Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments


39) When Life . . . Lemons, Sell Them at a Profit

Cultural Artifacts - When Life . . . Lemons, Sell Them at a Profit
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 77

        Derpy woke, not that she wanted to. Snuggled up against The Big Guy with all her friends and family clustered all around her. She looked around briefly. Only Nightmare and the Wolf weren't part of the pony pile. She considered nodding to them, but saw they were apparently asleep. She settled back against the Big Guy, back into his arms, and went back to sleep.
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        Nightmare watched the 'pony-ninja' trying to creep across the floor against the wall. She would have done better with a color other than black, Nightmare thought as she stood and headed towards the invader. She glanced back at the wolf, who had picked up and set down his paw, then grinned and trotted towards the invader. Oh, now he understands why I had our nails clipped, she thought, We won't go clicking across the crystal floors.

        The first warning the ninja got was when the wolf seized her by the throat and Nightmare knocked the weapon out of the pony's hoof and helped drag the pony from the room.

        Once they were outside Nightmare kicked one of the guards in passing, and didn't awaken him. More to worry about, she thought as she spotted Discord approaching as the wolf battered the pony against a column until all the fight was knocked out of her.

        "I'm not going to lie to you about your chances," Nightmare told the battered pony, "Because you haven't got any. But, if you tell us everything, my friend there will kill you quickly. Otherwise, the Big Guy will keep you alive, for days, until he's certain that you've told him everything you've ever heard of."

        "I'm not afraid of you," the pony said through a split lip and with several missing teeth.

        "Good," Nightmare said, "Because you see, Discord, and I, Nightmare Moon, when we want to scare each other, we tell Ponyville Monster stories." Nightmare smiled. Discord smiled. The wolf smiled.

        The pony fainted.
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        The ninja-pony woke, looked at the wolf. The wolf absolutely grinning at her. The wolf grinning at her with all those sharp, white teeth. She screamed and began running, her hooves scrabbling on the smooth crystal floor. The columns of the corridor passed by as she ran. She glanced over her shoulder at the wolf gently loping after her. She ran faster.

        Nightmare hovered unseen over the pony, and signaled for accompaniment. An equally invisible Discord began with a horn and a snare drum played with a brush.

        "Oh, the wolf, babe, has such teeth, dear," Nightmare sang to the panicking pony, "And he shows them pearly white."

        The ninja looked back at the smiling wolf, at all those white teeth, screamed and she put on more speed.

        "Just a dreamscape has Nightmare Moon, babe," Nightmare sang, "So that keeps it, ah, out of sight. Ya know when that wolf bites with his teeth, babe? Scarlet runnels start to spread. Fancy mind tricks has Nightmare Moon, babe. So there's never, never a trace of red."

        "AH!" the pony screamed as she suddenly saw the wolf coming straight towards her from the front. Hooves scrabbled on the smooth crystal. She managed to stop and get turned around, then had to start accelerating away from the wolf as he trotted after her.

        "Now d'ja hear 'bout Ninja Pony? She disappeared, babe," Nightmare sang, a little miffed at the screaming ruining two entire verses she thought were very clever, "After doin' somethin' truly rash? And now ole' Nightmare is mixing concrete. Do you think there's soon to be a splash?"

        The pony saw the door ahead and crashed through it. Landing on a boat in the middle of the lake. Specifically landing her hooves in a large bucket of concrete, which she couldn't pull her legs out of. She looked at Nightmare `wolf` standing beside her and the wolf on the other side. She screamed and struggled to extract her hooves, or topple over. Neither worked.

        What the two used their teeth on, was not her flesh, but lifting the handles on the tub.

        "NO!" she screamed before they dropped her in the water.
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        The pony gasped from being dry and able to breathe again, knew she was dreaming, but she still couldn't escape the terror that pursued her. Whether she turned left or right, a monster beyond comprehension faced her. Barbed tentacles grabbed at her, but she dodged. The tentacles couldn't close, but each left painful welt as she pulled away. She ran, the marks slowly adding up, covering her with an aura of burning pain that her aching lungs added to as she gasped to keep breathing as she ran.

        Nightmare watched the wounds, weariness, and most importantly despair build up in the victim. Discord floated beside her as he watched the ninja-pony running through the forest in growing terror. She looked over, and noted that he wasn't exactly approving, but he wasn't planning to intervene.

        "Are you going to tell her she's just running in a ring?" Discord politely asked.

        "No," Nightmare said, "Where would learning go if I gave the answers easily? I'm letting her get all this marvelous exercise before I ask questions. She'll owe me."

        Discord snorted.

        Nightmare returned her attention to her victim. When she's given up, Nightmare thought, then I'll start politely asking questions.

        She'd broken Luna much the same way, getting her to concentrate on the illusion, without realizing that's all it was. That she could quit 'playing the game;' any time she wanted.

        "How did Celestia not notice Luna's distress?" Discord asked as the pony tried to climb a tree to escape the ground-bound tentacle creatures.

        Then the ninja realized that there were wolves in the trees. Smiling wolves, with lovely white teeth and breath that smelled of pony entrails. She screamed, all the way to the ground. Even through the bone-jarring collision.

        "I don't know, but it weighed heavily on Luna's mind," Nightmare said, "None of my blandishments would have worked if Celestia had listened like the Big Guy does. I don't know how he does it, but I'd never be able to affect his 'harem'." Nightmare grinned. "Even you."

        "So it wasn't breaking her connection to Celestia?" Discord asked as if missing or ignoring the vague insult.

        "I never had to slowly undermine that, like I had to do with some of her allies," Nightmare said. She considered and stared at Discord. "What are you hoping to learn?"

        "To understand what happened," Discord said distractedly.

        "What's the fascination?" Nightmare asked as she turned her attention back to the pony.

        Discord sighed. "Don't you ever get lonely, feel like just having a discussion, even an argument with someone else?"

        "No," Nightmare said.

        Discord pointed his snout at the wolf. "Yes, just being quiet together."

        Nightmare snorted at that. Watched the pony run screaming from the wolf as waving tentacles sprouted from his shoulders. He accepts them, she freaks out, Nightmare thought, Odd.
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Day 78

        Celestia raised the sun as Woona lowered the moon.

        "You keep sighing," Woona said.

        Celestia looked at Woona. "Discord has been playing more of his games."

        "Oh?" Woona asked, "You don't seem to be terribly affected by it."

        Celestia looked at her and frowned. "I don't like being dragged around. I get enough of that from 'tradition'."

        "Your own fault," Woona said.

        "How so?" Celestia asked and followed Woona as she walked towards the Royal Breakfast Buffet. Celestia glanced around and felt the missing presence of Blueblood. While technically, any of the 'royal family' could attend, only Blueblood never took the hint that Celestia might want to be alone for a little while.

        I miss his 'mindless chatter', except it wasn't, it was a briefing on the machinations of the court, she thought, How do I apologize to him?

        "Leave him alone, and let him do his thing," Discord said as he sat beside the dining table in what could only be called a chair in the most delusional fever dreams, yet somehow it fit him, both physically and metaphorically, "Good tea, nice house." Discord sipped tea. "Oh, sorry, I turned all the tea to coffee, how fiendish of me."

        "Let me get my sword so I can smite you on each shoulder," Woona said as she poured coffee into a large bowl, added a huge amount of cream and honey. Then a large dollop of oatmeal. Woona drank the concoction, and began preparing another.

        Celestia poured a small amount of coffee from the first of five urns of 'tea'. Then the next. She savored the slightly bitter liquid, and moved to the next.

        "Thank you, Discord," Woona said, and Celestia noted that Woona was glaring at her.

        "Thank you," Celestia said, but frowned.

        "Don't mention it. I mean it, no one will believe you, and it'll risk me being thrown out of the villain's hall of fame. Oh, I had Fluttershy warn the fish and ducks, but this afternoon, the reflecting pool is going to freeze over. I suggest a bit of ice skating is in order. After all, I'll challenge you, and if you win, the pond will melt at tomorrow's sunrise. If you lose, it'll melt normally."

        "Why?" Woona asked, while Celestia tried not to grind her teeth.

        "Chaos, of course," Discord said and shrugged, "But I don't necessarily want to panic anypony."

        "What happens if we tell everypony?" Woona asked.

        "Who would believe you?" Discord asked and vanished. A moment later, his hand reappeared and pulled the chair after him.

        Once she was sure he was really gone, Celestia turned on Woona. "Why are you encouraging him?" she asked.

        "As long as he's trying to behave, I'll do nothing to set him off," Woona said, "I don't want to make him behaving any harder than it already is." She looked at Celestia, examining, weighing her and her reaction. "Besides. How long has it been since you were ice skating? You might want to practice before the contest."

        Celestia grumbled at that.
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        He hadn't ever seen the pony who was awaiting him in his office. "Do I know you?" the Big Guy asked, leaving the door open so the guards could hear.

        The pony was crystal, like many of the other local ponies. She was as close to monochrome as a pony ever got. Her blue hide, mane and tail were nearly the same color. The eyes were yellow, but that seemed the sole concession to being colorful. "I have been told that you're a good man, despite how you look."

        He let that pass as typical pony xenophobia. "Thank you very much."

        "There are things going on, things that you aren't being told that you need to know," she said and glanced at the door.

        He closed the door behind him. "I'm listening."
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        He'd never seen the pony who was awaiting him in his office before. "Can I help you?" Vladimir asked, dropping into his 'charming prince' persona.

        The yellow pony with the pinkish mane nodded. Blueblood had been quite taken with Fluttershy on seeing her occasionally in Ponyville, and her sudden arrival at the Gala after he'd struggled to scrape off Rarity, had cemented his desire to meet her. This one had none of Fluttershy's crippling shyness, but none of that mare's inner fire either, the physical appearance, while nice to look at, was utterly lacking.

        "I need to warn you. There are still Sombra partisans in the city. They're working with other ponies, and . . . well, others," she said quietly, forcing Vladimir to remain quiet so he could hear clearly.

        "I assure you, we are taking steps to find those people," Vladimir promised the pony.

        "But who is looking?" she asked, showing some intensity finally, "And who is finding, but not removing?"

        Vladimir considered, but kept his face from showing any concern that one person was doing most of the looking and finding. But perhaps all the removing that should be happening, isn't, he thought, but nodded to the mare.
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        Jonny Cake and Johnny Appleseed had come to accept a lot of weird things without panicking. A wall of vines reading books elicited a desire to be neighborly, rather than panicky. Johnny took one of the unoccupied vines and pulled it towards the office, and the books therein. Likewise, Jonny collected another 'unoccupied' vine and entered the Big Guy's former bedroom and indicated the bookcase there.

        The pair watched as those books too were perused.

        "What ya suppose it's looking for?" Jonny asked.

        "Somethin' important," Johnny replied, "Least it's mannerly about it."

        The pair of displaced Apples nodded to each other, and decided to leave the vines to their reading, and head to the library. The language barrier was still there, but written Equestrian hadn't changed too much for Spike to interpret.
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        Twilight had spent most of the previous night studying, so could be excused for not immediately noticing the collection of vines dominating the library.

        "SPIKE!" the unicorn shouted as she looked around frantically.

        "It's all right," Spike called from the depths of the thicket, "They signed a library card, and they haven't checked anything out yet. Just think of all the fun you'll have reshelving everything."

        "Spike, they might be dangerous," Twilight called and she wormed through the moving vines.

        "Oh. That's great news, Twilight," Spike said as he opened a gap through the 'hedge' and let her inside, where a number of books lay open on the largest table in the library. "If that's what they're, he's, she's - they're interested in, the more dangerous they are, the better."

        "What are you talking . . . about?" Twilight asked as she stared at the books, some she was certain weren't in the library that she knew about, it was clear the vines had been more thorough in their search for hidey-holes in the library than she had, or perhaps, they had help. The books they contemplated all seemed to be a study of one thing. The Schmooze. "Oh, dear," Twilight said as she looked over the passages the books had been left open to. "This is not good."

        "Not good? It's a disassper!" Discord said as he looked over the books, "We could lose our butts over this!"

        Twilight frowned.

        "Oh, look at this!" Discord said as he perused The Care and Feeding of Your Smooze.

        Twilight looked and her heart sank. "That was written by Molybdenum Blossom."

        "Well, what do you know?" Discord said as he looked at the book, "So it is. Guess what that means to the Big Guy's plot to take it out?"

        Twilight blanched at that. She barely noticed Jonny and Johnny entering. Discord said something to them in their own language. They responded.

        "Oh, good news, the plants are also reading the Big Guy's library," Discord told her, "Has anyone checked on the - well you know, the walls have ears."

        Ears appeared on the plants.

        "I sent out a message to the princesses, and haven't heard back," Spike admitted.

        "Wait a second!" Twilight said, "The plants can read the Big Guy's language?"

        "Can't everybody?" Discord asked.

        Spike belched out a scroll, Discord caught it before Twilight could. He scanned it briefly. "Oh, dear," Discord said, "Well must see about life on another planet. You know, I really did like this place." He tossed the scroll to Twilight before disappearing.

        Celestia's message said simply 'We are looking into it.'

        "It can't be as bad as he's painting it," Spike said, "Or Celestia wouldn't be so calm about it."

        "Spike, I am not so sure. For once, I think this time we might be over our heads," Twilight said and indicated a passage, "This says Schmooze ooze is resistant to even Alicorn magic."

        "Oh," Spike said.
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        Sapphire watched a phalanx of changelings shaped like pegasi. Under Derpy's direction, each one cut a small cloud from a building thunderhead. One at a time, they pushed the clouds close to the rock Dinky was waving around with her telekinesis.

        Derpy's attack run was perfect, except for the cloud zapping her as well as the target. The changelings followed her example, diving on the rock and more often than not, hitting it with the bulk of the cloud's charge.

        In the distance, she saw members of Vladimir's regiment watching the proceedings.

        Why weren't they invited? Sapphire wondered, then on recalling the strange pony's warning, it hit her, They're the ones who'll be the targets! She realized the pony who'd given her the whispered warning before charging off was correct. She raced off to search for one of the others, a specific one.

        She found Vladimir meeting with a number of the 'leading lights' of the Crystal Republic, i.e., the ponies willing to open their mouths and complain about things.

        "Security isn't as poor as you have been led to believe," Vladimir said and stepped away from the group to approach Sapphire. "Can I help you?"

        "I just watched Derpy leading a regiment of Changelings in making ground attacks, with lightning."

        The Crystal Ponies murmured worriedly.

        "There's nothing to worry about," Vladimir told Sapphire, and the Crystal Ponies, "It's a show of force, but it will not be directed at any of the ponies or our allies."

        "I beg your pardon," Will o' Wisp said, "If they're doing that, we should start practice."

        The other Crystal Ponies nodded reluctantly. Vladimir waved them away.

        Sapphire's heart sank as she recognized Ham n' Cheese, Lotsa Books and Brush & Chisel, and she could only sense satisfaction from Vladimir.

        "What's going on?" she asked.

        Vladimir's smile did nothing to settle her unease. He glanced around to make sure they were alone.

        When he explained exactly what was happening, she found she couldn't help emulating it.

        "So, are you ready to dump him, and sign on with me?" Vladimir asked.

        Sapphire eagerly nodded.
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        Green Grass had grown used to staying calm in the face of anything. Having Nightmare Wolf and her friend drop off a very battered pony in her office strained even her definition of 'anything'. "Where'd you find her?" Green Grass asked as she recognized the cringing pony abasing herself before her.

        "She was trying to sneak past everyone and assassinate someone," Nightmare said, "If she tells you everything, we'll say she was going after the Big Guy. If she's trouble, we'll say she was going after Dinky and Selene."

        The pony's head whipped around to stare in terror at Nightmare. Both wolves smiled at the pony.

        "Have you asked?" Green Grass asked.

        "I made a point not to," Nightmare said, "It shouldn't matter, correct."

        "It just depends on who we have to increase the guard on," Green Grass said.

        "The existing guard stopped her," Nightmare said with a bit of an edge in her voice, "Increasing the layers of guards just decreases the ability of them to do what needs doing."

        Green Grass grimaced at that. "You're right, but 'doing nothing' doesn't seem the appropriate response."

        "Killing the ones who sent her is the appropriate response, but you ponies never do that," Nightmare said, "It all has to be through third-parties and deniable. And you think nipping the real problem in the bud is too mean." She gestured at the cringing pony. "It's yours, I already asked it a lot of questions, so you can interrogate it, and we can compare notes. Then you can decide how much you want to torture it, before you ask more questions. I'm sure the Big Guy has a few things in his library that would work beautifully. No physical damage, but the mental scars would last forever." She laughed as she and the wolf trooped out.

        Green Grass sighed, straightened some papers on her desk, then looked at the still cowering pony. "Shadow, you always were stupid, but do you have any idea what you're stirring up here?" She came around the desk. "Now, you know the drill, I ask questions, you answer them, and if you decide to get brave, Sombra left a door that puts you through your most terrifying and heart-wrenching experiences. I'll wrap you up in a bag full of centipedes, and toss you through the door. Do you understand me?" she asked and smiled. "Then I'll send your mother a full transcript, and you can just imagine what she's going to do with it."

        The cowering pony fainted.

        Green Grass opened the door and saw the sergeant awaiting orders. "Lock her up in one of Sombra's interrogation cells," Green Grass said, "She'll enjoy the ambiance."
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        Cadence watched Armor absorb the briefing, and accept the military necessity, but it made her heartsick. "Why?" she asked, and looked at a select few of the inventors corp. They accepted as Armor did. The only one who looked as sick as Cadence felt was Holly Hock.

        She looks like she wants to run away and return to her kitchen, Cadence realized.

        "How better to deal with the problem?" the Big Guy asked.

        Several of the dragons were nodding sagely.

        "Now, onto the next item of business," the Big Guy said, "The upcoming elections for the assembly. After what I told you all, former Prince Blueblood cannot be named or nominated as the Prime Minister, are we all agreed on that?"

        The nodding was unanimous. Even Cadence agreed wholeheartedly.

        "What of the other positions of government?" Flim asked.

        "That may be a last ditch item, but I don't think he'd want to be dogcatcher," the Big Guy said and the others laughed.

        Cadence was not happy with the machinations, or the military preparations, and especially not her and Armor's part in the whole thing. But I'll have to live with it, she thought and concentrated on the details of the upcoming conclave.
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        The happy cries of the ice-skating ponies did little to relieve Celestia's unease at Discord's bewildering behavior. He'd locked up the lunch team and persuaded the decorators to provide edible arrangements for the three centerpieces. It had been centuries since Celestial had eaten a raw daisy, let alone dandelion greens. She and Woona had demolished the flower arrangements. She'd even taught Woona how to eat the thorns off the rose stems so you could eat the stems at your ease.

        She looked over the railing of the balcony, at the ponies enjoying the suddenly frozen over pool, and enjoying themselves tremendously.

        "He has to have an ulterior motive," Celestia said as Woona approached.

        "Of course he does, but what could it be?" Woona asked and tapped her chin with her hoof, "Oh! That's it!"

        Celestia pivoted to face her. "It's what?" she asked.

        Woona shook her head. "It's too diabolical. It's too manipulative. It's too hideous."

        "What?!"

        Woona patted Celestia on the head. "Maybe when you're older."

        "Woona!" Celestia growled.

        Woona waved the guards away and leaned in close. Celestia's ears swivelled so both faced Woona.

        "Maybe he's trying to prove you can both be who you are, without also being enemies," Woona whispered.

        Celestia stared at Woona. "Why would he do that?"

        "While ponies might be interesting, they are mayflies, a brilliant flash, then gone. He's immortal, he wants other immortals around to pass eternity with," Woona explained.

        "That explains why he humbled Nightmare, but he hasn't tried to contact Tirek, and Celly and Luna are also immortals. Why isn't he up north impressing them, instead of acting out in Canterlot?"

        Woona facehoofed. "Ask Celly." She wandered off.

        Celestia stared at her, then went back to watching the ice skaters. It makes no sense, I can't control the Elements, and he hasn't done anything that would merit Twilight and her friends using them, so what is his plan?

        Discord appeared on the ice rink, riding a very strange, boxy, wheeled machine. Where it passed, all the ice was smoothed over, instead of being grooved and furrowed by the many skates of the ponies. He waved at her, and she'd waved back, more out of reflex than for any other reason. Once he'd completed smoothing the ice, he and the machine vanished, and the ponies went back to happily skating.

        Celestia continued to watch them, and attended to her other duties, until it was time to lower the sun. With that done, she returned to her room. She'd spared some time out of her duties to scrounge through her stored possessions. She opened the case and looked at the ordinary-looking pool cue. She briefly considered simply breaking it over Discord's head the next time they met, but decided against it. She waited for a while, Discord had arrived shortly after sundown over the last few days, and transformed her. Then they went to the same tavern. She waited for him. When he didn't arrive, she sighed and used her limited shapechanging magic to transform herself into the pony Discord had changed her into, she picked up her cue, and went hunting.

        Entering the tavern, she was greeted by some of the regulars, and directed back to the pool table. Discord, as a pony, was back there giving a demonstration to some younger, but still adult ponies, on how to play pool. He looked up and waved to her.

        "I told them you'd be a little late," Discord said, "And I see you found your old cue."

        She looked at the case and realized she'd been manipulated again. "The ice-skating rink?" she asked.

        "I'd guess it'll be gone tomorrow. There were still couples skating on it tonight. Discord may be twisted, but I don't think he'd dump all those ponies in the pond without warning." He looked straight at her. "Let me guess, you still haven't given it a spin. Her Solar Highness gave everyone permission to use it, and you abstained."

        "Why don't you take her there now?" one of the mares getting pool instructions said, "I went, and nearly twisted my ankle, but I still had a great time."

        "Yeah, one of the places that usually rents skates in the winter opened up and so you can rent skates if you don't have them," a stallion who was nearly a colt added.

        "So, you want to change things up, and go ice skating?" Discord asked.

        Celestia sighed, but set the case down. "No. I came to play pool."

        Discord nodded.
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        Will o' Wisp set the tankard down on the bar and looked over at Ham n' Cheese, Lotsa Books and Brush & Chisel, who were also nursing their cider. The Great and Powerful Trixie, Chateau Vin the head of the winemakers, Plow and Furrow, and Hay Rake, prominent farmers, were together sampling some 'more pedestrian vintages' from Chateau's cellars.

        "What are we going to do?" Will 'o Wisp said, "It's like Sombra all over again."

        "What are your instructions?" Trixie asked.

        "I'm supposed to support Will for the Prime Minister's position, and support anyone except the Big Guy for the Speaker's post," Lotsa Books said.

        "Sounds like there's not a problem," Trixie said, and nodded to Hay Rake.

        "I'm supposed to propose Vin here for the Speaker's job," Hay Rake said, "And oppose Colonel Vladimir from getting the Prime Minister's job."

        Brush looked at them and smiled. "Hey, we can do both!" he said, "Just put Will and Vin in those positions."

        "You know they'll be furious," Ham n' Cheese said looking morosely into the cider.

        "You did your job," Trixie said, "Look, you are going to have to work together. Getting on your knees to some king is what got you Sombra in the first place. Don't make the same mistake again." She suddenly looked towards the door. "Cheese it, the cops!"

        The Sphinx walked in. "I was wondering where you'd gotten off to."

        "She was trying to convince us to reopen the theater," Vin said, "Care for some passable wine?" She offered the bottle and an empty glass.

        The sphinx waved it away. "Sorry, I'm flying. But thank you." She fixed on Trixie. "You do have an early show, some of the kitchen staff, maids and butlers."

        "Ah, the price of fame," Trixie said, and nodded to Ham n' Cheese, "Thanks for working out the details for the show."

        The chef nodded.

        They all watched as Trixie was 'escorted' out by the Sphinx. Vin walked over to Will and sat down. "So, your people vote you in, my people vote me in, and what about our 'masters'?"

        "We let them remain behind the scenes," Will said, "I don't like it, but if they are teaching us to 'play politics' -" He raised his tankard and tapped it against Vin's wine glass. "I say we show them how well we've learned."

        Vin nodded, as did the others. They all smiled as they began seeing a route out of the disaster looming before them.
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Day 79

        She had the picnic basket and a blanket. She had her coat brushed soft and mane and tail combed. Dinky and Selene had received the same treatment, but they had already roughhoused back into more disheveled condition. Derpy sighed as Luna of all ponies fussed over this and that.

        "Beep," Derpy said as she touched Luna's nose, "Relax, this doesn't have to be perfect." She cocked her head. "I think you need the time to let go and relax more than he does. Did being regimented by the maids and butlers of Canterlot make you this crazy already?"

        Luna visibly sighed. "I want this to work. I love my sister. I love him and all of you. This divide . . . "

        "Is natural," Derpy said, "I love my parents, and my family. But I can't stand being with them too long. The eye jokes wore thin about 20 years ago, and the reminders that Dinky doesn't - didn't have a father always seemed to edge over to her being less than a 'regular' filly. You're going to have to take your sister off her pedestal and realize she's compromised who she is, for who she thinks she needs to be."

        "Yes, but," Luna began, only for Derpy to put her hooves on her cheeks, "How do you stay so calm about this?"

        "By remembering all I have to be to make him happy is soft, warm and fuzzy. He likes us to happily play or rest. I can't impress him, so I don't try. Happy, warm and fuzzy. If we're happy, he's happy. If we're cuddly, he relaxes, and cuddly is just soft, warm and fuzzy," Derpy said, "He's the one person you don't have to compete with your sister over. She already lost."

        "How'd you get so smart?" Luna asked.

        "I'm simple, I'm not stupid. Ponies like to make things complicated to exclude others who aren't 'in the know'," Derpy said, "He's so used to having to simplify things, he resents needless complexity and people who amuse themselves by being too clever for their audience. Watch how he plays word games with Discord and Dinky, but then how he talks to me and Nightmare."

        Luna sighed again and nodded.

        "Relax." Derpy patted Luna's cheek. "You'll do fine. Just be yourself without airs."
------------------------------

        Pinkie had assembled a very strange group in the kitchen of the Apple's home. Granny Smith and Applebloom were a given. Maud Pie, Pinkie's sister, and Spike were the confusing part. The sample of rocks in front of Spike seemed to be the focus. That Pinkie seemed as intense and focused as Twilight generally was what gave the entire scene a surreal air.

        "But how do they taste?" Pinkie asked.

        "Well, that's a coprolite," Spike said, "So I'm not touching that. These aren't gems, so their taste is kind of muted."

        "But what do they taste like?" Pinkie asked.

        "Limestone, basalt, and corundum," Spike said and looke3d at the others for confirmation.

        "What pony foods do they taste like?" Maud asked.

        Realization dawned on Spike. "Sort of a bitter lettuce, a really bland oatmeal, and this depends on if it is a ruby or a sapphire. Rubies are closer to strawberry. Sapphires are closer to blueberries. But unless they're gems, their flavors are really weak."

        Then he cocked his head. "Why are you interested in this? Ponies can't eat gems or rock."

        "They could if they are softer," Pinkie said and grinned.

        Spike stared at Pinkie, then back at the tray of stones. "Softer? Pinkie, you're going to have to explain that. Only acid, grinding, heat, or some powerful magic would soften stone, and even then, who'd want to eat them?"

        Pinkie's grin only widened.
------------------------------

        The room wasn't exactly small, it was in fact a recently reopened theater, but the noise and the energy that filled it made it seem small and intimate. To her chagrin, Cadence was leading the action, but it was simple enough, the crystal ponies were easily and eagerly joining in. Marking them as 'hers' almost as much as if they had copies of her cutie mark on their flanks.

        Cadence's pattern was the same: stomp the left hoof, then the right hoof, and that a swish of the tail that sounded like a whipcrack. The collection of Crystal Ponies who were around her did the same. Stomp, stomp, thwack. Stomp, stomp, thwack. Stomp, stomp, thwack. The song had mocked those who wanted violent action, but still the power of the massed ponies was an answer even to the military. Armor had told her a peaceful demonstration of the determined was the hardest to deal with. It could explode into violence at any moment, and the guard would be heavily outnumbered. Worse, if the guard came in too hard, every drop of blood cemented the unaffiliateds' resistance and added support to a cause that could have been ignored. It was the ultimate in 'soft' pony power.

        "We will, we will rock you!"

        "Sing it!" she called.

        "We will, we will rock you!"

        Cadence felt the power of the song through her bones, and the strength it granted the other ponies. They were no longer the meek creatures approaching her and begging she intervene. They can intervene on their own, she thought and grinned at the vision of her adversaries' expressions.
------------------------------

        The quintet had found a particularly lovely spot. Selene and Dinky laid out the blanket on the grass under the trees, while Derpy laid out the breakfast.

        "Quite a view," the Big Guy said of the vista. Luna had worried that the hill with a small copse of trees was a trifle too picturesque and twee for the Big Guy.

        But he looks at the mountains, and the rivers instead, Luna thought. She looked up at the sky and noted a few clouds scudding through the blue.

        "Uncontrolled weather seems so . . . unnatural," Luna said.

        "I kinda like that it does the job itself," Dinky said, "But you grew up around the Everfree Forest, didn't it act like this all the time?"

        "It was less of a contrast," Luna admitted, "I guess I was used to it, then had to relearn that it was unusual, and now I have to unlearn that here it is usual."

        "That's like the books on philosophies," Selene said, and looked at the Big Guy, "Your people had to have a lot of philosophies."

        "Practically every human had one. And they changed through their life. We didn't have a connection with our destiny like you ponies do," the Big Guy said, "We had to learn our own place in the world. But that also meant that we could change it, when we needed to."

        "How does that work?" Dinky asked as she approached the spread that her mother had set out.

        "I'll explain after breakfast," the Big Guy said, "I don't want all the work your mom and the others put in to go to waste."

        "As opposed to going to waist?" Derpy asked, and smiled as everyone groaned.
------------------------------

        The 'lecture hall' in the palace was used by lower level functionaries who needed to brief, educate or simply assemble the kitchen, cleaning and administrative staff for the palace, and wouldn't dare use the court or the false or real throne rooms for that purpose. It had seemed to Vladimir that it had exactly the right 'tone' for him to meet with the ponies who'd come to him.

        Vladimir led the collection of Crystal Ponies in the song. The very words of the song had called out his weakness, his unworthiness, but his determination to continue. Again, it seemed unusually appropo and seemed to inspire them to do the same.

        At first, they'd been unwilling to join in, but as the force of the song built, it practically demanded their inclusion.

        "We are the Champions! WE are the champions! Of the world!"

        They were standing taller, and seemed more grateful that he was willing to lead them. He schooled his features to hide his grin at the thought of what his opponents would do when he revealed his plans.
------------------------------

        In the smithy outside the Apple's barn, Pinkie paced. No oven at Sugarcube Corners could have generated the necessary heat, and Spike was too young a dragon to generate the quantity of fire that would have been necessary. Instead, they'd used the forge, and now Pinkie and Spike waited as the stone in the crucible cooled from cherry-red and fluid, to gray-brown and the heat became bearable to approach.

        Spike just stood, far less nervous than the pacing mare, as she approached the crucible again, he waved her away. "It's still too hot to touch," he told her, "Now promise me, you won't open that mold until I come back."

        "But I have to know!" Pinkie whined.

        Spike decided that explaining she couldn't taste it would be useless. "Promise. Me," Spike said, and let Pinkie go through the entire Pinkie-Promise ritual before he was satisfied.

        He headed back to the library, where Twilight was still trying to figure out how she was going to reshelve all the newly discovered books that had been squirreled away undetected in her library home. "I'm back," he called, "Any word from the princesses?"

        Twilight seemed far more subdued that she had been earlier. When he saw what the plants had laid out, he understood immediately. Spike knew that the books were part of a game, from written 'discussions' with the Apples. But Twilight doesn't know that, and I think either the plants do, or they don't. So it's either a joke, or an offer of help.

        "All these gems with special powers," Twilight said and looked at another book, and consulted her notes on the words in the alien language, "But these list completely different effects. Is it a different time period, or a different type of casting?" She took a deep-breath, let it out, took another, and let it out. Took a third, and let it out. Now she looked focused again. "There has to be a way of reconciling these with known Equestrian magic. They either don't apply, or they . . . Or they are speculations based on not having a magic system at all! Of course!"

        Spike sighed and smiled. Feeling relief at the crisis averted.

        "These are all thought experiments!" Twilight said happily, "But the idea of studying another entire frame work of magic is fascinating!"

        Spike sighed and facepalmed.
------------------------------

        Armor stood in Sombra's old study, looking at the charting of the disaster with which they would have to contend. He knew very well there were servants, and guards hidden or rather hiding within the room. But while the song he sang seemed to be asking a question, they quickly realized it was as much an argument with the fallen Sombra as a statement of Armor's purpose.

        He didn't normally 'chew the scenery', but he needed to impress these ponies that he too had a vision worth following.

        He 'confronted' Sombra's notes and sang the next verse, "The croakers all say we'll rue the day, 'There'll be hell to pay in fiery purgatory'." He turned his back on it and looked out the window. "Through all the gloom, through all the gloom, I see the rays of ravishing light and glory!"

        He turned to sweep the room. "Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody see what I see?"

        He turned to confront Sombra's legacy. "I see fireworks! I see the pageant and pomp and parade. I hear the bells ringing out. I hear the cannons roar. I see Equestrians - all Equestrians - free forever more!"

        Armor heard the murmurs and realized that the unseen audience was recognizing the 'quiet one' had a fire in his belly as hot as any of the others, but one with a vision they were more comfortable with.
------------------------------

        The Sphinx stood before the collection of drawings, pictures and some avante garde depictions of Celly. The crowds had approached her, and she had agreed, as long as they brought their friends.

        The crowd was collected in a small park and they listened.

        "Well versed in etiquette, extraordinarily nice, she's a Killer Queen: gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laserbeam. Guaranteed to blow your mind. Anytime." She sang to the enthralled ponies, who looked worshipfully at one who worked with their idol.

        That Celly neither knew about the Sphinx's actions, or her crowd of near worshipers made this all the more satisfying.
------------------------------

        Green Grass hated doing this, but understood the necessity. Different ponies, different factions, she thought mildly, If they want to be soldiers, then running is the first part, and if you can trot and sing, you've got the wind for more.

        "Mares and stallions stop your dreaming, can't you see their spear points gleaming," she sang as she trotted, "See their warrior pennants streaming to this battlefield."

        She smiled as she considered that turning these 'weak, soft ponies' into an effective resistance force would be child's play, considering who else she'd had to try to turn into a soldier, and an officer.

        "Mares and stallions stand ye steady, it cannot be ever said ye, for the battle were not ready," she sang.

        "Crystals, never yield," they sang back.

        At least were getting there, she thought.
------------------------------

        Trixie stood before a large poster of the Big Guy, and looked at the audience, she felt their hunger, their need for more than their lives could provide. She smiled, seeing too many similarities to herself. But I'm still a showmare, she thought and began.

        "Dodge has got its cowpokes.
Baltimare has its bums
Woods between got Jimson Weed
He's a sidewindin' son of a gun
Yeah, he mean and dumb and a stallion
But he stronger than a country hoss
And when the bad ole nags get together at night
You know they all call Jimson "Boss", just because
And they say

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on ole Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well outta lil' Ponyville come a alien
He say I'm lookin' for a hoss called Jim
I am a straight-shootin' boy
No 'Celestia's toy'

And he lookin no less than grim
I'm trampin' through the woods of Baltimare
Seein' if I can find their king
Last week he chops some honey
And it may sound funny
But I come give some real payback
And everybody say Jack don't you know

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well a hush fell over the woods there
Cause Jim had come boppin' out of the heat
And when the fightin' wa' done
The only part that wasn't bloody
Was the soles of the monster's feet
Jim was cut in a hundred places
And he been shot in a couple more
And you better believe
They sung a different kind of story
When Jimson hit the floor.
Now they say

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him

Yeah, the boss got his hat
Find out where it's at
And it's not hurtin' people strange to you
Even if you live in a messed-up, magic-proof slew

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him."


        The applause was gratifying, but cementing a legend in their minds was more important. If he is with you, who can be against you? she smiled and let them see it.
------------------------------

        " 'And he asks you, 'what did you do in the great World War 2?' You won't have to say, well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana,'" the Big Guy said.

        Luna was appalled. Derpy had been mildly concerned, but had joined Dinky and Selene in hysterics. Rolling on the grass around the blanket where Luna and the Big Guy sat.

        " 'All right, now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle, any time, any where. That's all,'" the Big Guy concluded, having to raise his voice over the sounds of Equine convulsions.

        "That. Was. The. Speech. You. Gave?" Luna managed.

        "It was the only one I remembered off the top of my head," the Big Guy responded and shrugged, "Everypony seemed to like it at the time."

        Luna facehoofed. Derpy was hanging onto Selene and Dinky, as they held onto her, to keep from falling over, again.

        "That was the speech you gave," Luna said, stared at him, then looked away, "That was the speech you gave."

        It started small, like the grinding of gears during a shift. Then it happened again. Luna tried to form the serene air that she and Celestia normally showed. But it happened again. And again. Now Luna couldn't stop it. A short bark of laughter. Then another.

        Dinky, Derpy and Selene had sobered enough to enjoy Luna's struggles to keep her usual somber mien. But the grin from the Big Guy signaled the beginning of the attack.

        "Tickle fight!" Selene announced and launched her attack. While hooves and noses worked well, fingers held the day and had Luna loudly honking with laughter.
------------------------------

        Normally, Tear Twirler wouldn't have reported in, but the recent events force her hoof.

        "Yes," her master asked, no longer using the dragon image, but displaying one nearly as awe-inspiring.

        "I can hardly believe it," Tear Twirler admitted, "But they are fragmenting. I've counted almost a dozen factions and sub-factions. All are raising their own forces."

        "I told you that ponies are ponies, no matter who and what they are, or how long they've been `civilized`," her master said, "They will soon fall upon each other and you will have to do nothing. We can walk into power, instead of fighting them all. After a period of bloody civil war, anyone who seriously offers peace and stability will be awarded with power. How do you think those ingenues rose to the heights they have? Celestia, talented? Don't make me laugh."

        "I just, didn't expect it to be so easy," Tear Twirler admitted.

        "They have their fears and terrors," her master said, "All you have to do is inflame them, and everything will fall into place."

        Tear Twirler simply nodded and resumed her selected disguise from her catalog, and left to spy and whisper poison in the ears of the leaders.
------------------------------

        Discord looked over to Tom. "I'll admit it," he said, "This is fun." He looped around and around so fast he nearly tied himself in a knot. "I haven't seen something this delightful in ages!"

        "I won't say 'I told you so'," Tom said, "But I wouldn't mention this to Celestia, she wouldn't understand."

        Discord waved his hand. "Oh, I know that," he said, "But the temptation!"

        "Resist it," Tom counseled, "Being on the outside without a chance to 'help' would prey on her mind. And besides, don't forget the true aim of all of this: ponies get to be themselves, and they are still chaotic."

        Discord squealed with delight as he looped through the air. "It's so wonderful!"
------------------------------

        Woona looked at the collection of ponies. Some were from Grass Light's unit, others from Sombra's army. Most looked at her with undisguised loathing.

        "Don't try to impress me with remorse or pomposity. I have seen true penitence, and seen pride at having accomplished something honorable. You have achieved neither. You are merely an afterthought that Celestia wishes to use for Equestria's ends. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better off you'll be," she told them as she stared at them, not glaring or shouting, speaking loud enough to be heard but no more, "As for your feelings for Celestia, or me, they matter not at all. Blueblood was infinitely more merciful than you deserve, or than I will be. If you betray our people as you have betrayed your own, I will leave your punishment methods to Discord and the Big Guy. He does an amazing thing with oranges, string and bacon that frankly Tirek is afraid of, and I don't blame him," Woona said, "If you step out of line, I'll have them teach it to me, and you will have volunteered as the test subjects."

        There were faint stirrings of concern in the ranks. Just flickers of worry that the 'soft Equestrians' weren't as soft as they thought.

        "Some of you will be considering selling yourselves to the noble houses. I encourage you to do so. What they'll do to you far exceeds anything I could stomach doing to you," Woona said. She waited for the catcalls and insults, but she realized she'd shaken them enough.

        She signaled the troops to move in and separate the groups. They'd be taken in small packets to various military posts, larger cities and elsewhere. What they hadn't felt was the reform spells that had been woven through them all as they stood there.

        We may be 'soft', but we aren't stupid, Woona thought as she rejoined Celestia and the Element Bearers who'd cast the spell over these trouble makers.

        "I should go down there and teach them a few things about respect," Rainbow said and punched a hoof into another to prove her point.

        "They would have broken your wings as their opening gambit," Woona said, "They don't have the courage to fight, just bully those weaker."

        "I think you let them off easy," Rainbow said, then hastily added, "Your Highness."

        "That is our prerogative," Woona replied. She stared at Celestia who was far more pensive than she remembered Celly ever being. She wanted to ask why, but only in private. Although the element bearers sensed their sovereign's unease.

        "Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked.

        "I'm just worried that we are letting them off far too lightly," Celestia admitted, "Blue - Colonel Vladimir's missive seemed to be almost a challenge, and we have not done well with the librarians."

        "It's been only 12 days since we rescued them," Pinkie said, "That's hardly enough time to make them instant friends. I made that mistake with the Big Guy, and it took months before I could really be his friend."

        "I thought you could be friends with anypony," Rainbow said, and laughed.

        "I can," Pinkie said and glared at Rainbow, "But I'm working on something else right now." She pulled a large stone jar from somewhere. She hugged it and giggled. Then it vanished back wherever she had got it. "Sometimes big gestures work, but other times it's the little things that we all take for granted that others don't, that make all the difference in whether someone even can be friends, no matter how much they want to or don't want to. Like a tea party, HINT, that doesn't seem like much, sitting around drinking hot, flavored water, but a lot of people who wouldn't want to go to a hoofball game find just sitting and talking quietly is really a lot more fun than you know, really having fun. Weird, isn't it?"

        "Only that you could say that all in one breath," Rainbow acknowledged.

        "Tea sounds like a very good idea," Woona said, "There seems to be a rumor that Princess Celestia hates tea. It needs a thorough squashing. And frankly I only hate tea, when it's all there is."

        Celestia smiled and let the others lead her to the tea room, where dozens of flavors of tea awaited.

        Woona smiled at the memory of Discord holding the Royal Tisanist out a high window by one hoof, and politely asking where the plain tea was. When the stallion refused 'to serve that swill to Her Highness' Discord had hauled him back inside, apologized, and reminded him that Celestia would be serving it to him.

        There was a large, cheaply-made tin box of the stuff. Celestia made a beeline for it, enjoying the strong tannic flavor while the others helped themselves to the more elegant beverages.

        "What about the library we rescued?" Twilight asked, "Have the plants gotten into that?"

        "No, but they were all over Nistag's lab," Celesta said, "What their reaction was, we do not know."

        The others nodded.
------------------------------

        Glory had no idea what was so important that Holly Hock would have been dragging her by her mane if she hadn't come along willingly. She'd never seen the chef so animated before.

        "Griffons, griffons, griffons," the chef chanted, looking into the myriad tents/workshops the inventors had established just outside of town. When she found no griffon in a particular tent, she'd race to the next with Glory in tow.

        "Too small," Holly Hock commented on one griffon chick amid a room full of ponies and minotaurs.

        "Holly, what's this -?" Glory began.

        "Ah ha!" the chef exclaimed and raced towards the de facto leader of the griffon inventors.

        Glory was beginning to worry about a case of cutie mark insanity, and prepared to tackle the chef if it became necessary.

        "Taste this!" the chef handed the griffon a sheet of shiny, brown paper that glistened like mica.

        The inventor looked at the grinning pony, took the crinkly paper, and bit a piece. He chewed thoughtfully while Holly nearly pronked with excitement. "Rather good actually."

        "YES!" Holly Hock shouted as she leapt in the air, "It's all perfect!" Holly raced back towards the palace.

        "I think you'd better go after her," the inventor told Glory, "She may hurt herself in that state."

        "Yes," Glory said, "Sorry about that."

        "Done it myself," the griffon said and waved her off, idly nibbling on the paper.

        Glory raced after the chef, the trail littered with many, very dizzy ponies. She caught sight of Holly grabbing another pony in a hug, whirling them around while giggling like a madmare, then setting them down and racing towards the palace. Already, the direct route was emptying of ponies.

        Glory never in her life expected to be happy to see Discord, but there he was, arms outstretched and ready for Holly Hock's enthusiastic hug. The pair spun around and it was Holly Hock who was wobbly when he set her down. The dizzy, in two ways, mare was still giggling like a fools and trying to pronk, despite not being very steady on her feet.

        Glory walked up to Discord. "Never in my life did I expect to ask you for clarification, but what's going on?"

        Discord and Holly Hock looked at Glory, and said in chorus, "Seaweed."

        Glory sighed. "For those of us on this planet, what does that mean?" The matching grins did nothing for her feelings of balance.
------------------------------

        "So he wrote horror stories about how all human things had no meaning in the greater universe," the Big Guy said, noting the nervous looks of the ponies, "That the universe doesn't care about morality or justice, they are conceits generated by humans. Nature doesn't care about fair, and most animals aren't the least bit concerned about the cruelty of their existence." He petted Dinky behind the ears, the reached over and did the same for Derpy. "About 50 years later, a noted astrophysicist or astronomer, I forget which, began talking about how wonderful the idea that our homeworld was a little oasis in the vast and empty universe, and people were enthusiastic about that idea. The same concept, that we were a little blue dot in a vast blanket of nearly empty. At one time it was the darkest horror, another it was a comforting revelation."

        Luna nodded. "But what do you believe?" She glanced at the other ponies, especially her daughter. "You deal with nightmares, and at first break them, then rebuild them. How?"

        "The greater universe doesn't care about us. There is nothing out there, no higher power taking an active interest in our lives. So if nothing we do matters, then what really matters is what we do. There's no Luna watching over our dreams. There is no solar goddess who will intervene against whatever monsters the world throws against us, so the only thing we can depend on is our own talents and abilities, and the talents and abilities of those around us," the Big Guy said and watched the ponies squirm. "I believe in a loving God, but God wants independent adults who don't need Him, but who want Him, and as you two know raising your foals to filles to mares, sometimes you have to let bad things happen to them as they grow up, or they'll be mares, but not independent adults."

        The Big Guy paused as they absorbed that and began nodding. "You see, humans are either governed by internal rules or external rules. If you believe that any rule coming down from on high governs you, you're an Untermensch, and under man. If you believe that only the rules you internalize or come up with yourself control you, you're an Ubermensch. The philosopher Nietzsche wanted people to transcend all the arbitrary rules and live governed by themselves. Too many people twist this into 'nothing maters, we can be cruel and nothing happens'. I believe, and live my life that, if I decide to be kind it is because I decided it. I'm just as free of external constraints, I just figure if nothing matters, then why not be kind and friendly. If you need others to help you achieve great things, you aren't going to do that by being selfishly cruel."

        "The books behind the door in the office," Selene said, "Some of those books were really disturbing."

        "Mein Kampf, Das Kapital and The Communist Manifesto, The Prince, Mao's Little Red Book, Rules for Radicals, those are all studies in Human evil. Heavy reading for a pony, especially a young one," the Big Guy said, then frowned, "Oh, we'll need to get those books out of there."

        "Why?" Derpy asked.

        "People in my world already assumed that the Prince was a 'how-to' manual rather than a cautionary tale and a satire," the Big Guy said, "I shudder to think what would happen if somepony got ideas out of those books."

        The ponies nodded, Selene wrote it down.
------------------------------

        Glory watched Holly Hock go through the process, until she handed Glory the sheet at the end. Holly Hock was again nearly pronking with excitement.

        "There were great forests of kelp off the coast," Holly Hock said, "Sombra did all this work, before he went crazy, figuring out how to harvest, process and preserve this stuff. He created a dozen flavors, so you wouldn't get bored. He figured out how to make soups, salads, even wrap cooked rice or other grains with this. It's genius!"

        Glory glanced at Discord. "The Big Guy wanted her to figure this out," Discord said and shrugged, "As far as why you never heard of it, Sombra developed this, began selling it to Equestria, and then ascended to the throne."

        "The Princesses embargoed it, since it was Sombra's idea," Glory said and frowned at that implication.

        "Don't forget, that was when Celestia and Luna were very young and inexperienced. None of us sprang fully-formed from the aether," Discord said.

        "So they had to export their other foodstuffs, and subsisted on this?" Glory asked, "How much did they have?"

        "They periodically harvest huge amounts of a similar lake weed," Holly Hock said, "But the 'growing season' is measured in decades, so you let it grow for years, then harvest a huge amount for processing."

        "It seems that Sombra has a convert to his constructive discoveries," Glory said.

        "More important," Holly Hock said, "Griffons have always been limited by their need for animal protein." She shook the papery material. "This can extend it. Like the chilli that Celestia developed from the Big Guy's recipes."

        "That was actually the Big Guy in Celestia's body, and she was in his," Discord said, stunning the two ponies, "Not by his choice."

        He grinned as the two ponies, Equestria's spies, mulled that over.
------------------------------

        The Big Guy packed the saddle bags as they got ready to head back towards the city. He shaded his eyes. "Okay, I know you're out there, but you're good enough to avoid me seeing you."

        Almost a hundred changelings dissolved their disguises and looked around nervously.

        "I'm not angry, I want to thank you," he said, "You made it appear we were alone, that's the best you can do."

        That seemed to relieve them.

        Luna snickered. "I was wondering how they kept their concerns for our security and our desire for privacy balanced."

        "Can I learn to do that?" Dinky asked.

        "It'll take a lot of practice," Derpy said, "And a lot of studying."

        "Okay!" Dinky said.

        "I thought most kids hated school," Luna said.

        "Not when you're learning cool stuff," Dinky said, causing Luna to chuckle.
------------------------------

        Pinkie watched Spike sit at the Apples' dinner table and carefully disassemble the jar. Discord was there, as well as the entire Ponyville Apple family. Jonny and Johnny were quietly discussing with Discord, while Applejack, Granny Smith and Big Mac were opposite Discord and discussing quietly. Applebloom had her hooves and chin on the table, watching Spike as intently Pinkie was, as he revealed the stone within. Maud was outside, claiming she was 'too nervous to watch'.

        Pinkie was briefly torn between going to check on Maud, and watching Spike.

        Spike himself seemed nervous at all the ponies staring at him. He broke off the sprue and tasted it. The slight crunch of the stone between his teeth was the only sound in the room.

        Until Discord turned blue and fell over.

        "It's not bad, the flavor's weak," Spike said, he winced as Pinkie gasped, "But it's okay."

        He looked around at others who had relaxed. Applebloom raced out to tell Maud.

        "So, it's ready?" Discord asked.

        Pinkie glanced at Spike, and they nodded together.

        Discord grinned and hugged Pinkie and Spike. "Thanks. I could have done it, but then I couldn't have taught anyone else to do it." He paused and considered. "I think that was the right compliment. If not satisfied please return for full replacement, offer not valid in Montana, Delaware or Liechtenstein."

        "So it's a go?" Pinkie asked, "All systems ready? Light the fires, kick the tires, first one up's the leader? We have crossed the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam?"

        Applejack was about to put a hoof in Pinkie's mouth, when Discord grabbed her foreleg. "Please, I'm rather enjoying this. Pinkie, please continue."

        "Well, I'm kinda done," Pinkie admitted, "But you haven't answered my question."

        "With this, I can go ahead with both plans. The tea party, and the insurrection," Discord said.

        "DISCORD!" Applejack said, "We don't talk about them thangs where Applebloom can hear."

        Discord looked nonplused as Applebloom and Maud Pie arrived back in the dining room. "Ah, I don't think in - that word, means what you think it means."

        Applejack threw her hat on the floor. "I meant tea party," Applejack insisted, "We don't hold to that kinda frippery when there's work ta be done."

        Discord stared at Applejack as she replaced her hat. Then he drew a glowing line in the air. "One point for the apple farmer, well played, well played."

        Applejack bowed. "Thank you kindly, but 'insurrection', I cain't be happy about that."

        "It isn't against Celestia or Equestria," Discord assured them, "Pinkie, if you will administer the oath, Uncle Discord will give you all a wonderful bedtime story."

        Pinkie led them through a Pinkie Promise.

        Once Discord explained the plan, most of the Apples were in hysterics. Maud even smiled at the idea.
------------------------------

        Tear Twirler looked at the dozen or so agents, other aspects of her. As a pony, looking at something through dozens of perspectives would have been disconcerting. Now, it all seemed natural. She didn't need to exhort them that tomorrow was the day. They all knew as well as she did. She did feel the need to say something to commemorate their ultimate victory. So did all the others, as they spoke together.

        "We will stay off the streets, until we have to attend the afternoon council. Then, our work will be done."