Spike's "Royal" Conundrum

by SpikeSupreme13


Perplexing Pointer's Part 3*: Canterlot Calamity 2

As a blinding light appeared in the middle of a busy intersection of Canterlot, it dimmed down enough so that 4 beings could be made out from it. After the light disappeared, out came the 2 Royal Sisters that the citizens knew and respected, and 2 dragons of scaling stature. One dragon was someone they knew well enough and acknowledged, and another was one that they had no idea of, and was a bit apprehensive of. Ember looked around, and saw that the mass of ponies looking at them were mostly composed of male and female unicorns, wearing classy suits and elegant dresses, adorned with shiny jewels and lavishing makeup, with some pegasus workers around, and barely any earth ponies around at all.

“Who is she? Is she a danger to us? Why are the princesses with that dragon?” murmurs of these questions and more were spreading around by these citizens, and Celestia cleared her throat, ready to address her subjects on the new and unknown visitor to their fair and posh capital.

“My little ponies….” Celestia began her announcement to her people. “This new dragon here is Dragon Lord Ember, and she has the same royal stature as me and my sister here. Treat her as you would treat us, and rest assured…..she is absolutely no threat to us.” she declared. With that point out of the way, everyone save for the 4 who teleported there took a sigh of relief and continued on with their meticulous business.

“Welcome to Canterlot, the capital of Equestria and home to a lot of unicorns. As you clearly observed, a lot of our subjects here have some kind of noble status here and as such, they like to show off” Luna explained to Ember as she and the others were taking a nice stroll in Canterlot. Looking around, Ember was intrigued with the structure of the buildings, the small conversations between the ponies, and the simple act of the strut and walk style of these “noble” ponies.

“So these ponies here act like that they’re better than everyone else? That’s completely unjustified and indignant of them to do” Ember addressed in a fuming manner.

“I know that feeling all too well” Spike piped up, wishing to add his two bits into the conversation. “I grew up in this place, and while most of them are a bit snobbish and stuck-up, I can assure you that some of them aren’t half bad.”

“He’s right Ember; I’ve been in this town looooooong enough to know who’s snobbish from the more relaxed ones. Canterlot does has its shining moments, and also its darkest corners; Nevertheless, this is a town I am always proud to reside and rule over’ Celestia said, as they reached the castle gates, and nodded off to the 2 standing guards. Acknowledging the princesses and their guests, the guards allowed them inside, and the 4 of them reached the throne room.

“In here is where most of the “magic” happens” Celestia addressed to Ember. “In here is where I deal with all of the delegated meetings, pass the laws of the land, address each subjects issues and/or problems, etc.; It does get really boring and tedious most of the time, so I step out and try to commute with the people, as to better myself with them and allow myself some fresh air.”

After a calm and relaxing talk about what Canterlot offers and what happens in a day-to-day basis, Celestia lowered the sun, Luna raised the moon, and the had a grand dinner composed of everyone’s favorite meals and/or snacks. As such, Celestia, Spike, and Ember went on to their bedrooms while Luna had the unfortunate task of dealing with her nightly court and duties.

--------------------------Canterlot Castle, Morning-----------------------

When Celestia sat upon her throne, her horn glowed a golden aura, and she proceeded to raise the solar celestial body, as her namesake held, and the shining glow of the sun basked itself upon the sleeping bodies of those slumbering under it, waking them from their sleep. As everyone started to wake up, all the little ponies and grown-ups started to get ready for what this day was going to bring to them. In the castle, Spike and Ember were each stirred out of their whimsical dreams. As they yawned and stretched their limbs, they felt like today was going to be full of unique surprises and outlandish situations. As they greeted each other at the main hallway, they met up with Luna and they headed towards the dining room. When they arrived, they saw a smorgasbord of food and drinks.

“Whats up with all of the food?” Ember quizzically asked as she looked over to Spike, who was drooling with enthusiasm and vigor.

“Well Ember, since you are our special guest, I thought to treat all of us with a large buffet of breakfast in order to prepare us for today” Celestia replied with a small chuckle.

“What do you have in mind dear sister? I don’t trust that chuckle and smirk of yours!!” Luna declared, trying to decipher what it is that she had in mind.

“Don’t mind me Luna; I just can’t wait to see where this day will take us, that’s all” Celestia said as she waved her hoof in a beckoning manner as they came on over and delighted themselves to some food. Ember was being a bit picky with her food, since she was foreign to these ponies delicacies. As she looked around, she saw Spike digging away at the fruits and gems that were reserved for him and her, since they were dragons and all. Luna had some eggs and hay bacon, with a strong cup of coffee, as to mentally prepare herself as to what her sister had masterfully crafted. Celestia had a good cup of orange juice and a large stack of pancakes, dressed in glorious syrup, while adorning a small and polite smile. Ember took some gems and an apple, and when she tasted it, she was blown away from the explosive flavor. She soon joined Spike and started to scarf down any food that was in her line of sight.

After breakfast was served and all the silverware was taken to be cleaned off, the 4 royals were in the throne room, and as Celestia was about to tell Spike and Ember what today was going to bring to both of them, a snobbish white unicorn with blue eyes and a golden mane and tail entered the room, with a frown and an unpleasant room.

“Auntie, why haven’t the maids come by my room to give me my daily mane care products and to clean my bed? Blueblood demanded, with a huff and a turn of his face.

“Nice to see you again Blues; I see that things are still the same for you huh?” Spike sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes and sighing ever so exasperatingly.

“Spike my dear lad, why I didn't know that you were going to make a visit here. I hope that things are going swell for you.” Blueblood said as he walked over to Spike and softly slugged his side.

“Blueblood; So glad to see you up and about; In fact, why don’t you help Spike out with his “predicament” Celestia added as she walked over to her nephew and brought him up to speed with what Spike has been going through.

“I see; I would be glad to help my dear cousin here with anything royal and etiquette wise” Blueblood declared as he hugged Spike close to his chest, to Spike’s surprise and annoyance.

“Mother dear, don’t you think that things would work better if I had you or Luna teach me this kind of stuff?” Spike pleaded, hoping that this wasn’t the path that he would unfortunately had to take.

“I wish I could help you Spike, but me and Luna have some “special” plans for Ember here. Besides, you and BlueBlood don’t really spend a lot of time together, so why not spend the day with your bestest cousin here. Pwweeeeassshhh?” Celestia used her royal puppy eyes and adorable filly voice in order to have her way. Spike was at first determined to not do what his mother requested him to do, but after a short while, he broke down and nodded to her daunting request.

“Oh thank you ever so much dear” Celestia hugged her surrogate so close to her chest, burying Spike to her bosom, giving Spike’s face a cherry red color. Letting him down, Blueblood gleefully tagged Spike along to his side as they went out for Blueblood’s “personal” teachings. Ember hoped that things would go well for him, as she, Celestia and Luna went off to do whatever activities Celestia had in mind.

-----------------Canterlot Garden, Mid-day---------------------

“So Spike, since my dear auntie filled me in on your situation, I can finally achieve hat I have always wanted to perform on you” Blues declared in a triumphant tone.

“And what, may I ask, is this thing that you wish to perform?” Spike dreadfully asked, hoping that it wasn’t too embarrassing or painful, or a combination of the 2.

“Why, I have always wanted to mold you in my image; As a royal visage of sorts, you will need to emulate someone who can show his followers how to act, walk, and think like a true royal, and who better to do this than yours truly” Blueblood royally declared as his stroke a pose and a dark cloud floated itself over him, as if signifying to Spike that this was even worse than hat he could’ve ever imagined in his dragon skull. “Let’s begin with…..

“Blueblood’s Royal Guide to being Magnificently Flawless!!”

Step 1: Trot like you own it!

“Ok cousin, the first step to being like me is to walk with a grace of royal air and authority. To do this, you have to have your nose high in the air and have a sense of royal ownership. Watch and see how it’s done” Blueblood mentioned as he walked down the road and did as so. Anypony who saw him were immediately disgusted and repulsed by his walk and snarky attitude. When Blueblood was done, he offered his hoof out and waited for Spike to repeat his actions. Spike sighed, shook his head, and just casually strolled down the road. He waved at the ponies and engaged in small and polite conversations while complimenting their attire. When he finished, everyone there was pleasantly pleased and enjoyed Spike immensely.

“That wasn’t how I showed it to you, but it did garner the results that I was looking for, so I’ll let you off with a pass.” Blueblood said, as he dragged Spike off to his next lesson.

(Meanwhile)

Celestia, Luna and Ember were in a royal spa room, getting pampered and prettied up with the best that Canterlot offered. Ember was a bit apprehensive about the procedure. “Why are we getting this spa treatment while Spike is dealing with what knows what?” Ember questioned the equestrian princess.

“I have a set goal in mind dearie, and this is the first step to achieving the goal” Celestia responded.

“Sister, while I do always enjoy these visits, I do have to agree with Ember with this. Shouldn’t I have helped our dear boy with this endeavor?” Luna asked while she had cucumbers on her wearied eyes and was having her hooves filed ever so delicately.

“Trust me Luna; I will reveal everything in due time. Now let’s relax and enjoy this.” With that dealt with, everyone sat quietly and let the spa therapists do their work.

Step 2: Associate with folk that will be grace by your presence!

“Now for this step, I will talk to the common folk, so as to let their day be even more heavenly from me. Watch and be amazed!!” Blueblood strolled over to a group of stallions and mares casually sitting at a cafe table. Chatting away at them, Spike saw how the conversation quickly went sour, and soon, Blues returned as he was dripping wet from being splashed with water and cold ice tea.

“I don’t know why, but for some reason, these folk seem to have a problem with me. Let’s see how you do. Go on then” Blueblood replied, lightly shoving Spike towards the rude group. After half an hour had gone by, Spike returned to Blueblood, smiling and not drenched in refreshing liquids.

“How did it go cus? If they did anything to you, I’ll have them all thrown in the dungeon for treason!!” Blues proclaimed, while Spike shook him out of his stance.

“Everything’s alright Blues. I was chatting away with them, and they were actually really nice. Some mares actually wrote down their number for me; That was pretty nice of them.” Spike announced, content that his convo. with them was pleasant and mostly filled with making fun of the supposed “Prince Blueblood” of Canterlot.

“Hmmmmm……….good for you, and if you don’t mind” Blueblood snatched the slips of paper that had the ladies number’s on them. “I’ll be needing those numbers as evidence of my ingenious success on you. Moving on” Blueblood said as he tucked those numbers away in his suit jacket. Spike shrugged as he walked behind him, not really caring if he had those numbers or not.

Step 3: One’s clothing defines one’s sense of identity

“For the next step, I want you to pick out your outfit so that other’s can get a sense of who “Spike the Consort” really is. This time tho, I will not be helping you on this; This test is all you man” Blueblood declared as he sat down and watched as Spike grabbed a bunch of accessories and light clothing and proceeded into the nearest changing room.

(Meanwhile again)

The 3 royal gal pals were currently relaxing in the Canterlot garden, simply basking in the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze of the wind.

“So Ember, how are the dragon’s like since you became their Dragon Lord?” Luna curiously asked, wondering how such a creature like Ember could handle the ferocity and the sheer ravage nature of those dragons.

“Strangely enough Luna, things have been going pretty ok……..a bit too ok if you ask me” Ember suspiciously said. “I have a strange feeling that things will somewhat begin to change, and whether it will be for the good or bad, is uncertain to me. I just hope that me and Spike will be capable of handling it when it strikes.”

“Whatever is is Ember, I’ sure that you 2 will be able to handle anything that comes at you 2. At times like those, you 2 will need to be able to lean on and trust each other. I’m sure you’ll take great pleasure in that, hmmm?” Celestia slyly said, making Ember’s scaly face flare up in embarrassment and a small tinge of lingering feeling or her co-drake in ruling.

“It’s not gunna be like Celestia; Sheesh, how does that thought even worm its way into that pony head of yours” Ember embarrassingly said, trying to play off the moment.

“Whatever you say Ember……….Whatever you say” Celestia said, keeping her opinion on the 2 to herself…..for now.

(Back with Spike and Blueblood)

After many, many hilarious fashion fails and blunders, Spike just stepped out with a witty top hat and a fancy bejeweled bow tie like the one that Rarity made for him many years ago. He struck a pose, hoping that this was at least adequate enough for his “dear” cousins tastes.

“Good enough I guess. Let’s head back to the castle and see how my training has bettered you.” Blueblood declared as the 2 of them walked on back to the Canterlot Castle.

“I wonder how the princesses and Ember did on this day?” Spike wondered as the 2 dudes strolled on into the dining room, where said ladies were enjoying the fine dining and cuisine that was carefully prepared for them and the guys when they came back from their “bonding” experience.

“So Spike, has Blueblood taught anything of importance?” Celestia asked her steward son. “By the way, nice ensemble there; Really makes you stand out.”

“Thanks for the compliment. Let’s just say that I certainly took something from this experience” Spike stated as he sat down and picked out what he was going to consume. Blueblood meanwhile was still wet and in a fowl mood. Luna and Ember chuckled at the state that he was in, as it was really amusing to them. Celestia herself was humorously giggling to herself, as she gave a small wink to Spike, who was really puzzled as to why she did that, but shrugged it off and just enjoyed the rest of the night with those close to him, and for a certain individual, somewhat tolerated his presence, let alone his mannerisms.