Deep within the Castle of Friendship, a unicorn mare desperately tried to find rest. The warm embrace of sleep was evading her grasp. Frustrated, she let out a groan and turned onto her side. This left her staring at the doorway through a veil of darkness. So many questions were coursing through her mind. This caused her to toss and turn, unable to stay still and peaceful for more than a few seconds. Thinking that perhaps a small walk would help ease her nerves, Starlight slipped out of the soft confines of her bedclothes and quietly moved towards the door.
A gentle blue glow from her horn illuminated the dark hallway as that she emerged into. In the stillness every sound was amplified, from her breathing to her footsteps. Adjusting the flow of her magic, Starlight cast a muffling spell around herself. Now the castle's other two residents would be undisturbed. Or should she say, three residents. In the guest room next to hers, slumbered her newest friend. Trixie Lulamoon and herself had hit it off almost instantaneously. Their similarities gave them common ground to work from. Even after Trixie had crushed her heart almost irreparably they had managed to reconcile. This had also allowed the royal blue mare to reconcile with Starlight's teacher, Twilight Sparkle.
The Princess of Friendship had not met with Trixie on the best of terms. Both of their previous encounters had left a lasting impression on Twilight that was not entirely unwarranted. Trixie was a show-mare that loved the spotlight. She always wanted to win, making anything and everything a competition if she could get away with it. Only hours prior Trixie had tried her hoof at competing against Twilight once again, this time with Starlight in the middle. The stage magician had beaten the Princess of Friendship but had almost lost her first friend in the process.
Starlight sighed as she left the guest room behind in her aimless meandering. The night had been a success regardless of the many mishaps, so why did she still feel restless? Nightmares frequently kept her from sleep, the twisted representations of her misguided past warped into horrifying punishments by her own guilt. However, this was different. The unsettled tightness in her chest was due to much more recent events. The subject of Twilight Sparkle's true feelings towards her, considering her animosity towards Trixie, had surfaced but had been glossed over. Did her teacher trust her? Were they truly friends, or did the past cut too deeply? For the first time since Twilight had taken her in, Starlight was unsure of the answer.
Desiring the comfort of darkness, Starlight relinquished the magic flow to her horn and let the conjured light fade. Engulfed in the shadows she continued to wander, uncaring of her direction. A sharp pain in her head brought her thoughts to a screeching halt. Her head had slammed into something of similar composition to it. The collision with the unseen mass sent Starlight sprawling to the ground. Bright spots of colour flashed in her vision, while her ears became clogged with a high pitched ringing.
In front of her, whoever she had bumped headlong into was in a similar state. Given that Spike was far too short and she had not heard Trixie leave the guest room while she lay awake, that left only one option. Through the ringing in her ears, Starlight heard a distinctly Twilight sounding groan that confirmed her theory. The unicorn shoved herself to her feet, swaying slightly as her still throbbing head protested such abrupt movements. Dizziness washed over her like an ocean swell, retreating just as quickly as it had come.
A muted magenta light emanated from Twilight's horn, revealing to the alicorn just who she had crashed into. She felt her stomach churn violently and would not be surprised if the gurgling was audible to Starlight. Of all the ponies to bump into in the middle of the night this would probably be close to her last choice at present. Only passed by Trixie and maybe Princess Celestia. The solar alicorn had been quietly furious when she had left the abandoned dinner. Twilight had tried to apologise but could tell that a rift had formed between them. A rift which had torn a void in her own self. How long it would endure, she did not know. Though now she had much more current problems- Starlight was almost definitely wandering the castle for the same reason as she was.
Within the zone of light created by Twilight's magic, Starlight rubbed her still throbbing head. The awkward silence stretched onwards, neither mare wanted to be the first to speak. After what seemed like several minutes Twilight mustered the courage to speak.
“Hey Starlight,” she started, a nervous laugh underlying her words.
“Hello Twilight,” Starlight replied, keeping her tone as level and pleasant as possible.
A defeated sigh escaped the alicorn and she moved herself into a sitting position. There was no avoiding this conversation any longer. Her heart wished that she could delay for a more appropriate time but her logical mind told her it would do only harm. She finished her long drawn out sigh and said,
“We have to talk.”
Starlight just nodded silently, taking a sitting position opposite Twilight. The cold, unyielding, crystal floor chilled her haunches. Shivers raced unbidden through her core, until she became accustomed to the cool surface. Twilight heard the gentle quivering of Starlight's body. She too felt a level of discomfort from their current position. The night was a particularly cool one and some of the chill had bled into the castle walls and floors. Through her own shivers she threw out a suggestion,
“Perhaps we could go to a-” she started, hopeful that her delaying tactic would succeed. Her initial determination had fled from her, just as the cold floor sapped the heat from her body.
The irony was not lost on Starlight. This was exactly the situation they had faced in the Crystal Empire, only reversed. Now it was Twilight who was delaying and she, Starlight, was having none of it. Twilight's pulled back ears and anxious expression mirrored how she had looked on that day. Perhaps she should have had a little more sympathy but if they did not at least start the conversation then there was a possibility it would never happen. More sharply than she intended, she interrupted Twilight. Each word shredded the alicorn's hopes until they lay in tatters.
“Twilight, if we delay this any longer we'll just never talk about it. It's been gnawing at me all night and if you weren't the same then you wouldn't be out here with me.”
Twilight made a fuss of stroking her wing with a hoof, staying firmly silent. What her student said was true but that made the looming conversation no easier. Starlight added her own magical light to the aura of illumination around them, allowing her to see Twilight more easily. The mare was visibly distressed, fidgeting intently with her wing feathers. Starlight winced at the sight but held firm. This had to be done.
“Twilight,” Starlight continued, her tone now softer and more gentle. “I need to know if you're comfortable with me even being here... When I brought up the subject of how you felt about me you dodged the question.”
“You did run away,” Twilight pointed out.
Heat quickly rose to Starlight's cheeks, turning them a rosy pink. She had forgotten about that minor detail. Regardless she had a push back almost instantly. The unicorn coughed to clear her throat and pushed the messy lock of her mane from her eyes before saying,
“I was well within earshot. Until you tried to foist another fake friend on me...”
Twilight felt her chest tighten. She had been foolish to try and control who Starlight made friends with. She had her reasons, but looking back she could see how childish she had acted. Hindsight was indeed perfect.
“Trixie told me what happened...and it's nothing compared to what I did... I don't understand why Trixie and I are so different to you. If we aren't then well, I'm worried.”
Twilight shifted uncomfortably, fervently hoping she could articulate an answer that would be least offensive to Starlight. Whatever she said, the unicorn would leave this hallway hurting. Several times, the alicorn tried to begin a sentence only to falter and pull back. Starlight was putting her utmost effort into appearing patient but the faint twitch of her ears and the rigidity of her position gave her away. She was teetering on the edge, waiting for the answer she should have demanded weeks ago. Finally, Twilight spoke, her words spilling out in an uncoordinated mess.
“Honestly, I want to help you. When I looked at you I could see remorse...with Trixie I saw none of that. We left on decent terms but for weeks all I could think about was what she did to me and my friends. All because I stepped in to protect the town from an Ursa Minor. I had no quarrel with her. But with the alicorn amulet she tried to take everything away from me...everything. I know that the amulet corrupted her, I know that...but she still chose to put it on. All just to get back at me.”
“Not so different from when I tried to stop the Rainboom,” Starlight interjected flatly.
This elicited a glare from Twilight, but her student remained unflinching. Performing Cadance's exercise helped calm the alicorn, at least enough to prevent her from saying something she would regret
“I don't know why it's different Starlight...it just is... We took something from you. We took your whole life away. Yes we had to do it but it still felt wrong. Trixie and I barely interacted before she came to Ponyville and made everyone miserable over a grudge.”
“So I'm basically a pity case?” asked Starlight.
She could not understand why her question dripped with venom, or why her breathing was quickening as she struggled to contain herself. Anger was rising from within, a burning volcano of emotion that threatened to overwhelm and consume her. The same anger which had blinded her once before. Suddenly that all drained from her at Twilight's next statement, leaving her feeling hollow and weak.
“Yes, you were,” Twilight murmured. “I knew I couldn't stop you unless I helped you. I had to talk you down, but afterwards...I couldn't just leave you. I had to help you, whether I wanted to or not. I'm the Princess of Friendship, it's my duty to spread friendship throughout Equestria, to everyone. Imprisoning you would solve nothing and would be a waste of your talents. Or worse you would have simply escaped and become an even more dangerous foe. Even now...”
Here Twilight paused and looked at her pupil. Starlight was staring at the ground, eyes empty. Her body was trembling, from something that Twilight was certain was not cold. This made the princess hesitate. Would revealing the most crucial detail, the one thing Starlight wished to know, be too much to bear right now? Both of them were emotional and dangling on the the edge of their tethers. A confrontation was something she desperately wished to avoid. Starlight had proven her magical abilities numerous times. She was learning, she was improving in her social skills but she was still prone to overreaction and snap decisions. The wrong word, or the wrong situation could send her careening over the edge. A conflict now would put all their progress back several stages, perhaps irreparably so. Only a few hours prior this had barely been avoided. Taking a few extra moments, Twilight considered her options. Right now there were precious few available to her.
“Even now I'm scared of you. I'm scared of what will happen if you go down the wrong path again. That's why I wanted to control your meeting with Sunburst, that's why I asked Spike to go with you when you went to find Sunburst to save the Empire. I'm scared of anything that might ruin all the progress you've made. That's why I didn't want you to associate with Trixie. So yes...yes Starlight you worry me. I wasn't comfortable around you, and I'm still not. It's improving but every time something goes wrong, I worry. I worry that if you become evil I won't be able to stop you next time. I'm, I'm sorry...but I have to be honest.”
Being truthful seemed to be the most logical choice. Though it was not the easiest. By the end of her speech Twilight was shaking, trying to keep her voice from cracking throughout. Weeks of holding in her misgivings to try and support the fragile unicorn had taken their toll. She could only pray that Starlight would understand.
Starlight remained motionless, sitting unnaturally still as she listened to the words she had been dreading. Only when Twilight had finished did she move. Mechanically she moved to her feet, unfocused gaze staring straight blankly ahead. Her mind was a turmoil of thoughts and feelings. Twilight had finally been truthful to her. Her presence had been causing everyone discomfort. As much as they said they trusted her, no one truly did. Though she knew that already. Twilight was teaching her despite her own misgivings. The princess was putting herself at risk to help her. Twilight's friends treated her with kindness when she did not deserve it. A small smile twitched her lips and her sapphire eyes glistened with moisture.
“Thank you Twilight...” she said gently. “Thank you.”
Immediately the weight in the air dissipated and Twilight felt the tightness in her chest loosen. Able to breathe properly once again, she allowed a small smile of her own to tug at her tired features.
“I will admit, it has been fun though. Sort of a learning experience for both of us. I've enjoyed getting to know you too, and it is getting easier. Trixie just brought a lot of old feelings back. I shouldn't have let them affect me but I did.”
“I'm glad we got that all out in the open though,” Starlight said. “That's been a relatively frequent occurrence lately.”
“Any time you need to,” Twilight said softly. “I mean it Starlight. I want to help you...”
Less than an hour later, true to their word, both mares had passed out in their respective bedrooms. Twilight slept peacefully, her dreams taking her to the Canterlot Archives. Here she was busy re-organising the entirety of the Starswirl the Bearded wing. However, though Starlight had indeed succumbed to sleep it was anything but restful. As happened every night the unicorn was gripped in the thrall of her nightmares. On this occasion the dream version of herself was standing over Twilight, speaking words that only the old her would ever utter. She was gloating her victory, watching as an equalised Equestria began to form. Ponies were giving up their cutie marks willingly, just as she had once wished. Her dream self was relishing in Twilight's despair as the alicorn watched her friends give up their cutie marks, entrusting them to Starlight. The cutie marks were locked in the vault, casting their harsh light upon the scene. The real Starlight was forced to observe while locked in crystal, her own crystal spell, begging her dream self to stop. Her efforts were in vain no matter how loudly she screamed.
Then came the worst part. The equalised Equestria was powerless against its enemies. They appeared only as dark shadowed voids that swallowed all light. Except for their piercing sapphire blue eyes that burned into her quaking soul. For a long agonising moment they loomed over Equestria, shrouding the land in darkness. Starlight could only watch the horror forming in the equalised ponies' eyes. This would have been her doing. If she had succeeded, then this would be her legacy. Fear, destruction and despair would be the imprint she left on Equestria. An age of darkness. Then the gathering evil attacked.
Each night, Starlight found herself bearing witness to the doom of Equestria. Encased in her prison she could only watch as her dream self engaged in a futile struggle with the impending destruction. No matter how much she threw against the casing of crystal, it refused to break. She was just as powerless as her dream self, only able to wait for the nightmares to run their course. Dread filled her. Squeezing her eyes shut gave no reprieve from the horrors occurring before her. The sounds of screaming ponies and her dream self's horrified yells only intensified to compensate.
Suddenly, everything changed. The prison holding her in place melted into nothingness. Now free from her entrapment she watched in awe as the shadows retreated. Equestria was returned to peaceful normality. Both Twilight and dream Starlight vanished. Left alone within the now empty Cutie Mark Vault she frantically began to search for the cause of the change.
“I wondered when I would find your dreams Starlight Glimmer,” a soothing voice said from behind her.
Whirling around, Starlight came face to face with the elegant form of Princess Luna. Still believing this to be another twisted apparition of her nightmare, a cruel joke to lull her into a false sense of security, she stepped back a pace. Luna merely smiled softly and said.
“I suspect you are surprised. I as Princess of the Night have the power to walk through ponies dreams. I am not a part of your dream Starlight Glimmer. I am here to help you.”
“How exactly can I trust you?” Starlight asked sceptically, turning her head to fix Luna with a suspicious glare.
“A fair question. One that is rather difficult to answer. All I can ask for now is that you do trust me. I mean you no harm.”
“You'd say that anyway if you were just a dream trying to trick me,” Starlight snorted.
“True, but while it would be interesting to discuss these matters there are more pressing concerns. These dreams of yours, how often do they occur?”
“Every night. Not always the same one but it always has the same theme. Either I win and Equestria gets destroyed or Twilight decides I'm unteachable and throws me in a cell, or worse.” Starlight replied, sounding bored as she recited her night terrors.
“I see...You seem to have simply accepted these nightmares as fact,” Luna replied thoughtfully, seeing a worrying parallel.
“Somewhat...they just happen. I can't stop them, so I just live with them. The only time it gets...difficult is trying to get back to sleep. I need to hope that by the time they awaken me it is late enough in the night to simply remain awake. I've tried every spell I can think of but nothing will make them stop. So that's that,” stated the unicorn matter of factly.
“Nightmares can often be difficult. One needs to find the source of their problems to truly be rid of them. Anything else is temporary at best and ineffective at worst.”
“That fills me with confidence. I'm assuming you have a suggestion or you would not have appeared to me. This is all assuming that you are actually you. I still have not been convinced,” Starlight challenged, a smirk playing on her features.
“Perhaps later I shall be able to satisfy you,” Luna replied. “Though as I said, I would rather keep to the topic at hand for now if I may.”
“Go ahead,” Starlight shrugged. “I'll hold for now.”
Luna's small smile fell from her face and she turned sombre. Truthfully she had little idea how to help Starlight. This was not a young filly who needed assistance, and the issue was very close to home for the lunar princess.
“Accepting that the past is in the past is the first step. It is a struggle that I have undertaken myself. As you may already know I was once Nightmare Moon, and threatened to shroud Equestria in eternal night.”
Starlight confirmed that she knew with a nod. It was one of the few pieces of the outside world which had penetrated her village. The panic which came from the lack of sun, even for a few hours had been difficult to quell. Seeing what Luna could be getting at, Starlight began to rethink her assessment of her situation. Either her imagination was amazing, or she had just spent half a conversation back talking one of the most powerful ponies ever...
“For a long time I punished myself with a creature known as the Tantabus. It created nightmares for me which were designed as penance for my sins. However, the creature escaped and once again I was the cause of a threat to all Equestria. You cannot live in fear of your past self Starlight, or you may come to regret how this fear makes you act. It is a never ending cycle that only worsens until you are clutched too tightly within its grasp.”
“But I didn't create these nightmares. They just come. It isn't some outside force or whatever, just my own head telling me what I already know. I was evil and messed up,” Starlight shot back immediately, not willing to allow Luna to create a parallel.
“Nevertheless, have you spoken to anypony about this? To any of your friends?”
“Not this specifically, though Applejack is helping me with another set of nightmares. These ones though, I would much rather keep to myself.”
“And why is that?” Princess Luna asked, folding her wings close to her body and blinking her teal eyes as she waited on a response.
“A few reasons,” Starlight began, deciding to just keep the overall tone of the conversation. Silly formalities now would only grate on her already thinning nerves.
“It's my problem to deal with. They can't help me with every little thing, whether they want to or not. If I can keep something to myself I will, for the simple reason that I caused it. I also don't need to hear that it will never happen. I know that! I just...keep seeing it. It's real to me.”
Starlight felt a heavy sigh escape her and she let her shoulders droop. She was now wholly convinced that this was not part of her dream. Their conversation was far too organic. That meant she was talking to an alicorn princess who was over a millennium old about night terrors. It made her feel like a little filly trying to explain a nightmare to her mother. She must have made a face at that, because Luna queried,
“Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing,” answered Starlight abruptly, unwilling to tell the princess that she had just compared her to a mother.
Luna was unconvinced but dropped the subject. It would only waste the night and she had more important duties here. Starlight may not be creating these nightmares, but the young mare was creating her own problems by keeping them hidden. After a moment of thought she posed a question.
“Do you believe they would want to help you?”
This made Starlight pull another face. The answer was obvious, but it would drive the conversation in an unwanted direction. Feeling Luna's calm gaze probe her for an answer, she relented.
“Yes, yes they would.”
Luna nodded. “I would not want to speak for them but I am sure they believe in your change. They would want to help you succeed.”
“I just...don't want to drop this on them right now. They've already sacrificed so much for me,” Starlight pressed.
Despite the fact that she was talking to the second highest power in the land, she remained defiant. Her mind was made up. Thinking back to what Twilight had revealed to her gave her the courage to make her feelings known, even to an ancient alicorn princess.
“Maybe one day...but not today.”
Disappointment filled Luna but she let the motion stand. Before she was able to offer any more words, the dream world around them began to distort violently. The ground beneath the two ponies shuddered, sending Starlight crashing into the cutie mark vault. Everything around her had lost focus, as if she was viewing her surroundings while submerged in murky waters. Eyes wide with fear, she looked around wildly. Locking onto Luna she demanded,
“What's happening?!”
“It appears somepony is trying to wake you. I am afraid I must leave before you enter the waking world. Remember Starlight, you are not alone in this.”
Silently, Luna was cursing the inopportune timing of this event. The next time they met Starlight would only be more guarded. With one last look towards the lilac unicorn the Princess of the Night departed, slipping into the endless expanse of the dream-scape once more.
Back in her room, Starlight jolted awake. Blinking rapidly, she searched through the gloom for what had awoken her. A sudden burst of blinding light caused her to reel back and shade her eyes with her hooves. The voice which pierced the darkness soon told her exactly why she had awoken.
“Sorry!” Trixie exclaimed the side of Starlight's bed, her voice bristling with panic.
Groaning softly, Starlight pulled her hooves away from her eyes. Her bedside lamp had been turned on, presumably by Trixie. While her eyes still watered slightly she was able to keep them open as they adjusted to the new light levels. Within the sphere of light generated by the small lamp, Starlight could see the blue show-mare standing off to her side. Trixie's features were contorted with worry, only accentuated by her messy silver mane.
“Hello?” Starlight asked, trying to act as if nothing was out of the ordinary with her current situation. “Is something wrong?”
Trixie bit her lip and angled her deep purple eyes downwards towards the floor. She wished her heart would slow down so she could hear herself think. This was a completely new experience for her. Starlight was her first friend and considering that only hours earlier she had thrown that friendship into jeopardy, her nerves were starting to fail her. Maybe she should have tried to find Twilight first.
“Hello?” Starlight repeated, reaching out with a hoof and gently poking Trixie's chest.
The gesture did the trick and Trixie snapped her attention back on Starlight. After an audible gulp Trixie squeaked out.
“Umm, sorry... I just, heard you talking in your sleep. Pretty loudly too. Then you started, well...it sounded like crying so I rushed in. When I came in you were thrashing around. I could barely get near you. Once you stayed still long enough I was able to wake you. Then I turned the light on and kinda blinded you a bit... Sorry about that.”
Hearing this, Starlight groaned at her own stupidity. Why had she never considered that someone in the next room might hear her during a nightmare. It was so obvious and she had let it completely slip her mind. She should have cast a muffling spell. Now she had Trixie worried for her.
“It's... just a nightmare,” she sighed. “Just a nightmare. I'm fine. I'm sorry I woke you.”
Trixie winced at the thought of such a nightmare, able to elicit such a vivid response from Starlight's subconscious. Sweat coated the mare's lilac coat and she was breathing more heavily than normal due to whatever exertions had occurred in her sleep. This was a normal occurrence? Normal to the point that Starlight's only reaction was casual indifference? A chill danced across Trixie's spine, causing her to shudder.
“Are you sure?” Trixie asked, reluctant to leave the conversation at that. If she was going to be a good friend then she had to make absolutely sure that Starlight was alright before she gave in.
“Yes,” replied, using all her skill to be convincing while lying through her teeth.
Inwardly she was welling with frustration. First Princess Luna had appeared in her dreams, now Trixie had found out about them and all this after a talk with Twilight. Had the stars just decided to align tonight? Was everything going to be dragged up at once? Was this some twisted form of extra punishment? Suppressing her anger she forced a smile and tried to allay Trixie's fears.
“Seriously... I can barely remember it now anyway. I'm fine.” she lied once more.
“O-okay. If you're sure,” Trixie whispered with a nod, backing away from the bed.
“Thanks for the concern though,” Starlight smiled, this time her words being truthful and the smile genuine. “I appreciate it.”
“Anytime,” Trixie assured her with a gentle smile of her own.
As she left the room it darkened behind her. Starlight had already turned the light off and laid back down. Meanwhile Trixie's mind was hard at work. If Starlight was having that much trouble in her sleep then something was wrong whether she wanted to admit it or not. The Great and Powerful Trixie was going to get to the bottom of this. She was going to help her new friend, no matter what. Though hopefully not alone.
Using a simple tracking spell the blue unicorn was able to find the room of Twilight Sparkle amidst the maze of doors. Holding her breath, Trixie raised her hoof and rapped it against the door three times. The knocking sound echoed through the halls. Trixie fervently hoped that no one else would be woken, other than Twilight. A few moments passed. Worry began to nibble at her. How heavy a sleeper was Twilight exactly? She knew very little about the mare she was trying to rouse. That realisation hit her hard just then. It made her actions towards the princess seem ever so petty. She was not given much time to dwell on such thoughts.
A huge wave of relief washed over Trixie as she heard movement from the other side of the door. Twilight was awake at least...unless she had found the little dragon's room instead. Thankfully it was indeed the lavender alicorn who opened the door to her. Sleepy confusion was evident on Twilight's face, which only doubled when she realised just who was calling on her. Spike occasionally wanted to sleep in her room for the night for one reason or another. Another possibility that had crossed her mind was Starlight wanted to talk again. That option had caused a queasy feeling to form in her stomach. The idea that Trixie would be knocking on her door during the night was something she would never have considered, ever.
“Trixie?” was the only greeting that Twilight was able to formulate in her sleep and confusion addled mind.
“That's me,” said unicorn chuckled, idly rubbing her left foreleg with her right hoof. “Uh, do you have a minute to talk? It's important.”
“It can't wait til morning?” Twilight asked sleepily, forcing the words out through a yawn.
Her dishevelled appearance gave away her exhaustion. She wanted nothing more than to curl back up into bed. One life enlightening conversation was enough for any single night. However, if she and Trixie were truly going to move forward then she had to be patient. Everyone had their quirks and picking very inopportune moments to blurt things out seemed to be one of Trixie's.
“No, not really,” Trixie sighed. “Like I said, it's important.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and abandoned all hopes that she would be getting back to sleep. Taking a deep breath she motioned for Trixie to enter the room. Trixie blinked at the motion before following the silent command. With a light thump the door closed behind them. Twilight settled down on a rug and gestured for Trixie to sit in front of her.
“So, what's up?” Twilight asked, once they were both comfortable. At least she was sitting on a rug this time so her haunches were not going numb under her.
“It's... It's about Starlight,” Trixie muttered, trying to fumble through her mind for a good place to begin.
“Is she alright?” Twilight asked, immediately being dragged into alertness by the simple statement.
“I, I think so. Or well...she thinks she is. Tonight I was sleeping, dreaming of my next great performance when I found myself woken up. I was at first annoyed, as I was on the verge of completing preparations for what could be my most daring magical escapade yet.”
Twilight had to force herself to suppress a groan. Biting back the urge to tell Trixie to get to the point she allowed herself to zone out slightly instead. However, Trixie's next sentence brought her right back to attention. Her words were alarming.
“Then I listened, and I could hear crying... At first I thought I was simply imagining things but then it continued, only getting worse. It was something I had already heard tonight...Starlight. I rushed into her room and she was still asleep, but she was thrashing around and begging something to stop.”
“Starlight was having a nightmare?” Twilight asked, now leaning forward to hang on to Trixie's every word.
“Yes,” Trixie confirmed, nodding vigorously. “A bad one too from what I could tell. When I was able to ask her about it she just, brushed it off. Like it was...common. Nightmares like that shouldn't be common. I... I had to come find you. I'm new to this whole friendship thing and would...probably say the wrong thing again.”
“I'm glad you came to get me. It was the right thing to do.” Twilight nodded. Hearing Trixie exhale with relief she allowed herself a brief smile before continuing.
“She occasionally has nightmares about a dragon who attacked her village years ago. But from what Applejack tells me they've been improving. I...I don't understand why she'd lie about that.”
“Maybe it's something different?” Trixie suggested. “She wouldn't tell me, but well...I didn't want to just leave it until morning. What if she just has another one?”
“I understand,” Twilight replied, sighing heavily.
What could be wrong? Why had Starlight been hiding this from her? Thinking on it, Twilight reasoned that she should not be this surprised. Starlight had a habit of hiding her feelings from the world. It was almost infuriating. Getting anything out of the unicorn was like getting Spike into a dress. She could appreciate the probable reasoning, that Starlight felt her burdens were her own, but that was not what friendship was about.
“Let's go,” Twilight whispered, standing up and using magic to open her door.
“Huh? Where?” Trixie asked, though she had a very good idea.
“To Starlight's room. You were right. This has to end tonight.”
Trixie nodded in agreement and hurried after Twilight. Together they made their way back to Starlight's room. While Trixie had been hesitant to enter the bedroom of her new friend Twilight marched right in. The alicorn had a fire in her eyes and unbending steel in her actions. No more dancing around or being delicate.
“What the?!” Starlight yelped, snapping upright and sending her bedclothes flying.
The heavy bundle of material landed in a heap on the ground. Starlight looked just as awful as Trixie had seen her before. Getting to her hooves, the lilac unicorn glared at Twilight. Sapphire met magenta as two of the most powerful magic users in Equestria stared each other down for a moment. Starlight's gaze suddenly switched to Trixie and she quickly put two and two together.
“Ugh... Of course, I am not going to get any peace tonight am I! Twilight, we just spoke about this. You're already doing enough for me. If I want to keep my problems to myself then that's it!”
“That's not what friendship is!” Twilight huffed, not even bothering to comment on just how accurately Starlight had read the situation.
“So friendship is bursting into my room and almost sending the door from it's hinges in the middle of the night?” Starlight snarled back, now off her bed and stalking towards Twilight.
“If it's the only way to get answers. You forced them out of me in a hallway,” Twilight replied, her tone freezing over into an icy calm.
Starlight felt herself flinch back from the tone. Deflating visibly she shrank back slightly. Twilight was right, she was being hypocritical right now. Her reasons felt just but her actions were stupid. Trixie immediately moved over and wrapped a hoof around the unicorn's shoulders, shooting a warning glance at Twilight. The alicorn softened her stance instantly, feeling her anger flee from her.
“I'm sorry, I just... None of us can help you if you won't let us. We think everything's okay then something else comes up. And then I hear that it might be something you've been keeping for weeks. Starlight, you're my student, my friend. I know what I just told you but that doesn't mean I don't want to help you. It just means I need to try a little harder. But if I can't help you then I feel like I'm failing as a teacher...”
“How could you be failing?” Starlight asked incredulously. “I've learned so much here... You've done so much for me... I don't understand.”
Trixie cut in before Twilight could respond. “I know I may not be the best pony to say this but the biggest regret you will ever have is pushing your friends away. I almost did so tonight. One silly sentence almost broke us apart... It can be that easy Starlight.”
“I don't want to push anypony away...but... I don't want all my problems to push you all away either.” Starlight mumbled, barely moving her lips. Her voice started to rise gradually, until she began shouting. “It's my fault... It's my fault I'm having these nightmares. I'm the one who messed up...okay? It was me who couldn't swallow my hate and just make new friends, it was me who almost destroyed Equestria... It's my mess to deal with... I have to deal with it on my own! I have to! I can't have you all be pushed away again just because I can't deal with my own problems properly!”
“We aren't going to be pushed away so easily,” Twilight replied, remaining calm even after Starlight's yelling. “I could go and wake up every single one of our friends right now and they would give you the same answer. It...it just hurts. It hurts to know that you're holding in so much. Every time something is revealed I now need to be worried that there's even more you aren't telling me. That's why I feel I'm failing Starlight. Today I put more focus on appeasing Princess Celestia than helping you and allowed my past feelings to blind me. It was foolish of me and it almost caused a disaster. Princess Celestia is angry at me, and rightly so. I...I failed today, and maybe even more than that.”
Starlight remained silent at this, thinking hard. She thought back to Luna's words. Ponies wanted to help her, regardless of how much of a burden it may be. It reminded her of how she and Sunburst used to help each other with everything. No matter how large or small the problem or predicament they would help each other. Unsure of how to put her thoughts into words she cast her gaze around the room. Her eyes were drawn to a silvery moonbeam which had found its way into her room through a small crack in her curtains. Emboldened by the presence of the soft light, she whispered.
“I'm scared... I'm scared that I'll mess up and go back to my old ways. I'm scared that I'll ruin everything. I've already been a burden to you all. Today I annoyed Mrs Cake, changed Big Mac for my own purposes, ruined one of Rarity's hats and apparently I offended Rainbow by not knowing who the Wonderbolts are. Then I find out from Harry that Fluttershy was put out that I left her picnic! Then I neglect to tell you my plans and decide to just ditch the dinner.! I fail a lot more than you do Twilight...”
“May I...say something?” Trixie asked, stepping between the two purple ponies before Twilight was able to respond.
“Go ahead,” Twilight said with a nod.
“Any time I fail a trick I try to rectify my mistakes. Nothing happens right on the first try, though it does take me less attempts than most. Anyway that's not important... we're all in new situations right now. Twilight is new to teaching, Starlight and I are new to this sort of friendship. We're not used to having ponies to help us and it's easy to just hide your hurt from the world. But...you can only hold it for so long, eventually it gets too much and you lash out. I did that myself, all because of my jealousy. We're all going to make mistakes, and we can all get a second chance... umm, Starlight please disregard what I said before about that.”
“Will do,” Starlight chuckled weakly. “I think we've both been proven wrong tonight.”
“Uh huh. You both seem to be so intent on not hurting the other that you forget that sometimes you need to break some wands in order to pull a rabbit from a hat. Don't ask. As a pony who used to think only for herself, you need a balance. Like in anything.”
Trixie chuckled sheepishly at the admittance of her own faults. It was a new experience, admitting without any reservations that The Great and Powerful Trixie was any less than perfect. Starlight rolled her eyes.
“Why is it that everyone else can make this stuff seem so simple?” she asked, pouting.
Twilight had a similar adorable pout on her face. “I don't know but it happens a lot.”
Trixie chuckled before turning serious. “I'm glad that I could help. Though there is still the dragon in the room.”
“Spike isn't here is he?” Twilight asked, searching the room for her number one assistant.
“What? Oh...no sorry. I mean the main reason we're all here,” Trixie explained.
“Oh. Yes...” Twilight said with a nod.
Starlight gulped to try and dislodge the lump that had formed in her throat. She had intended to hold firm on her stance and keep the content of the night terrors to herself. However, now her resolve wavered. She knew that merely talking about her problems would not banish them. However, simply leaving Twilight to worry was grossly unfair. Now that Trixie was wrapped up in the dilemma, Starlight felt cornered.
An unseen force began to pull on her. A gentle tugging that guided her towards the still present beam of moonlight. Slowly, she followed her unseen guide. Now bathed in silver Starlight closed her eyes.
“Good evening once again Starlight Glimmer.”
The voice echoed within the confines of her mind. Immediately recognising who was talking, Starlight greeted.
“Hello again Princess Luna.”
“Quickly surmised, as expected,” Luna praised.. “I will not keep you long, since you probably look rather silly to your friends right now. Forgive my lack of formality in contacting you but after some deliberation I deemed it rather urgent.”
Starlight merely nodded. Inside her head, the small avatar of herself performed a low bow. A little bit of respect was warranted after her frosty treatment of the lunar princess during their previous meeting. The image of the alicorn appeared before her with a smile.
“There is no need for that my friend. I do imagine that having a pony burst into your nightmare would not be conducive to politeness.”
“Yes but I felt it appropriate now. Anyway, you said I look silly and I already do a good enough job of that on my own so let's be quick,” Starlight said, trying to imagine just how silly she looked right now. Either flopped on the floor or standing like a vegetable were her most likely guesses.
“Yes, quite. I assume your friends are at this moment trying to assist you with your problem?”
“Yes...they are. As you said they would... I just, I don't... I can't do either option. I can't put this on them... But now I can't let them worry in the unknown either.”
“Yes I see... I want to tell you a small story if you will allow me.”
Starlight's inner self nodded, sitting down to listen to whatever Luna had to share.
“Once there lived two sisters. One loved by all while her younger sibling felt ignored and shunned. The elder felt unable to help her younger sister, who was only becoming more bitter and cold. The younger felt pain and sorrow at being rejected. She felt wronged and betrayed. Her hurt was immense, only eclipsed by a single thing. The hurt and pain that she was inflicting upon her elder sister. Shutting out the one who cared about her so much was the younger sister's biggest mistake, one she would regret for years to come.”
“So...you think that it would be crueller to leave them wondering?” Starlight asked, only to be answered by her own echo.
She snapped back to reality a moment later, greeted by the concerned faces of Trixie and Twilight hovering over her. Apparently she had lost control of her muscles and collapsed to the ground. Her mane and tail were splayed all over the floor. Her initial guess had been correct presumably.
“Sorry, I think Princess Luna wanted to talk,” Starlight tried to explain as she returned to her feet, hoping that at least Twilight would understand. “She umm...had something to share with me.”
“Princess Luna?” Trixie asked, jaw dropping at the casual mention of one of the most powerful ponies in the land.
“Dreams are her speciality,” Twilight said gently, stepping back to allow Starlight to stand. “So it's only logical that she would try to help. What did she say?”
“She...told me a story. A story which I think gave me the perspective I need,” Starlight answered, her gaze becoming distant for a moment
The tale had sounded personal. Two sisters, one elder and one younger. The younger heading down a dark path. It mirrored the events surrounding Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, if the texts Starlight had read were to be believed. Steeling herself, Starlight took a deep breath before focusing once more on the two occupants in her room.
“Okay, while I still wish that this had waited, particularly considering what we just spoke about Twilight...things have happened and I can't delay it any longer. Yes I've been having nightmares. Nightmares about what would happen if I either won in our battle in the past, or...well, what would happen to me if you all had not given me a second chance. Equestria gets destroyed again and again and I'm forced to watch. I... I don't think there's much more detail I need to go into and please Twilight, please don't ask me to tonight.”
“We won't,” Trixie promised, just as Twilight was opening her mouth to speak.
Twilight was more uncertain. While she desired to know more, the pleading in Starlight's tone was evident. She sighed and began to pace the small room. Starlight shrank back, like a filly awaiting judgement, while Trixie replaced the hoof around her shoulders. Back and forth Twilight paced, the cogs in her brain turning as she pursued a suitable solution. Her own desires were weighted against Starlight's potential distress. She knew that she had to give Starlight space, but also knew that she could not allow the mare to lose against her own fears once again. After several long seconds she raised her head and exhaled. It took all her strength to utter her next words.
“Okay...if you don't want to tell us then it's fine, just...please promise me that if it gets too much you'll tell me...or anyone. I don't care who just tell someone, please Starlight...”
Twilight's voice was thick as she spoke, struggling to think of the right words. She wanted to press more but could not bring herself to. This was as good as she was going to get for now. Trixie felt Starlight shaking against her and pulled her hoof tighter around her friend's shoulders. This was what she was stepping into. This was her first taste of true friendship. Not always easy but, if the way her heart leapt when Starlight returned for her was any indication, always worth it in the end.
“I promise,” Starlight murmured, slipping out from her Trixie's hoof. Raising her head, she met Twilight's gaze once more.
For a few moments they locked eyes. Sapphire clashed with magenta as Twilight probed for the truthfulness in Starlight's promise. Apparently satisfied, she settled back onto her hindquarters.
“Okay, thank you.”
“Phew,” Trixie huffed out, rolling over onto her back and splaying her limbs flat on the floor. “That was probably the most intense thing I've ever experienced.”
“Does it even trump the Ursa Minor?” Twilight teased, laying herself down in a more dignified manner.
“Definitely. Though I would rather not have to put this to the test against an Ursa Major.”
“Good idea,” Twilight agreed, grinning.
Starlight would have joined in he conversation but her stomach beat her to the punch. Throughout all of this she had completely forgotten one crucial little thing. She had skipped dinner.
“Oh... I think I'm being told off,” she chuckled, bringing a hoof to her gurgling stomach.
“You're getting hungry now?” Trixie asked. “It's the middle of the night!”
Another growl caused the show mare to roll her eyes, but this time Starlight threw her hooves up to protest her innocence.
“Nope, that one wasn't mine.”
Both mares turned to Twilight, who shrugged sheepishly.
“We did all sort of miss dinner,” Twilight chuckled. “By the time I was done talking with Celestia Derpy, DJ Pon 3 and Cranky had polished it off.”
“We did kind of deserve that though,” Starlight reasoned, before turning to Trixie. “To be honest I'm kind of surprised you aren't hungry.”
Now it was Trixie's turn to turn crimson. The vibrant red clashed with her blue coat and she backed up a little. When her tail end met the wall she let out a nervous laugh.
“I, may have helped clean off the dinner table,” she admitted.
Both Twilight and Starlight merely stared at her, their eyes boring into the cowering unicorn.
“I'm sorry! I was hungry!”
Twilight let her stern gaze hold for a few more heartbeats before rolling her eyes and smiling. “At least one of us didn't go hungry. C'mon, Starlight and I should probably eat something before we try to sleep again.”
“That would be a good idea,” Starlight said with a nod, her stomach punctuating her statement with another growl.
A few minutes later the three were eating daisy sandwiches while bathed in the warm glow of the fire place. Despite saying she was not hungry Trixie had already ravenously devoured two and was busy on a third. Nothing of the previous hours was forgotten, only placed aside. Starlight levitated a small cube of cheese to her mouth and bit into it. Remembering the silly old mare's tale she scoffed,
“Maybe I'll try reverse psychology my nightmares away by eating so much cheese they give up,”
Trixie polished off her third sandwich and shrugged, her mouth to full to speak. Twilight blinked as a thought struck her.
“I do wonder if cheese actually does cause nightmares. Scientifically it just seems silly but it has to have come from somewhere.”
“Hmmph, maybe I should ask Princess Luna if she comes into my head again,” Starlight suggested off handedly “She's the expert.”
“I never considered that,” Twilight gasped, looking devastated.
Starlight rolled her eyes and nudged the mare with her elbow, bringing her out of a Twilight panic before it could begin.
“Well I'll just doubly make sure and ask.”
Now able to speak, Trixie added. “Speaking of Princesses, I umm, well think we should apologise to Princess Celestia. Somehow. Twilight was the one who got the brunt of everything tonight. It was kind of our fault too.”
“Yeah,” Starlight said with a nod. “We should probably write her a letter in the morning. If that's a good idea.”
Both unicorns looked to Twilight, who smiled. “Sounds like a lovely idea. Princess Celestia does enjoy a good letter. I think I may write it with you, I still have to apologise a little more.”
“Then it's settled,” Trixie affirmed, standing up.
She let out a loud yawn and stretched her legs. Twilight followed suite, standing up and stretching herself. Starlight turned to stare into the fire, letting herself be entranced by the flickering flames. Both her companions noticed her lack of movement and glanced at each other. Trixie turned to the lilac unicorn and asked,
“You coming?”
Starlight sighed and shook her head. Her gaze returned to the fire. There was no way she would be able to forgo sleep for the rest of the night. She had woken too early. Making a decision to try being more open with those trying to help her, she answered,
“I'll...head to bed a little later. I'm, not all that eager to face another nightmare just yet...”
She turned her head to try and catch at least a glimpse of Twilight's reaction. The alicorn's face was unreadable, though when she spoke her voice betrayed her.
“Okay, well just...head to bed when you're ready...” she mumbled, forcing each word out. Barely able to finish the sentence, she turned on heel the instant the last word escaped her and left the room.
Starlight closed her eyes and let out a whimper. Curling into a tight ball, she tried to shut out the world, at least for a moment. Only her ears told her that Trixie had also left the room. She stayed curled as long as she was able, only emerging when her body demanded she relax. The small fire they had lit began to die, it having not been crafted to last. Face now cast in the reddening glow, Starlight finally addressed her company.
“I knew you wouldn't be able to leave. Thanks for trying at least.”
Dispelling the Detection Prevention charm, Twilight allowed her form to shimmer into view. She had only just arrived at the door to her room when she had been compelled to return. Invisible she had waited, watching Starlight closely as she fought back the urge to intervene while her heart tore itself to pieces.
“How long have you known?” she asked.
“About thirty seconds, though it's obvious you've been here much longer,” Starlight accused, gesturing to the space on the rug beside her.
“You're observant,” Twilight said, laying herself down in the offered space.
“Maybe if I was a little less impulsive I'd be able to use it more. So...how long?”
“I barely left,” Twilight admitted. “I just...got to my room and...couldn't leave you. I don't know why-”
“I do,” Starlight interrupted. “You care. You care for just about every pony you meet. Even if they would not return the kindness.”
“You would,” Twilight whispered.
“Maybe... Twilight... I could go into detail about all this but would it really help? There's... there's nothing you can do against a nightmare. Believe me I've tried it magically and even if we pooled our efforts I doubt it would get anywhere.”
“It's not the nightmares Starlight... It's everything. I just never know what you're hiding. You hide behind fake smiles or jokes until you break. I just don't... don't...”
“Want me falling off the deep end again...” Starlight finished. “Neither do I.”
“I don't want to lose you,” Twilight said huskily. “It's more than just being my student... you're my friend... I mean that. I don't care that you sometimes make me uneasy. I don't care that you once tried to destroy my friendships... I care about the here and now, where you're my friend and that's that.”
“That's more than a little naïve...but sweet,” Starlight said gently, placing one of her delicate forehooves on top of Twilight's slightly larger hoof. “I... I understand. I'm sorry I've been so guarded. I'll... I'll try and be more honest...”
Her heart thumped gently, a slow rhythm that lulled her towards sleep. No matter how much she tried to fight it, her eyelids felt like lead weights. Furiously, she rubbed the sleep from her eyelashes with a hoof. The looming threat of another excursion into the world of her nightmares filled her with quiet dread. Light trembles racked her form and despite the fire her blood was running cold. One per night was about all she could bear.
“I'm here...” Twilight whispered softly, draping a wing across Starlight's back and pulling her close.
“Stay with me...” Starlight mumbled, trembling slightly as she stared into the smouldering embers of the weakened fire “Please...”
“I will,” Twilight promised.
Starlight felt herself begin to slip, the heat radiating from Twilight only increasing sleep's hold on her. Merely moments later her heartbeat had slowed to a crawl and she had slumped against Twilight's side. The foreleg she had placed on top of Twilight's relaxed, falling to the rug limply. The alicorn allowed the unicorn to use her as a pillow, listening to the gentle movement of air caused by Starlight's slow breathing. Concentrating on the fire, Twilight magically extinguished the glowing embers to prevent any potential accidents. With her friend's warmth heavy against her she closed her own eyes, curling herself protectively around Starlight before she too began to slumber. For the first night in a long time, Starlight Glimmer slept peacefully.