..not an accident ...be removed
...condemned to
...she swears
...a hazard to society
...dismemberment
...only one corpse
...may not be her fault
... destined to be
...is on trial for—
She woke.
And she cried knowing the one she loved the most was next to the one she hated most.
Hours of shallow sleep passed before a cusp of sunlight became visible. She never moved from her bed. Nights ended the same way, awake in terror.
In all the stories, all the poems, the one who had it all was happy. The affects were profound and joyful, but as for her, she didn’t want it all. She wanted to remove some pony.
It confused her.
Why was the thought of her disappearing so appealing? Why did it make her feel giddy at the thought of her family breaking apart?
It was unnerving. It went against everything she had read and been told.
It wasn’t the disappearance that made her skin crawl, for it is what she wanted. But why?
In all of those books, those books with happily ever after’s, every pony had everything they wanted. Only after the hero gained what they wanted, were they truly happy. But as for her, she wanted to lose something to be happy. Her fur ruffled.
Half an hour after dawn, the clock chimed a simple alarm. Her thoughts were interrupted by an opening door. By comparison, the pony was a giant and was holding a bowl of gruel; this constituted as breakfast, lunch or dinner. In this case, it was breakfast. Levitating it down onto a filly-sized table, the pony closed the door and left her alone to her own thoughts.
Today's breakfast was different however. The bowl came with a card written in a different hoof-writing than the one who delivered the breakfast.
Happy sixth birthday, Caedes! I'm sorry I can't be here to celebrate in the morning, but I will be back tonight! Just wait a little longer, so we can have some fun!
- Love, Daddy
Caedes stared at the paper. Any joy felt at the moment was crushed.
Another wasted year.
A cracked squeak broke the silence with muffled crying.
******
It wasn’t always like this.
...No, it has always been like this for her.
It shouldn’t have been like this. It shouldn’t have started with her.
There was no guarantee that anything would work. Fate and Chance, there was no choice! Fate, the most powerful force.... No matter how far a pony may run, Fate will catch them in the end.
I never asked for this. She never asked for this. Why did this happen to us.. to her?
Cursed? For what reason? Did we tempt Fate? Did we anger them? Was it even our fault?
The only choice was to obstruct Fate’s dealings. But what power does the goddess hold? Names. Names are Fate’s hellhounds. Names are the most powerful magic, the magic of unrelenting correction to guide a pony down the path chosen for him or her. They are the chains, binding us.
But we found it. We searched exhaustively across for anything that could help. We looked for magic: black magic, white magic, artifacts, runes, scrolls, and everything in between. And we found an answer. Maybe not the best or most perfect answer, but it had been long enough since we started.
She was two years old by then. Two years for her True Name to shape her future. We were worried it wouldn’t even work, but that Dark Alley changed everything.
...This is the only way Caedes can be free from her name. She is no longer a slave.
Is it for the best? Yes. Is it better than it was?
Absolutely not.
I distance myself from her. It breaks my being to never smile, to never greet, to never love. But I can’t care. I am unable.
I cannot care.
...
Why doesn’t this bother me?
Just being around others tempts Fate. I learned this the hard way when Caedes regained her color. She was completely... normal... for weeks. I became nervous and started experimenting.
It worked, but Tracker was concerned. I don’t know if this was the right thing to do, but I feel free from my name. If I no longer am bound by mine, than she will no longer be bound by hers. I don’t know when this’ll end. Perhaps never? I just need to keep moving forward.
Unless something breaks.
And I think it’s been too long already.
It’s her birthday today. My daughter’s birthday...
I am a terrible mother.
******
Hooves on the ground. Face forward. Stand.
Stand.
Stand.
...
Every year of this feels longer than the last. I don’t want this... but it’s too late to turn back now.
We decided after we found the—solution? It’s been four years. Four years. Celestia, that’s two thirds of her life!
At her birth, Empathy told me how she felt her True Name. The names are gifted at birth, and her’s.. her’s was terrifying. Empathy clutched her arm, to prevent dropping Caedes from shock.
Empathy said it felt like dropping into water in the Frozen North.
We were distraught, Empathy especially though. Caedes smiled back up at us with her lustrous blue eyes. Neither of us had the heart to give up, which was never our first intentions.
And that two year quest... We took all our vacation time, and nearly emptied out life savings. And we found something. That dark spot in your peripheral vision... We were in an alley. I almost left, but I felt magic pulling at my horn. The dark spot was a door leading to the answer.
"You can’t change what’s already been decided,” The shopkeeper said. “But. Things have yet to be decided."
...
It wasn’t perfect.
It was the most logical solution! But... But... It doesn’t feel right.
However, those two weeks of her regaining her color proves that it is necessary.
No friends. Private tutors. Hiding her real name from herself. Isolating her from other ponies. Little to no time outside of her room. Keeping her away from magic. Spending little time with her...
It feels like a crime...
Something repressed rolls down my muzzle.