//------------------------------// // Some HIE Fic I found looking around my files.... // Story: That Could Have Been // by TheDimensionRift //------------------------------// “On your hooves creature” I awoke to see several white horned horses glaring down at where I lay. As I slowly lifted myself up, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head erupt, causing me to wince in agony. When I groaned in pain and placed my hand on the back of my head, one of the horses gave me a shove. “Don’t make me repeat myself,” one of them demanded in a commanding tone. Wow what an asshole right? I was already getting tired of this dude- err horse, and decided I wasn’t going to comply. “But the floor is just sooooo comfy,” I lied as I shuffled on the ground emulating the act of making myself comfortable in bed. “I think I might rest my-” I was interrupted by one of their horns penetrating my shirt near my neck and jerking me up in a violent motion. 'Okay, I take that back, these horses weren’t assholes; they were MAJOR assholes. I wonder if all horses are?' “So, can I ask what I’ve done?” As I managed to get to my feet, I began to look over the creatures that surrounded me. They all wore gold armor plating on various parts of their bodies and their height was shorter than mine. It wasn’t until I had looked them over carefully that I realized these weren’t just some random mutated horses with horns, they were unicorns. “You have been caught trespassing on royal grounds without permission. You are going to be taken to the princess so further punishment may be discussed,” one unicorn said as he stared back at me. “Further punishment?! The hell for!? I haven’t even done shit!” I barked at the unicorn. I must have given off a feeling of malice because the next thing I know I’m being brought back down to the ground by a hoof kick to the back of my leg. You know where I’m talking about, right behind the knee. I fall to my knees and catch myself with my hands on the ground before my face has a chance to kiss it. “Okay…now your really starting to piss me off. I’ll let you know now, I won’t let you do that shit again.” “Are you threatening a royal guard? That’s another charge to throw on top of Breaking and Entering as well as Trespassing. Looks like you’ll be imprisoned for awhile,” said one of the unicorns with a grin of pleasure. ‘Prison? Yeah I’ma have to say hell no to that! Okay let me think, there’s got to be some way I can get outta here.’ I glanced around at the ground only to see the key to my escape from the guards that surrounded me. I was able to stand once again without any of the guards picking up on the fact that I now held an item in my hand. Seeing that I was now accepting my capture, one unicorn cracked a smirk of victory once I was back on my feet. “Looks like your willing to finally come along quietly. Now then, let’s be on our way,” “Hang on a sec, I have a small request before we leave,” The unicorn stared on with a dumbfounded expression after hearing the words I spoke. “I don’t see why not, but don’t you try anything funny,” I’m not saying they’re stupid animals, but if this horse…or unicorn, only knew what ingenious plan I had in mind; funny, would be the last word I’d use to describe it. With a quick and swift movement, I executed my flawless escape plan by releasing one of the items which I now carried in my hand, followed by the magical phrase which I’ve used countless times to escape the company of others before. “Look at the rock!” I screamed after tossing a pebble several feet from my location. Instinctively, the unicorns cocked their heads toward the object which I had released from my palm. As if mesmerized by its presence, all of the guards locked eyes on the oval shaped pebble and continued watching it intently. I’d say it took them a good 5 seconds before they realized what they were staring at. And by the time they looked back at where I was standing, it was already too late. I took off as fast as I could across the garden looking field only seconds after the pebble left my hand. I may have had a head start but I gotta hand it to them, those unicorns were pretty damn fast. They were already catching up to me before I knew it, their distance was now only meters away from where I was. It was then that I remembered I still held on to several small rocks in my hand and decided to put them to good use. “Human uses Rock Throw!” I screamed as I expertly threw a spherical shaped rock at one of the unicorns. I watched the rock hit him in his eye as he cried out in pain and tripped over his own hooves, doing so caused the others behind him to crash into each other and fall to the ground. Watching them all trip up I couldn’t help but let out a laugh as I glanced back at the guard who was giving me so much shit before, he glared back as several other unicorns fell on top of him; he snorted at me angrily. “It was super effective!” I had to admit, for ‘royal’ guards these guys weren’t at all as well coordinated or professional as I thought they’d be. As a matter of fact, this must have been the worst kind of law enforcement I’ve ever seen, clumsiest too. As I watched back and laughed hysterically, I didn’t have enough brains to watch where I was going and crashed face first into something. The pain I had once felt in my head was back and throbbing more then ever as I fell on my ass. I focused my vision to see another unicorn scowling back at me, only, this unicorn was a dark blue and black with strange blue hair, an image of a moon on her rump, and she had wings. Not gonna lie, the wings looked pretty badass and I actually wanted a pair for myself. "What art thou doing in the royal garden!?" I couldn't help myself, I began cracking up with laughter after her question. I mean who did this horse think she was, Shakespeare? Needless to say she wasn't fond of my hysteria as I watched her face fill red with anger. Just as I was finishing up, I heard the clamoring of hooves approaching and knew I didn't have time for this horse to read me a poem. "I'd love to stay and chat," I began as I wiped away a tear of joy from my eye. "But I got somewhere to be," She must have noticed that the guards were behind me because she blocked my path. I shifted left, she shifted left; I went right, she did the same; she mimicked my movements and I was beginning to get annoyed. As I was playing with miss copycat, I hadn't noticed the guards sneaking up behind me. I only noticed when I was aggressively tackled to the floor with several unicorns restraining me down by my hands and feet. Though they appeared to be horses, these creatures were very light in comparison. Sure, they were heavy as a group, but I'm sure I'd be able to pick up one of these guys separately if the opportunity arose. "Princess Luna, did this creature bring harm to you?" asked a guard who stood next to her with concern. "Indeed, please take note that this creature assaulted a member of the royal family," she said through gritted teeth. "Oh bullshit!" I snapped at her before several hooves covered my mouth. She only stared at me with a face of confusion, possibly trying to contemplate what the dung of a bull had to do with this situation. "Such vulgarity shall not be tolerated, take it away," Luna commanded as she turned her back to me. As the guards let me up, one of them shot a beam from their horn which seemed to bound my hands in magical handcuff like restraints. They let me off my feet and prepared to march me away, however, I still had a laugh I wanted to get in. "Wait, you can't imprison me! Then you'll never know!" "Halt!" Luna commanded with a hoof raised. The guards listened obediently and turned me around to face the princess. "What douth thou speaketh of?" 'Good, she's interested. Now to have some fun.' "If you imprison me then you'll never know where the secret sacred treasure is hidden," Luna stared at me intently as though trying to tell if I was lying or not. It's almost impossible for a guy to lie to a girl, human or not. Luckily for me, I was a professional. "And what treasure might that be?" Luna asked with a serious expression. "The treasure of Ima Wiener," "Ima Wiener?" Luna asked with a perplexing gaze. I could already see several guards attempting to hide smiles or hold in laughter. I guess I wasn't the only one who found Luna's reaction funny, however, it wasn't until her next question that me and another guard began to erupt with laughter. “Who is this ‘Ima Wiener’?” Though I was laughing I could see Luna was truly curious about the treasure, it was only after a few seconds did she pick up on the name I spoke of. When she did, her curious complexion was replaced by a red face of mixed emotions of embarrassment and anger. “Take him away!” Luna said once more as she waved her hoof. “Oh come on moonbutt,” I chuckled. “Just chill,” Luna obviously wasn’t going to take my shit anymore because she shot a beam from her horn which knocked me off my feet and sent me flying back. With a hard thud, my back landed on the ground and once again my head hit the grass rather hard. The blow was stronger then I thought because the next thing I know everything went dark and I faded from consciousness. I awoke to find myself alone in a jail cell, however, this jail was different from usual jails. This cell wasn’t like the ones I’ve seen before, the walls all around the cell were made of cobblestone and bright torches mounted on the walls were the only source of light, well that and the fading sunlight from out an open window. As I sat up, I noticed the pain in my head was gone and replaced by a newfound pain which came from a bump on the back of my head. ‘If this shit keeps going than I’m gonna have a headache before the day is over’. I looked out from my cell to see others which resembled my own, unlike mine though, not a soul was within these cells. The sound of hooves caused me to turn my eyes to a giant wooden door that now opened, in the doorway was a guard with an angered face. He shut the door behind him and made his way to where I stood and then just stared at me silently. “Take a picture horseshoe, it’ll last longer,” Upon hearing my words, the unicorn ditched his stern façade and began to laugh at me. “Oh I did always enjoy the humor of you humans, there was always some form of mischief or chaos in your actions and vocabulary,” said the unicorn with a faint smile. I was confused at this point, how the hell did he know I was a human when all the other unicorns, including Luna, had not even a clue of what I was? As though he read my very thoughts, the unicorn laughed again before speaking. “Yes, I know you’re a human, I might possibly be the only one; yes, I know your not from here; and on top of that, you have magic. As for who I am, you can call me Discord,” As he said this, the unicorn’s eyes changed from their blue color to a strange yellow with red pupils. “Discord? What’s this thing you said about me having magic? More importantly, what am I doing here, in this world anyway?” “So many questions yet so little time, now then, stand clear of the cell door,” With a flash of light from his horn, Discord changed the jail cell door from metal into cinnamon sticks in seconds. Realizing my stomach had taken control, I swiftly chewed through the now delicious door and devoured it in just as little time as it took the unicorn to transform it. I gave out a belch of satisfaction and licked the tip of my fingers. “Thanks for setting me free, oh and for the snack too. You said I could use magic too, can I do spells like that?” “Sorry, chaos magic is reserved for yours truly,” Discord said placing a hoof on his chest. “And don’t celebrate, you haven’t made it out yet,” Discord transformed into a small fly and landed on my shoulder. “As long as you listen to me you should be able to sneak out without any problems,” said the tiny voice in my ear. “How the hell am supposed to ‘sneak’ out of here? I stick out like a sore thumb in this damn place?” In another flash of light I noticed that my height had shrunk slightly and my stance felt….off. I looked at myself and noticed I was standing on all fours like a dog, no that’s not it, like a horse. “Discord?” “Yeeeesssss?” the tiny voice replied innocently. “The fuck!?” “What? You said you’d stand out like a sore thumb right? Now your practically invisible,” as he said this, the tiny creature made a small mirror appear in front of me before it disappeared seconds after. He had transformed me into one of the unicorn guards who had brought me here in the first place, armor and everything, my disguise was spot on. I attempted to walk and almost fell, this had to be one of the most awkward feelings I’ve ever felt. I wasn’t used to walking like a horse, let alone having the body of one. As I struggled to get familiar with my new (hopefully not permanent) body, I heard the forthcoming sound of hooves marching towards my direction. “Stay calm, as long as you repeat exactly as I say you’ll be able to walk right out the front door,” Within a few short moments, I was graced by the presence of 7 unicorn guards resembling myself. I did as Discord had instructed and put up a façade to mask my original personality. “The prisoner has escaped! We must inform the princess immediately!” Hearing my words, the guards began to panic and shifted their direction away from me instead. I noticed another unicorn was now rushing towards me instead. This one was different from the rest, his armor seemed to stand out and his blue streaked hair underneath his helmet differed him among the rest. Perhaps a higher ranking officer? “What happened here?” he commanded. “Sir, the prisoner has escaped. It looks like the whole cell door is gone as well,” “He can use magic?” the unicorn asked himself under his breath as he faced away from me. He turned around and faced the rest of the guards and myself once more. “Seal off all the exits and search the castle from top to bottom, we will find him,” Hearing his command, I mimicked the other officers by giving a fake salute to the unicorn and ran off in a similar direction as them. Not only did his physical appearance differ, but this unicorn’s level of comprehension was clearly above the rest I had encountered. I guess not every equine is stupid after all. “Discord not to be rude but I have no fuckin idea where I’m going!” I said trying to suppress my yell as there were still guards in listening range. “Your heading in the right direction, now keep going straight ahead and you’ll be home free. For now, I have to go, should the worse arise use these,” a small sack was tied to my wrist-or hoof, which held what felt like black palm sized spherical objects. “Say where you want to go, throw some one of those at the ground beneath you, and ta-dah! You’ll be transported there instantly. What do you think?” “I think J.K. Rowling is gonna sue somebody,” “Anyways, gotta run, good luck, adios amigo,” I heard a faint pop near my ear as I had noticed the small fly was gone. ‘The hell did he mean by good luck? No time to dwell on it now, the exit is right in front of me and I’d be stupid not to take it’. I burst through the giant wooden door expecting to feel the wind from outside hit my face, sadly, this wasn’t the case. “Goddamn it Discord, you had one job,” I muttered to myself. Upon opening the massive doors, I was greeted by eight horses, two were larger in comparison to the other six. One of them I recognized right away as moonbutt Luna from earlier today who sat on a miniature throne next to a larger winged unicorn with bright green and blue hair that moved like her own. The other Six were smaller horses of differing bright colors. Two were unicorns; two looked to be normal horses aside from color; and from my knowledge of Greek mythology, I deducted that the last two with wings were none other than the mythical creatures known as pegasi. But out of all the creatures, the two which stood out to me the most were the cyan rainbow haired pegasus and the bright pink horse which kept hopping in place instead of standing still like the others. After bursting through the doors and possibly interrupting a conversation which they were having prior, all eyes turned to me as the large white winged unicorn spoke to me. “Have you come to report your findings?” I only stood silent, dumbfounded by the very question that I knew I didn’t have an answer for. It didn’t help that I was the center of attention either. After a few moments of a mental anxiety attack, I exhaled a deep breath and put on my guard façade once more. After all, I was a professional when it came to lying to girls, and horses wouldn’t be any different. “Actually, I-” My façade was shattered and a look of surprise took over my face as I realized Discord’s transformation spell had worn off. Instead of standing all fours, I now stood on my usual two human legs. Recognizing me just as I did her, Luna gave me a glare which I happily returned back to her. “You!” “Moonbutt,” I replied with a devilish smirk. Remembering the crude nickname I had given her, Luna jumped from her throne and dashed forward at me. I looked at the sack that was tied around my hand and decided to have a little fun. I quickly withdrew one of the black palm sized spheres from within the sack and held it above my head. Noticing this, the six small horses let out shocked gasps and Luna stopped her high speed rush and watched my hand carefully. “Ladies,” I glanced over at Luna, “Moonbutt, you will always remember this as the day that you almost caught, Captain Jack Sparr—” My monologue was intervened by a purple sphere of magic that imprisoned me. I placed the my escape object back into the bag and placed my hand on my spherical prison; it was as solid as a wall even though it looked as fragile as a bubble. “Oh you gotta be kidding me!” I hissed as I slammed my fists against the magic bubble. “Damn it, I was so close!” The six horses slowly approached me cautiously as though they were seeing a wild animal for the first time. As they drew nearer I noticed that one of the unicorns I had seen before now had a pair of wings like Luna. “Princess,” she began as she turned her head back to the larger white winged unicorn. “What is it?” “It’s a creature even I haven’t seen before. Luna, you’ve encountered it before, what was it like?” “It has displayed the traits of in ill mannered ruffian who dwells on trickery and inappropriate comical high-jinks,” Hearing Luna soiling my good name the way she was I knew I couldn’t let it go on any longer. “If I may interject,” I began as I sat down with my legs crossed and put on my English accent. “Princess Luna, I apologize for my earlier high-jinks and referring to as *clears throat* Moonbutt,” At the mention of Luna’s nickname, the pink horse let out a laugh but a shove from the other horse next to her made her stop. So, I’ve found someone who actually enjoys a good laugh? I’ll have to take note of her, she could be useful in my escape. “I assure you, my jokes were all in good fun and only made to generate a laugh from you,” I narrowed my eyes at the pink horse who stared back with a smile. “After all, who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh?” “Ooh, I do! I do!” the pink one cried out as she waved a hoof in the air as she jumped up and down. “Laughter or not, one cannot make jokes lightly and run around acting like some ruffian,” said a white unicorn with a purple curly hairstyle. She spoke in a proper accent, one I had heard numerous times from the prissy girls around my neighborhood. “Oh, you are too right. I assure you I am no ruffian, as a matter of fact, I abhor such behavior and feel as though one should condone oneself with finesse and grace. Wouldn’t you agree?” The unicorn seemed mesmerized by my words as I spoke exactly what she wanted to hear. Hook, line, and sinker; lying to mythical creatures was so much easier than lying to real girls. “I see what you mean princess Luna, his strength comes from his trickery and words,” It was the lavender winged unicorn who stepped forward to confront me. I had to hand it to her, this one could see through my bullshit and wouldn’t be strayed as easily as the others. She was no doubt going to be a problem. “Trickery? In no way do I practice any form of such thing. Do you not trust me because we are so different?” “No, I don’t trust you because you remind me to much of Discord,” Hearing his name brought up, I lost my cool and looked up at the unicorn when she mentioned Discord. In hindsight, I might have made a mistake allowing my façade to lift away. The unicorn acknowledged this and raised an eyebrow. “So you do know Discord? Is he the reason you’re here?” I stood up and pulled out the black sphere from the sack that Discord had given me and tossed it in the air while catching it in my palm. “Well……. ..I fucked up. Now to ensure no other mistakes are made, I must bid you all farewell,” I raised my hand triumphantly getting ready to throw down the pellet when a thought ran threw my head. “Shit! I have no idea of any nearby areas around here. Does anyone know of any local towns or cities that may be well within reach?” “Oooh, how about Ponyville?” cried out the pink horse. “Pinkie Pie!” snapped the lavender winged unicorn who was irritated with her friend’s answer to my question. “Pinkie Pie was it? Thank you for being so cooperative with me, my dear, we should do lunch sometime.” I raised my arm once again and prepared to make my escape. “Ponyville!” In a puff of black smoke I disappeared from within my spherical prison and found myself in a silent little town which seemed teeming with life. ‘Huh what do ya know? These things worked like a charm.’ I examined the town and noticed how bright and vibrant it had been, though, the sun was beginning to set. “Time for me to face my real problem: where the hell am I gonna sleep?”