Ponyville was the kind of town that strange occurrences and odd behaviours were the norm. It was home to a wide variety of ponies of both races and mental capacities. At one time Twilight Sparkle had tried to make a study on the inhabitants of her newly crowned home town, but after her third therapy visit she decided it just wasn’t worth it.
Also, because she was pretty sure her therapist was hitting on her, which was kinda awkward.
Nonetheless, a quiet morning stroll was always a comforting thing to do. Evening strolls were better, but that would have to be later. Anypony with any common sense didn’t go on afternoon strolls, unless they wanted to be haggled to death by Pinkie Pie literally dragging in customers.
Yes, a peaceful walk through the center of town. Already a few merchants were setting up their stalls to sell wares. Other shops were just opening up, a line already formed at the local Starbucks.
Twilight let out a content sigh, the only sound being the morning birds, her hooves clopping along the cobblestone, and a quiet.. whirring sound?
Her ears twitched, trying to locate the odd sound. It reminded her of an electric motor spinning up, but that couldn’t be it. She was outside, nothing electrical could be out here running up. And yet, as she trotted along, the sound got slightly louder, as though it was getting closer to her.
Suddenly something bumped into her back hooves, causing the alicorn to jump forward in surprise.
“Hey! Outta the way ya damn kid!”
Twilight looked back, and while she shouldn’t be shocked about anything anymore… okay yeah, she was shocked.
A large red buggie of some kind was facing her, the basket on the front had a suitcase in it. On each side of the front post was a little flag, the red and white stripes, and blue box with at least fifty white stars, that she didn’t recognize.
The most alarming thing however was the being riding the machine. If the wrinkles and balding scalp were to be believed, it was some sort of elderly biped. If the scowl told her anything, it was that he wasn’t happy.
“Uh… what?” Twilight asked.
“Ya heard me ya damn kid! You’re blockin’ the sidewalk! Some of us folk here need room.”
Twilight looked to her left, then to her right, noticing the thirty feet of empty street around her.
“Uhhh….”
The buggie lurched forward, causing Twilight to jump out of the way.
“Damn kids, where are their manners anymore?” he grumbled, cruising by.
Twilight, still in shock, could only follow her gaze as she saw Cheerilee happily walking across the street with a bag of groceries. A horn sounding off scared the mare, causing her to jump back in shock and drop her bags, allowing the buggie to pass right in front of her, still on its straight forward course.
“Watch where you’re going!” he shouted at the startled mare.
Mesmerized, Twilight couldn’t help but follow the buggie, at a safe distance of course. He kept on his straight path, not letting anypony stand in his way. He’d honk, yell, or sometimes just bump into a pony, making it clear that this was his path and nopony would stop him.
At some point, the man stopped in the middle of the street, then pulled out a map, looked to his left, then to the map again. He folded the map back up and turned his buggie to the left, now heading towards… Sugarcube Corner?
He parked beside the steps, then grabbing a cane began to step off. He was hunched over, his jeans barely staying up with only the aid of a worn pair of black suspenders holding them.
Twilight felt now was the time to approach, since his vehicle was now off and himself stepping off.
“Um, excuse me, sir?”
“Whazzat?” he mumbled, turning to her, then looking down, “Oh, it’s you again, kid. What’s the big idea following’ me? You gonna jump me? Take my money?”
“What? No, I-”
“Nice try. I saw you following me the whole time. It takes more than being a young, stupid kid to get the best of me.”
“That’s not what-”
“Some gooks tried jumping me once back in Korea! I showed them who’s boss. Of course, I also had my forty five. That was a real gun, unlike this plastic crap they got now a days.”
“But I don’t-”
Twilight suddenly found her head being tapped by his cane. “You just gonna stand there, or you gonna help me up these damn stairs? I don’t remember Denny’s having stairs.”
“Denny’s?”
“Are ya deaf? It’s past zero nine hundred, I’m hungry. I can’t climb stairs good.”
The man began a slow waddle, with assist of his cane, to the stairs. Twilight hesitated at first, but after another shout from the man, she ran to his side. She went to lend a hoof, but he just placed his free hand on her head and used her as leverage.
“The least they could do was have a hand rail. These people today don’t ever think ahead for us old folk. Some people would complain about not even having a ramp! Bah, bunch of pansies if you ask me. If you can’t walk then you have no right going out to eat.”
Reaching the top step, Twilight opened the door for him.
“Hiya Twilight! Hiya… uh… whatever you are!” Pinkie shouted from behind the counter.
“This isn’t Denny’s!” he said.
“I was trying to tell you-” Twilight received another cane smack for her trouble.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Damn kids, tricking me. What is this place? They at least got good breakfast?”
Pinkie walked over. “This is a bakery!”
The human placed his hand on his chest. “Oh Lord, I can’t eat a lot of bread, ‘les I don’t have a bowel movement for a week.”
“Well, I can make you breakfast! What would you like?” Pinkie jumped in place.
The man began walking to a vacant table. “Eggs, over easy, hash browns, and rye toast, just a smidgen burnt.”
“Pinkie, you don’t serve breakfast here,” Twilight stated.
“Eh, just because it’s a bakery doesn’t mean we can’t cook other things, yeesh Twilight,” Pinkie rolled her eyes.
Seated, the man clapped his hands. “Come on, chop chop! I ain’t got all day! I have to take my pills! I need a coffee, black. Darker than the bottom of a well.”
“You got it mister!” Pinkie saluted, then bounced off.
“Hey, kid, while you’re up bring me a paper too.”
Pinkie brought his coffee, along with a paper, setting both down on his table.
Without a thanks, he opened it and began reading. “Jesus, have my eyes gone that bad, or does this paper just have shitty ink?” from his left breast pocket he pulled out a pair of glasses, putting them on. “That’s better.”
Twilight cautiously took a seat in the opposite chair of him.
“Would you like something too, Twilight?”
“Um, just a water is fine. I already had breakfast,” Twilight said.
“Okie dokie lokie!”
The man put the paper down a minute, looking over the rims of his glasses at Twilight.
“Jesus Christ you’re uglier than I thought. Get into a fight with an oompa loompa?”
Twilight blinked. “I’m not ugly!”
“You’re purple! Anything purple is ugly.”
“That’s not true!” Twilight shouted.
“Kid, I’ve been on this Earth for ninety years. Trust me, purple’s ugly.”
Twilight rubbed her leg, staring at her purple coat. “What? No, that’s just my natural color.”
Pinkie returned with a glass of water and breakfast for the man. Without a word he took a piece of toast and munched on it, never taking his eyes off the paper.
“At least this one has the keen sense to be a good color. Pink is a peaceful color, bright to cheer you up, and it’s not red.”
“What’s wrong with red?” Twilight asked.
“I hate red. Saw too much of it in Korea.”
“Your buggie thing is red.”
“No, it’s burgundy. There’s a difference.” He took a sip of his coffee.
“Still, it’s not like we have a choice on what color we are.”
The man lowered the paper and looked at her. “For once, kid, you’re actually right about something.” Then went back to reading. “Genetics can be a bitch.”
“Are we talking about Winona?” Pinkie took a seat beside Twilight, now entering the discussion.
“No.” Both Twilight and the man said.
“Oh, okay!” Pinkie said happily.
Silence fell upon the table for a few short moments, all the while the elderly man ate.
“SO!” Pinkie chirped. “What’s your name?”
“Earl.”
“Nice to meet you Earl! My name’s Pinkie Pie!”
“You kids these days, with your crazy names,” Earl began, setting the paper aside and placing his glasses back into his pocket, “back in my day, we didn’t have all these crazy names. People had common sense to just go with Bill, or Smith, or Joe. Now we got Moon Beam, and Wave, and Pinkie, and on and on and on…”
Earl stopped, taking another fork full of egg into his mouth.
“So! How do you like your breakfast?” Pinkie beamed.
“Eh.”
“...”
“...”
“Is… that it?” Pinkie asked.
“Is what it?” Earl asked.
“Eh?”
“Eh?”
“Eh!”
Earl shrugged, “Eh.”
“Okie dokie!” Pinkie bounced from her seat, setting down the bill. “I have other customers to take care of, let me know if you need anything else, Earl!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Earl waved his hand, returning to his meal.
As Pinkie bounced away, Twilight got up to follow her friend.
“Well, that was rude!”
“What do you mean, Twilight?”
“He didn’t even compliment your cooking! You were hoping he liked it; at best he just didn’t care.”
Pinkie giggled. “Oh Twilight, in the food business you always have two kinds of customers. The ones who criticize everything, and the ones who just shut up and enjoy.”
Twilight blinked, looking back to Earl as he mixed more of his eggs into his hash browns.
“He isn’t saying it, but he likes it. Bet’cha more than Denny’s breakfast.”
Twilight turned back to her friend. “Who’s Denny?”
Pinkie shrugged. “I dunno, but he was looking for breakfast from him.”
“Breakfast at Denny’s?”
Pinkie nodded. “I think I remember there being a film like that.”
Twilight raised a brow, Pinkie shrugged. “As I recalled, I kinda liked it.”
Twilight shook her head. “Anyway, I’m gonna see if I can get any info out of him. We know who he is, but I don’t know what. On top of that, why is he even here? Where did he come from?”
Pinkie tapped her chin. “I dunno, but if you’re gonna ask him, you better hurry up.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s leaving.”
Twilight turned around, and sure enough Earl was already at the door, pushing it open to leave.
“Wait, Earl!” Twilight sped off, leaving a giggling Pinkie Pie behind.
The bubbly mare went over to collect Earl’s bill, when she noticed the strange paper and coins left behind.
“Huh, that’s weird,” Pinkie said, seeing two more paper pieces under his empty coffee mug which gave her a smile, “at least he tipped!”