Fridays were a mix. Being the end of the work week, she had to see a few patients, settle accounts, ensure her employees were paid, and ensure she replaced or repaired whatever she broke during the week(1). She had already been forced to eat breakfast on the go to get her new door installed before her appointments arrived, and she was practically drooling in anticipation for the weekend. No more dealing with other people's problems.
"Coffee?" Lyra offered politely.
"Yes, please," yawned one tired mayor, holding out her mug.
Lyra topper her off as she checked the list of things the Ponyville politician wanted to discuss. She was nowhere near as bad as Twilight when it came to lists, in fact, she was actually quite reasonable. But, a career politician all the same, the good mayor was always searching for ways to keep in her citizens' favor, and that included weekly appointments with the local anthropologist.
"A little tired today, Mayor?" Lyra asked as she looked over the top of the document at the mare's slumped over figure.
The mayor just chuckled a little and sipped her hot coffee. "Well, it's just something to be expected when you and your stallion manage to keep up the spice in your marriage. I won't go into the details, of course, but I will give you this small piece of advice." She leaned in close as if she was going to tell a secret, Lyra turned her ears to listen. "Tease, tease, tease and complete. I'm sure you can figure it out from there. Hmm?"
"I'll keep that in mind," Lyra tittered with a small blush at a few images that danced in her head. "But, that's enough of that. How about we go over some of this week's voter suggestions."
Mayor Mare nodded and settled back in couch, nursing the coffee gently. "Remember. A lot of these are only on the list so that I can officially say that I passed them by the Department of Anthropology before tossing them on the reject pile."
Lyra grinned with genuine glee. These were always fun. "Number one: Move to ban the act of halting the cooking process of meat before it is thoroughly cooked to the state known as well-done. We believe this shall be beneficial to the health of the humans as a species, as the consumption of blood is known to lead to vampire-like attributes and extreme aggression. As an added incentive, humans would then be able to act more civilized out and about in public places, such as restaurants and parks."
Both mares laughed at this.
"You better not have led out with the best one again, Mayor," Lyra warned after the laughter subsided.
Mayor Mare shook her head good-naturedly. "I learned my lesson, Lyra. Now, please proceed to dissect it."
"With pleasure." Lyra cleared her throat. "First of all, the banning of food items in prohibited in Equestria since the No Famine Act, which ensures that food of any kind shall be plentiful and abundant. Now this could be considered a process instead, and, while there are certain ways of processing food that are strictly banned, cooking a dead, non-sapient animal with a nontoxic heat source is not one of them. The suggestion of vampire qualities is racist against thestrals. And, finally, telling ponies what they can and cannot eat would lead to frustration, which in turn would lead to the aggression they are claiming such a movement would suppress."
The mayor nodded at the quick and concise rhetoric Lyra had just delivered. "Bravo. Could you imagine next year's election if I took such a thing seriously? Those benefactor dinner parties I host would be a total flop."
Lyra agreed wholeheartedly. As one of the mare's benefactors, she was on that guest list. "Number two: Move to include hand soap as well of hoof soap in public restrooms... okay, that's just dumb." Lyra stared at the suggestion and rolled her eyes. "Some humans, I tell ya'. The soap in public restrooms is a registered cleansing agent for use by all races, including seaponies and dragons, as well as making for an effective mouthwash. It is called hoof soap because Equestria's population is mostly made up of ponies and other ungulates."
Lyra shook her head. "I'd a have field day with this if there were any names, Mayor Mare."
"That's why I leave the names out, Dr. Heartstrings," the mare chuckled.
"Number three: Move to require humans to wear traditional horseshoes... uuuh. Mayor, whoever suggested this one is a sick psycho. No more needs to be said. Not even I wear those things. Ugh."
"Yes," the mayor agreed, admiring her leather shoes with the rubber treads. "Why I remember when these were just a novelty, meant for fashion, rather than hard work. because they would slip right off. All because cobblers thought that the laces humans used were for decoration." Then she cringed. "I can still remember my mother taking me to get my first set of traditional shoes... up till then I had never been so miserable."
"I'm lucky my father managed to talk my mother out of those wretched things," Lyra added her two cents. "To suggest that soft-footed creatures like humans should be forced to wear them... it had better be just a sick joke. Though, it's in very bad taste."
"My suspicion as well," the mayor nodded.
"Anyway. Number four: Move to give the mayor a raise... as she totally deserves it... and is the best darn mayor ever... of all time... seriously?"
The mayor chuckled. "Oh, Lyra. Can't an older mare have her fun every now and then?"
"I could tell you weren't serious," Lyra informed her, still unamused. "But, it just seemed a little forced. Know what I mean? Your husband's an author, your son owns a logging company, one of your daughters is a dive instructor back east, and the other is married to Filthy Rich."
The mayor blew a raspberry. "Fine. I'll lay off the jokes. Don't right my own material anyway."
"Good, now that that's out of the way. Number five: Move to teach human children to walk on all fours in school."
This continued for quite a while, causing both mares to laugh, cringe and sometimes even gag at the stupid and outright outrageous motions that were making their way to the mayor's office.
"...armrests are unnecessary..."
"...doorknobs are anti-pony..."
"...ponies should be taught to stand on their hind legs..."
"...ban the combustion engine..."
"...requirement for humans to be bald..."
"...requirement for humans to wear mittens..."
"...stop humans from ranting about bacon..."
"...human children should learn to write with their mouths instead of their hands..."
"...investigate humans for possible candy hoards..."
"...ponies are stealing armrests..."
"...humans shouldn't wear clothes without special cause..."
"Ooh, my," Lyra wiped the tears from her eyes as the last of her laughter subsided. "These were some good ones this time. Do you think, maybe, they know we do this? That they're just giving us the material on purpose?"
Mayor Mare shook her head as she too dried her eyes. "I wish that were the case. But, I fear that everyone, ponies and humans, have their buttons that they feel just shouldn't be tweaked, and they want to feel validated for it. I like to think that they know these will never work, but..." She left it hanging there.
Lyra chuckled and sighed. "Yeah. I get it. At least, I think I do."
"At least you don't have to live with it," Mayor Mare told her as she began gathering up her effects. "That's my job, and it's one you should be thankful that you don't have."
"You don't need to tell me twice," Lyra said with a choking noise. "I like my job a little too much to give it up."
"And well you should," the mayor urged her. "There are few things worse than being stuck with a job you hate."
"Personal experience?" Lyra asked, interested.
Mayor Mare looked at the mint mare for a moment then lowered her head with a grimace. "My first job was making snow globes for tourists."
"And?"
"And I think I would have preferred to wear traditional horseshoes the rest of my life."
(1) Yes, this was a normal occurrence.