ she whispers in reply. She trots past, swinging her tail side-to-side. ‘Or first, depending on how well you behave.’
Big Macintosh tenses up. Amy looks around the station. She turns back to her date.
‘Where are we heading first?’
James yawns as he trots into the library. He looks around at all of the mares staring at him.
‘This better be important. I just got up,’ the stallion mumbles.
‘It is past noon,’ Twilight grumbles.
‘Whoa, whoa. Hear him out,’ Rainbow Dash defends.
James holds up a hoof. Rainbow Dash flies over and high hoofs the stallion before rejoining the group. James sits with the rest of his friends. He looks around at the others.
‘So...’
‘I believe Applejack has something from her brother to report,’ Rarity says.
Applejack jumps a little. ‘Ah think we should wait fer Luna first.’
The ponies silently wait for their last guest to arrive. Pinkie starts humming a song, which makes Twilight to glare at the pink mare. James closes his eyes for a moment then collapses on top of Rarity when he falls inevitably asleep. The unicorn forces herself free. A midnight blue flash of magical energy signals Luna’s arrival via teleportation. The princess looks around the room and lifts the sleeping stallion aside.
‘I can assume that Applejack told you the bad news already, thus explaining my late arrival,’ Luna huffs.
Everypony looks at Applejack. The farmer purses her lips and looks away.
Luna snorts. ‘I guess not. It turns out that the date did not go as well as we hoped. My sister was dumped after one date.’
‘In all fairness, ya have t’ hear both sides o' the story,’ Applejack replies. ‘Big Macintosh said she was very aggressive. Made ‘im uncomfertable.’
‘He never had a problem with aggressive mares before,’ Rarity says, dodging the stares she gets.
‘Sadly, your behavior is nothing compared to my sister when she tries to be social,’ Luna sighs. The gazes return to her. ‘When my sister tries engaging in personal social events, rather than public events, she behaves quite... provocatively. Cloudchaser and Flitter found that out the first time they met her.’
‘She locked me in her bedroom, too,’ James mumbles in his sleep.
‘The point is that she has abominable behavior when it comes to meeting new ponies.’ Luna looks away. ‘The palace is filled with rumors...’
Twilight scowls. ‘I know... Are there still ones about me?’
‘My favorite is the one about you and her and...’ James starts mumbling, but he trails off to sleep.
Twilight’s friends giggle. Twilight growls at them and kicks the sleeping James.
Luna moans. ‘The problem still remains. Celestia is still feeling depressed and lonely.’
‘I can come back and spend some time with her,’ Twilight offers.
‘That might raise her spirits some.’
‘Giving up on the date so soon?’ James asks.
‘I still agree that is a good idea,’ Rarity says, getting out her little black book. ‘Does she enjoy unicorns that employ their horns in alternative methods?’
All the awake ponies stare at the fashionista. The four winged ponies’ wings are sticking straight up. Rarity puts her book away and grins. Rainbow Dash reaches for the book, but a magical hoof kicks her.
‘Well, what other good stallions are there?’ Luna asks.
‘OOO! OOO!’
‘No, Pinkie!’ everypony shouts.
‘Hey, what about Soarin’?’ Rainbow Dash suggests.
‘Are ya sure he’s the princess’ type?’
Rainbow Dash rubs the back of her head. ‘Well, he’s game for anything, and he always uses protection.’
Everypony looks at Rainbow Dash this time. Even James looks up before quickly going back to sleep.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes dart. ‘I mean, uh...’
The embarrassed pegasus darts out an open window. Her friends sigh and go back to thinking.
‘Isn’t there any stallion that isn’t a creep or will be put off by my sister?’ Luna groans.
Pinkie raises a hoof.
Fluttershy sighs and nods. ‘I think we should go with the nuclear option, too.’
‘He is the only pony that she won’t hit on and won’t hit on her in return,’ Luna adds.
‘He is pretty trustworthy, too,’ Rarity agrees.
Twilight sighs. ‘Fine. I guess he is the best stallion for the job.’
James yawns and stretches. ‘So, what I miss?’
The mares look at each other and nod.
Applejack gets her rope out. ‘We mean t’ have a talk with ya, and ya ain’t runnin’ t’ yer box this time.’
Celestia seals herself in her room. She has finished her daily business and wants to spend the rest of the day alone. Her private phone line rings, surprising her. The princess levitates the phone to her ear.
‘Yes? ... Oh. It is you.’ There is a pause, and Celestia starts crying. ‘Yes. That would be lovely. Thank you. I’ll see you when you get to town. ... No, I am not watching you already!’
Celestia snorts, hangs ups the phone and smiles.
Amy waits on a train platform. She puffs her cheeks as she waits for a train to arrive. The train pulls into the station, and the passengers start unloading. Amy scans the arriving ponies as they pass.
‘Who ya looking for?’
Amy jumps to the side when she notices James beside her. The earth pony smiles up at the taller unicorn.
‘About time you arrive,’ Amy snorts. ‘Do you know how long I have been waiting?’
‘Train just arrived. I’m on time. You are two hours early. Excited to see me?’
‘Shut up.’ Amy blushes and growls. ‘Come along. We have an opera to attend.’
‘Bye!’ James waves from the train.
Amy’s magic pulls the stallion to her. She glares into his eyes then drops him to the ground.
‘Do not worry. I brought these.’
The unicorn levitates a bag of rubber bands from her saddlebags. She adopts a playful smirk.
James smiles. ‘I love you.’
James and Amy trot down the street, giggling like crazy. Thanks to the location of the seats and the rubber bands, the pair have been kicked out of the show. They are still feeling the high from their victory.
‘That was very fine shooting, Mr Wanderer.’
‘Simple physics. Besides, you kept getting them on stage.’
‘Yes, but you ringed that violin bow.’
‘Oh! If only Octy were there.’
Both ponies laugh loudly at the thought of her overreaction. The ponies on the street shake their heads at the disruptive couple.
Amy sighs. ‘I fear I may have to intercede tomorrow to save that poor impresario’s job. His yelling was very enjoyable.’
‘Yeah, that was great. Hey! Double-Doubles on me. We have to celebrate in style.’
Amy frowns. ‘Fast food? Really? You are sounding like my dear sister.’
‘Oh. So she has taken you.’
‘Hardly. I had to scold her on several occasions for going out for such common foods.’
‘Your loss.’
‘I do not see how that is so. Canterlot has some of the finest dining in Equestria.’
‘And now it gained the best since Luna had them expand up here.’
Amy moans and shakes her head.
‘If you don’t like it, I’ll violate causality and warn myself to never date Luna.’
Amy instantly teleports the pair to the local In-N-Out Garden Burger.
…
James calmly sips his drink as he looks across the table. Amy’s face is covered in ketchup and garden burger crumbs. She finishes her burger and gets up.
‘Again!’ the unicorn demands.
‘Not so fast.’
‘Right. I must take time to digest or else I will get sick. Very wise.’
‘Nope. This.’
James holds up a pair of tickets. Amy’s keen vision allows her to read them from across the table. Her eyes go wide in surprise, and she licks her lips.
‘Are those tickets to the Festival of Cakes?’
‘Maybe.’
‘My sister and my dietitian have forbidden me from going near the complex where the event is held. They fear I will destroy my figure.’
‘That may be true of Celestia, but Amy is free to do as she pleases.’
‘Your logic is infallible, Mr Wanderer. Let us make haste to our next destination.’
James laughs and joins his cohort in her mad dash to the door.
The Festival of Cakes is not about just cakes. It is more of a trade show where bakers from around Equestria come to showcase their products to potential clients. Event planners and important ponies from every major city, from the Oranges and Lunamoons of Manehattan to the Heartstrings of Canterlot, use the show to choose the right caterers for their parties. Regular ponies come as well to sample goods that they may not normally get to try otherwise. After the Equestria Dessert Competition, this is the dream event for all ponies with a sweet tooth. Celestia’s advisors have banned her from attending after she was found passed out from a sugar crash several years ago.
James and Amy step into a large convention hall. Amy licks her lips and drools a little. Before the ponies are row upon row of pastry vendors. She gets the nod and rushes off to enjoy herself. James laughs and starts browsing for himself, making note of everypony offering fudge as part of their display.
Stormy could totally blow them away, the stallion thinks.
The earth pony and unicorn trot through the park after seeing the expo. James has a small bag of treats for Rei. Amy also has a small bag of treats, but she is eating a large slice of cake as well. The couple is one of many enjoying an evening stroll. Amy stops and sits on a bench near a large statue of Celestia. James joins the unicorn as she finishes her treat.
‘Though you may never hear this from me again, I had a wonderful time, Mr Wanderer,’ Amy says.
‘Yeah. It was really fun.’ James pauses while Amy finishes the last of her cake. ‘Feeling better?’
Amy stares at the statue in front of her. ‘I would be lying if I said I was completely better, but you have been a good companion for the evening.’
A rubber band rings the statue’s horn and slides down until it is stuck. Amy glares at James. He holds up the bag of rubber bands.
‘Your turn.’
The unicorn snorts. ‘Just when I think I may enjoy your presence, you find some way to frustrate me.’
Amy levitates a rubber band and fires. The shot goes wide and flies over the statue, hitting another couple. The stallion in the couple turns and glares.
‘You win,’ James laughs.
The couple sits in silence for a few moments. Amy takes a deep breath and sighs.
‘Mr Wanderer, do you despise me?’
‘That is the dumbest question in the history of dumb questions, dummy.’
‘Then why do you tease me so?’
‘Do you know why Twilight Sparkle dislikes grape jam?’
‘Yes.’
James grins evilly. ‘So do I.’
‘Your teasing is some way of showing you like us? That is quite immature.’
‘No, I tease you because it is fun. Whether or not I like you has nothing to do with the matter.’
‘Then do you not like me?’
‘What did I say about dumb questions?’
Amy snorts and stares up at the moon. ‘I know you are a nonlinear being, and you try to live a linear lifestyle but know this: in the hundreds of years we have had encounters and truly fantastic arguments, I have grown to enjoy your challenges. You are the only pony throughout history, aside from Nightmare Moon, who can effectively make me reflect upon and regret actions I have taken. Thank you.’
James contemplates the information. ‘Um, no prob? Just doing what I can.’
‘No. Thank you.’
James turns to look at Amy. As soon as his face is even with hers, she leans down and kisses the stallion. The other couples in the park ignore the kissing couple until James reaches up and undoes Amy’s necklace, removing the disguise. Celestia’s full glory is revealed to the public, who stares in awe at the princess kissing a common pony. As soon as the princess is aware of the occurrence, she teleports herself and James back to the palace. She quickly backs away and catches her breath while analyzing the situation. James calmly places the perception filter and Celestia’s bag of treats on a nearby table.
‘Why did you do that?’ Celestia growls. ‘For fun?’
‘Have you ever noticed how serious you are? Amy is a lot more laid back.’
‘I am one of the rulers of Equestria! I cannot be seen in the park snogging random ponies!’
‘Then where can you be seen snogging random ponies?’
‘I hate you! In one action, you ruined a reputation that took me hundreds of years to build!’
‘Then why didn’t you stop me when you noticed my hoof rising to your neck?’
Celestia gasps. ‘You cad! Are you saying I wished to be caught?’
‘Those rumors persist for a reason.’
The princess turns bright red. ‘I-I-I...’
James is gripped by magic and thrown onto Celestia’s bed. As soon as he lands, the alicorn’s mass is upon him.
‘Do you wish to make those rumors true?’
‘You don’t,’ the stallion calmly replies.
‘Of-of course I do! Why else would we be in this provocative situation?’
‘Luna is right. You can be aggressively sexual and are quite poor at seduction.’
Celestia snorts and lets her legs give out, crushing the stallion below her. She pulls a pillow over her head. ‘You’re worse than that red one. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not as attractive as I thought?’
‘You are quite beautiful, but you are confusing a physical relationship to an emotional one. You desire an emotional connection, but you are trying to gain it through physical desires. ... Are you writing this down? I might have to give this speech to Rei at some point... I really am dreading giving her a sex talk. Do you know anypony willing to do that for me?’
The princess stares at the stallion from under her pillow. ‘Why should I believe you? You have yet to do the act, and you just refused an offer from the best.’
‘I highly doubt that.’
‘Care to find out?’
‘One data point to compare to itself? That is probably the most skewed dataset ever.’
Celestia snorts, briefly blowing the pillow up. ‘I despise you.’
James reaches under the pillow and boops Celestia’s nose. The two ponies lay there, one with her head under a pillow, the other with his hoof under the pillow.
‘Mr Wanderer...’
‘Yo.’
‘I just had a shocking thought. Please do not be alarmed with what I am about to say.’
‘My body is ready.’
‘Wasn’t earlier...’ Celestia grumbles. She shakes off the vibe. ‘Anyway, I do believe you are the best friend I have ever had.’
James freezes and stares at the ceiling. He pulls his hoof from under the pillow. ‘I may have to agree with you there. ... Nopony must find out about this.’
‘Agreed. Now, return your hoof.’ James starts reaching under the pillow. ‘Not there. Lower.’
James retracts his hoof and waits for the princess to free him.
Luna yawns and trots back to her chambers after a long night of work. The sun is barely coming out, the light burning the eyes of the Princess of the Night. A large white blob appears in her field of view.
‘Good morning, dear sister,’ Celestia greets.
‘Mor-yawn!’ Luna replies.
‘Please do your best to catch up on your sleep. You have your gaming night tonight.’ The older sister leans in. ‘Mr Wanderer may be a little easier to beat tonight,’ she giggles.
Luna gives her sister a confused look as the older princess prances down the hall, humming a happy tune. She shakes her head and turns back to her goal. James drags himself down the stairway from Celestia’s chambers. He looks at the younger princess.
‘You owe me big after what I just went through,’ the stallion grumbles.
Luna smirks. ‘I know the perfect way to repay you.’
James is lifted by magic and carried to Luna’s chambers as the princess trots past him. The stallion groans and resigns himself to his fate. Down the hall, Celestia listens to groans and complaining. She smiles as she readies herself to go about the first of many good days to follow.