Senses slowly returned to his body. It started with pain. There was pain everywhere, from several scratches and bruises on his body, to his head that felt like it was splitting apart, to his very soul that felt… felt….
He was laying down. Of that he was certain. He could feel the cold dirt on his naked back. He was also convinced that he had been screaming, going by the soreness of his throat.
Sounds. There were sounds around him. A branch snapping, a bush rustling, a critter running up a tree. A lone bird was singing a familiar tune, though he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why it sounded familiar.
When the pain resided enough, he finally opened his eyes. He was met with a canopy of gnarled tree-branches that were thick enough, entangled enough to block out most of the sky. Enough light made it through to see a little, but not much. Not enough to advance through the forest without stumbling around like an idiot, like he had been doing for some reason for the past hour before the… the memories started hitting him.
So… what? What did it mean? He had been a pony who hooked up with a hooker once because he was angry at his parents? He couldn’t really blame his past self either, his mother looked like a real bitch, and his father sounded like an asshole. That escort looked like a freaking saint in comparison.
He sighed deeply, rubbing his temples. How had he ended up this form then? Why did it feel so natural? If Sombra was a name he had made up so that mare had something to call him, what was his real name? Why did he have this gnawing feeling in his very core that something was very, very wrong?
Pain pulsed through his head again, making him writhe on the ground, unable to do anything but to wait it out. When it finally did he just laid there, breathing deeply.
He had been sweating. He shook violently when a cold wind swept through the forest, making the trees dance to its haunting tune. Even the wind sounded threatening in this forest. He wished he had some more clothing. Or that he could grow some fur. And why did he have so many scars?
He pulled himself up and crawled over to a tree, to sit up against it. The rough bark didn’t do his back any favours, but he just needed to rest for a second to regain his strength.
He would have started walking back out of the forest, but he was completely and utterly lost. He didn’t know where he had come from, nor where he was going. It had been stupid to go in here… what had he been thinking? It must be one of those things you just do, but aren’t sure why.
Being without memories must have been one of the reasons why though. Suddenly waking up without knowing who you are….
He started breathing fast as panic and fear tried to overwhelm him. He didn’t know who he was. Tears started forming in the corner of his eyes, and he grabbed his leg hard just to have something to hold onto. A whimper left him, but he somehow managed to hold the tears at bay. This was no time to cry… or maybe it was the perfect time to cry….
He got up and started pacing restlessly, before just choosing a random direction to walk in. He may not know who he was, but the pieces were coming back to him. His mom had been an advisor to somepony, his dad the captain of the crystal guard, whatever that was. They had both been shit that treated him like dirt and he had once paid to have sex with some mare. For some reason ponies liked to frown at him, and his name – at least the one he had given to said mare – was Sombra. That was what he knew so far….
He swung around at the sound of laughter… the kind of maniacal laughter laughed after working so hard on something for so long that you’re afraid it will fail and all be for nothing, only to see it succeed.
Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. He looked around in confusion. For a moment he had thought it came from inside his head – his thoughts – but that was ridiculous. He had no reason to laugh, out loud or in his mind. Lost and alone in a forest, with barely any idea of who he was. No, he did not feel like laughing at all. He felt like crying in a corner somewhere. And the pain! Why was there so much pain? He needed to find water soon. Maybe some water would help his head as well as his throat.
He whimpered helplessly. Had he ever felt so alone in his life? The fact that he didn’t know didn’t help him. He started walking again, paranoia making him look around at every sound. He needed to move or he would start to question everything while having answers to nothing. It was so infuriating, he could scream. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He didn’t want to attract some animal… this forest gave off a bad vibe. It had a weird scent. He wasn’t sure where the thought even came from, since he couldn’t remember how other forests smell like, he just knew it was wrong. It was a weird feeling, knowing something is wrong without knowing why.
His eyes widened. There was a path ahead! Maybe he could find his way out of-
He screamed and clutched his head in his arms as pain shot through it. The forest around him blurred out of existence as another memory completely drew him in.
He was standing in a crystal bathroom, looking at a crystal mirror. His fur was gray, his mane and tail were as black as the darkness itself, and his eyes were a deep ruby. Tears were slowly rolling down his muzzle, unwanted and uninvited. She had just been some old mare, she did not deserve his tears. He needed to pull himself together, as he had learned long ago not to show weakness in front of his parents. They would use it against him.
“Come on Sombra… do not cry for her.” He told himself, his voice cracking mid-sentence. “She was just some old maid. Nothing to cry- nnngh.” Fresh tears ran down his muzzle. That old maid had treated him kindly, even when every other maid was as professional as they came even when his own parents had not showed him the same respect. Yet when she was fired because of her ‘unprofessional behavior,’ she had still invited him to come over when things were too hard for him…. And still would give him a kind smile the few times he did so….
And now she was dead. Would his parents hear about it if he went to her funeral? Of course they would, and somehow they would use it against him.
Hidden Gem. He needed to see her again. She would listen to him, as she had the other times… for his bits of course. Because that was all she was, a whore that would do anything he asked, and he would do well to remember that.
Even if her warm smile was the most magnificent sight he had ever seen. The way her amethyst eyes filled with concern for him, when he told her about his life was quite breathtaking as well. When she nuzzled him lovingly-
He shook with longing. Even if every single action she took was because of the bits, he could not deny that she made him feel incredible. He reached up and touched his gray horn. Who knew it could feel so good to be licked there?
He dried his tears. Now was not the time for such thoughts. He would mourn the sweet old maid, because she deserved to be mourned. Even if he could not attend her funeral, he could still mourn.
And he did not want to make love to Hidden Gem today... but he could still talk with her. He wondered how much she would charge to just talk. Maybe he could take her out to eat somewhere? But not somewhere where he would be recognized. If one of his parents found out about Gem, bad things would happen.
He would have to steal more bits. He wondered if his mother would ever realize how many bits simply disappeared… then again, she seemed kind of distracted these days. She was planning something, and by the looks of it, it was something big. Though just what, he did not know… and honestly he did not really care much about her plans or schemes. It just made it easier for him to steal from her.
The memory hazed and blurred, leaving him panting hard on the forest floor again. This… was not a pleasant way to get ones memories back. It left a weird feeling in his… in his… in his soul? It felt beyond weird… like something was tugging on it.
…
He was probably just imagining things. That was a ridiculous thought, he wasn’t even sure where it came from. It just… it just felt weird. Inside. But not physically. Maybe he was having a mental breakdown… ‘there was a relaxing thought.’ He thought sarcastically.
“Applejack, I am certain I heard something! Just come!” Came a voice from the path. Thank the heavens. He got up from the ground and started dusting himself off. Hopefully whoever came could find it in their hearts to help him-
A purple unicorn appeared around the bend, barely visible in the darkness of the forest but luckily the path was a little lighter. The unicorns eyes widened, and a smile spread on its muzzle, “Applejack, it’s Jax! We actually found him!” It – she – exclaimed.
For a moment he just stood there dumbfounded. Then reality around him blurred out as he once again descended into memories.
The purple unicorn stood on the other side of a table looking at him with disgust. “You like eating the flesh of innocent life? Life that could have continued if you didn’t-“ She suddenly gasped. “You knew. You knew and you lied to everypony about it, you even told them in the paper that you didn’t have a choice!”
He didn’t know why, but her words cut him deeply. He was just trying to live his life, shattered as it was, with as much enjoyment as he could. Had he not lost enough? How much of himself did he have to give up to fit in with these ponies? “Yes I fucking knew!” He growled in anger.
Before he could say anything else, the memory blurred out again, his anger being replace by pain and confusion.
The purple unicorn who had set him on fire just stood before him as he was burning, everything was burning, everything was pain, panic, quench it with water water WATER!
The memories faded and he found himself on his knees, his hands on his head. Looking up, he saw that the purple unicorn had been joined by an light orange pony with a blonde mane and cowboy hat. They were both getting closer, looking at him with-
‘Run! What are you doing? Run away from them before they catch you!’
Away… he had to get away from here as fast as he could! He got up with panicked breaths, turned around and started running into the dark forest with all the strength of a desperate animal.
“Jax? No Jax wait!” He heard from behind him, but he kept running, falling, getting up and running again, until his shallow breaths didn’t give him enough air and his legs felt like they could give in under him any second.
He stumbled and fell again, but this time he didn’t have the strength to get up. He lay there for a long while. One question repeating over and over again in his head… 'why had they called me Jax?’
***
They had gathered in the basement of an abandoned shop. How low they had fallen….
All of the other Lunatics were standing in front of him, waiting for him to start.
He cleared his throat. “According to her secretary, Luna disappeared without a word tonight.” He started without a welcome. They all knew why they were there. “I think it bodes well for us.”
“Pff! Bodes well? She’s probably just out to fraternize with her… coltfriend.” She spat out the last word. The mare had the accent and tone of a noble, though he knew that she had fallen from Celestia’s grace long ago. That was why she was here, after all. “The rumours we spread were supposed to break them apart! Her own guards even came and took her back to Canterlot.... But now they are together anyway and she looks happier than ever!”
“Not necessarily true.” A different mare stepped forward. A maid from the castle. “Ever since Jax was possessed by… Sombra” they all shivered at the name, “she’s been looking worried. Maybe his return could be advantageous for us in the long run.”
“Nonsense!” The first mare spoke up again. “If he sets his sight on us-“
“Then we will fight him! With all we have!” He interrupted her in a deep anger. “With the power of an alicorn, we can win.”
“Does it have to be Luna then?” The maid spoke up again. “There are other alicorns.”
He sighed. If only it was that easy. “Twilight just recently became and alicorn, and so she lacks their full strength. Cadenza would be a better choice, but we would never be able to enter the Crystal Empire to use her. Celestia has a willpower of steel, and if she figures out what we are doing, she will come at us with all the fury of a thousand suns. No, it has to be Luna. She is still weak, her mind hasn’t healed. She will become Nightmare Moon again, and we will reap our reward when she does.” He took a breath. “Things have not gone according to plan, with that damned human interfering and making her happy… but at the same time he has become her weakness. We break him, we break her. We just need to be patient.”
The ponies murmured their agreement, then started clearing out. Soon he stood alone in the darkness for a while, before he forced a smile onto his face and left as well.