//------------------------------// // Best Laid Plans- Comedy, Romance // Story: Hasty Hearts // by Baby Seal Burritos //------------------------------// (Warning for slight sensuality) Rarity had a problem. But Twilight had a plan. And together the two unicorns conspired and conspired until they finally came to an agreement on just how the plan should unfold. Twilight nodded, content at the diagram laid before her on the library desk. “This is fool proof, Rarity. I think we have at least a ninety percent chance of success!” Rarity looked dubious. “Darling, how can it be fool proof if there’s a chance this could fail? Honestly now, don’t sugar coat things.” Twilight rolled up the sheet of parchment with her magic and tucked it gently into her saddlebag. “We just have to leave room for the one variable that neither you nor I can really predict. I assume you know full well what I’m talking about?” Rarity let out a melodramatic sigh. “But of course. Alright. I’ll trust you. Lead the way, dear.” The two ponies floated two black cloaks over their withers and donned the hoods. Together they snuck out the front door of the library and made their way, shadow to shadow, down the road and out of the town proper. A bright, full moon shone above them like an ominous beacon, but they were grateful for the light it provided even if it made them stand out a bit more than they would otherwise. Carefully, they crept onto the land owned by the Apple Family, and even more carefully they skulked into the massive Apple Family barn. Once inside they tossed aside their cloaks-- well Twilight gave hers a toss but Rarity gently folded and set hers on a bale of hay—and gathered around their game plan. Twilight’s soft purple glow of magic managed to illuminate the markings enough for them to see, and she floated a quill over to make a large checkmark next to an item on the list she had scribbled next to a diagram. “Get to the Apple’s barn undetected. Check.” Rarity clicked her tongue. “Twilight, must you really check everything off as we go along?” Twilight frowned. “Well yes. We’ve got to stay on task and focused, and the best way to do that is to stick to the list!” Rarity tossed her mane with a sniff. “Fine. If you say so.” Twilight rolled her eyes before focusing back on the list. “Okay. Now we’ve got to climb into the loft.” Rarity whined, “But there’s hay up there! I’ll get it all in my mane!” Twilight snapped, “Tough break. Come on! Do you want to do this or not?” Rarity stuck out her lower lip in a pout, but finally nodded and made her way to the loft ladder. Both unicorns climbed the ladder as carefully as possible, trying not to make a sound. They both succeeded in making it into the upper portion of the barn, and they exchanged sultry expressions. “Are you ready for all your dreams to come true, Rarity?” The white pony smiled saucily. “Are you?” Applejack was awoken by something clattering against her window. She woke with a grimace, and grumpily got out of bed to check and see what it was. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She looked down towards the ground, but there was nothing to be seen underneath her window either. What in tarnation? She started grumbling to herself, ready to turn and go back to bed, when she noticed a light flickering in the window of her barn’s loft. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things, but nope. There it was, clear as day, a faint white light flickering and buzzing in the dead of night. The only thing she could think that would make a light like that was magic, and the only reason someone would be using magic in her barn would be to steal her family’s livelihood! Applejack wasted no time in galloping out the door, grabbing her lasso and a lantern on the way, and she charged into the barn. Without really thinking too hard about her game plan, she barreled up the ladder and yelled, “HEY!” Two shadows flinched in the darkness, and Applejack scored a hoof against the ground. “What’re you varmits doin’ here in MAH barn?” Finally her eyes adjusted to the flickering lantern light and she about dropped the lantern itself when she realized what she was seeing. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity were entangled in a messy heap atop a thick covering of hay, a strand of spittle made a kind of obscene bridge between the two of their mouths. Both looked absolutely horrified. “Twi... Rarity….? What in tarnation?” Twilight nudged Rarity with an urgent look in her eyes, and the unicorn wailed in a pretty melodramatic sort of way, “Oh Applejack! You caught us in our UNHOLY tryst! How very sorry I am that you had to discover us!” Twilight kicked Rarity in what Applejack thought must’ve been the purple pony’s best attempt at subtlety. Twilight chuckled nervously, “What she means to say is,” she donned an unconvincing look of shame, “we never wanted you to find out this way.” Rarity nodded, a mite too enthusiastically, “YES! We NEVER wanted you to uncover our SECRET rendezvous!” Applejack was getting all sorts of mixed signals, and she did not appreciate it. “Now just stop that, both of ya. Just what in Equestria are y’all tryin to do? Speak plainly now, and don’t you dare try and lie ta me.” The unicorns exchanged glances, and Rarity rolled her eyes with a shrug. “Go on then, dear, if she wants to do this the boring way, show her the list.” Twilight floated a sheet of parchment in front of Applejack’s face with a sheepish grin. “Sneak into the Apple’s barn. Check. Climb into the loft. Check. Get Applejack’s attention. Check.” Applejack raised an eyebrow, but said nothing and finished the list. “Get caught by Applejack. Let Applejack realize passions and…” she trailed off. Both unicorns looked mighty speechless now, perhaps a tad hopeful at that. Applejack had to ask, “Have intense night of lovemaking with Applejack?” Twilight giggled nervously, but Rarity just looked at the cowpony straight on without a word. Well howdy. That’s sure the last thing she expected to find in her barn: two horny unicorns. But who was she to complain? Rarity finally spoke up, “Oh goodie. You brought your lasso.” --Author's Note-- This was a submission for the Thirty Minute Ponies Tumblr, and as such was written in thirty minutes under the prompt of: "Applejack walks in on a romantic moment between Twilight and Rarity"