//------------------------------//
// Lovely Intervention 
// Story: Love's First Bruise 
// by TheAmazingMe 
//------------------------------//

"Life Story!" Lovely declared as she walked into her son's home, grandson in tow. Her horn was lit as she scanned for signs of her son. Sheepishly, Bruiser tried slowing her down, but kept failing to get her attention. The foyer produced no results, and from this vantage point, she couldn't see Life in the living room, family room or the dining room. With a cursory glance towards the den, she ruled that out as well and extinguished her horn. Returning to the main stairs, she gazed over the family room and into the kitchen, to no avail. With a snort, she stormed upstairs. 

Quite behind the two, Second Story finally made it into the house. Looking at his grandson, he slowed his breathing and tried to look reassuring. "Has she found him yet?"

Bruiser walked over and buried his head in his grandfather's chest. Second sighed, taking off Bruiser's hat so it wouldn't get rumpled. "This is so embarrassing." The colt muttered. "All I did was ask one simple question and then...this!"

Settling to a seated position with a sigh, Second blocked out the sound of Lovely opening and shutting doors upstairs. Lifting a forehoof, he rubbed Bruiser's neck in a manner he hoped was comforting. When the colt didn't protest, Second drew a breath and composed his thoughts. "Your grandmother--"

"Nana." Bruiser corrected in a detached deadpan.

Second smiled, Lovely was completely devoted to her grandson, but absolutely hated the term grandmother. With her vibrancy and exuberance, Lovely considered herself to be too young to be a grandmother. At the moment, Second felt every bit like a grandfather. "Right. Your nana has some very strong opinions when it comes to this subject. She's not mad, really, just concerned that your parents aren't teaching you about something she considers vital."

Emerging from the door behind the kitchen, Life caught sight of the pair near the stairs. Light from the stained glass window shone in colored brilliance over the two. The blues and reds painted the lighter coat of his son while the colors seemed to mostly be absorbed by Second's black coat. "Dad? I didn't expect you guys back so soon. I just got home from Colteau's studio."

Second turned his gaze onto his son. Life stood in the waning light coming from the breakfast nook next to the kitchen. The sunset cast rays of gold down over Life, making the red in his coat stand out and the white shirt he wore took on the same brilliance. "Son, your mother is looking for you. It's about Bruiser."

Second realized instantly that he'd worded that poorly. In spite of his architectural brilliance, even working on the house they now stood in, Second's grasp of tact and diplomacy was poorly undeveloped. "Uh, he's fine! But, well, he asked a question and Lovely was...alarmed that he didn't already know..." Bruiser's head buried deeper into Second's chest, which served to only intensify his distraction. 
Life tilted his head as he started to walk towards Bru and Second. "Dad, I don't understand. What--"

Suddenly, Lovely emerged from the secret door in the family room that led to the service stairs. Immediately, she caught sight of Life and marched promptly over to him. Sensing impending doom, Life scuttled backwards, only succeeding in slipping on the tile floor and coming to an undignified rest sitting with his back against the refrigerator. 

Lovely poked her hoof right in Life's face. "YOU haven't taught your son about love!"

Life's eyes widened, and he looked over Lovely's shoulder to get a better look at Bruiser. Could it be? Was his son actually experiencing his first love? The colt still seemed so young. Noting his lack of attention, Lovely jabbed her hoof into Life's nose. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Uh, well. Could we sit down over a nice cup of hot chocolate and talk about this?" Life asked, trying his best disarming smile. His mother was immune.

Narrowing her eyes, she regarded him for a moment before sighing. "Cinnamon, two sugars, and a bit of vanilla."

As she withdrew, Life relaxed and stood. "Yes, ma'am. Dad, Bruiser, come on over. I think Div out to be home sometime soon." Gathering a kettle and cups, Life set to putting water on to boil. 

Practically on cue, Div walked in, still wearing his Royal Guard armor. Taking one look at the faces of the assembled ponies, Div sighed and removed his helmet. "What did Life do this time?"

Setting the kettle on the stove, Life huffed and walked over to retrieve the helmet from its resting place on the chair. "I resent that. You're as responsible as I am this time around, Mr. Guard."

Kissing his husband's temple, Div started unbuckling various armor pieces and setting them on the stand in the room. "Well, whatever it is, we'll just have to see about convincing your parents to do it for us."

Life snorted, praying that his mother hadn't heard. Helping his husband by levitating a few pieces of armor onto the stand, he planted a kiss on Div's cheek and responded, "Apparently, somepony is in love."

"Even more every day," Div replied, now free of his armor and gambeson. "Think they'll mind a sweaty guardspony?"

"Go take a quick shower, we'll still be here when you're refreshed." Life said.

Div smiled and planted another peck. "I don't envy you. I'll be quick." With a bound, Div disappeared up the service stairs. 

Turning back, Life felt the heat in his cheeks as he saw Lovely, Second, and Bruiser staring at him with amusement, approval, and embarrassment. "Can't a pony greet his husband without a spectator section?"

Lovely looked down at her hoof, inspecting it minutely. "Seems to me that somepony knows about love and isn't sharing the benefit of his knowledge with his son."

Life decided to play it off. Strolling back to the ponies assembled at the kitchen bar, he nudged Bruiser with a hoof and smiled at his parents. "I think Bruiser sees enough of the 'benefits' of my love. He gets so embarrassed just by us kissing." Bruiser looked up at him balefully.

Second laughed, but Lovely wasn't as amused. "You know exactly I mean, young stallion. How have you not at least gone over the basics of sexual relations?"

Life's cool was officially blown. By no set of circumstances was he ever prepared to talk about that with his mother. "Mom!" He protested. 

Bruiser's head hit the countertop with a dull thud. For his part, Second seemed to be as amused as before. 

"How did this even come up?" Life asked rubbing his face with his hooves. 

Lovely looked directly at her husband, who had the grace to look somewhat ashamed. At the very least, Second avoided eye contact with his wife, which was indictment enough. After a moment of silence, Life caught on and looked at the black stallion. "Dad?"

Second cleared his throat and nudged Bruiser. "Maybe he should hear it from you."

Bruiser lifted his head off the counter and stared at us bleakly. "Fine. Dad, grandpa asked if I had anypony at school who was interested in me. I didn't understand what he meant. Nana overheard and wouldn't let up until I told her I wasn't interested in any other colts."

"Not that we would've had a problem if he did," Lovely broke in to clarify. "It would be understandable, given the example at home."

His eyebrow twitched, but Life decided that comment wasn't the hill he wanted to die on today. Turning back to Bruiser, Life nodded. "Go on."

"It's...just not a big deal. Okay? I don't know why we're making such a big deal about this!" Bruiser cried out, letting his head fall back down into his hooves. 

"Mom!" Life started.

"Me?" Lovely asked, defensive. "I'll have you know that your father was no help either!"

"Out of all of us, you have the most experience with love. Instead of just teaching him about it, you've gone and turned this into a three-ring circus and I still don't understand why this is a problem!" Life said, annoyed. 

"Your son has a crush!" Lovely replied. 

Life threw his hooves up. "Great!"

"With a filly in his class!" Lovely said, meaningfully.

"Couldn't be happier!" Life insisted. "Still not getting the point." 

Lovely put a hoof to the bridge of her nose. "He doesn't know what to do."

"And you couldn't have told him?" Life asked as the kettle whistled. 

"Told him what?" Div asked as he came downstairs, towel over his mane. 

"Bruiser has a crush on a filly in his class." Second said, distributing the drinkware and accoutrements calmly from his seat magically.

"Oh, congratulations, Bruiser." Div said, nudging the colt with a free hoof. 

Lovely stood up. "He's been accidentally harassing this poor filly because of all the play-fighting you two do around him. She's likely ended up in tears because of it. And you oblivious stallions...well, I just..." Lovely seemed to be short-circuiting until she took a breath. "All this even after I wrote that series about a young pair of heart-throbs. Do any of you actually read my books?"

The stallions in the room all looked at each other, and then anywhere other than Lovely. Life turned back around to adjust the kettle. Div covered his face with the towel as he pretended to finish drying off. Second inspected a spoon down to the finest detail and Bruiser returned his head to its former position on the counter. Taking a deep breath, Lovely sat back down and let it out in a hiss.

"Do you mean all the way through?" Life asked, doling out the hot chocolate. The other three stallions looked at Life with fairly similar expressions before near simultaneously planting a hoof against their foreheads. 

Lovely stared at him as well, but her expression was less like a jolt and more like daggers. Clearing his throat, Life closed his mouth and concentrated on filling his mother's hot chocolate order. 

Presenting the finished drinks to those assembled, everypony sat in awkward silence as they blew across their respective cups. 

"Not all of my books are...sexually charged." Lovely said, reproachfully. Naturally this also drew a reaction. Bruiser and Div scalded their tongues while Life and Second set their cups down with audible clinks. 

"Lovely!" The adult stallions protested.

"I'm just saying, I've branched out from just Barleyquin novels. That series I mentioned was Pure Leaf Press, after all." Lovely replied, sipping from her cup.

"So, the expert in love is right here!" Life said, brandishing a hoof at Lovely. 

Lovely looked around, the other stallions and colt looked on in agreement. "I hardly think it appropriate to lay this at my door, dear."

"Actually, Life might have a point." Div said. "We didn't date much in school and really only had a flame for each other. Our courtship was also hilariously brief, once it started."

Second nodded. "I'd gone to many parties with Hardy before the one where I met you. But I never dated anypony beside you, dear. Out of all of us, you've had the most relationships. Good and bad."

Lovely looked directly at Life. "You expect me to teach your son all about love?"

Life shook his head. "Not all about it, just what you've experienced. Give him the benefit of your wisdom."

"And what about sex education?" Lovely asked primly. The stallions let out a collective groan. 

Life looked at Div. "You had older brothers, Bruiser. Did they teach you anything about sex or love?"

Bruiser covered his eyes. "One of my brothers had a magazine with mares...displaying themselves. But then he bucked me out of the room and threatened to kick my flank black and blue if I ever said anything to dam and sire."

Second laid a hoof across the colt's shoulder. "Have you noticed any changes? Like, feeling different or maybe jittery around fillies?"

Bruiser looked around at the four adults in the room and sighed. "It gets a little hard-I mean, eh-difficult to think around her. And I run a lot. Like, a lot more than I used to."

"Mom, it could really help him. Please?"

Lovely sighed. "I'm still not sure you're not shirking your parental responsibilities, but fine. He's off next week for break, yes? We'll go over the finer points then. Until then, answer any questions he has for you. Even the uncomfortable ones! And let him know it's normal. Oh, and go over how to properly behave around a lady."

"Yes, ma'am."