Sorry for the update being late again everypony, double shifts on the weather team kinda shorted me on time. (and by that I mean IRL) Hope you all enjoy!
Having escaped their shipping crate prison Pinkie Pie and Luna set off toward Ponyville, hoping that Twilight Sparkle would be able to set the two of them right. After their crash landing the two had decided to hoof it for a while, and attempt to get their bearings. They came across a cherry orchard that Pinkie Pie recognized, and determined that they were in the outskirts of the town of Dodge Junction. It was a long walk to Ponyville, but at least they knew their start point, and Pinkie could guide them home. Pinkie Pie was quite a sight to behold, a full blooded regal alicorn mare who was now bouncing along the road as if she were a schoolfilly who had just downed an espresso.
“So anyways then I was thinking I could call it a chimmy cherry, but then I thought cherry chonga, what do you think princess? Chimmy cherry or cherry chonga, chimmy cherry or cherry chonga?” Pinkie asked as she bounced down the road.
“I do not see why thou would be so worried about naming them if thou has never even created one of these confections.” Luna said, feeling a little grumpy on account of how sore she was from the crash.
“Oh but I have to get the perfect name before I make them, otherwise it wouldn’t be right!” Pinkie said with a carefree smile on her muzzle.
“Well I suppose there is logic in what you say...I think.” Luna conceded as she trotted next to the bouncing pink alicorn.
“So I know why your sister locked me in the box, but why did she lock you in there with me Princess?” Pinkie asked.
“I fear she ensnared us so that she could stop us from meddling further in her current obsession with the ‘shipping’ of our subjects.” Luna somberly answered as they trotted along.
“Oh so she figured locking us away would keep us out of her mane for at least a few days.” Pinkie surmised.
“Yes, although it seems terribly shortsighted, were I still in possession of my powers we would already be back in Canterlot. She could not have thought that container would hold us for very long.” Luna continued.
“Do you think she might be going loco in the coco?” Pinkie asked with a loud gasp.
“I fear that my sisters sanity may be in question, she has been neglecting her duties as of late in favor of this obsession.” Luna said dourly, but the effect was completely spoiled by the clank of the metal on her outfit.
“What do you mean? Like she hasn’t been signing the royal papers, eating the royal cakes, or anything?” Pinkie continued, trying to get the a bit more detail.
“Sister would never cease partaking of the royal cakes, but for a fortnight I have been raising the sun and moon.....myself...” Luna stuttered upon the last bit, her eyes went wide, and she stopped dead in her tracks.
“What’s the matter... oh, right...” Pinkie’s smile lessened as she came to the same realization that Luna did.
With Celestia preoccupied with her obsession, Luna suddenly turned into an earth pony, and nopony to teach Cadence, there would be nopony to keep the day and night cycle in balance. The only hope for Equestria was for Luna to attempt to teach the unstable, unpredictable, and untrained alicorn Pinkie Pie how to lower the sun and raise the moon.
“We are so very doomed.” Luna thought as she forced a nervous smile.
“Couldn’t we just wait till Twilight fixes us, Princess, cause come on, I can’t lower the sun and raise the moon, those things are heeeeeavy!” Pinkie hopefully asked.
“Unfortunately that would not be possible Pinkie, if the sun is left in the sky too long there could be dire consequences for Equestria.” Luna explained.
“Yeah, all that sun would really get hot...think of all the ruined ice cream!” Pinkie gasped loudly and had a sad look in her eyes.
Luna began to explain to Pinkie Pie how arguably one of the most powerful magic spells ever created worked. Despite how powerful the spell was it was nowhere near as complex as Pinkie would have thought.
“Is that really all there is to it? Couldn’t we just get Twilight to do it then? Then we could avoid possibly blowing up or something.” Pinkie said with an eager smile.
“Neigh, it must be done with the Royal horn, Twilight Sparkle’s magic is powerful indeed, but it would take over a thousand unicorns of her power to accomplish this task.” Luna explained, and Pinkie rolled her eyes.
“Of course it would, that would have been too easy.” Pinkie said with a little snort.
“Time is short Pinkie, you must try!” Luna said, trying to be as encouraging as possible, while secretly wishing she had her trunk to hide in again.
Pinkie took a deep breath and her horn began to glow. The clouds parted above her and, while taking slow deep deliberate breaths, she steadily increased her magical output and took flight, flying straight up into the sky, and slowly but surely the sun began to set and the moon began to rise. Luna beamed brightly as she watched Pinkie doing far better than she ever could have hoped given how little time they had to prepare. Pinkie looked up at her handiwork, and a rush of excitement began to flow over her body, right into her horn. It suddenly flared brightly, and a bolt of lightning shot up into the sky arcing into the clouds, which promptly started to spew rain down upon the land. Seeing this Pinkie beamed even more, and another larger bolt shot up into the sky, and into the moon. Luna’s eyes went wide as she watched as the sun and moon begin to chase each other in the sky. It was night, then day, then night again and again, it was as if they were on a giant mobile that was spinning far too fast. Thankfully, after a great amount of effort, Pinkie was able to slow the speeding celestial bodies down to a normal speed, and she descended back to the ground, panting and covered in sweat.
“Piece of cake.” Pinkie said through her panting, then collapsed on top of Luna.
“Perhaps we should find a place to rest for the night, thou art in no condition to travel much further.” Luna said, her midnight blue coat covering up a blush as she stared deeply at Pinkie’s plot.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Pinkie said, attempting to stand, only to collapse again, this time sitting on poor Luna’s head.
Luna smiled as she helped Pinkie along, she was so very proud of her companion, and slowly but surely that soft spot in her heart was growing. After about an hour of searching they came to a large farmhouse with the lights still on inside. The pair hoped that the farmer would be nice enough to let them stay the night, and maybe even feed them. As they approached the door they tried to make themselves look as presentable as possible, but Luna couldn’t quite get her mane to stay right.
“Pinkie ever since thou sat upon my head my mane will not stay right, and I cannot shake this peculiar sweet smell from my nose.” Luna complained as she gave up on getting her mane to stay the way she wanted it.
“Maybe it’s because I like you.” Pinkie said with a smile that made Luna blush deeply as the farmer answered the door.
The farmer was a pale yellow coated earth pony stallion who’s mane and tail were a powder light blue. In sharp contrast his cutie mark was a great big shiny red apple. Just inside the house they could see the mare they assumed was his wife,she was also an earth pony, her coat was a pretty light sapling green, her mane was a fine shade of gold, and her cutiemark was three green cupcakes. He greeted them with an enthusiastic smile and quickly ushered them into the living room. Although neither Pinkie or Luna were in a position to turn down such hospitality, neither were expecting such a warm reception given their current states. This was a better reaction than they had ever dreamed they would get, but they soon learned why. The farmer introduced himself as Red Delicious, and his wife as Apple Tart of the Apple Family. Pinkie and Luna exchanged a subtle glance that the two quickly picked up on, and they assured their new guests that they were not related before their nuptials.
“Not like them Pineapples, that family’s family tree has more loops than a roller-coaster.” Apple Tart said quietly.
“Well like ah was trying to explain Princess we heard that yah were touring Equestria an we thought who better tah help us with our problem than the Princess of Love.” Red gleefully explained.
“What kind of problem? Is your oven broken? I bet if I gave it a good kick it would fire right up, at least that usually works with the Cake’s ovens. I know I love those ovens too but sometimes you gotta be tough with them.” Pinkie said and tapped her hooves together, while the two apple family ponies stared at her in confusion.
“N-no Princess ah was referrin’ to our uhmmmm, issue gettin mah bun in her oven.” Red explained, as his cheeks turned as red as his cutie mark.
“Is thy confection too large or something?” Luna naively asked, missing the euphemism all together.
“Well ah’d say its more a uhhh problem gettin the dough to rise.” Red sheepishly replied and whimpered a bit.
“Oooohhh those kind of problems.” Pinkie said as she looked at the embarrassed stallion with an empathetic smile.
“Perhaps your assistant has the answer, she looks tah be well versed in gettin’ stallions to rise to the occasion.” Apple Tart insinuated as she pointed to Luna.
“Pinkie, exactly what did she mean by that?” Luna asked.
“She was saying that with how you’re dressed it looks like you’ve had a lot of fun in the hay.” Pinkie said with a smile.
“Just what about my nightwear gives ponies that impression!? Thou shall explain thyself!” Luna demanded, pointing a hoof at Apple Tart.
“Well it’s just that ah’ve only ever seen mares wear those kinds of clothes at Cherry Jubilee’s little side business.” Apple Tart tried to explain.
“Just what kind of business would need mares dressed in nightwear?! Thou are not making sense!” Luna demanded as she shook the confused mare.
“A Gentlecolt’s club!” Apple Tart desperately blurted out as she was shaken
“Oh...oh dear...” Luna blushed deeply as she realized exactly what she was wearing.
She apologized for shaking her so much, and left to remove the kinky barding, only to return a few moments later with the barding still on, having not been able to remove it.
“This is the most frustrating clothing I have ever encountered... tis far too tight to remove, and I am unsure of how to undo these metal pieces upon my flank.” Luna admitted in a defeated tone.
“Do you want me to try and take it off of you?” Pinkie offered.
“No-no-no-no, I mean uhh neigh Pinkie, I do not wish to over-strain you.” Luna said as she waived her hooves back and forth in front of her.
“I also wish not to be atomized, and I suppose this outfit still is rather flattering to my figure despite its connotations.” Luna thought as she took her place at Pinkie’s side.
“Uh...gettin’ back to our little um...problem...Princess...Could you help us?” Red Delicious asked, still embarrassed of his problem.
“Okie Dokie Lokie” Pinkie replied and the Apple couple smiled widely.
“So what should we do Princess?” Apple Tart asked.
“Got a can of whipped cream?” Pinkie asked with a lusty glisten in her eye.
Sadly the Apples didn’t have a can of whipped cream, and the closest Pinkie could come up with was a jar of apple pie filling Apple Tart had made earlier that day. Unfortunately for the cute little green mare pie filling does not mix as well with one’s coat and mane nearly as well as whipped cream would, and Apple Tart ended up a sticky matted mess, with her husband feeling no more aroused.
“Well this certainly is a sticky situation.” Pinkie exclaimed at the sight of Apple Tart.
“This is gonna take ferever tah get out of mah coat!” Apple Tart whined.
“Nopey dopey, I’ll have it out in a jiffy!” Pinkie said.
Pinkie then lifted up the sugarcoated mare in her magic and spun her around as fast as she could, and with a few quick flicks of her tongue she came down clean, very dizzy but clean.
“Did that solve thy problem Red Delicious?” Luna asked as she watched him watching the display of tonguesmanship.
“Enope.” He said in a defeated tone, and his ears dropped.
“A mare dragging her tongue upon another mare does not cause a stirring in thy nethers? This is a serious condition.” Luna said in a shocked tone.
“Um...Luna...usually for that, it has to be in specific spots, not like what I just did.” Pinkie tried to explain, but Luna didn’t seem to see a difference.
“Ah think I need to sit down for a second.” Apple Tart said as she rubbed her forehead.
“That’s okay, we need to think up a new strategy anyways, take a break and get ready for the next round.” Pinkie said before trotting over to Luna.
“She tastes like apples.” Pinkie whispered to Luna in a singsong voice.
The four of them spent most of the night trying out various techniques and kinks, most of which Pinkie thought up on the spot, although they were not having much success. Drinking a whole pot of coffee each only seemed to make them talk really fast and get all jittery, rather than jump starting Red Delicious’ libido. The attempt to have them role play only ended in Red finding out that his wife secretly played tabletop role-play games with her friends every Tuesday night rather than quilting like she told him she was doing. They were considering attempting to see if Red was secretly a leafy, but when they took into consideration that he normally bucked trees, they decided against it.
“Well..I’m all outta ideas...We tried everything! I’m getting really tired,and I think my assistant is too...” Pinkie said as she pointed at Luna, who was sleeping and snoring loudly.
“Wow...yeah, she’s tired. Okay, I have one more thing I wanna try with you guys. My Love Cupcakes! Guaranteed to make ponies fall in love, and get them busy in bed! I didn’t wanna use them, because they kinda leave ponies, well...chafing. Lots of chafing, but you two seem that desperate. Okay, let’s get started!” Pinkie said then clapped her hooves together then rubbed them together.
Pinkie rushed into the kitchen, and started gathering ingredients. Red Delicious and Apple Tart watched in awe as Pinkie flew through their kitchen at a whirlwind speed. The clattering of the pots and utensils Pinkie was using rudely, and suddenly woke Luna from her slumber. In her dazed half asleep state she kicked wildly, and connected with a pepper shaker that had rolled out of the kitchen. The shaker smacked Pinkie right between the eyes and temporarily stunned her as it burst open, sending all that pepper into the air around her.
“Aaaah....aahhhh....” Pinkie reared back and her wings flared as she contorted her nose, letting everypony know she was about to sneeze.
“Couch, shelter me!” Luna cried as she hopped behind the couch, leaving Red and Tart confused.
“Princess, are you alri-” Red Delicious started, only to be interrupted mid sentence.
“AAAAAATCCHOOOOO!” Pinkie sneezed loudly, her horn flaring as magic engulfed the room for a moment.
A small pile of confetti laid in front of Pinkie as she rubbed the pepper from her nose. Luna cautiously peeked over the edge of the couch, hoping she wouldn’t be greeted by something horrific, only to fall back down behind the couch on her back laughing profusely before she discovered something that made a little sparkle appear in her eye.
“Uh wow...um...sorry about that.” Pinkie said as she tried to stifle a giggle
“You two are in clown outfits!” She blurted out, then fell to the floor giggling wildly.
“I...honey...um...this is working.” Red said sheepishly as he felt himself rising to the occasion.
“Ah’m gettin kinda hot an bothered too.” Apple Tart shyly admitted.
The pair rushed upstairs as quickly as they could, past a still chuckling Luna, who was holding a small object on her back. A loud squeaking started to emanate from the master bedroom, and Pinkie and Luna stared at each other in confusion. The sound was clearly that of a clown nose being honked, but it was happening to the rhythm of a quick hard love making session.
“Well that was just plain weird...” Pinkie remarked as she looked up the stairs.
“Indeed it is Pinkie, did jesters become attractive in my time away?” Luna asked.
“No, that’s not what I meant...I think they thought I was Cadence.” Pinkie replied, causing Luna to facehoof.
“Pinkie, I believe it is time we left. I think we might be able to find another place to rest tonight. We do not want to remain here to listen to those two...clowning around.” Luna said then giggled at her own pun.
“I think so too...let’s go Princess.” Pinkie said as they left the house.
“What’s that you’ve got there Princess?” Pinkie asked as she noticed Luna’s souvenir.
“I shall explain once we find a suitable shelter for the night.” Luna replied.
“Okie dokie Loki” Pinkie gleefully responded.
As they turned down the road they could still hear the echo of the squeaking and their dirty talk, and couldn’t help but share another giggle.
“Oohh Apple Tart, shape my balloon animal!” Red Delicious moaned.
“Honk my nose Red, honk it hard!” Tart cried, and Red honked it as hard as he could.
"Oh Red, hit me with your cream pie!" Tart screamed.
As Luna and Pinkie walked, Luna turned to Pinkie “Pinkie, hast thou ever considered calling your confection a Chimmy Cherry Chonga?”
“That’s Perfect!” Pinkie squealed, borrowing the Canterlot voice as she hugged Luna tight to herself.
Luna could not help but nuzzle into her hug and smile, she felt warm and appreciated in a way she had not felt in a very long time, and the fact that Pinkie smelled like cotton candy didn’t hurt either.
As always everypony I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Favorites and comments are a always greatly appreciated they really help inspire me to keep writing and doing the best I can. ^.^
Special thanks to my prereaders and my special somepony