Alexandrite: Ace Attorney: Turnabout Tidbits

by MaxKodan

Turnabout Featherbrain

Escutcheon Herald placed the covered cage on the conference table and leaned around it to look at me. “He can be a bit nippy, but that just means he wants some attention.”

I hesitated, eyes locked on the white sheet that obscured the contents. “I’m really not sure this is a good idea. Can’t Aegis take it?”

“Aegis isn’t a big fan of birds.”

“...She’s a pegasus.”

“Yes, well,” Escutcheon said with a sigh. “She feels...never mind.”

“Well, alright, what about Buckler?”

“Buckler is...Buckler.”

“Wooooooaaaah,” said Buckler Round, who sat spinning in an office chair nearby. “Fair assessment.”

“And I’m not leaving him with any of the interns. Alex, you’re the only pony for the job.”

It was hard to keep a small tick out of my eye. I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. Escutcheon was my boss, and this was about the least I could do to make up for my lackluster performance. Escutcheon had landed some kind of big contract out in Fillydelphia, and he’d be gone for a week. The short notice intrinsic to our court system left his pet parrot, Featherbrain, without a birdsitter. I, apparently, was going to be a birdsitter.

Barley ogled Featherbrain. My cousin, despite having been raised out in the countryside, was a city pony through and through. Birds were a menace. They were scavengers, and bold ones at that. Pigeons were getting more and more adept at snatching hay fries out of holders in mid-flight. They were not pets.

Featherbrain, at least, didn’t look like your run of the mill flying rat. He had a regal stature to him, yellow breast pushed out proudly, blue wings and back ruffled just so, white face and black beak tilted at the exact angle which conveys a mild disdain for everypony around.

“I don’t think he likes me,” Barley said, a moment of clarity breaking through his fixed daze.

“I don’t think he likes anyone,” I said, avoiding eye contact with the both of them lest I get sucked into whatever power struggle they were having. “Don’t let him get to you.”

“Yeah, but Xander—” His voice broke a little as he felt my glare at him, and he laughed nervously, “But, Alex, I dunno. Do you know how to take care of a bird?”

I looked back down at the day’s newspaper and motioned to a side table, upon which sat a checklist. “Everything I need to know. I’ll only need to change the paper twice, but he says that if I change it every day he’ll be appreciative.”

Barley picked up the list and looked it over. “Does this say you have to cook his food?”

I shrugged. “He eats seeds and pellets, but I guess there are recipes he likes for breakfast dinner. The ingredients are in the fridge.”

“Pumpkin and apple served with peanuts…? That actually sounds pretty good. I think this bird eats better than I do.”

“I’m...somewhat tempted to try it myself, actually, yeah.”

“And for dinner, he eats corn, asparagus, and b-”

Oooh, right. I pulled the paper up to hide a wicked smile. Barley cleared his throat.

“And barley. Huh.” He eyed Featherbrain nervously.

“Dinner Time!” crowed Featherbrain, just as my clock struck 8 pm.

Barley yelped in surprise and dropped the checklist, scampering across the room towards the door.

I had been told not to come in on Saturday so that I could get to know my new roommate. There was something on my checklist for the day that I was really not looking forward to. I eyed the bird through his bars and waited. For what, I didn’t know. He’d eaten his cooked breakfast, and now he was just perched like nothing was bothering him. It was a little annoying.

I was tempted to just leave him to siting there. He looked comfortable enough. But I also imagined a good dozen horrible situations that might come up if he didn’t get his exercise. Since I could only think of 10 horrible situations that might come up if I DID let him out, the cons outweighed the pros. I took a deep breath, reached forward, and unlatched the cage.

Like a blue flash, Featherbrain had nudged the door open and swooped out.

OH CELESTIA HE CAN FLY THEY NEVER MENTIONED HE KNEW HOW TO FLY WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!!!

At some point during my panic attack, I had worked my way behind the cover of a couch, so I peeked up over the back. Featherbrain was preening his wing on a table. I had expected more of a magic summoning circle to call forth his birdy overlords, so that was a slight relief.

“Ok,” I said, aloud for some reason, “Ok, you’re out, and neither of us is dead. That’s a good start.” Something about the way his head twitched around was unsettling, especially when it lay one beady eye on me, but I classified it under “bird things”. I cautiously rounded the couch.

“Hi there!” Featherbrain said, causing me to freeze in place.

“....Hi,” I said, feeling a bit like an idiot. “I’m Alexandrite.”

“Aaalexandrite!” he said, trying to get a feel for it apparently. I still felt like I’d been added to a list I didn’t want to be on.

“It’s...good to meet you, Featherbrain.” I wondered, for a moment, if invoking his name was the best of ideas. But of course it would be alright. It’s just saying the bird’s name. Still, he didn’t seem to react to me at all.

“Featherbrain?” I asked, inching closer. He was staring at a wall. Had I broken him somehow? I decided to add a bit of affectionate lilt to my voice like I was trying to get the attention of a pet. Because, I realized, I was. “Featherbrain.”

It was probably the third time that did it. Featherbrain spread his wings and flapped wildly for a moment, and I let out an embarrassing squeak and squeezed my eyes shut. The rending of the flesh from my bones was a lot less painful than I thought it would be. In fact, all I felt was a bit of prickly pressure on my back. I slowly turned my head around and cracked an eye, and there was Featherbrain, using me as a perch. I didn’t want to move, in case that sent him into an unparalleled bird rage which I could only assume was a thing that happened, but I dared to reach for the bag of treats on the nearby table.

It was a long, tedious struggle. More than once as I stretched I felt the bird shifting his weight on my back. With a heroic effort and not a little flinching I managed to snatch the bag, set it somewhere more manageable, and fish out one of the tiny balls of nuts and grains. Glancing back and making sure he wasn’t preparing a death ray or whatever parrots do when you’re not watching, I held up the treat. Featherbrain stared at it, and then at me. Then it shuffled a little down my back and ruffled its feathers up.

I glanced down at my hoof and realized it was shaking. It was exactly that moment that I realized that I was being completely stupid. This was a parrot, a bird. A pet. Escutcheon’s pet. I lowered my hoof and heaved a deep sigh. Then I took a breath and let it out again. And then again. Then I reached back again and held the treat up, a bit of a distance away from Featherbrain.

Escutcheon had introduced us before I took him home with me. We knew each other, kind of, so I guessed that between that and my cooking for him, I was at least a little in the good books. Don’t be afraid of him, Escutcheon had said. He can smell fear. At the time, I’d taken that as a joke, or an attempt to unnerve me, or a warning. But now, as Featherbrain looked me up and down again, and then started sidling up my back towards my steadied hoof, I saw it for what it was. Really, really good advice.

“I’m home!” I closed the door behind me and trotted over to the cage. I heard Featherbrain shifting around inside, and he chirped as I pulled the covers back. “How ya holding up?”

He clicked a few times and stepped closer to the cage door. I smiled and undid the latch, and he nudged his way out and fluttered to his perch and the treat that was waiting on it. “Aegis yelled at me again,” I said, throwing myself on the couch. Featherbrain watched me silently, though he bobbed his head a few times. “I think she just does it out of habit at this point. But it meant I had to wash the inner windows of her office.” I leaned closer to him conspiratorially, and he, in turn, leaned his head down to listen. “They weren’t even dirty, you know.”

“Too bad!” He squawked.

“You said it.” I sat back and sighed. “Actually, Buckler said it, too. Those words exactly. I’m surprised Escutcheon was so set on him not taking care of you. You two would get along famously.”

Featherbrain flew down and settled onto the back of the couch. I turned a raised eyebrow towards him. “Hey, watch the claws,” I said, nudging one of the talons that were poking through the fabric. He relaxed his grip, but stepped towards me, wobbling now that his anchor was less solid. I rolled my eyes with a smile, then I stretched out onto my stomach. I offered a hoof, and Featherbrain stepped onto it, then made his way down to my back. The treat bag was on the table nearby, just within reach, so I snagged one and offered it to him. “You’d make a good massage therapist,” I said as he shifted his weight and moved up to my shoulders.

He nipped the treat out of my hoof and I laid my head down. It was silly that I’d been so afraid of him. Featherbrain was a real sweetheart. Sharp as a tack, too, despite his name. He leaned over and I felt him prod at my ear with his beak.

“Hey, Xander, how’s the—” Barley had pushed my door open and strode in as was his custom. I glanced up and, as I watched, the color drained from his face. Featherbrain seemed to take no notice, as he was busy gently nibbling on my ear.

I nudged the cage into a more secure position on the table and turned to Escutcheon.

“So how was he?”

“He was a perfect angel,” I said, not mentioning the several claw scratches on some of my furniture. “I think he enjoyed it too.”

“Good!” Escutcheon approached the cage and slowly pulled back the cover. “Miss me, Feathers?”

“Hi there!” Featherbrain called.

“Hi there!” Escutcheon parrotted, apparently not realizing the irony. He opened the cage door and let the bird step out onto his leg. Featherbrain affectionately nudged Escutcheon’s nose. “Did you have fun?” Featherbrain bobbed his head several times and chirruped. Escutcheon chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Looks like you made a friend there, Lexa.” Buckler was once again spinning slowly in one of the chairs. “Maybe I’ll let you babysit my bird, too.”

“You have a bird?” I asked, tearing my gaze away from the contented pair.

“Well,” he said as his rotation brought him back around to face me, “Not yet, but maybe I’ll get one and let you watch him.”

I reached over and gave him an extra hard spin.

“Escutcheon, are you in here? I wanted to talk to you about the…” Aegis Steel had entered the room and trailed off as she stared at the scene. I turned at the sudden silence. The atmosphere in the room had gotten suddenly heavy, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why.

Featherbrain cocked his head and looked over at the newcomer to the room. I noticed that Aegis was puffing out her chest. Featherbrain stepped back and forth on Escutcheon’s leg. Aegis, to my immense surprise, flared her wings. Featherbrain puffed up and flapped his own a few times, and Escutcheon had to lean away from him to avoid a whapping. Aegis visibly flinched, of all things, and turned to stomp out of the room.

Buckler’s whisper in my ear nearly made me jump. “She totally gets in power struggles with anything with wings.”

A laugh caught in my throat and I let out a coughing snrk.

“MISS ALEXANDRITE,” I heard from the hallway, “I NOTICE THE CLEANING YOU DID ON MY WINDOWS WAS, AT BEST, SUBPAR.”

I shot a dirty look at Buckler, who grinned apologetically back. “Yes, ma’am,” I said, standing with a sigh. “Goodbye, Featherbrain!”

A sudden pressure on my back made me stop. Featherbrain worked his way up to my shoulders and, gently, nipped at my ear. He really was a sweetheart, this bird. Maybe I’d have to visit him some time…

“Bye bye, Xander”

...And I’d have to train him on a new way to say my name.