Twilight had looked up from her fight with the zombies just in time to see Sol Eater strike Purple Heart down. Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Purple Heart!” she shouted. The rest of the party paused in their fights and looked towards the downed pony. Fluttershy gasped in surprise along with Rarity.
“He surely can’t be, I mean he’s not...” Rarity’s voice trailed off, unable to finish.
“Tarnation,” Applejack growled, facing down the wall of zombponies between them and the fallen stallion. “There’s too many of them!”
“Well, we’ve gotta do something!” Rainbow Dash shouted, firing a trio of arrows into the horde. “We can’t just leave him there with Wits and Light Lady!”
Pinkie Pie let out a groan. “If only one of us could fly over and save him!” she wailed, pulling on her mane in despair. “If only fate had given some of us the power of flight!” The party pony paused for a moment. “Oh...wait.”
Twilight quickly looked around at the party before her eyes hardened. “Every pony, I’ve got a plan!” she called “If Applejack and Rainbow Dash can take the pressure off of Light Patch and Pinkie, then Pinkie can use her cannon to clear the way for Light Patch to fly in and get Purple Heart out of there.” Twilight moved to take Applejack’s spot in the battle.
“You need the pressure off?” Rainbow Dash took to the air. “Consider it off!” She shot upwards, looping back to shoot through the horde, knocking zombified ponies away from the pink mare and grey stallion. Applejack moved into the opening, throwing lassos to form a makeshift barrier between the zombponies and the party. “Get going, you two!”
“Pinkie, if you’d kindly-”
“Make a hole?” the pink mare finished. “Of course.” She brought her cannon to bear upon the obstacle and let loose with as rapid a fire as possible. Using the distraction, Light Patch swiftly flew to where the purple earth pony lay and snatched him away before Sol Eater could stop them. Light Patch’s eyes briefly locking with Wits before he disappeared back into the chaos of the battle, returning to the mares.
Sol Eater watched dispassionately as the pegasus flew away. “No matter,” she said. “His fate is sealed already. All their fates are.” She turned to Wits End, a smile on her face. “What a horrible creature, yes? Trying to use your former friendship to manipulate you.” She ran a hoof along his jaw. “You are better off without them. You are where you belong.”
“Where I belong…” After a long pause, Wits chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. I belong here.”
The Lady of Sunlight’s smile widened. “Yes. Yes you do.”
“I belong here,” he continued, his eyes hardening, “because it’ll be easier to whoop your flank you from this close!”
Steel glinted into the dark cavern, cutting through silvery silk. In a flash, Sol Eater leaped back, her cloak torn and exposing the armor underneath. “How?” she asked, her voice wavering. Then, her jaw set. “Why?”
Wits collapsed the hilt of his blade, holding it off to his side. “Somepony like you,” he said, his voice holding an edge, “doesn’t get an explanation about friendship.”
“Friendship?” Sol Eater laughed. The sound sent a tremor through the ground beneath them. “Oh, my little pony. You could have had the friendship you seek so earnestly if you had stayed with me.” Her aura of light flared, turning the dark of the cave into daylight. “You will burn, and you will join my children.”
“Oh shut up, you overgrown flashlight.” Wits pointed the tip of his sword at the alicorn, the rare serious expression on his face. “You’ve gotten enough time to shoot your mouth off. Now it’s time to shut it for good.”
Sol Eater’s eyes widened for one moment, only to drop back into a relaxed smile. “And what will you do? You cannot defeat a goddess with a blade like that. Besides, you are not capable of killing any pony.”
“Didn’t I just say to shut up?” Wits End grinned, an action more like a wolf baring its teeth than a smile. “There was a pony that thought I wasn’t a threat. All he did was threaten my friends.” He stopped grinning and sheathed his blade. “I destroyed the life he’d built for himself. After what you just did, do you really think I’d settle for killing you?”
The Lady of the Sun paused. For the first time, she saw the small stallion in a different light. “And what do you think you could do?”
Wits End shook his head and sighed. “It’s a shame the ponies who would appreciate this reference are preoccupied.” A wispy, silver light began to emanate from his horn, drifting its way toward the alicorn. “After all, you gave me the instrument of your own downfall.”
Sol Eater’s eyes widened. “A mimic?” she breathed. “But I thought-”
“There’s only so many times I can say ‘shut up’ before I get tired,” Wits muttered. “It doesn’t matter, I suppose. No-pony will be hearing from you ever again.”
“Wha-”
The light from Wits’ horn wrapped around the alicorn’s own horn. “Sol Eater,” Wits stated. “You will go back to whatever dark hole you crawled out of all those years ago, and you will never, ever, leave.” He smiled again, which did not reach his eyes. “Think about what you’ve done until the end of time. Enjoy the darkness, Lady of Sunlight.”
The magic of Wits’ Guiding Sunlight entered Sol Eater’s body. With a burst of light, the mare vanished, casting the cavern in to pitch blackness.
“And that,” Wits End’s voice echoed in the dark, “is why you shouldn’t hurt my friends.” A moment later, there was the dull thud of a pony hitting the stone floor.
“Some pony give me light! I can’t keep Purple Heart alive in the dark!” Light Patch shouted.
Twilight wasted no time casting the Flame spell, holding it above their group so that the glow provided illumination for Light Patch to work in.
Light Patch nodded a thanks as he got back to work tending to the downed barbarian. “Now would be a great time for Demetro to show up. Or maybe Hawkeye. I’ll actually take most any surgeon or super healer,” he muttered, expending the last of his mana on a healing spell. “Fluttershy, once you're done checking the others, I could use some help.”
“In a moment,” the yellow pegasus promised, moving from mare to mare, checking them for injuries. “I think Wits fell unconscious. Could somepony please get him over here?”
“Ah’ll do it,” Applejack called, tramping her way through the freshly laid carpet of zombpony bodies. “Twi, could you give us some more light please? I’m afraid ah’ll step on Wits.” Before Twilight could pump more magic into her Flame spell, a loud squeak sounded in the darkness.
“Found ‘im,” Applejack reported, dragging Wits End over to the other mares. Twilight rolled her eyes and moved the little flame she controlled to the center of the room in an attempt to provide more illumination. Rainbow Dash fluttered over to where Light Patch was working on Purple Heart. The cyan pegasus inhaled sharply, wincing at the circular wound in the purple earth pony’s chest.
“That looks really painful,” she grimaced.
“It likely is,” Light Patch grunted, rummaging through his gear for anything useful. “I’ve done about all I can. Unless I can figure out how to supercharge my healing spells with that tome of power I’ve got. How’s Wits doing, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Um, he has some bruises from fighting Purple Heart, but…” A loud snore rumbled from the mint-colored unicorn. “I think he’ll be fine.”
“Pretty sure,” Rainbow Dash agreed, letting Wits drop to the ground. “How about P.H.? Is he gonna…”
“I’m not strong enough to fix this, but if we book it, I can keep him alive long enough to get him to some help,” Light Patch responded, looking thoughtfully at the stallion. “Maybe I should try poking the wound to keep him angry enough to stay around so he can sock me back,” he mused out loud.
“Can he be moved safely?” Twilight asked, walking over to join the grey pegasus. She settled her questioning gaze on Light Patch, eyebrow arched as she awaited his answer.
“Ideally, we’d have the time to build a stretcher or even a travois,” he replied, poking the stallion’s wound. “But since we’re in a rush, it might be best if somepony carry him. I’ll start with carrying him, though somepony else might have to if we gotta go the long way back to the surface.”
A loud clunk echoed through the chamber and a shaft of light appeared by an opening in the wall. All conscious eyes swivelled to Pinkie who stood innocently by a switch labeled ‘exit’.
“What?” she asked innocently. “I thought it was a cake sale for, by, and with spiders. I wanted to give ‘em some bits.”
“Well, what’re we waitin’ for?” Applejack shouted, hefting Wits End onto her back. “Let’s get outta this rattlesnake den!” The mares and Light Patch scrambled through the opening and careened upwards towards the surface and freedom from the confines of the gloomy tunnel system. It didn’t take long for the group to escape the caverns through a cave mouth and out onto a plateau jutting from a mountainside. They all gathered together, assessing their conditions and inhaling deeply, basking in the fresh air of the forested mountainside.
“Ah, fresh air,” Rainbow Dash sighed happily. “Much better than what we were breathing down there.”
“It’s definitely a relief to be out in the open again,” Rarity agreed.
“You know what else would be a relief?” Light Patch grunted shifting the weight of the downed barbarian on his back. “Not having to carry this sack of useless not potato products. Which way, Twilight?”
“Why are you asking me?” Twilight snapped. “We just crawled through what might be miles of tunnels. We could even be halfway back to Gallopilli right now. Why ask me?”
“Because we are birds of a crazy prepared feather and you went to a library earlier in our adventures. So, I’m assuming you memorized and or traced a map of the kingdom at the very least,” Light Patch returned.
Any further arguing was forestalled when a snort came from the pony on Applejack’s back.
“Huh, wha-” Wits looked around, blinking the sleep from his eyes only to have them happily stabbed by sunlight. “Hey… What’s that giant ball?”
“Huh?” Twilight grunted intelligently. She shook her head, ignoring Wits’ ramblings for what they were: nonsense. “How do you feel, Wits? It seemed like you managed to throw off enough of the Lady’s control to fight back.”
“Yeah, well…” Wits rolled onto the ground, picking himself up and brushing the resulting dust off. “I had some more important things than devotion to Bizarro-Celestia on my mind.” His face fell. “How’s Purple Heart doing? Is he-” He froze as he saw the hole in his friend’s chest. “Oh, that does not look good. Pretty sure that means he’s gonna turn into a violent ghost with a white mask.”
“Well, it’d be a lot less worse if we had moonlight and some gold from Isla de Muerta.” Light Patch replied. “How about you, though? It’d speed us up a little if you could move on your own.”
“I’ll be fine.” Wits waved a dismissive hoof. “I just needed a power-nap. Telling an elder god to GTFO takes a lot out of a pony.” He gave the felled Purple Heart another look. “Should his chest hole really be exposed like that? Does this game system take infection into account?” He shuddered. “Or what happens if a branch or something catches on it? Eeeeeew…”
“Then we sell him as a pinata and go find a new meatshield for the party.” Light Patch flailed as he tried to keep from toppling over after Rarity kicked him. “Ow! Okay! Seriously though, all of the bandages I had were too short and I couldn’t figure out how to tie them together with my hoofs,” the pegasus said as he readjusted the barbarian he carried.
“Why don’t we find a way to close that up instead of making jokes and puns?” Twilight snapped frostily. “I’m sure Purple Heart would be grateful if we did that.”
“Will this help?” Pinkie Pie asked, pulling a roll of grey tape from her mane. “It’s called duck tape I think. But it doesn’t quack. Phooey.”
Wits grinned. “Perfect. Let's put him on that rock and give him the whole Cardinal Verdant treatment.”
Light Patch nodded and swiftly dropped Purple Heart on the rock before beginning to stretch. “You wanna tape him up, Fluttershy? Or should I do it?”
“Um, perhaps you should do it. I mean, you are a healing class,” she said quietly. Light Patch shrugged and took the tape from Pinkie.
“Can I do it?” After receiving the tape, Wits pulled at adhesive strip. Almost immediately, the mint-colored unicorn found his legs tangled in a mess of silvery tape. “On second thought,” he offered meekly, “maybe you should handle this.” He tipped over and landed on his side with a soft squeak.
“I’ll tape up the barbarian. You girls deal with… that,” Light Patch ordered as he waved a hoof at the restrained unicorn. “Besides, I’ve watched enough of the Red Green show to be an expert hoof with duct tape.”
With that, Light Patch patched a few of the short bandages over the holes before wrapping the tape all around Purple Heart’s hefty chest. “Well, if the mares don’t find me handsome, they’ll at least find me handy. You girls finished freeing the minty wonder?”
Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and the aforementioned minty stallion were all stuck together, be it by legs, manes, or flanks. “We’re having some, uh, technical difficulties,” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “Anypony got scissors or something?”
“I just don’t know what went wrong,” Pinkie moaned.
Light Patch looked over at Twilight and the other mares not currently trapped. “You wanna try to fix this Twilight or should I?”
“I’ll give it a go,” the alicorn said, smiling bemusedly at the mess. She lowered her horn and directed a beam of magic at the trio, sending it searching for a weak point in the bindings.
“Aha!” She crowed and her magic twisted slightly, ripping the tape from the three ponies, leaving them wide-eyed on the ground together. “Brace yourselves. Pain is coming in three, two...one.”
A cloud of smoke poofed into existence in the middle of the party, bringing with it the smell of newly opened trading card packs and 3-day old markers. “Now, I don’t want anypony to panic,” a figure in the smoke said, waving his mismatched forelimbs in an attempt to clear the air. “But you see…”
The three recently freed ponies began screaming at the top of their respective lungs.
“Oh.” The smoke figure paused. “So, maybe you do know it’s time to panic.”
Twilight gaped at the figure in surprise and awe. The rest of the painless Mane Six and Light Patch reeled in shock upon recognizing the hazy features of Discord.
The draconequus innocently waved a clawed hand and smiled toothily. “Didya miss me?”