I do not have words that can fully describe the pain that I felt upon hearing that news. However, I shall try my best recount what happened following his statement. Evenstar and Amethyst were both extremely apologetic for what had happened and promised me that their actions were for the better. However, by the time they spoke up, I realized that I had already begun a descent into a rather severe depressive state. There was nothing for me say or do that would change the fact that I would be abandoned by the two of them for a week while they paraded my discovery before their peers.
When a researcher receives a request to come before The Academy it is a grave dishonor to deny attendance. That much I understood and supported. However, the brash statement from that group left a mark on me that I would not soon forget. They were, in a sense, forcing me back into that world that I had fought so desperately to escape. Returning to that life of mediocrity was a bitter pill to swallow, but there was nothing I could do aside from accept that reality.
So, I simply nodded in understanding at the blow they had just dealt. I really didn’t feel pain, rather I just felt numb. Despite being the source for the limit’s initial concept, I would not be the one to present it to the world. That reality dug deep into my heart and buried a seed of hatred that I still bear to this day. I wanted to prove to the world that I was competent, that my race didn’t define me, but as I so painfully discovered, the world was not ready for such a statement.
“I’ll see you two in a week,” I said as I drew the final strap on Evenstar’s bag. “Have a… safe trip.” My voice was as melancholy as they were. And our final goodbyes were not said with smiles.
“I’m sorry,” Amethyst started. I could see her trying to meet my gaze, but I was focused on the floor. I couldn’t bear staring into her eyes for a number of reasons, the greatest of which was shame. I felt worthless, as though I was inferior to her in every. I knew it, Evenstar knew it, and worst of all, she knew it. It was an unspoken oppression that my own shame amplified tenfold.
The only thing I could manage was to whimper, “It’s okay,” in return.
A few minutes later, and the laboratory was empty once again. However, instead of wonder and prestige I felt the overbearing sense of being put in my place. While Amethyst and Evenstar had started on a journey of a lifetime, I was left to my own devices in an abandoned laboratory for a week.
So, I did the only think I could think to do: sort the mail. It was a task that I had learned to do rather quickly, and as I busied myself with it, the pain of their absence stung a bit less. With my mind relatively free of distractions my speed increased as I sorted through the envelopes. There were a few more letters from challenger, but aside from that, most of the mail was junk.
As I scanned through the envelopes, I realized I never took much notice of the letters that I discarded. The day wasn’t going to waste itself, so I decided to take a bit of time and crack a few open. What I found surprised me. There were hundreds of letters from ponies that had been passed over because the sheer volume was enough to occupy days of reading time with each delivery. For no reason in particular I opened one from a pony named Lapis.
Mr. Evenstar,
I have found that there are many ways for a pony to use algebra in the use of mathematics, however, it feels like something is missing. I know in class you have talked about several ways of using individual mathematical systems to describe the world, but what if there was a unifying system that could do the same thing?
Signed, Lapis.
I opened another.
Evenstar,
I appreciated your discourse concerning mental dimensions and their use in theoretical magic, but I don’t know where to start building my own mental dimensions beyond the third? It seems as though there is little I can do other than try over and over again and simply fail each time.
Sincerely, Evergreen.
Yet another envelope begged my attention.
Professor Evenstar,
I’ve been studying weather patterns for a while, and while predictions have become rather accurate, I’ve noticed that there’s always a chaotic element to them. I can’t know, despite the most recent advancements in magic, if a storm will happen next week or not. It seems completely random. Is there anything I can use to further my work?
Cloud Chaser.
The more I opened, the more I realized what I had stumbled upon. Thousands of ponies from all around the world were asking for his help with magic. It didn’t come as a surprise to me, nor did I challenge the fact that most of these letters had gone unread, but there was something inside of me that wanted to see those answers for myself. I looked to the room, to the board that held the first half of Evenstar’s unsolvable puzzle.
I rose to my hooves as a sudden realization dawned on me. “You can’t answer these, can you?” My question was one that came so quickly it felt inconsequential, like a passing thought it just appeared. I looked across the board to the equations that littered its surface. For every formula, there was a line crossing it out, another dead end to what could have been a revolution. Dozens upon dozens of these failed attempts littered chalkboards like the bodies in a battle. It was Evenstar versus the world, and he had nothing but his mind to face the onslaught of failure.
“You just have to keep on guessing, coming back to the drawing board for a new perspective…” I let my voice trail off as I sat on the floor and stared at those chalkboards. There was something about them that begged another question
Why can’t you do the same? Something inside of my soul was prodding me to continue with this train of thought, and as I tried to use my insecurities to dispel the notion, it would only cast them aside and repeat itself. Within a few minutes I had grown distraught at my inability to satisfy that question with an answer of impossibility. It refused to let me give up, for me to lose hope in my current circumstance. I don’t know where that feeling came from, but it was one that budded from the hope that drives me to this day. It was the light at the end of the dark tunnel, and it had returned once more.
I rose to my hooves and drew in a deep breath. There was something in the air, something that fueled me to do the unthinkable. I was going to try to crack the case, to solve the mystery of the Analog equations, and I was going to do it in under a week.
I had absolutely no reason to believe that I could pull off such a feat, but there was no reason why I couldn’t either. I retrieved a piece of paper and a pencil and painstakingly jotted down the equation on the board. It wasn’t as neat as Amethyst’s magic drawn lettering, but it was legible and that was all that mattered. The equation was simple enough, and it was one that I had enabled with the discovery of the limit. However, it was half of what we needed. The other half, the way to revert back was what I sought. So, I turned to the board once more for any clues on what I could employ. That’s when I noticed Amethyst’s shell spells that she had been working on when time permitted. They had always fascinated me with how complex they were, but I wanted to go deeper, to understand the fundamentals beneath the complexities.
As I had seen so clearly with the limits, I realized that most everything I had encountered in the magical world was fundamentally rather simple. There was an underlying concept that could be grasped by even the youngest of foals, but was virtually impossible to explain with the systems we had. We tried our best, but in the end, we were nearly as ignorant as the ponies who looked up to us. We were fakes.
Knowledge was only half of the equation, the hardest part about magic was convincing ponies that you could possibly know something so formless. The more I studied it, the more I realized I had no clue what magic truly was. For some reason a certain race had been bestowed with an ability to manipulate things beyond them, and anypony, with a certain level of education, could understand a few of the rules behind it. However, the realities of magic itself, would elude me for decades.
But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
I spotted Amethyst’s notebook on the table where she studied the shell. In it laid her own musings, and I reasoned that it may help my insane attempt to uncover the secrets of the Analog equations. I grabbed the book and added it to my growing collection for my research. As I scanned through the bookshelves, I grabbed a few more books on latest thoughts in mathematics. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but at this point I didn’t care. There was something inside of me that urged me to continue and I simply could not resist it’s call. I knew where I was headed, I knew what I wanted to do, all that was left was to think.
And there was no better place for that than Evenstar’s office.