“So instead of a game, why don’t we watch a movie or something?” I croak out as I finish sniffling and release Sunset, who gets up and hurries to the kitchen. The clinking of ice falling into a glass soon comes from her direction.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea, darling. Is there any movie in particular you would like to see?” Rarity breaks away from me as well with a smile as she joins Applejack in cleaning up the mess of the game.
“No, not really. I… I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie, or at least… one I enjoyed.” Stupid idiot, yet again someone has to clean up a mess I made because I had to be a dumbass. “And… sorry about the mess.”
“We understand sugarcube, an’ it ain’ no trouble at all. And Ah wanna talk ta ya alone before we get ta the movie if ya don’ mind, Moonshade.” As the game is cleaned, Applejack finishes straightening up the room before giving me a gentle pat on my knee.
“Thank you, Sunset.” She returns without a word and hands me a glass of water. With a semi smile I down the fluid greedily, not realizing how dry my throat was. “What do you want to talk to me about?”
“Go ahead Moonshade, you two have something in common that she understands.” Sunset's words of encouragement draws my gaze to her, which causes her smile.
“Sure, but… can we… can we go to the guest room please?” With a nod, Applejack gets up and begins to help me get up. “Just… don’t worry about the wheelchair please, I’ll hobble next to you.”
“Sorry Moonshade, but doctor’s orders. You can’t be walking around yet.” My scowl is the only answer to Sunset’s reminder as Applejack begins to wheel me down the hall after helping me into the chair.
“Okay Applejack, you said you wanted to talk to me, so start talking.”
“Is this yer Ma an’ Pa?” She gently picks up a picture I managed to keep, still inside the homemade frame I asked my uncle to make for me. The picture is of their wedding day, which was held outside, right in front of a clear blue lake. Mom’s dress and hair flutters in the wind as it blows from the right, a heart made of white flowers standing just behind them as dad holds mom tightly while dressed in his uniform, both of them smiling brightly.
“Yea, could you… could you please put it back?” Staring at the picture, I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness.
“Sure thing sugarcube, an’ Ah know how hard it can be, losin’ yer parents.” I just look at her in a mix of surprise and skepticism though I let her continue. “Fer me, Ah lost mine shortly after mah sister was born. Ta this day Ah don’ like talkin’ about it, instead Ah wanna focus on the happy memories. Ah’ll be right back, this can take a little talkin’ an’ Ah’m gettin’ thirsty, ya wanna pop or water?”
“Both, please.”
“Sure thing, Ah’ll be back.” As she leaves I look back at the picture and pull out the other picture I have stashed away in the top drawer. This one contains mom, dad and myself with mom showing off her new baby bump. This was the last picture we took as a family before dad went away and… died. The picture was taken while we were at the beach. Why… how can I focus on the happy times without getting sad?
“Sugarcube, are ya okay?” Applejack’s voice and gentle touch rouses me from my thoughts, and I can feel the tears start to swell again as I put the picture down, nodding in response as she hands me the glass of water first. “Here ya go. Fer a long time Ah blamed mahself an’ Rarity fer the events that led to their deaths. Ah felt as if Ah shoulda died with them that day.”
If that’s so, how come they’re friends now? “What… what happened?”
“Earlier that day, Rares an’ Ah got inta a fight at school. We were friends at that point as well, though not as close as we are now. After Ah got home, Ah was still upset but still accompanied Ma an’ Pa as they were inspectin’ the fencing around the farm.” Taking a breath, she shudders as tears start forming in the crease of her closed eyes. But despite the sadness of her story, her tone of voice is strong and steady.
I don’t know what caused it, but I can’t help it as I reach out and drape my good arm around her shoulders in a small gesture of comfort. “Thanks sugarcube. As Ah said, Ah don’ talk about it much anymore. Wasn’ ready fer the rollercoaster it caused.” After taking a couple of deep breaths, she continues. “There was a rope bridge that used ta cross a gorge tha’ connected ta our land an’ we inspect it every time we go ta the southern fields. As we were makin’ our way there, a scream from that direction sent us inta a flat out sprint, an’ what Ah saw terrified me. Rarity was on her way over fer some reason an’ took the shortcut, but… one o’ the ropes snapped, with the other one beginnin’ ta fray. She was hangin’ onta the far edge as best she could, though she was startin’ ta loose her grip.”
As she takes a break to drink some of her water, I can only imagine what must have been and probably still is going through her mind. “You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to, I’-----”
“Ah want ta, it might help ya get through some o’ yer pain. Ah wanna hear yer story when Ah finish. Mah Pa went out onta the bridge quickly while Ma held onta the good rope, hopin’ ta keep it steady. Unfortunately she was losin’ her footin’ in the soft dirt, slowly but surely inchin’ closer ta the edge. Pa, he... he took Rares an’ tossed her as best he could towards me. Ah was able ta catch her, though she was still far from safe ‘cause she was danglin’ from the edge.” Looking into her green eyes, which are blurred a little from her tale, I can tell how painful recounting it is to her, and the strength she must have to not let it affect her. “As Ah was tryin’ ta pull Rarity up Ah… Ah watched as Ma an’ Pa… as they… the other rope snapped, causin’ Pa ta be thrown from the bridge as Ma was pulled inta the gorge. Ah… they were lookin’ straight up at me as they fell, directly… directly inta mah eyes until they went under the surface o’ the water. The last words they said ta me was that they loved me. Ah… Ah was in such a state o’... shock that Rare had ta carry me ta the house and inta mah room. Ah have no idea how long Ah stayed in there, locked up, but when Ah finally did come out Ah… Ah was different… empty inside. Eventually Ah… Ah took out mah anger an’ pain on little Apple Bloom, Rarity an’ anyone else Ah could. Granny eventually intervened, an’ after gettin’ a scoldin’ from her, Ah finally opened up about how much pain Ah was feelin’. Shortly after our talk, Ah moved ta Manehattan ta be with mah aunt an’ uncle, tryin’ ta escape the painful memories.”
“I’m… I’m sorry you had to deal with that Applejack, but… how come you and Rarity are still friends? Shouldn’t you… hate her for what happened? Wouldn’t that have been more… appropriate?”
“Naw, cause Ah know Rarity didn’ do it once Ah got around ta listenin’ ta Granny. It was a real windy day an’ one o’ the posts on the opposite side was rotten on the inside.”
“Why aren’t you more hateful or angry over losing your parents? HOW… HOW CAN YOU BE SO… HAPPY AND FRIENDLY AFTER EXPERIENCING THAT?”
“Ah’ll answer that question, but first Ah wanna hear yer story an’ Ah have a few questions fer ya, okay?”
“I… I don’t… I… please don’t make me.”
“It’s the only way yer gonna be able ta heal, sugarcube. Ya do wanna find peace an’ happiness don’ ya?”
I don’t want to, but… could talking about it actually be helpful? Maybe I’ll just give her the short version. “My dad… he… he died while overseas, he was in the military. Mom… died while in the hospital giving birth to my… my brother, who also died during birth.” Even the short version brings tears as the familiar surges of anger, hate and pain flood through me along with a new sensation as Applejack holds me carefully close to her.
“Ah don’ wanna hear that short version Moon, an’ only tellin’ the short version won’ help.”
Without thinking or stopping myself I bury my head into her shoulder. “Dad… he was a soldier and was… deployed. I… I can’t remember where, what I do remember is that… he was chatting with mom and me. The enemy must have… I remember hearing explosions in the background and dad he… he ran off, saying he loved us and… and was looking forward to…” As I speak, I squeeze myself even tighter into Applejack’s hug as I’m shaking with each sob, my words at times are garbled as I cry. “I… during his funeral I was… I was numb to everything, I… I didn’t even react when they did the twenty-one gun salute. I still have the flag that was presented to us.” I shakily open the bottom drawer and right on top is the still-folded flag, a wrapped package underneath it.
I try multiple times to continue but can’t stop crying, at least until she presses the glass of water to my lips, which I drink in an attempt to soothe my sore throat and also to drown out my pain. “There ya go sugarcube, let it all out.”
At her urging I find myself wanting to surprisingly continue. “Mom… we were… my uncle took us to the hospital a couple months later. She… she was different after dad’s death and funeral. I… I don’t know how long we were there, just that… I was brought in from the waiting area, the doctor’s voice was sad as he talked to uncle, who just nodded and walked inside behind me. I… I bounded in there as happy as I can remember being. Then the… fantasy I was thinking of was… shattered. My new brother was… he was already… and mom… she… she must have just... I was… she was.... hugging me, as I was allowed to be up on the bed with her. I was… her arms were still....”
The dam I was trying to keep in place finally breaks spectacularly and the shoulder of Applejack’s shirt is quickly soaked with my tears. Once my bursts of sobs quiet down to sniffles, she pulls me away from her a little, tilting my head back to where I’m looking up at her. “Now sugarcube, how are ya feelin’?”
“I… I feel… how is it that now I’m actually feeling… a little better?”
“Cryin’ an’ tears can actually be healin’ fer whatever hurt yer goin’ through, along with sharin’ the weight of yer pain. As fer yer question, with help from mah brother and granny Ah was able ta start rememberin’ the good times Ah had with them, all the moments we spent together bein’ happy. Ah came ta realize that how Ah was feelin’ an’ actin’, specially ta little Bloom, wasn’ how they raised me, nor the expectations they had fer me. Ah know now that they want me ta be happy an’ enjoy life while makin’ em proud. Also, Ah’ve been seein’ a psychiatrist, though the visits have been fewer an’ fewer. He’s a good person, an’ Ah’m sure he can help ya as well.”
“Hmph, lucky. You had help getting over it, me? I have no family, or at least none I talk to.”
“So? Ya have Lily, ya have Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis an’ us, if ya’ll let us be there fer ya. There is a support system fer ya, but ya have ta want it.” With a smile, she reaches into the still open top drawer, pulling out the Purple Heart awarded to dad. “What is this?”
“I… I want it, I truly do Applejack.” Without a second to think, I throw myself against her again, giving her a tight hug as a genuine smile, though slight, curls my lips upwards. “And that, that was awarded to my dad, posthumously… what are you doing?” After answering her, Applejack reaches over and pins the medal on the left side of my shirt before pulling out another pin, this one a replica of the unit patch dad was in, and I find it pinned on the right side.
“Applejack darling, is everything alright in there?” Rarity’s voice comes through the closed door.
“Yea Rares, we’ll be out in a bit. Though think ya can come in? There is somethin’ Ah need yer help with.”
“Of course, what do you need help with?” As Rarity enters the room Applejack shows her the folded flag.
“Well, since yer better with decoratin’ an’ whatnot, Ah figured ya could find the best spot fer this ta be displayed, or Ah got an idea fer it, if ya don’ mind if Ah borrow it Moon. Ah promise yer gonna like it.”
“Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Applejack. Why do you want to put that flag up? And what do you have in mind?”
“No problem, if ya ever wanna talk don’ be afraid ta pull me aside. An’ ya can call me AJ if ya want. As fer why Ah wanna have this flag displayed, cause yer Pa sacrificed himself so ya can be free, as fer mah idea, yer gonna have ta trust me.” As she pats my good shoulder Apple… AJ also gathers up the worn down and tearing photo album the two pictures came from. “An’ Ah’ll have ta borrow this as well.”
Before she helps me into the wheelchair, I reopen and reach into the bottom drawer to pull out another memento from my parents, this one I kept but haven’t seen or held since their death, and I unwrap it once I’m seated in the chair. As both AJ and Rarity begin to wheel me out the room, I hug the BDU-wearing teddy bear tight as we reenter the living room.
“Did you have a good talk?” Sunset asks as she spots us coming from the hallway.
“Ah think we did, don’ ya think Moon?”
“Yea, I think so too. Rarity, could you… I… could you maybe… make something for me?”
“Of course darling, what would you like me to make?” Her eyes seem to light up as she answers, probably at the thought of trying her hand on making me something.
“I… I want a shirt made to… to remember my dad by, and some arm wraps or whatever they are called to remember my mom.”
“Of course darling, I would be delighted to make you something. And before you say anything, no, you do not have to worry about paying me for it."