//------------------------------// // 3 - How to Unescape a Castle, a Human Guide // Story: Oddities Anonymous // by TheAlmightyTinCan //------------------------------// Wut… Something had just gone on in front of Anthony, something that he couldn’t help but feel was important in some way. The arguing had finally come to a stop followed by a flash of light, which nearly caused the human to dive under the water in fright. But he continued to try and observe the treeline, still blinking spots out of his eyes from the flash. He could barely make out the yellow pair of eyes poking back over the bushes. Immediately, he focused on them, ignoring the slight pain still present in his retina. They were strange, to say the least. Usually, when you look into someone’s eyes you can identify something about them. It’s not even a skill, it’s just an evolutionary tactic. But these eyes, every instant, every moment they were gazed upon gave a different though, not emotions, intentions. Like they were trying to describe the sheer magnitude of the creation of the universe with mere dilations, if that makes sense. However, there was one thing he could see that was constant within them, an ever present amusement. “Interesting…” The voice behind the eyes said. *SNAP* “GOD DAMN IT, MY EYES!” Anthony shouted as the bright light hit them, causing him to once again try and rub the spots out of them. Even going so far as to dunk his head underwater to further cleanse the pain. It wasn’t until after about thirty seconds he was ready to look about again, seriously, those flashes were bright!         Anthony looked over the beach and through the trees once again. This time, unable to spot anything. He continued listening for any sounds out of the ordinary. As the minutes passed the human became more and more confused. Did… did they leave? No, there was no way, there had to be a trap or something, right? The flashes of magic, all the eyes staring at him. Well, he supposed, if it was a trap they really weren’t being inconspicuous about it. Deciding to take the risk, Anthony began slowly swimming to the shoreline. Carefully stepping out of the water he made sure to cover himself where it counted. The forest was already starting to get brighter. Daring a look at the horizon, Anthony cussed under his breath. “I’m gonna be late…” He murmured. With renewed vigor, the man walked up the beach to the path, completely forgetting about his worries. Only to have them replaced by more pertinent ones. “M-my clothes! Where are they!” He shouted with urgency. He was certain he left them strewn about nearby, but where had they~         His eyes landed on something, resting slightly beneath a bush on side of the path. Or rather a pile of somethings. Stepping over, he crouched down to pick them up. “Aha!” He shouted in triumph looking at his, somehow folded clothes. Anthony wondered to himself, could they have been the Night Guard? He was on pretty good terms with them, at least compared to their counter parts. Pulling out his underwear and pants from the pile, he was suddenly aware of a white envelope as it fell out and drifted to the ground. Ignoring it for a moment, he slid his first two articles on before leaning down and picking up the offending note. Turning it over in his grasp he spotted a few words written in a very fancy calligraphy. To : Anthony Nones Anthony blinked a few times as he looked down at the letter. Confused and curious, he slipped his finger underneath the sealed flap, preparing to slit it open, but paused. The fear filled his mind once again. The mysterious four figures flashing in his head. In Equestria, a letter could contain anything from a magical curse to poison joke. Deciding to get it checked somehow before opening it, he slipped the letter into his pocket. Once he’d finished putting on his, somehow now clean, clothes. He started to feel the sunlight against his skin as the morning rays were just starting to peek above the horizon, the light creating long golden rays through the trees and shimmering off the surface of the water. Dawn Water park indeed. Somehow feeling refreshed despite all the pressure he’d just been under, Anthony retired his shoes before walking away from the beach, turning down the right of the path. Up the hills, slip into town, and get to the castle. Damn it, I should’ve been out of here sooner! He mentally berated himself, not that he really could have gotten out sooner considering the circumstances of the night. But the fact was that going through Canterlot during the day was a... less than enjoyable event for him. Not to mention the inevitable ‘talk’ he would get once Celestia found him. Oh the joys of being the only member of your species! Anthony thought as he picked up his pace. After about twenty minutes of light jogging he could see the white and purple rooftops of the city emerging through the treeline. Leaving the path Anthony found himself hopping off the dirt and walking into an alley between two of the buildings alongside one of Canterlot’s main streets. Of course, this was already relatively familiar to him, and finding the castle was incredibly easy, just head whichever way was uphill. Still slinking about the alleyway Anthony poked his head out and looked down both sides of the street. Each building was fancier and more frilly than the last, all holding the white and purple themes, flowers and golden signs advertised all their over expensive wares in everything from chocolates to dresses. It was like a little girl tried to recreate one of the shopping streets of Washington DC. And then there were the ponies. Anthony frowned as he looked down the street, Canterlot ponies were already out and about. Manes coiffed, makeup made up, and heads held high on many of them. Of course there were normal ponies there too, but many of them seemed drowned out by those few that acted “noble”. Even though the streets weren’t very populated at this time of day, the cacophony of colors the ponies had assaulted him, almost causing him to turn back and head into the forest once again. But he knew he couldn’t do that. He had to get back to the castle, even though it may seem bad there he had some attachments, so to speak. This won’t be fun, but it’s now or never. And with that the human stepped out into the street, keeping his gaze slightly lowered he swiftly turned to the left, smooth but fast steps bringing him on the slight uphill to the castle. It wasn’t immediate like some stereotypical western movie, but Anthony could definitely feel the gazes of ponies turn to him as he quickly made his way up the street. Stares and looks of disgust were bearable, you simply didn’t have to look back. But then came the whispers, all the latest gossip on what the heretic beast was up to again, you couldn’t unhear it. How Celestia seemed unable to keep the thing under control. Even if he could barely make out the words, they ripped into him. And not into just pride as an individual, but his knowledge that their opinions on him could be reflected onto humanity as a whole. That was what angered him. He dared not look at newspapers anymore since the first one he happened to find himself in. Their opinions of him were twisted but, in a way, understandable. After all, he didn’t act like the most ‘respectful’ person when he first came into Canterlot. It was with good reason sure, but that doesn’t change the public's outlook of things. He was lucky, no one seemed to try any funny business with him today. Anthony had had things thrown at him before, including rocks. It was only after that first started happening that he was confined strictly to the castle by Celestia. Those were in the early days though, and since then things had calmed down from a boil to an angry simmer, at least from the nobles. In the distance, Anthony finally spotted the castle gates, open to the world. The occasional pony coming for the early day court already filing in. The freshly switched in day guards were already on their patrols, standing by the gates, trotting along the walls, and even some flying from one golden spire to another, no doubt for other important reasons. As he approached, the eyes of the guards at the front gate landed on him. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but smile. Even with all the trouble that he caused them, Anthony was under the strict protection of the princesses. Meaning that no matter how much they wanted to, to hurt him would be to go against the crown. Also seeing them glare at him coldly just reminded him of chocolate syrup, and all the other ridiculous escapes he’d devised, which brought him great joy. “How ya’ doin gents?” He said jovially. All their gazes seemed to darken further at his words as they stared at him. Anthony couldn’t help but laugh for a moment at their expressions before continuing through the gates. With a grumble from his stomach, Anthony suddenly realized how hungry he was. With a skip in his step he made his way across the lawn and through the grand doors, knowing his destination by heart, he spent the time singing to himself about food. “Do you like waffles, yeah I like waffles! Do you like pancakes, yeah I like pancakes~” All the way to the dining hall. Or, he would have, if he didn’t run into a third degree sun burn. The halls of the Canterlot castle were just as grand as the outside. Intricately framed windows lined the outer wall with small decorative tables with vases full of flowers beneath them. On the other side lay the doors that went to other sections or rooms that an inexperienced pony could so easily get lost in. Turning into a hall he came upon a set of larger doors, which he knew at first glance was the dining hall entrance. Images of various breakfast foods haunted his vision, causing his mouth to salivate as he placed his hand on the doorknob. “Anon!” A powerful and angry voice called out. Even though it was nowhere near the decibel level of the old royal Canterlot voice, he couldn’t help but flinch. Turning his head, Anthony’s eyes landed upon the angry magenta orbs of the solar diarch in all her royal digs. Brow furrowed and rainbow mane fluttering in it’s mysterious magical wind, as golden shoes clacked lightly on marble. She marked over, accompanied by two familiar, and sleep deprived guards. “What is it…” He responded tersely as she stopped just feet from him. Despite being slightly shorter than the human’s eye level, she still managing to look down upon him .The guards, Lefty and Righty, as Anthony had so dubbed, held triumphant smirks on their faces.         Her eyes scanned him up and down, pausing on the dirt on his knees and under his fingernails, as well as the red lump on his head and scratches on his sides. Her angry gaze quickly changed to that of worry. “Anon, what happened to you?” She asked, lifting a hoof and placing it on the sore part of his forehead, causing him to flinch back in response. “Who did this to you?” Her voice becoming angry. “No one did this to me.” Anthony said sternly, swatting her hoof away. “And I’ve said for you to stop calling me that.” He crossed his arms angrily. Celestia frowned at him. “As long as you continue to disobey what I tell you to do, for your own safety might I remind you, then I will call you what I so choose.” The guards were looking between the diarch and the human nervously. “Should you seek to rectify these decisions and not continue them in the future, then I will address you as you so wish.” She finished. The human scoffed. “Like that’s gonna happen. I have a better idea! Stop posting guards on me 24/7, and I’ll consider not getting hurt next time I leave the castle.” False amusement never leaving the human’s voice. “I know you know exactly why I do this Anon…” “Because you’re paranoid?” “Because I care about you.” She said. The human laughed. “Yeah, right. I’m really feeling the love right now.” He reached up and knocked a hand against the marble wall. “Yep really feeling it radiating from these thick stone walls, and on the tips of those spears that are constantly within ten feet of me.” He said, gesturing to the guards. “Anon…” She said warningly. “Yes my queen?” He asked sweetly, with an evil smile. Celestia’s eyes went wide in shock, an intense anger playing behind them for just a moment before she paused, letting it out in a long sigh. “Alright… I understand your plight, Anthony.” She said, returning to using his actual name. “But be warned, should you continue this trend in the future, there will be... severe punishments. Guards.” The two guards on either side of her turned and gave tired salutes, minds still trying to comprehend what just happened. “Go get some sleep the both of you, no sense in having you doze off while on shift. “Yes princess.” They both said in unison before trotting off down the hall to wherever the solar barracks were. Celestia lit her horn, the golden aura covered the door to the dining hall and pushed it open. “I believe you’re late for breakfast Anthony.” She said, little emotion to her voice. With a nod he stepped through the door, the princess lightly shutting it behind him. She stood there for a moment, hearing the light taps of his shoes on marble fade away, before she too began slowly trotting down the hall. Anthony… She though. How can you get your point across so well, yet be so cruel at the same time…  Images of ponies and thestrals alike flashed through her mind. Memories from days of old. Shouts of queen and tyrant ringing out from mobs, jabbing at her ears and mind. Flames to ashes, the sun branding the moon, the swift ‘justice’ of a princess upon her own sister. A lone tear trailed down her cheek, quickly being wiped away with a white silken hoof. Must save face. Thank you… Anthony. “THERE ARE NO FLIPPING PANCAKES!!!”