//------------------------------// // Or maybe it isn't // Story: Full (frontal) Moon Over Equestria // by Charlie_K //------------------------------// Before she began her exploration of nudism, Luna had never given thought to just how much clothing some ponies tended to wear over the course of their daily -or nightly- activities. To her it had all just been routine, and perfectly normal. Now, however, it was astounding just how wasteful it could all be considered. There were clothes to be worn when sleeping, clothes that were worn as one woke up and went about getting ready for the coming day, clothes that were worn during said day -or night- and clothes that were set aside for special occasions that otherwise went ignored for reasons of impracticality in everyday wear. There were even clothes intended to be worn underneath other articles of clothing. Then came the matter of all the laundry that had to be done to keep up with the constant wearing and changing of said clothing. Luna didn't really consider herself a true nudist, or at least not just yet anyway. For her, being nude around the palace was simply something she enjoyed doing when it was possible. She supposed that was something of an advantage to being the Princess of the Night, rather than holding Celestia's office; fewer ponies brought their problems to her directly, due to the timing of her schedule. There were certainly those that saw her, but not nearly the sheer volume that came during the day. More often than not, there would be long periods of inactivity, punctuated by short but intense periods of seeing many petitioners. that sought her counsel. It was times like this she was eternally grateful for the loyalty of the night shift of the palace staff. If not for their willingness to assist her, she doubted that she could get away with even half of what she did. Now if only they could help her with all the paperwork that went into governing a country... That matter aside, the ponies of the night staff really were a blessing to her. They had been very understanding, and very supportive when she'd approached them about the prospect of her going nude around the palace. And after the initial awkwardness had passed, things had become quite routine once again. Going without clothing no longer seemed strange to her; to the contrary, it seemed perfectly normal now to disrobe whenever it was a possibility. She honestly didn't mind having to wear clothes when it was necessary; her experiences with nudism had hardly filled her with a hatred for being dressed, and a barely contained desire to immediately rip them off at the first available moment. Although it had made her dislike all the impractical runaround that was involved with it. There were times she honestly wished it was possible for her to simply roll out of bed, and go about getting ready for the night, without first having to put something on to make herself presentable, before changing into her official clothing for whatever the evening brought with it. Sadly that just wasn't an option; not with how she woke up before the official change over between the day and night shifts in the palace. With waking up two hours before the setting of the sun, she had little choice but to tolerate the impractical runaround until the official changing of the guard, and every other staff member, before disrobing finally became an option. That was provided her counsel wasn't immediately needed. Fortunately the hour was close at hoof, as the setting of the sun, and raising of the moon, was nearly completed. She had a generous two hours before her first scheduled appointment would arrive and need to be seen, meaning the opportunity to unwind would soon be present, and she was going to take it for all that it was worth. "And done," she announced, the moon set properly in place high above the sky for all to see. "Another success," Celestia idly noted as she took the opportunity to admire her sister's work. She never could get the night sky just right during her stint as a solo ruler; she simply lacked the artistic flare that it needed. In hindsight perhaps that was for the best, as nopony could ever replace Luna. "But of course. Was there ever any doubt?" Luna asked. "Perhaps a little," Celestia admitted with a cheeky smirk of a grin. "But thankfully it wasn't warranted this time around." Luna frowned in response to Celestia's jab. She knew full well that it was nothing more than just playful sibling banter. But really, she just wasn't in the mood for it right now. She'd just shrug it off, and pretend that she hadn't heard anything being said. She'd get her sister back for it later on, when the time was right, and she least expected it. "If we are done, I would like to head back inside now," she stated. "Of course," Celestia nodded, seeing no reason to warrant them staying out on the balcony any longer than was necessary. "So then, another slow evening for you?" she asked as they both walked along. "For the most part," Luna replied and nodded. "But the night is just beginning, and the docket is often prone to change. It is for that reason that I intend to take a bath now, and utilize the available time as best I can," she explained. "A bath?" Celestia asked, to which Luna nodded. She had her suspicions that Luna had been adjusting her usual schedule to better support her late night activities, but she had no proof to it. Nor did she really need it, as her sister's affairs were her own. Most of the time anyway. "I had plans for a bath myself before I turned in," she casually mentioned as they walked. When she saw Luna subtly directing her attention towards her, she continued. "Perhaps both could be done at the same time? If you don't mind the company," she suggested. "No, not at all. To the contrary, I would appreciate it," Luna replied. Perhaps she could even talk her sister into tending to that one particular spot between her wings that was so hard to reach on her own. Fingers worked so much better than bath brushes in these situations. "Shall we use my facilities?" Celestia nodded in response to the suggestion, not seeing anything wrong with that. "That works. I'll be there shortly, I just need to grab a few things to be ready." "Nonsense, I am well stocked for bathing. Come along," Luna retorted, seeing no reason to delay getting washed up, as any such delay meant staying dressed longer than was absolutely necessary. "It isn't that, Luna, I'll be in need of something to wear once done," Celestia pointed out. "My robe is freshly washed, sister, and I will have no need for it afterward. You are free to use it for the walk back to your chambers," Luna replied, it being apparent that she needed to remind Celestia of that fact. "Now let us proceed without further delay. Lest I pick up you and toss you over my shoulder, and carry you there," she warned. "Well when you put it that way..." Celestia replied, unsure of what else to really say in response to such an unusual threat. Despite the in-floor tub in Luna's bathroom being smaller than her own, Celestia knew that it was still big enough for several ponies to use if so necessary, or even wanted. There was never any doubt that they would both be able to clean up without needing to do battle for sufficient elbow and wing room. The attendants that Luna had procured for their bath, two earth pony mares, named Moon Lily and Dusk Wind, she wasn't so sure about. They were of average build for their tribe and gender, and there was nothing saying that they'd be climbing into the tub with them, but there was no guarantee. If that were the case then they might all wind up getting cozy with one another before this was over and done with. Not that there was anything wrong with that if it actually came to pass. They were very charming mares to interact with based on previous meetings she'd had, and under different circumstances, in a different setting, she had no doubt that the four of them could have pleasant interactions together as friends; maybe even the Neighponese approach of a shared hot spring with bottles of sake for a relaxing change of surroundings. But for tonight it was strictly business. Luna had wasted no time in disrobing -quite literally in this case- and making it clear that she had nothing on underneath, before sinking into the bubble-filled water of the tub and letting out a content sigh as she allowed the water to wash over herself. "There are truly few things as relaxing as a proper bath," she said as she leaned back and closed her eyes as Dusk Wind proceeded to kneel down and massage her shoulders. Celestia watched as Moon Lily folded and set Luna's towel aside, before making her way back towards where she stood to address her. "Your clothes, Your Majesty?" "Oh. Of course," Celestia agreed and nodded as she began to make herself ready. The regalia itself was teleported back to her chambers for safe keeping, while the rest of her daily wear was stripped from her frame, before being handed to the awaiting mare. "Thank you." "The pleasure is ours, Your Majesty," Moon Lily replied as she carried the clothes over to add them next to Luna's robe, carefully folding them into a near pile to be set aside for later. Celestia saw no need to wait before easing herself into the tub across from Luna, silently agreeing that it did feel relaxing to soak in. And the relaxation only increased as she felt Moon Lily's strong hands take a hold on her shoulders, doing her best to work out the accumulated knots of tension and stress. Whatever the mare's salary was, she was well worth it. For a while the room was largely silent, apart from the sound of water sloshing, and various noises of contentment made by the diarchy as they were worked over by skilled and experienced hands. And once their shoulders were done, their wings were next, being tended to with all the preening skill that one would believe only a pegasus was truly capable of. "Oh yes. This was just what I needed to relax after the events of today," Celestia sighed as she leaned back, enjoying the sensation of Moon Lily working over her left wing. "More of the same, I presume?" Luna asked. "Far more than should be legal under any circumstances," Celestia replied, torn between talking and not talking about her own ordeals. Talking meant thinking over everything again, and right now all she wanted to do was forget. "I think it's about time the the rules governing proper court decorum be revised a bit; to make it clear that those seeking counsel should actually get to the point within 30 seconds of their audience officially beginning. I swear, it's getting to be ridiculous just how much dancing and weaving around the issue some will do, because they believe it yields better results," she stated, clearly annoyed as she recalled just how much time was wasted by those trying to be tact, and doing a poor job at it. Luna couldn't help but giggle in response, finding her sister's displeasure humorous, but also sympathizing with her. There were times she so wished that their subjects didn't feel the need to conduct themselves with quite so much eloquence when addressing them; she didn't even want to think of how many combined hours they all spent trying to rehearse how they spoke, just to approach them about whatever the subject in question was. "I myself would go with the approach of requiring them to write out essays, explaining in 25 words or less, why what they have to say is so important that it deserves a royal counsel," she stated. Celestia laughed at hearing Luna's suggestion, finding the notion to be a rather hilarious approach to weeding out pompous petitioners. Maybe there was some merit to such an approach of doing things, as it would require them to look at actually conserving their words, and saying the most with the least. "That might actually be worth looking into." With laughs had, they settled back into the bath, enjoying the pampering that was provided to them. But eventually the enjoyment, along with the bath, simply had to come to an end, in order to make way for the rest of what the evening held for each of them. They both stood up as the tub was drained, allowing the water to drip off their bodies, before Moon Lily and Dusk Wind each handed them a large, fluffy towel with which to dry off more thoroughly, and wrap around themselves afterward. Or at least Celestia did, while Luna refrained from covering up as she dried. 'Of course,' Celestia thought, remembering that the two procured attendants were on the night shift. And if they were on the night shift, they were privy to what Luna had been doing the past few months. "Celestia. Might I ask something?" Luna asked, bringing her attention back to present. "Of course," she replied. "By chance have you had the opportunity to think about what was discussed three nights ago in the kitchen?" Luna asked as she went about drying one of her wings. Celestia paused, not expecting that sort of question. Even the attendants seemed confused as they looked at one another; likely in hope of the other knowing what was being discussed. "You'll need to be a little more specific, Luna, we talked about a number of things that night," she pointed out. Luna nodded in understanding, before replying in a far more straight to the point approach. "About your participation." Celestia could suddenly feel all eyes in the room being upon her, even from Moon Lily who was standing behind her and thus couldn't actually be seen to confirm it. In truth she hadn't given the prospect much thought since it had been presented to her for consideration, even though perhaps she should've. She didn't have anypony to blame for that fact but herself. "Her Majesty is thinking of becoming a nudist herself?" Dusk Wind asked curiously. Luna shook her head. "It would be presumptuous to jump to such a conclusion. More accurately she has expressed a willingness to at least consider trying it for herself, and see what she thinks of it," she explained. Whether Luna had done it deliberately, or simply without realizing it, she'd put her on the spot with her statement. Now that she had an audience, she was uneasy with the prospect of actually doing something like this for herself. It was one thing to support something in concept, but something entirely different to put the concept into actual practice yourself. On the other hoof, she had told Luna that she had her support in this endeavor, even if that endeavor eventually led to her hosting the night court while nude, in full view of whichever petitioners sought her counsel, despite the political fallout that would come about from such occurring. If she was willing to go that far in all this, then surely she could bring herself to actually try it out for herself, and get an idea of what Luna saw in all of this. Otherwise she would simply be ridiculous. "Well... I don't suppose there's any harm in seeing what it's like," she finally relented and shrugged her shoulders. "I just wish that I'd spent some time at the gym the past few days..." she mumbled. "Oh stop worrying about such things, sister, you look fine. You have nothing to be concerned about," Luna assured her dismissively. "Even if your breasts are considerably lopsided." Celestia, at hearing this, immediately looked down as she peeled back the towel away from her chest, trying to see just what Luna was talking about. And then she heard Luna snorting, before erupting in laughter. Looking back up, she realized that she'd just been had, as her sister laughed without mercy, and Dusk Wind was trying without much success to not do the same. Looking behind her she saw that Moon Lily was the only one attempting to show any restraint, and it looked like her efforts might just kill her if she wasn't allowed to release her amusement. "That wasn't funny, Luna," she stated firmly as she glared at her sister, doing her very best to convey just how annoyed she was. Not that it was doing much good, as Luna wasn't actually looking at her. "It is not my fault you left yourself open," Luna replied as she composed herself once more. "Really now, sister, you have little to truly worry about. Your tummy not being as tone as you believe it should be, will hardly be at the forefront of anypony's mind should you cross their path," she stated. Dusk Wind managed to nod in agreement to Luna's point. "She is quite correct, Your Majesty. Nudism is about being confident and comfortable with your body for what it is, not for what it could be. It is about being yourself, not glamorous," she stated. And it was only after she stated such, that she stopped to think about what she'd said. "Er, that didn't come out right." "Perhaps not," Celestia acknowledged, "but I do believe it conveyed the point you were trying to get across. I suppose I am being rather silly about all of this. It's just such an unusual concept for me," she admitted, to which the others nodded. "Well... I suppose there's no sense in beating around the bush." With a steadying breath to calm her nerves over what she was about to do, she slowly undid the towel and let it fall free from her body, before handing it back to Moon Lily, just as she had her clothing earlier in the evening. Once again she was as bare as Luna, but not nearly as comfortable as she apparently was. To their credit, however, Luna and the others were doing their best to make her feel at ease. None of them were looking at her in a way that struck her as being inappropriate, and their smiles struck her as warm and genuine. Luna then went a step beyond that, and held out her hand like she was making ready to greet a friend. "Do you wish to continue?" she asked. "I suppose that I might as well. In for a bit, in for a pound," Celestia replied, not really seeing much reason in backing out now. If she did, then she was going to feel very foalish later on for letting something like social embarrassment overcome her, where Luna had proven resistant to it. Steeling her nerves, she reached out and took Luna's hand, solidifying her decision in her mind. Come what may, at least she wasn't alone in all of this. When Celestia had agreed to see what it was like to walk through the palace, sans clothing, she had forgotten to take basic matters such as temperature into consideration. Despite being dried off, stepping out of the steamy bathroom and into the palace hallways had still provided her with a rush of comparably cold air meeting every part of her exposed body. Even after having time to adjust and acclimate to the cooler night air, it still left a good deal to be desired. Next to her, Luna let out a relaxed sigh and stretched her arms over her head as they walked along, showing no signs of being uncomfortable with the situation. "Truly there is little quite as relaxing as a night stroll right after a good bath. Wouldn't you agree?" she asked. "Under normal circumstances I would. But right now it's a little too cold for my tastes," Celestia explained as she rubbed her arms in an effort to fight back the chill creeping over them. "You are exaggerating things, sister, it is not that cold at present," Luna replied dismissively, not finding the halls nearly as chilly as Celestia was making them out to be. "Oh no? Then why are my nipples so hard that I could cut glass with them?" Celestia asked. At hearing this, Luna turned to look at her sister, and the aforementioned bits of her anatomy that were supposedly being affected. They certainly looked like they were cold. "Perhaps it is just a tad bit cold," she finally admitted and shrugged. "I forget that I have done this long enough for my body to acclimate to the temperature. Truly I tend not to even notice it anymore. In fact I find the chill of the evening to be quite invigorating to experience," she stated. "Oh really? Well then, you'll absolutely love it when fall and winter come around," Celestia commented. Luna laughed at hearing that. "Even I do not know what I will do once the weather becomes that cold, dear sister. We will just have to wait and see what may come." There was a beat of silence as the two continued walking along, the only real noise being the sound of their hooves against the marble flooring, and occasionally Celestia rubbing her arms. And it was this silence that led her to noticing the stark difference in how she and her sister moved. Luna was far more relaxed in her stride, showing no signs of discomfort, which was in contrast to her own current state. At first she was all for taking a nude stroll through the palace hallways, partly because it was such a break from the usual stagnate routine she felt trapped by. The idea titillated her, fueling a small flame of rebellious behavior within her. But now that she was actually doing it for herself, she was having second thoughts. She felt uncomfortable about being so exposed and such. She felt... surprisingly vulnerable now that she was out in the open, and not covered by even a flimsy silk gown. It was all quite surprising. She needed a distraction to take her mind off of such a fact. Maybe if she wasn't thinking about it so hard, it wouldn't feel quite so strange. "Tell me something, Luna, do nudists wear clothing in situations where it isn't required?" she asked. Luna nodded. "Some of them do, yes. There are certainly some that are completely opposed to wearing clothing, but very few of them actually express an outright hatred of clothing and the wearing of such," she explained, briefly glossing over just some of the information she'd learned in her time. "Well now, that's certainly interesting," Celestia noted, even though she hadn't been inquiring about that specifically. "And the one you met that introduced you to nudism. What category do they fit into?" "You know that I cannot talk about such details, sister, and I would appreciate it if you did not try and pry about such," Luna replied sternly, trying to make it clear without having to redundantly spell out that the matter was closed for discussion. She wasn't about to violate the trust had between the dreamer, and the dream keeper. They needed to know that their most intimate secrets, laid bare for her to see, would never become the subject of gossip. She needed their trust in order to do her job. "Alright then. I apologize," Celestia replied sincerely, knowing when to step back and not press any further. And uncomfortable silence followed in the aftermath, before she finally chose to speak up again. "So what type of clothing do nudists wear anyway?" "Whatever would normally be appropriate or necessary in the given situation," Luna replied and shrugged, glad that the subject of discussion had changed. "Nudism is not about being provocative, or intentionally drawing attention to your body. You will be noticed, yes, but that is not the same thing as causing notice to occur deliberately." "That seems a little hard to comprehend, considering everything," Celestia pointed out, just not grasping it. Despite what Luna had said, she still had doubts. "How exactly do you not draw attention to yourself when you're nude?" That was a question for which Luna didn't have an immediate response, and Celestia noticed that instantly. Her sister actually slowed the pace of her stroll, which she followed in turn as she waited to see just what sort of advice had to be offered up on incognito nudity. "I will admit, I do not have a clear answer to that one," Luna stated as she gave an aside glance. "As best I can tell it is all about intent; you are not nude because you wish to be seen, but because you simply do not care if you are seen nude in a casual setting. It is... something I am still trying to grasp the finer points of," she explained. Celestia decided to refrain from asking Luna about her decision to participate in something that she didn't fully comprehend. After a thousand years of experience, she knew quite well that there were times when one simply had to dive into something unfamiliar; something she had to do more than a few times herself. Ultimately she decided not to press the issue further. Luna had come to her understanding of the matter through trial and error over the course of months. And while she wasn't certain about dedicating that much time to it, perhaps the same approach of simply going for it was what needed to be done. However that plan came to a halt as they rounded the corner, and she found herself facing one of the night guards making their rounds. Immediately she felt herself stiffening up in surprise, a squeak trying to form in her throat but failing to properly escape. And from what she could tell, he was just as surprised as she was; if not even more so. "Y-Your Majesty?" he asked, unable to fully conceal his shock at what he was seeing. Celestia tried to search for something to offer up in explanation for this awkward situation she found herself in. But before she could do that, Luna was already stepping up to the plate, and taking the lead. "My sister has decided to participate and see for herself what it is like to go without clothing," she explained. "O-oh," the guard replied and nodded in understanding, not really knowing what else to say. "It's a prospect I'm almost certain would be going easier if the weather was warmer. Right now the chill of the night air is making it rather difficult to get into fully," Celestia admitted uneasily as she rubbed her arm. The guard could do little more than nod in response, unsure of what else he could add to the matter. "Understandable." "If you wish, we could always reschedule for sometime during the daylight hours when it is warmer," Luna suggested. Celestia quickly shook her head in response. "I don't think I'm ready to go quite that far just yet, Luna, it's just too much," she stated. "A few days ago you said you would support me if I chose to conduct the night court while nude," Luna pointed out. "How can you be comfortable with something like that occurring, but not being nude yourself in front of your subjects?" "That's because the idea of a nude ruler is much cuter when done by the younger sister, and more likely to be accepted by the public," Celestia countered. Luna mentally stumbled, her concentration shaken as Celestia referred to her nudeness as being cute. Her sister was attempting to play dirty. "Properly orchestrating societal changes requires a delicate, thoughtful approach to what's going to occur. It would go over much better if the public perceived one of us supporting the other in statement, rather than participating right alongside them," Celestia explained. "I-I am still not certain if I am willing to take it that far. It is quite a leap to make," Luna replied, unable to explain the sudden shift in dynamic that had just occurred between them. In just a short span of time she was the one lacking confidence, while her sister seemed to exude it right from her pores. Her sister played dirty. That was all she had to say on the matter, for that was all that truly made sense. "Perhaps. But it would be best to keep your options open should you decide to do such," Celestia pointed out. All throughout the exchange, the guard remained silent, looking between them like he was watching a tennis match as points of discussion were exchanged, not knowing what else to do. "I'll just... get back to making my rounds then," he muttered as he excused himself, eager to return to something that he could actually wrap his head around. "Before you go, I have a question I'd like to ask," Celestia spoke up, interrupting his escape before he could leave the area. "What was it like when Luna first broached this subject with the night shift?" "In truth? It was... very awkward in the beginning," the guard admitted uneasily, remembering some of the less than shining moments that had been experienced by not only himself, but by the rest of the night staff. "But after a while it stopped seeming like a big deal, because we all learned how to stop treating it like it was a big deal. Eventually it wasn't anything unusual to see Her Majesty walking around in such a manner. It all became... really casual," he explained. "It still seems like there should be more to it all than just that," Celestia mumbled none too quietly, still not sure how it could just be that simple. But then again she was accustomed to getting the runaround by those seeking her counsel, always looking for hidden meanings behind carefully crafted statements. So maybe it really was that simple, and she was simply making it more difficult than it really was. The guard nodded. "It seems that way at first. But ultimately that's really the long and short of it," he explained. "If I'm excused. Have a good evening, Your Majesties." Left alone in the isolation of the hallway, Celestia couldn't help but note something about the whole encounter. "That... that actually went better than I thought it would." Luna nodded in response. "The more it is done, the easier it will become, until you do not even notice it anymore," she explained. And then an idea came to her. "If you would like I can call a meeting of the night staff and inform them of these developments. Any lingering awkwardness could be addressed all at once," she suggested. Celestia contemplated the notion that was being presented, pondering if it was worth it. On the one hoof, Luna had a point that she could get the awkward meetings over with all at once, and no longer have to be concerned about who she might bump into tonight. She would be around others who were familiar and -presumably- comfortable with Luna's habits, giving her the opportunity to speak with them and find out more about all of this. On the other hoof... "You're certain there won't be any gossip if I did something like that?" she asked. "There has yet to be gossip pertaining to myself. I believe it safe to conclude such will not be occurring," Luna explained. "Alright then," Celestia replied and nodded. If the night staff could be trusted to maintain secrecy with Luna, perhaps she should extent them the same courtesy of trust. "In for a bit, in for a pound I suppose." "Excellent," Luna replied happily. "Just, before we do such, might I ask you a question?" "Of course," Celestia agreed. "About what you said earlier. Your willingness to support my being a nudist, even if I were to extend that to when I go about conducting my royal duties," she started slowly as she rubbed at her elbow. "Is it because you love me enough to support what I am doing? Or... because you see it as an opportunity to be amused at what chaos may come about of my doing so? Celestia blinked as she looked at her sister, her mind trying to process the question being presented to her. Did she really think that... "Have I truly been such a bad sister, that asking such a question was needed?" Celestia asked as she stepped closer, and gently touched her hand to Luna's cheek. "We may tease each other, but never for the sake of being mean spirited and hurtful. Being a nudist is obviously important to you, and knowing that, I'd never reduce it to the role of simple fodder for the sake of my own petty amusement," she explained. Luna listened as Celestia talked, placing her hand over her sister's as she closed her eyes, smiling as she leaned into the touch. "That is all that I needed to know." The next thing Celestia knew, Luna had moved and pulled her into a hug. It felt... very unusual without any clothing between them to serve as a buffer against their contact, but she wasn't about to push her sister away for that simple reason. She could tolerate it for her sake... even if tolerating it wasn't all that hard. "Good then," Celestia replied as she settled into the hug and rubbed her sister's back right beneath her wings. "Just as all you need to know, is that if I ever find out you are lying to me on this, I will not hesitate to teleport-kick you into the main fountain of Canterlot city, naked, where every passerby will be able to see you," Luna continued. Celestia immediately pulled back to look Luna in the face at hearing what had just been said. "Am I quite clear?" Luna asked, her expression unchanging throughout it all. "Crystal, Luna," Celestia replied, completely unable tell if her sister's warning had been in jest, of if she'd been quite serious. Even after all this time, she could still be taken off guard by just how intimidating commanding Luna could be when she wanted to be. The fact that she'd said it in such a calm and friendly tone, along with her eyes shut and while wearing a smile just served to make the entire thing all the more disturbing to experience firsthand. "Most wonderful," Luna replied happily as if they'd been discussing far lighter topics. "Come now. Let us inform the staff so you need not worry about being seen further." Before Celestia could even speak up, she found her hand being grabbed by Luna, as she was practically dragged along with a great amount of enthusiasm. "Faust please help me..." she mentally groaned, all the while wondering just what she'd gotten herself into with all of this.