//------------------------------// // Eagle Scope // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you. A/N: Well, I was bound to run into a mismatch sooner or later. Let's go! Warning: May contain slight spoilers for various episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Xiaolin Showdown. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Warner Bros. Animation. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 5 If you're looking for similarities, they can both fly. Right? When there are so many characters across so many cartoons, you knew we would have to kill them all eventually. Dark much, B? Anyway, we have two characters that have grown accustomed to playing dirty because that's what the world around them demanded. The self-proclaimed "Evil Boy Genius" Jack Spicer... ... will be facing Gilda the gryphon. Man, do I feel sorry for that bird that's about to get roasted. What? I said, "He's W and I'm B." And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Jack Spicer -Human that lives in the basement -Tinkers with machines and blowtorches -Has a backpack with retractable propellers (flight) -Most common tools: Jack-Bots -Most common Shen Gong Wu: Monkey Staff -Actual level of intelligence fluctuates between episodes -Has openly admitted to "cheating on his IQ test" -Tries and fails to be taken seriously by the other villains, often due to his own cowardice The Xiaolin Dragon Warriors consist of four rag-tag children that have learned to harness the four elements: earth, fire, wind, and water. In their quest to recover the mystical Shen Gong Wu that have been scattered across the world, which foes stand in their way? The crime lord boss that dresses like a panda? The evil cat-owner that also doubles as his own dragon fighter? The frigging bean that can shape-shift into just about any size he wants? Raimundo?! ... What? That's a pretty safe bet, no offense. "None taken. I would've taken that bet myself." The most consistent villain that calls himself the Prince of Darkness is... Jack Spicer, a boy that loves tinkering with robotics, wearing black trench coats, and eating pudding pops. Yeesh! That is some pale skin. I guess that's how you can tell how long he spends in his mother's basement. He probably would have been happy to stay there, if it weren't for a mystical puzzle box that he found and solved. In doing so, he inadvertently released the ghostly Wuya, a witch of the Heylin side determined to find all of the Shen Gong Wu and rule the world. Seeing as how she didn't have a physical body after spending 1500 years stuffed in a box, she kind of had to talk the nearest person to do her dirty work for her. Luckily for her, Jack agreed and started hunting down the shiny, glowing trinkets of weird powers. Seriously, have you seen some of what this junk does? Someone must have been high when they made a pair of glider wings that spit out rainbows as it flies. You mean the Wings of Tinabi? I was going to say the Weeds of Tanuki, but sure. Anyway, each of the Wu can be picked up and used by anyone as long as they can pronounce the object's full name. Things get very interesting when two or more people touch a single Wu simultaneously. In order to claim that Wu, they must participate in a challenge known as a Xiaolin Showdown. The rules of which must be declared before the challenge starts. Whoever wins the challenge gets the Shen Gong Wu as their prize along with any other Wu that their opponents wagered for use during the showdown. And apparently, these showdowns are capable of altering the very fabric of reality. Land, sky, buildings, and animals are forcibly reconfigured into places and things that Loki only wishes he could imagine. While any person can wield any Shen Gong Wu, some characters have their favorites. Omi goes for a water orb, Kimiko has a fire star... The Orb of Tornami and the Star Hanabi. Whatever! In Jack Spicer's case, his favorite tends to be the Monkey Staff. It's a fancy cane that can give its holder monkey-like qualities like hands for feet, a tail, and... fleas. Jack has used the staff so many times that he can pretty much climb and swing through terrains with little to no effort. When mystical objects of power aren't available, Jack resorts to his typical tools of his hobby: the machines. He always wears a pack that has retractable propellers if he needs to fly. He also commands an army of robots, most commonly the Jack-Bots that are equipped with various weaponry from buzz saws to spike-ball maces to mini-guns. That's about the only thing good going for him. You see, while his brain has its good days, his physical strength is absolutely pathetic. He can't even break a safety dome made of glass... after he made it himself! He ends up crying a lot, making him the laughingstock of both heroes and villains alike. And despite being an "Evil Boy Genius", his intellect tends to overlook some of the fatal flaws in his plans until it's too late. Nevertheless, if the Xiaolin Warriors are involved in an adventure, you can always count on Jack Spicer to try and get in the way... or help them if he's been affected by the Ying Yang World and a Reversing Mirror. Augh! Wool sweaters?! Put him back! Put him back to evil right now! "Jack-Bots, attack!" ---Death Battle--- Gilda -"Half-lion, half-eagle, and all-awesome" -Resides in Griffonstone until she can move out -Had a reserved personality until she met Rainbow Dash at Flight School -Can fly as quickly and even a little faster than Dash's average, comfortable pace -Her lingo sounds like it's from a few decades ago -Main method of attack: brute force -Can screech like a falcon or roar like a lion -Tends to be cocky and arrogant Legends tell of a powerful creature known as a gryphon. It has the head of an eagle and the body of a lion, and it uses its divine power to jealously guard its treasures. Through many iterations and misspellings, their tales have been retold and revised innumerable times. One of those was promptly put in a show advertising toy horses. This gryphon's name is Gilda, and she was essentially boiled down to your average high school jock. But before she was a pursuer of speed and decades old slang, she was once an innocent cub at Junior Speedsters Flight Camp. At first her shyness level rivaled the pony with the reserved personality's namesake. That was until she met the fast and prideful Rainbow Dash. After introductions and a bit of pep talk, Gilda strove for the future Starscream eater's need for speed and cherished her childhood memories into her years to come. But, those memories took a backseat for the need to use brute force to get her way as she resorted to scare tactics, stealing, and pure volume to push aside the ponies in town. Still, when you're raised in a rundown kingdom with a moneygrubbing grandfather named Gruff, how are you supposed to grow up? In fact, all of Griffonstone's residents seem to suffer similar problems with greed. After a cyclops stole the Idol of Boreas, one of the most prized treasures representing the gryphons' pride, their king fell into despair, and the rest of the citizens put up a wall of distrust toward each other and outsiders. It wasn't until Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie got called over by the Castle of Friendship's map that Gilda even considered talking to them again. Then, follow that up with baking powder for scones and a rescue operation from an insanely windy chasm. I cannot make this *ess* up. In any case, Gilda has plenty of tools right on herself. Her talons are individually sharp enough to pop a balloon with a single touch and all of them together can somehow withstand the spinning of helicopter blades to stop them and even reverse their spinning. Keep in mind that the speed of a helicopter's main rotor blades can range anywhere from 460 rpm to 600 rpm, sometimes even breaking the speed of sound. Being a winged creature in Equestria, Gilda can walk on clouds and fly. She can reach up to and fly slightly faster than R.D.'s average held back measurement of 16.5 wing-power, roughly placing her at the speed of sound. See, W? I can be science-ific too. That's "scientific". *Ahem* Gilda is not only fast, but she is also fairly tough. Against gravity's pull, Gilda can climb a vertical cliff side while also simultaneously dragging along two ponies by a single rope while also fighting against unpredictable wind currents. This power has the drawback of making Gilda feel a little too cocky in her own coolness factor. But hey, at least she made friends with another gryphon in her hometown. Just don't get on her bad side or she'll unleash a lion's roar right in your face. "No singing? No cake? No bakery? What is this place?!" "You're welcome to leave at any time!" ---Death Battle--- Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. It's time for a Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- As the scene opens up, several pegasi adjust the clouds into some scattered positions. Muffins seems too distracted by making her cloud look just like her namesake. Pan down a little further and the audience gets a good look at a house composed of clouds, liquid rainbows, and magically solidified decorations. The front door opens. "Now, you're sure you can find A. K. Yearling's house and deliver that package?" asks Rainbow Dash. "I've got the route memorized," insists a slightly different, scratchy voice. "You go on to your Wonderbolts Practice and leave this in my capable paws." "Alright!" Dash nods as she flies backward. "Thanks, G! I owe you one!" "Heh heh. I'll keep that in mind, Dash!" The gryphon gives a slight wave before her friend turns into a seven-colored blur. She opens her large, golden-brown wings and flies in a different direction. To show off the passage of time and distance, the ground below changes from hills, to apple trees, and finally to a rainforest jungle. Just to be sure, the gryphon pulls out her map one more time. She holds her talon barely above the parchment to allow her to trace her direction without tearing it. However, her caution becomes for naught as a sudden wind rips the map from her talons and it tumbles into the forest's canopy. "Oh for...!" She grunts at her rotten luck. "Hey, birdbrain. What's in the bag?" The sudden boy's voice catches the gryphon's confused attention. What we see on the other side of the screen is a lanky teenager in a trench coat and what looks like propellers sticking out of his back. He smiles like a nuisance while staring with his beady, little red eyes. "What's it to you, nerd?" She crosses her front limbs, unimpressed. "Whoa, let's not get feisty," he insists. "I just want your little package for my own evil plans. Fork it over and I won't have to tell my killer robots to pluck your feathers." "Get lost, dweeb!" She growls. "Oh, well. I tried being nice." He shrugs and shakes his head, even though he's smiling at this opportunity. "FIGHT!" Jack Spicer snaps his fingers. From the left and right side of the screen's sky, several robots fly into view. Each has a head that kind of looks like Zurg from Toy Story 2. They appear to be made of a golden-brass alloy and fly around with turbo boosters. Some of them pull out maces while the rest pop open slots with chainsaw blades. Jack points in front of himself. "Jack-Bots, attack!" Gilda scowls and flies in the other direction. The Jack-Bots quickly pursue the gryphon like a swarm of hornets. Bullets start flying all over the place, but make no hits on the enemy. With a suddenly larger flap of her wings, Gilda rushes straight up. She loops over and around, holding her talons out proudly. Whatever metal the bots are made of, she tears through the first one's head with ease. Screeching like a hawk, the gryphon tosses the severed robot head at another incoming Jack-Bot. This bot gets a new hole in its chest and flies zigzag into another bot. This causes a chain reaction of explosions from Jack-Bot to Jack-Bot until a bunch of robot parts fall to the ground in various states of disrepair. Meanwhile, the boy genius is standing on top of a tree, observing the damage. He almost looks like he's about to cry now that his toys are all broken. He shakes his head furiously, replacing his sadness with an evil smirk of denial. He pulls a funky looking stick out of his inventory. As he holds it up, the staff begins to glow. After clapping the dust off her talons, Gilda crosses her front limbs for a moment of rest. However the moment is cut short as a howling monkey in a trench coat leaps onto her face. The monkey quickly goes to work trying to slap the gryphon every which way. With the extra weight, her flight path goes all crooked. It leads her straight into a bunch of hanging vines, getting her caught up. On the other hand, the monkey hops around the canopy before hanging onto a tree branch with his tail. "How's it hanging, you big turkey? Ah ha ha ha ha!" Gilda shakes violently with anger boiling in her veins. She stretches all of her limbs wide and the lion within roars at the top of her lungs. Her talons make quick work of the vines and free her. She flies forth at breakneck speed. Jack screeches in shock before hopping over and under several branches to gain some distance. However, the gryphon is well within reaching distance after just a second. She growls, swiping her talons at each and every branch that Monkey-Jack crawls around. He seems to huddle the staff as far away from her as possible, despite several instances where he could have smacked her over the head. Gilda notices this. "Hmm, I wonder..." She flies backward and then goes around the trees another way. After hopping and climbing through three more trees, Jack takes a look behind him. There's no gryphon in sight. The monkey holds his staff to the side as he rests his head against the large branch. A talon reaches from the other side of the branch and yanks the Monkey Staff away. He hollers in realization, but it's too late by now. Gilda proceeds to bend the decorative stick until it snaps in two. She tosses the pieces to either side behind her. She chuckles and watches as Jack deforms back into his human proportions. He shivers and sweats in place. The propeller in his backpack promptly pop up and spin. Jack tries to make a quick exit, but Gilda swiftly closes the distance between them. She fiercely grabs either propeller in one of her talons. They abruptly stop. "What?!" Spicer yelps and turns his head. "What are you doing? Let me go!" A smirk crosses the gryphon's beak. "If you insist." She sharply shoves the propeller's in another direction. But instead of defying gravity, the spinning causes air to be displaced in a way that makes Jack fall faster. The boy gives out a yell that would make Goofy jealous as he spins around and around before colliding into a broken mess on the ground. Gilda sighs as she perches on a tree branch. "All of that for a stupid package?" She looks over her bag and notices a huge rip. "Aw, feathers! One of those dumb hunks of metal tore my bag." She feels around the tattered bag and pulls out... what looks like an ancient variation of the telescope. It opens up a little wider like a camera's focusing lens. Shrugging, the gryphon holds up the supposed telescope and looks through it. She swings it to one side and then to the other. "Sure wish I could find the address I was supposed to take this thing." She leans it down toward her left. "Hold on, is that...?" Gilda holds the scope in one talon and flies over. She knocks on a door that looks like it's barely holding on by its hinges. It opens up and a pony wearing red glasses and a purple cloak steps into view. "I'm busy. Make it quick," insists the pony. "Yeah, so Dash sent me with this thing to give you..." Suddenly, Gilda finds herself being pushed by the rear into the house before the door slams shut. "I thought I specifically asked her to keep the package under wraps!" exclaims Yearling. "Why did you open it up?" Gilda chuckles sheepishly. "It's a long story." "K.O.!" ---Death Battle--- Mm-mm. Spiced Jack-n-mash. Just the way Momma B used to make it. That explains so much and yet so little. Anyway, Jack Spicer is pretty well-rounded when it comes to technological construction. However, that doesn't always translate into practical use. Most of his Jack-Bots are pretty fragile when it comes to an actual battle setting. And Gilda's not afraid to throw a punch. Heck, she even punched a baby dragon in front of his owner*. Who does that? With numbers of allies quickly diminishing, that would just leave Jack by himself. While he has the gadget necessary to give him flight and mobility, it doesn't come close to the speed that Gilda is capable of reaching. Plus, Spicer's kind of a wimp. He talks a big game but he falls over after just a tiny bit of punishment or even the threat of punishment for that matter. True, and while the Monkey Staff could remove some of his inhibition for a time, a monkey's strength doesn't quite compare to the combined might of an eagle and a lion. Lastly, Gilda's own durable talons could make quick work of a bizarre helicopter contraption made by Pinkie Pie... ... the very pony whose actions cannot be explained by logic and reasoning. So of course she could outmaneuver the basic propellers on Jack's basic design. Jack may hold the intelligence advantage in specific areas, but none of those areas were enough to overcome Gilda's strength and speed advantages. Spicer spun right 'round, down to the ground, in this Xiaolin Showdown. The winner is Gilda. "Uh, I'm a gryphon. What's your excuse, dweebs?" ---Death Battle---