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// 16 
// Story: You in Equestria: Let's Save a Kingdom 
// by RatherHomely 
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	You grab the nearest soap box you can find and stand on it. 
"Applejack, let me tell you a little something about friendship. When I was but a wee lad and/or lass growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, I..." You start to drone on and on about friendship and its wonders. You begin first with the history of your life, making sure to leave out no detail concerning the friends you've made and lost. You then begin an in-depth discussion about the origins of friendship, such as the Latin meaning behind it and how the ancient cavemen developed camaraderie in order to overcome the harsh elements of olden days, like attacks by dinosaurs (that part may or may not have been accurate). Next comes an analysis on why sentient creatures strive for friendship, and the drive motivating them to engage in social activities. This further ties into the sexual drive of animals and how social groups are subconscious efforts to procreate, lending to the Freudian perspective that all actions are subconsciously influenced by a sex drive. 
"... And that's why friendship is really a subconscious attempt to have sex and increase the size of your species' population." you conclude.
Applejack is holding her head in her hooves. You think she may be crying.
"It's okay," you say in a comforting voice. "I know you may be sad that you missed a part of my speech. but I can always repeat it."
"NO!" Applejack leaps to her feet, looking as though she's about to flee for her life. "That was horrible!"
"That... You're lying, right? You always lie..." You feel tears starting to well up in your eyes.
"I... I..." Color starts to spread across Applejack's mane, orange now replacing the grey coat. Finally, she screams, "I can't do it! I can't lie! That was one of the worst speeches I've ever heard! Celestia almighty, I need to scrub my ears!"
Well, your speech worked. Not exactly as intended, but it worked nonetheless. Now that she's back to normal, you can move on to the next pony.

> Oh, and wipe those tears out of your eyes! Take criticism like a man (including if you're a woman)!