"I can't even begin to imagine this. These aren't real, right?" Twilight asked me.
"As once said by a famous human, 'intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death'." I told her.
"A human didn't say that, Albert Hoofinstein did. He was a very famous scientist that-"
"Twilight?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up, please. All these copies from Earth to Equestria is annoying."
"Uh, I think you mean, ‘are’.”
“Go be a Grammar Nazi somewhere else.”
“Right, so, back to the point, these are holograms, right?" I looked over the machine again. I was human, Twilight was also, and we were in my living room examining a holographic projector I sto- I mean, 'found'. Various holograms of Neon were dotted around the room. Chuck was animating them, making them look real. They were still horribly deformed and moved around awkwardly.
"Yeah, as far as I know."
"This is very interesting. I haven't seen any like this before. Why do you have it?"
"I wanted to re-enact scenes from Star Wars."
"Star... Wars...?"
"Eh, it's a popular sci-fi series. I'll show you it later. So, I need to find out a way to make it project multiple versions of Neon, while at the same the projector being hidden from view. So far, the current holograms need some work."
"Why do you refer to your pony name as someone else?"
"What?"
"You said Neon, not yourself. You treat your pony name like it's someone else's."
"Neon is just a different form of me. I sometimes don't feel like I'm Neon, because of the difference between us. We’re the same mind, I just feel different as him.”
“Interesting, so how exactly does this thing work?”
“It uses optical lasers that form a 3D object.”
“Lasers?”
“You don’t have lasers in Equestria?”
“Not really, what even are they?”
“Okay, right-o then. I don’t have the time to explain this anymore. Just know that it creates illusions.”
“But I really want to know about these lasers.”
“Another time, maybe after I don’t get killed.”
“Fine, I suppose time is of the essence. But, I’m holding it to you.”
“Whatever. Do you think you could make this thing turn invisible?”
“I can’t turn other objects invisible. Actually, I’m still working on that spell.” Let me think... I wonder if we even have to hide it. Twilight had no clue what it was, I could just set it up somewhere, and have the fight in there. I should give a name to that pony. Let’s just call him Fantasma. It’s spanish for something supernatural, like ghosts and ghouls.
I guess we could at least try. I can’t think of a way to hide it. The actual size of the hologram projector is about half a foot wide, and a foot long. It looks like one of those professional lighting cameras used in movies or picture day. There was a USB cord running from the device to my laptop. I played around the settings, such as focus and intensity. Once I got it to just the right setting, I edited the animations. If I could hook up a camera, I could make it copy me.
Now there’s an idea. Twilight continued to examine the projector, curiously fiddling with the various switches and buttons. I headed out of the room, and into the closet. Let’s see... camera, camera, camera... found it. I had a cheap camcorder just lying around on the floor in the closet. I forgot why I even had that. I brought it back to my laptop, and plugged it in.
Let's just run a motion tracking program, and use the output feed as an input to the holographic projector. A hologram of me shot out from the projector. It copied my every move. A did a quick fist pump at my small victory. I turned off the tech, then I carefully stuffed it all into a brown duffle bag. The tech was well organized. I put my fingers on the zipper. Right before I zipped it shut, a human version of Pinkie Pie jumped out of the bag.
"Hiiiiiiiii! What's all this stuff? Is it tasty? Do you have cupcakes here? What about balloons? Do you hav-" Pinkie rapidly said as she sat in the bag.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled as I zipped the bag shut, trapping her inside. I turned to Twilight, and said, "I don't remember bringing her here." Twilight shrugged and said,
"We didn't, but that won't stop her."
"Yeah!" Pinkie yelled from behind me. I fell forward at the sudden scream. "This is sooooooo weird! There are these two fleshy mound things on my chest and I have fingers and I'm all white and I stand on two hooves- no wait I don't have hooves silly I have toes so that means that I stand on two feet!" She gasped for air after finishing that sentence. While saying all that, she played with her almost comedic-sized breast, with the utmost curiosity. I facepalmed at her stupid antics, not even caring how she got behind me. I sighed, and said,
"Okay, Pinkie, we get it. Now, you're not living here. We need to head back to Ponyville."
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" She said as she dived into the portal. Ugh, she gets on my nerves. Maybe it's the gravity defying hair. Meh, I don't care. I threw the bag over my shoulder, and motioned for Twilight to go through the portal. I stepped through the portal, followed by Twilight walking in. As Ponyville rendered in front of me, I saw Twilight's tree was empty, with the exception of me and Twilight, and Spike who was sleeping in a nearby bean bag.
"How's the leg?" Twilight asked me as she noticed me in pony form.
"Much better since you did that spell that speeds up bone realignment. Still kind of hurts, but I can use it somewhat," I replied.
"Good, just don't put too much weight on it until it's fully healed, it's not a perfect spell."
"Noted, now let's set this up somewhere outside." Twilight was carrying the bag with her magic, since I still have noobish magic skills. We headed out the door, the sun was halfway past the horizon. The sky was a fiery red. Then, out of the blue, two white hoofs covered my eyes, along with a female voice saying,
"Guess whoooooo."
"No," I replied, even though I knew who it was. The voice was clearly Vinyl's, only she had that relaxed, upbeat voice.
"Aw, you're no fun," she continued.
"Get off me, my leg still hurts."
"Why? What happened?" She said with renewed concern.
"You don't know?"
"Uh, either that, I forgot." She got off me, and stood next to me.
"Then I'll tell you. I broke my back left leg in a fight."
"Oh, well, I'll make you feel better." She started to reach under me. Her hoof started to rub my stomach, and slowly went lower. I stepped away, and said,
"Yeah, don't do that. You’re still in mating season, and I’d prefer if you didn’t rape me.”
“It’s not rape,” she said as she got closer. I cleared my throat, and said,
“Twilight, please magically escort Vinyl out.” Vinyl pounced, and yelled,
“HE’S MINE!” Right before she tackled me, Twilight stopped her with magic. She floated in the air with a wavy purple bubble. Vinyl continued to bang against the shield, desperate to get me. Twilight then teleported her, to somewhere I don’t know.
“Thanks,” I told Twilight. “How much longer is mating season going to last?”
“Another week,” Twilight replied. Another week, I can live through that. The ground started shaking, I whipped my head around, looking for the source of it. A large cloud of female ponies were charging into Ponyville. Every Single one of them were headed for me. Oh, fuck my life.
“Uh, Twilight...” I said. “I could use some help.” She started to back up.
“Uh, sorry, I don’t think I can stop them.”
“Teleport me!” I turned to look at Twilight, but she was already gone. The crowd was rapidly approaching. “Okay, getting raped is NOT on my to-do list.” I started to run away from the mass rapists. They were fueled by pure lust, there’s no way I could stay away for long.
“Your mine!” Berry Punch yelled as she leaped on top of me. I dashed to the right, narrowly avoiding her. The crowd was mere yards away as I run for my life. They’re like a pack of zombies! I ran into a section of homes, and zig zagged through the streets. The mares behind me were moaning. Am I the ONLY stallion here? I came across a ladder on one of the houses, and climbed up. The mares fought to get on the ladder, which gave me just enough time to pull the ladder on the roof. These thatched roofs are quite stable. Bon-bon started to climb onto the roof. I trotted over and kicked her off. Don’t worry, she landed in a soft pile of female rapists.
Meanwhile, in Pinkie’s kitchen.
I scanned the horizon, looking for something to help. I found Twilight, lying on a bench.
Of course she’s having a mental breakdown. Right when I need her. Something smacked into me from behind. I turned around to see Spitfire. She started to rub against me. I wasn’t that strong, and she was an athlete. Her wings were fully stretched out. I struggled heavily, but to no avail.
“Get off of him!” Someone yelled. Then I got teleported out from under Spitfire. I was teleported to a different roof, a few houses away. I wasn’t the only one on the roof. Another stallion, one thats brown with blue hair, said, “Go down stairs, the doors over there!” He then pointed toward the roof access hatch. I jumped down it, landing on a soft mattress. The other pony jumped down after me and closed the hatch. He was a unicorn.
“*huff* Thanks. I thought I was a goner,” I said. He got up and said,
“No problem, I know how bad it gets during mating season. You can call me Sike.”
“Neon.”
“Okay, let’s head to the rec room and tell the other stallions about you.”
“Other?”
“This is like a safe house for mating season, me and five other stallions are holed up here.” I got up from the mattress. He got up also, and motioned for me to follow him through the hall. I did, and we came across a dimly lit room with five stallions sitting in various chairs. This room looked to be a stallioncave. Or, in human terms, a mancave. Man, talk about a break.
“Who’s the new colt?” A gruff voice said. A purple and green earth pony said that. It almost sounded like an insult. I said,
“Somepony that’s going to buck your flank if you call me a colt again.” He growled and we stared each other down.
“Stop,” said the pony that saved me. I believe he’s the leader. “We don’t need fighting. We will get raped if we do.” I stopped staring at the earth pony. I’m unusually hostile today, must be because I’m on the edge about this mating season thing. This thing never happened on Earth, so I’m completely unprepared.
“So, what now? We just hide in here?” I asked.
“That’s the plan.” Sike replied. I heard a banging sound coming from downstairs. Then the crushing and cracking of wood was heard. “Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good. Bravo team, check out the entry number alpha.” Really? They’re doing this military? They know more than I do at avoiding mares, I guess I should listen. A yellow unicorn and a magenta pegasus got up and went looked down the stairs. Then they nodded and pulled a level. The stairs rose upward, blocking off anything from coming upstarts. They raced back in, and the unicorn said, in a childlike voice,
“There’s a breach in entry level alpha. Sections beta and delta seem untouched.” Is it just me, or does this feel like a game of Call of Duty Nazi zombies?