Chapter Eight: Tea and Cream Puffs
Son of a bi—... Biscuit.
I don’t know what was in that tea (other than lemon grass), but it’s been a full two hours and twenty minutes from when Fluttershy left.
I am still feeling a little bit achy and sore. My nose has been periodically dripping and, since the last time I checked, my mind isn’t showing any signs that we’ve bought any return tickets to slumberland. All that, however, isn’t as bad as the other thing I am experiencing.
That long held bane of all sentient life. The true monster that can either dull the wit or lead to the most interesting if not pointless works of art ever. Just what is this jabberwock's name, I would imagine some imaginary audience member asking, (along with a ‘get on with it already!’)
Boredom.
And just why am I bored? The same reason that I get bored easily, because back on Earth we had comp—
“Shut it, brain,” I comment out loud, shoving my head under a pillow. “I know why we’re bored. You know why we’re bored. We all know why I’m bored: A lifetime, or several decades at least, of distractions and mental junk food. Of Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter feeds. Of gorging on Youtube videos and top ten lists and those fetting ‘clicker adventure’ games.”
Rolling over, I momentarily stare up at the ceiling. “So, how about instead of wasting all of our mental energy agonizing over why the fet we’re bored — for the umpteenth time — to the point of exhaustion, we actually do something about our boredom? You know, other than just putting off doing something about it?”
I push myself out from under the security of my comfy blanket and walk over to the nightstand next to the couch.
“Well, Dr. Heartbreak, seeing that you are such a professional at self diagnosis, what the fet do you prescribe?” I ask myself, raising a hoof to my chest and acting all... I don’t know. In character? Is the snarky patient a character? Pffft, whatever. Like I said before, boredom is a strange beast that can lead to creativity or stupidity, or in my case, both.
Coughing and giving a ‘uhrufferuhm!’ that you’d expect to come out of someone with a doctorate, I turn back to where I had been standing a few seconds ago. “Zhe cure to your boredom, H.B.?” I ask myself while rubbing my nose clean, before nudging a loose leaf notebook from its hiding spot among the other books. “Vhy, your boredom book, of course!”
Okay, it’s more like a sketchbook or notebook, really. Just a place to keep my doodles, little poems and ideas that aren’t too dangerous for Equestria. Chuckling at this description, I am half tempted to draw the outline of my hoof, or at the very least a gold imprint of my right hoof, hole and all, on the cover.
“Creative? Maybe,” I mutter, rolling my eyes at this idea and set it on the parlor table. “But hardly original. Alright, let’s see, I—” Suddenly, the cup that Fluttershy used for lemongrass tea catches my eye and my mouth feels cottony. “—I’m thirsty.” Alright, time to make my way to the kitchen... I guess.
Looking around, I brace myself to shun the stack of dishes I have left in the sink. It’s just a few bowls and plates, but it’s still a habit that refuses to die. After all, back when I was living alone? Dishes tended to be the thing I avoided due to how mom was always having me do them and—
“Ugh!” I groan, applying a hoof to my forehead. “Fetting fet fet, brain! We know, I hate doing dishes and I’ll do them later, Okay!?” I promise myself before looking around. “Now, enough with the inner monologue. How about getting something to drink so I can get back to that boredom book so you can just sit back and relax for the day already!?” My mind finally hushes itself. “Thank you. Now, where’s that oolong I bought...”
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Heartbreak finally sat down after the tedious chore of making tea. Due to the lack of functioning hooves, every aspect about the activity, from gathering the tea bags to filling the kettle and setting it to simmer, to even bringing out the sugarcubes and small plates was a labor unto itself.
Oh sure, she thought, carefully craning her neck forward so that the tea kettle’s handle was within reach. I could just ‘pony up’ and a particular unicorn, who is currently elsewhere— She frowned in irritation. —would be cheering me on for doing those... things... with my mouth. But... She paused and poured the steaming hot liquid into the cup. It still doesn’t feel right. At least I was able to get that potter to make a collection of cups with hooks for my hoof!
“And why don’t you get a kettle with a hook?” Heartbreak asked out loud after setting the tea kettle back down the table. “You got everything else with a hook!” She turned and looked at the trail of water that had been spilled when she attempted to carry it with her mouth. Her attention turned back to the kettle with an annoyed gaze. “‘Cause you’re too heavy and I don’t want to break my stupid hoof picking you up.”
Momentarily, she contemplated whether or not she should thread the tea bags through her hoof-hole before just rolling her eyes at herself once more.
“Any more eye-rolling, H.B., and you’ll be able to open what’s sure to be Ponyville’s first casino!” Her overly cheerful smile quickly turned to a frown as she proceeded to plop the tea bags into the steaming hot water with her mouth. “Yeah, maybe that joke should have stayed in my head where it sounded a lot funnier.”
After a few minutes of steeping, the bags were given a few more dunks before pulling them from the cup. Heartbreak felt her neck stiffening and growing sore from all the head bobbing. “Doing it for the tea, doing it for the tea, doing it for the tea,” she whimpered in an attempt to cheer herself on before setting the spent bags down on a saucer. “Least the last part is a little sweeter!” She smiled looking at a small plate of sugarcubes.
Heartbreak snagged five or six of the sweet treats from off the platter and delighted in the plopping sound that all but one made as they hit the surface of the bitter black liquid before sucking down on that final cube. She gave a smile at the sensation of grainy sugar dissolving on her tongue.
“Like eating sweet sand,” she mused out loud before putting the teacup’s hook-handle into her hoof-hole and lifting the hot brew to her lips. She gave the hot liquid a gentle blow to cool it down and took a sip. As the bittersweet, hot liquid traveled down her throat, she could feel her sinuses sighing in relief as they drained, if only a bit.
She took a deep breath through her nose and smiled before coughing and clearing her throat. “Alrighty then,” she said, swallowing and carefully setting the tea cup back down on the table. “Time to get some drawing, writing, or just plain creating something in, today!”
But as she reached forward towards her saddle bags to retrieve her mechanical pencil, a loud knocking came from her front door.
Heartbreak glowered at the door. “Of course, just as I was getting comfortable.” But who could that be? Fluttershy wouldn’t be back this soon, would she? She paused and took a deep breath, hoping that whoever it was, they didn’t hear her having a conversation with herself. Maybe if I ignore it, they’ll just go away... Another series of raps at the front door sent cracks through the foundations of that hope coming to pass.
“Missus H.B.!! Are ya home?!” the familiar southern twang called out. “It’s me! Cream Puff! Ah got treats fer ya!”
“Treats...” With the mention of that word, the desire to remain sat upon the couch started to ebb away. She bit on her lip contemplating whether or not she should still answer. A few more desperate growing knocks to her door made her sigh and push herself off the couch. “Erph! Hold on! I’m coming!”
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The wide eyed little filly looked up, eagerly standing at attention on the front steps of the massive house before her. As the hoof steps from within grew closer and closer to the door; a warm, fuzzy excitement made her smile grow more and more.
She is gonna be so surprised ta see what ah made! Just then, the front door swung inward, revealing the face of her favorite storyteller with an expression that was none too pleased to see the little filly at her stoop.
“Hiya Miss H.B.!” Cream Puff exclaimed from the other side of the screen door.
“Cream Puff—” Heartbreak covered her mouth and coughed a bit before clearing her throat. “—what did I say about calling me ‘miss’?”
“Oh, right,” The little golden filly replied, rubbing her neck before smiling and looking at her favorite storyteller. “Sorry...”
Heartbreak waved her hoof dismissively. “It’s not the worst thing that’s happened—” She sniffed hard and attempted to recompose herself. “—today. Still, what are you doing here?”
“Well, ah heard ya were sick, so ah thought that ah would make ya somethin what’s ta help ya feel better!” She paused and crossed her front hooves before looking up sheepishly. “That is if ya be wantin' it... Ah don't want ta be no trouble or anythin', Miss— ah mean, H.B...”
Heartbreak paused, a bit of apprehensive concern showing on her face. “How did you know where I lived?”
“Scootaloo an’ Applebloom told me!” the little bubbly filly replied.
Heartbreak took a deep breath and rolled her eyes before applying her hoof to her face. “How... nice of them,” she muttered.
“It sure was!” Cream Puff replied, her smile going so wide it made Heartbreak cringe a bit. “An I got all sorts of—” The lifting of one tan hoof put the filly on pause.
“But you walked out here, all by yourself? Alone?” Cream Puff only continued to smile and nod at the line of questioning being presented to her. “A little filly like you, passing near the Everfree Forest?”
“Hey! Ah might not have ma cutie mark and all, but ah’m still a big filly!” she retorted, puffing up while gave a frown that was meant to express how upset she was, however this display only came off as adorably cute. “An’ besides, it’s not like ah went right through the forest.”
“Maybe not,” Heartbreak replied, rubbing her nose, sniffing and looking at the basket again. “But there’s dangerous stuff lurking outside the forest or just at the edge. Like the snapdragons living under my porch.”
Cream Puff eyed the flora that was slowly edging out from under the stairs. She blinked and looked back at Heartbreak with confusion. “What, those things? Dangerous?”
“You mean they don’t eat ponies?”
“What?” Cream Puff gawked in disbelief. “Where’d ya get a hairbrained idea like that?”
“It’s what Rarity said when we were first looking at the house,” Heartbreak replied, sheepishly.
“Pfffft!” Cream Puff waved a hoof dismissively at the two floral faces that had inched out from their hiding spots. “These things look scary an’ all, but they don’t eat ponies! They eat bugs. Like flies and maybe like those fluffy winged thingers...”
“Parasprites?”
“Yeah! Ah think that’s what they’re called!”
Heartbreak frowned in disappointment at the two snapdragons. “You don’t eat meat?!” The two plants pulled away from the imposing figure that now glowed with a mingling of reds and yellows while their eye-like fronds drooped in response to the questioning. “There go my plans for stallions like Narrow Beam...” The flora emanated whimper-like noises while rattling their draconic leaves as they slipped back under the porch steps.
Suddenly, Heartbreak became acutely aware of the the big grinning face just a little too close to hers.
“So!” Cream Puff exclaimed.
“So...” Heartbreak replied, awkwardly.
The little filly stood on her forehooves and fixed Heartbreak with a look of hope so bright and adorable it could probably send some ponies into diabetic shock. “Aren’t ya gonna invite me in?”
“Oh,” Heartbreak’s ears turned down and her expression soured. “You... wanted to come in.”
“Well, yeah,” Cream Puff replied, her voice softening.
Heartbreak rubbed the back of her head and coughed a bit. “Well, I was just hoping to get some drawing done, maybe a nap,” she glanced at Cream Puff awkwardly. “Ya know... without any distractions.” The large-eyed expression on the fillies face shifted from that of great joy to that of heart-cracking disappointment.
“Ah understand. Not too many other ponies want an orphan like me around...” Cream Puff replied, her voice barely covering her feelings. “Ah’ll just leave this basket with ya, an head back ta the home, then.”
Heartbreak sighed and groaned, her hoof tapping on the door frame, before rolling her eyes eyes. “I... ugh... I guess you could stay for a little while.”
“Really?!” Cream Puff exclaimed, her eyes going wide and sparkling.
Heartbreak recoiled from the eye-shimmer and nodded. “Yeah, but not for too long. I still could be infectious and I don’t want to give you anything I’ve got.”
“Yay!” Cream Puff cheered, darting quickly through the door. “An’ ya don’t have ta worry about me, Missus H.B. They make sure that we get our shots at the home! An’ ah brought all sorts of things besides treats, ah got some puzzles, an’ games, an’ a couple of books fer readin’ too!”
“That’s...” Heartbreak sighed, she had a feeling that this evening would be anything but relaxing. “Great.” She looked around, her brow furrowing before she closed the door. “Just great.”
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Alright, I know, I shouldn’t be acting this freaked out or awkward about a simple visitor. However, the word ‘but’ keeps jumping into my head.
‘But’ she was the first one that I know of to be affected by ‘the mark’. ‘But’ she is a little filly and has an ‘ever-so-adorable face that makes it hard for me to say no to her asking for things.’ ‘But’ she is also an orphan and I have this weird sneaking feeling that she’s attempting an ‘Orphan Annie’ on me.
There are a lot of ‘buts’ here and it isn’t helping that I am still feeling the dregs of a cold. Though, calling all of what I just experienced ‘a cold’ is sorely under—
“Mis— Ah mean, H.B., are ya feelin alright?”
“Huh?!” Cream Puff’s question rips me out of the thought quagmire that I was rolling around in and back to reality. “Yeah,” Fet, there’s still some drippage going on here. I sniff hard to bring it under control. “Why do you ask?”
Cream Puff tilts her head, her eyes showing concern. “Cause ya went all quiet-like an’ yer eyes were dartin’ about like ya had caught a bird in yer mouth.”
“Well,” My brow furrows and I am sure that I look really baffled. Maybe. What the— Bird in the mouth!? Gah, whatever. “I’ve never put it that way.” Quickly, I push out a fake cough. Hey, I’m sick and while I am, I might as well use it as an excuse right? “I did mention that I’m still getting over quite the cold, right?”
“Uh-huh...” However, my acting is all for naught due to the fact that, that like all little minds, Cream Puff seems to be already distracted by the pictures on the walls and random bobbles on my shelves. “Who’s that?”
“Uhm,” On the wall is one of the random pictures of a mare in a side pose... laying on some silken sheet... looking up at the viewer in a relaxed, apt suggestive pose. “Uhm,” I bite my lip and have to wonder if such a pose is permissible for a little filly like Cream Puff to be looking at, after all, what if she goes back to her orphanage and tells other ponies what she’s seen due to the fact that I haven’t bothered taking inventory of this house’s contents? What if—
“Oh! Hey!” Cream Puff exclaims poking at a kitschy-looking lamp made of seashells, driftwood and bits of water-tumbled glass on a small table in the hallway. “Who made this?”
Calm down, H.B. Not everything has to be a fetting emergency. She’s just curious, and thankfully for me, easily distracted. “Honestly, I don’t know,”
As we move into the living room where my big comfy couch is still calling my name, the little filly flinches as her gaze turns upward. “W-what is that?”
“Uhm,” Blinking, I find myself at a loss of words as she points up to one of the rather odd glass statues that are sat around the house. Feline inspired, it has stripes of swirling glass and two cat-eyed marbles for the orbs that it uses to peer down from its perch at the top of my living room bookshelf. I smirk a little as it reminds me of some weird cross between Bungle, the glass cat from the Oz books and Cheshire from Alice. “I guess the last owner of the house really had a thing for glass cats?”
“A-ah guess.” Poor Cream Puff looks rather unnerved as she raises an eyebrow at the admittedly peculiar creation. She looks over at the table in front of the couch and trots over to my— Oh fet! The boredom book! I left the stupid thing just lying open on the table! I—
No, calm down, boredom book is safe. It’s not a horrible thing. It’s stupid and fine and— “What’s this?”
“Nothing really important, just a sketchbook that I put unfinished ideas into,” I reply as casually as I can. Why does this feel so... awkward? She’s just a visitor. An overly cute, terribly happy, little filly visitor. I bet it’s because there aren’t any other pon— any others here to watch over me here. I’m here, by myself. No Pinkie, no Fluttershy, no... Twilight... and... if I do any more internalization, she’s going to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Take some advice for once: ‘Go with the flow.’
Even with that small bit of self-assurance, something about all this is still putting me on edge. Like at any second something could go horribly wrong and no— uhm, none would be around to help me out of this, like the two of us are sitting on a cliff’s ledge and the random thought of ‘I could totally push them right off and no—’
Just then, the clock chimes that it is three past the hour and while the smell of treats keeps wafting past my nose and attempting to calm and reassure me that everything will be fine? There’s a part of my mind is thinking that this would be the perfect time for Fluttershy to come back and diffuse these really awkward feelings I am going through right now. And just in case anything else crops up.
She pauses, a hoof on the cover ready to open the book before turning at looking at me. “Is it ok if ah look at it?”
“Sure,” I finally decide, taking a seat on the couch. “Just don’t be surprised if you’re disappointed at the quality of the work.” I adjust myself to get comfortable, before Cream Puff hops up and carefully avoiding my mark, joins me. “I mean it’s a sketch book. It’s not like there’s anything in there worth writing back to the home about.”