Opening Theme:
Kersey's Comment
PrinceDuskRiser's Comment
If you're all wondering what the buck is going on, perhaps we need to rewind back a bit...
15 MINUTES AGO
"And now... To investigate..." you mutter as you walk onto the film set under the guise of a stunt pony when.
"HEY YOU!"
"I didn't do it!" you reflexively respond.
"Of course not, we're not even shooting yet."
"Huh?" you say turning around and see... a figure in a cloak?
"You in the Hooded Offender hood," he says pointing at you, "Make your way to set 7."
"Uh... I mean, on it!" you say as you scurry away towards where he was pointing.
That was a close one, you think, Although it is ironic I'm "playing" the Hooded Offender.
Soon you find yourself on a film set that looks like a city street.
"Alright, this scene is really simple," the director says as he approaches, "You're walking down the street all casual-like about to buy a new trampoline from that vendor when you notice a carriage of suspicious-looking ponies passing by in a carriage and decide to covertly follow them." he says pointing to a carriage where you see an earth pony carrying a beehive, another Earth Pony trying to make his wallet stay in his vest pocket as he carries a tabloid magazine, a unicorn with a cup of coffee, and another unicorn with a crossbow all entering the carriage.
"Wait, if I'm supposed to be the Hooded Offender, why would I just be walking the street in full gar-"
"ALRIGHT, PLACES EVERYPONY!" the figure barks ignoring the plot hole you brought up as you shrug and go to your place across the street.
"LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!"
On cue, you start walking across the street, but can't help but muse,
Okay, I'm an incognito stuntman so I better keep my eyes peeled for anything I can use to identify the Horde members he-
Bugze! Look out!
You look up and see the carriage rolling straight at you!
"Buck!" you yell as you try to dive out of the way, but trip on your cloak, bounce off the trampoline salespony extra, and get launched into the carriage and accidentally knock the Earth Pony out of the carriage causing him to be dragged along by the seat-belt looped around his hoof.
"Buck, Sorry!" you try to apologize, but accidentally flail a hoof and hit one of the unicorns in the face.
"Ow! Nopony said this was supposed to be a fight scene!"
"Just ad lib with it!" the other unicorn says as he punches you in the face and the others join in.
"Wait-*sok*ow! This was-*pow*ouch! I said-*wham*ow! *snap* BUCK IT! Cockshot!" you declare punching the Earth Pony in the nards, knocking the beehive out of his hooves causing bees to be released inside the carriage.
"Eh, don't worry." the Earth Pony nonchalantly says, "These are specially trained stunt-bee-Ow ow ow! Wrong bees! Wrong bees!"
Soon all 4 of you (minus the Earth Pony being dragged and screaming the whole way) start flailing around the carriage due to the bees. You quickly get your Power Glove on in an attempt to control the bees when the commotion eventually tips over the carriage causing it to catch fire and start rolling on it's side at high speeds.
"STOP THIS CRAZY THING!" the seat-belt Earth Pony yells.
"Camerapony 3! Get in closer!" the director orders.
"This is as close as I can safely g-WAH!!" the pegasus camerapony manages to reply before you suddenly reach out with the Power Glove and grab him by the back of his vest in a desperate attempt to stop this crazy ride.
Now we return to the moment we were previously at. As the world is seemingly frozen in this moment, only one thought goes through your mind;
Buck you lady luck...
Soon time returns to it's normal pace and the carriage continues it's fiery cannon rollover, roughly dumping out its occupants into the asphalt and sending the unicorn dangling by the seatbelt flying and smashing into a billboard for Catcher Mitt repairs before the carriage itself crashes into a cabbage cart and explodes.
"MY CABBAGES!!!"
As you groggily get off the ground you see several ponies behind you on the ground groaning in pain and the shocked expressions of the studio hooves and you chuckle nervously as you say,
"Ehehehhe....Did I do that?"
That seems to snap the director (who you notice is wearing a similar concealing cloak) out of his trance as he starts clapping (which you note oddly enough sounds like drumstick at the start of a concert) and says,
"Brilliant, wonderful, awesome! Cut! Check the gate!"
The rest of the crew, as well as the guy standing next to the director, also wearing a cloak, just stare in awe and horror at what happened. You just chuckle embarrassingly and begin to leave to search the studio when the director says,
"Gah! We left the lens cap on! *sigh* Oh well, guess we just have to do the scene all over again! PLACES EVERYPONY, AND I WANT EVERYTHING TO GO EXACTLY AS IT JUST DID. PLACES PONIES, PLACES!"
You pale as you think,
Oh buck me...
MANY PAINFUL TAKES LATER
We now see you walking through one of the studio's connecting hallway's between sets ...limping and wincing whenever you put too much pressure on your back hooves. As you subtly look around this new set, you can't help but think angrily,
These directors are bucking NUTS! Not only do they have a obsession with explosives that borders Beigh's, but now I'm prematurely injured! If I have to fight these guys before Aqua can get here then...
Don't worry, if worse comes to worse we retreat and deal with these supposed Knights at a later date.
You nod your head at this as you think,
I know, but it's gonna bug me if we let them go. I wish we could just find some evidence proving they're knights already! I mean how hard is it to find a directors offi-oh look movie star rooms!
You gain an excited smile as you see some movie star makeup rooms in front of you. Forgetting what you were just complaining about you rush (limped quickly) towards the first room and peak inside to see...
TartarusFire's Comment
"Hey! Occupied!" shouts the persistent Orange Pegasus.
Oh you've got to be kidding me...
"Flash? What're you doing here?! I told you to watch a comedy!"
"Wait, CV is that you?"
"Yeah of course it's me don't you...oh right, the costume..." you bumble.
"Wow, it really does look authentic...but yeah, I'm surprised you're part of the movie."
"I'm only in it for a quick few bucks? What about you? What are you doing here?"
"I'm reading my lines for the upcoming scene," he says holding up a page of script.
"What? Since when are you in this production?"
"Well...It really was the only way to get into the studio...but it's also genius, it's like I'm born for this role.'"
You facehoof at this and ask, "What's the next scene?"
"Well, the Hooded Offender is going to come around this corner and while he has his back turned, I will jump out from under a tarp and subdue him....Ha! Like it would ever be that easy."
"So, what exactly is you're character?"
"Oh, I'm playing an undercover guard."
"...Really?"
"I know right? What are the odds?"
Your simpleton bro knows not the implications. I'd say his cover is blown.
"Flash, I really think that you should-"
"They're ready for you sir," says a stage hoof from the open doorway.
"Alright, wish me luck CV, I'll catch up with you later," he says as he walks out.
You facehoof and you mutter, "He is really going to regret taking this case. I'm sure the director will have him get hurt multiple times as well.
"Oh, and we do need the extras pretty quickly, so no dawdling for you either sir," says the stage hoof as they walk off.
Before you can think of anything else, you hear Nightshade say something...from inside your head.
Kichi's Comment
Hey Daddy, just wanted to update you, Mr. Sentry walked into the studio with some movie ponies.
Kind of already figured that out...and What? Nightshade, how are you talking to me in my head? I thought you were with Aqua?
I still am. I'm kinda of asleep at the moment.
What? You're supposed to be on watch...Did you know she was here? you ask Selena.
She literally just showed up before I could say anything, Selena informs.
Well I wasn't just gonna sneak in. But anyway, I just wanted to tell you that and thought that I could visit Uncle Sombrero.
Sombra! Comes the faraway voice of the dictator.
Whatever, Nightshade sighs.
Getting back on track, why are you asleep?
Well we were standing next to a theater showing an early showing of some movie about a talking cat...but it kind of sucked so I passed out.
Great...you guys are supposed to be on watch you know?
We were taking a break. We saw Mr. Sentry then went inside because it's "Safer."
Is that all?
Well, me and Ms. Aqua talked a bit I guess.
About what?
You hear Nightshade chuckle nervously before she begins to say,
Well...
TIME FOR A FLASHBACK
PonySpartan's Comment
"Buck this is so bucking stupid!"
"Wow kid, you got a filthy mouth. Not that I'm mad or anything."
Nightshade nods happily, almost like she was proud of it... which she was.
"But won't your dad get mad or something?" Aqua asks.
Nightshade shook her head. "No. He's the one who taught me these cool, bad-flank words!" She said with a smirk.
"Oh."
Nightshade giggled and she said, "You had a MUCH better reaction than my teacher."
"Oh really? I could see that, she and I are probably nothing alike."
Nightshade nods her head before she begins to retell the tale of how her teacher reacted to her swearing...
SURPRISE! IT'S A FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK! FLASHBACKCEPTION
Nightshade had just spread her bad mouth around the classroom when Cheerilee walked in. The whole class shut their mouths and paid attention to her math lesson.
An hour later you were walking your daughter out of school, both of you laughing as your eyes were dripping tears of pride.
END OF THE FLASHBACK WITHIN THE FLASHBACK
"...Damn kid," Aqua said impressed.
Nightshade shrugs at this, "It wasn't that big of a surprise, she hates Daddy so I go out of my way to annoy her." .
END OF THE ORIGNAL FLASHBACK
Wait a second... How did we see that second flashback if we were already seeing the first flashback?
I don't know, Pinkie Pie, 4 Walls Breaking or something...though that was like 16 walls...she muses.
I-Who-What?
*sigh* Nightshade, as interesting as this is, we need you to wake up and scope out the area still. Your father can't handle any more distractions.
Well alright then...be careful Daddy, she says before her voice fades out.
Ugh, thanks for that Selly. I do have to focus more. All I have to do is find that office and-
"Alright, breaks over sir! Time for the next scene!" says the Stage Hoof who grabs your arm.
"Wait wha-HEY!!!"
The pony then proceeds to drag you across the area to a new set. You finally snap out of it when you hear the pony say,
BrownDog's Comment
“Alright, cultist blows himself up with dynamite, take 53!"
“Wait, Wha-?” suddenly you are pushed down a ramp on a set in a wagon full of lit fireworks. You hit a ramp, screaming in the air as you do so until the cart hits it’s peak and blows up.
You are sent flying to the ground, right in front of a camera, your body smoking.
“Owwwwww….” You groan.
“PERFECT!!! now that’s how you do a practical effect people! Alright, on to the next scene,” Says the hooded figure from before with a director’s cone…and you can’t help but notice there is a strange scent about him. Something really unpleasant.
“Wait, I…WHOA!” you yelp as you are picked up and dragged to a new set. Along the way, you see a battered and bruised Flash Sentry on a cot.
"Flash, you OK?"
"Yeah...I nailed it!" he says with a goofy smile. "Are you proud now granddad?" he says loopily before passing out.
"Oh great, now whaaaaaaaaaa...." your voice is taken away as you are placed on the new set in front of a big practical looking puppet monstrosity. You briefly flash back to the other world, but it is immediately suppressed, because the big set piece looks like Nightmare You…only more Applewoodesque (Bigger and Bloodier)
“How…how the heck did they get this design?” you shudder.
“Alright, in this scene, the Horde members are viciously beaten by the Nightmare, so when this robot hits you, sell that you’ve really been hurt,” says the Director.
“How can we sell it any harder? That thing is literally beating the snot out of us, and I’m actually using Literally correctly,” says another cloaked stunt double.
You see the director in the darkened cloak stiffen, before he points at the actor who spoke up and says, “ACTION!!!”
The actor that spoke up is immediately hit by one of the tails and sent flying up into the rafters.”
All the actors begin to panic, you included as the machine starts hitting you all left and right with it’s tails …although this animatronic makes them look like tentacles with scary glowing eyes and sharp teeth.
“THIS GUY’S A FREAKING PSYCHOPATH!!!” you scream as you and 3 other actors are slammed into a fake store front.
“Somepony help us!” another actor screams.
“Make it stop! Oh just make it stop!”
“CUT!” great ad lib there guys, loving the looks of desperation and despair…unfortunately boom was in the shot, so we’re gonna have to do it again.”
“AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!” you scream with all the actors.
SEVERAL BRUTAL TAKES LATER
You stumble around, your head a little loopy, but still relatively in one piece. 3 Years of almost constant fighting and beatings has toughened you up more than the run of the mill background actor. However your back hooves feels even more in pain due to multiple, multiple, multiple heavy things being dropped on them. If you weren't who you were you're pretty sure it would have fallen off by now. So you, and about 15 other hooded actors that are still standing are rounded up and taken to the next scene.
“This guy is nuts! Why are we even still here?” whimpers one of the actors.
“Because we’re getting paid?” chimes another.
“Oh yeah…”
“Ahem, hey, do you guys happen to know who the director even is?” you ask.
“Well yeah, he’s the guy in the cloak,” the actor says.
“No, I mean, what’s his name? And why does he always wear that cloak?”
“I don’t know, he’s crediting himself as Alan Smithee, but every director that doesn’t want his name out there uses that. I’m guessing he’s doing that, and hiding himself so he doesn’t get sued for all these injuries we keep getting.”
“That’s probably why the producer hides in a cloak as well. He’s a big dude from what I’ve seen,” chimes in another actor.
“Hmmm, that could be the case…or they’ve got something to hide…” you mutter under your breath.
But how are they even making this movie? How would they even know about what happened in the otherworld? Could…could they be seeing flashes too?
Before you can reflect more on this, you are tossed into another scene.
“Alright, this is a dialogue scene, so just run around in the background like it’s the end of the world. And…Cue the time traveler and assistant…ACTION!”
“Wait, wha…” you say, fully expecting to see Doctor and Derpy but instead you see…An older stallion with frizzy white hair, and a younger stallion in a red vest wander out.
“Great Scott! We’ve got to repair the flux capacitor and get back to our own time!”
“But Doc! What about the Offender? We can’t just let him get away with this!”
“There’s nothing we can do! Unless…Wait a minute! Perhaps with the capacitor itself, we can dampen his powers so that the Princesses may get a chance!”
“That’s the Doc I know! Hurry!” yells the younger stallion as they run off.
Okay…maybe they don’t know the whole story…only pieces of it, because that sure as heck wasn’t how it went…
“CUT! How’d it look?”
“It was alright, but one of the extras was just standing still,” the camera pony says pointing to you.
“Ugh, take it from the top, and YOU! Put some effort into it, what are we paying you people for?!”
You gulp and nod, as they do the scene again.
LATER
After a Grueling couple of hours getting beat up, set on fire, and abused, Lunch is called, and everyone takes a break. You take this opportunity to finally sneak away.
You FINALLY find the Director’s office, and you sneak in and search for clues.
Really it’s pretty messy, and smelly. You can’t help but feel that you’ve smelt it before. Also, there are wood pieces sprinkled here and there, along with what looks like claw marks on the couch. There's also a grill in here, to your utter confusion.
“Hmmm…curious,” you say as you wander to the desk.
Looking through, all you really see is a bunch of documents for the film and stuff, including some budget reports…from a Bank from the Crystal Empire for someone with the initials TR.
“Huh…”
Your search soon brings you to the nearby trash bin, because of course important documents are thrown into the trash for all to see. But it appears searching through someling's trash like a hobo pays off as you find...
Kersey's Comment
Some crumbled messages indicating a mail exchange/conversation.
The first one is a screenplay written by... Kersey. The name immediately jumps out to you. It's one of the ones on the list. You skim over the document for potential clues, You don't find any, but the screenplay is solid, well-paced, and grounded enough in its internal logic to make it Honest Advert-proof (a satirical newspaper column written in the style of a movie advert that points out flaws in the movie, basically it's the Equestrian print version of Honest Trailers).
Next you find a reply with several tears and holes in it reading,
Dear Kersey,
Sorry, but we already have a screenplay. Besides it's a propaganda piece about the Hooded Offender, not Shakespony so you're overthinking it.
Solarkness
"BOOM! Name Drop!" you say happily seeing your target's name.
You then find a torn-in-half response from Kersey that says... well it's smudged in hayburger sauce stains, spit, and loaded with swear words (some of which you've never even heard of and others so extreme that you would even ground Nightshade if you heard her say them...probably), but it's basically Kersey cursing and whining that the group has gone absolutely Family Pony-style random with no structure or goal and is full of dumbflanks doing whatever the hay they want and cursing Solarkness for not using his screenplay punctuated with threats to completely cut off Solarkness's funding.
Dang, and I thought I had anger issues. But this new info could be useful... you think.
You stuff the papers into the Inventory for safe keeping, just in case you need to have actual evidence for why you needed to beat two directors into a pulp.
Evidence against Solarkness added to Inventory
Now I just need proof that Rutherford is here and I'll be set.
Nodding your head at this thought you begin to look through a nearby filing cabinet. Inside you coincidentally find...
PrinceDuskRiser's Comment
A suspicious looking document signed by the Rutherford stating how the role of "Stunt Double" is actually for idiots and possible guards or bounty hunters who suspect that the film is being produce by the Crimson Knights (but don't actually know, but come on who would actually make an Offender movie.), which is why there's no official paperwork and why the doubles keep needing to be replace.
You eyes widen at this information as you think,
That's why the stunts are so bucking dangerous! It all makes sense now! Show the potential threats how dangerous this place is and they'll give up on trying to get the bounty. Or they'll leave on a stretcher, either or really. Too bad these guys didn't plan on someone as determined as me to show up!
I think what you meant to say was smelling so desperate, with a high pain tolerance, and pure idiocy to try and catch them.
Your eye twitch's in annoyance and your about to retaliate, but you stop when you hear someling start jiggling the doorknob. Your eyes widen in panic and you do the first thing you can think of.
You stuff the evidence against Rutherford into the Inventory before diving into a nearby closet. You shut the door just in time as the door to the office opens and you hear two voices say,
"Gah I hate that door. Always getting stuck on something."
"You know that's only a excuse you made up, right?"
"Oh shut it scaly!"
The voices end there and you hear ponies moving around the other side of the closet door. Cracking it open slightly, you see two hooded figures in the room. One of them is sitting down at the desk while the other...is cooking ribs on the grill? You start to wonder how a pony could even stomach that when the two start talking again...
The Rutherford's Comment
Solarkness's Comment
"I'm really glad that this room has a grill and high quality ventilation in here. I hate the look ponies give me whenever I grill ribs or cook burgers. *Looks at the Ribs* Hmm, needs some more Bar-B-Que sauce. Anyway how is the new changeling Offender stunt actor doing?"
Your eyes widen at the tall ones words as you begin to panic,
BUCK! How the bucking buck did they figure me out so quickly! I know I suck at disguises but come on this one was full proof! Heck I fooled all of Equestria wearing the Nobody Cloak, which looks just like this one, for nearly a year! What gives!?!?
The short one at the desk stops writing on a document (using his mouth for some reason) and raises an eyebrow at that (at least you think he is, hood and all that), before replying impressed,
"He's a changeling? Huh, good to know. How did you figure that out, what with us being unable to see him through that mass of clothes, and not having talked to him, meaning that his voice could not have been it either..."
The tall one turns back from the grill and says,
"He was wandering around earlier when I went to the head, and I got a whiff of changeling coming from him, no mistaking it."
You gain a confused look as you think,
He...smelled me? I know I haven't showered in a while but I don't think it's that bad. And changelings have a specific smell? Since when?
I have a bad feeling about this.
The small one mulls over that, before slumping down,
"Damn. I love my perfect smell, but sometimes... It's a burden. I would never figure someone's species out through their smell. Oh, and what do you mean, 'the head'? I thought we are the heads of this operation."
Okay what the buck is going on!?
The tall one slumps his shoulders before saying,
"*Sigh* The bathroom. My family lives next to the sea outside of Equestria and we use nautical terms for things. Head is one of those terms. I thought I already explained it to you before...Or was that Kichi?"
Your eyes widen at this information as you think,
That nails it! These two have to be Solarkness and Rutherford!
The short one nods, and responds,
"Ah. Yeah, I think it was Kichi...Is that how you know the scent?"
"Well yeah, though he really is the only Changeling I've smelled..."
"That sounds weird out loud...Anyways, that changeling could be used for more important action scenes if what you said is true. I mean, he's gone through all the other stunts and is still going," the shorter figure muses.
"He must really want to be an actor, and he's not bad at improvising lines either."
"Well, changelings are rare to come by, too bad we couldn't use the Brown Dog's and Snap Drake's new recruit. Kichi took him down with him. But yeah, some of the coming action scenes are the ones where the clothing might be torn, what with the blades and fire and whatnot. In that case, seeing a changeling would make more sense in the movie, since the Offender is a changeling."
"Perhaps. It would save on make up. Let's keep watching him to see how he does before we talk to him."
There's a moment of silence before the tall one says,
"Hey mind if I take my cloak off? It's getting kinda stuffy in here," he says pointing to the still cooking ribs.
"Yeah sure. Now that you mention it, it is kinda stuffy in here. I guess I'll take mine off too."
With that said they both take their cloaks off and you see...
PrinceDuskRiser's Comment
No bucking way! You've gotta be kidding me!
I-is that a dragon AND A TIMBERWOLF?
And suddenly I have lost all faith in pony kind.
Sadly You Can't help but agree, for there before you is...
A dragon like creature that has a Sea Green color for skin with Cerulean (a blue) for his wing membranes and the fines for the spine going down his back. He has sharp silver eyes. He has a fin-shaped tail and looks to be about the same height as Garble, if slightly smaller. It looks like his wings are attached to his arms as well.
The smaller cloaked leader is what you would normally assume is a run of the mill timberwolf...except that it's TALKING!!!
Can they all talk? Cuz now I feel bad about burning and smashing them...
They were in the woods, they are fine. This one...this one is an anomaly...
"You know something Solar, I smell something."
"Yeah I know, delicious delicious venison ribs and..."
"No, *sniff* something else..." he says as he starts looking around the room.
You suddenly get a feeling of dread as Solarkness says,
"What?"
The dragon, you assume he's Rutherford, keeps looking around
"I smell..."
He then looks directly at the closet door. At you...
"Changeling!"
And with that you can only think of one thing...
Oh Buck Oh Buck Oh BUCK! BUCK YOU LADY LUCK!!!
What Do You Do?
Outro:
