//------------------------------// // Revenge Time is Over; What's Next? // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you. A/N: Sometimes, I just don't want to do things the easy way. Let's defy some odds, darn it! Spoiler alert for Season 6 of MLP: FiM along with Mortal Kombat X. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and NetherRealm Studios. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 5 Without the rage of vengeance guiding them, how are powerhouses supposed to fill their free time? There is no shortage of characters that trek the path toward getting revenge. Once you leave that path, what's left to do? Find someone else to fight! Duh. Starlight Glimmer, ex-mayor of an isolated village and current student of Twilight Sparkle. And Hanzo Hasashi, ex-demon of Hell and current leader of a rebuilding ninja clan. He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Starlight Glimmer -The unicorn formerly known as Mayor of "Our Town" -Has enough raw magical talent to rival Princess Twilight Sparkle -Levitation, teleportation, beams, force fields, pseudo-flight, cloud-walking (implied), cutie mark removal, forced speech spell -Is a bit impulsive and controlling -Has a plethora of facial expressions -Well-versed in sarcasm and mockery -Current pupil of Twilight Sparkle In the giant eyesore of a castle smack dab in Ponyville, you'll find three residents: the OP, MC, PP Twilight Twinkle- "Sparkle." ... a dragon who doubles as a child laborer, and the one student of friendship Starlight Glimmer. But before she became the newest edition to the series' main cast, she was once an ordinary filly. She spent most of her time hanging out with another young unicorn called Sunburst. Together with his understanding and growing knowledge and her raw potential for practical application, they pretty much had the bases covered when it came to magic. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. No, wait, wrong script. I meant a Jenga tower of books nearly crushed Starlight. Fortunately, Sunburst saw the danger just in time to do something about it. Determined to save his friend, he poured all of his magic into the effort of preventing that tower from falling. This resulted in a temporary self-levitation as well as re-shelving all of the books in the correct order no less. Upon completing this task, he earned his cutie mark as well as his parents' approval to send him to study magic at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. But, not everyone was happy that the little guy got a new tattoo on his hips. See, children are kind of impressionable and have this tendency to exaggerate implications in the confines of their own mind. In Starlight's case, she assumed that cutie marks were the cause of separating friends. She swore she would create a place where she could wipe all the butt marks clean and replace them with math. Huh. You know, when I say it out loud, it kind of sounds stupid. Starlight Glimmer made her way to the edge of Equestria and founded a village. She developed a spell that could replace the cutie mark of every new arrival with an equal sign that forcibly inhibits that pony's inner talent... as well as any unique accents. D**n it! That is not how Southern idioms work! Then our heroes were told by a magical map to go to the place, free everyone's beauty stamps, and practically run her out of her own town. Enraged that her idea of 'harmony' had been destroyed, Starlight swore revenge and kept hidden surveillance on Twilight for the next several weeks. Eventually, she found her window of opportunity in the form of a time spell and a presentation about Rainbow Dash's first Sonic Rainboom: the connection between the six bearers of Harmony. Armed with this knowledge, she went into Twilight's castle, found the map, and- She sat her *ay* on Fluttershy's throne for *gee* knows how long. Seriously, what kind of idiot waits around for their arch-nemesis to show up before trying to put their plan into action? Oh, right. Every villain in fictional media ever! By altering the past just slightly, Starlight was able to prevent the Rainboom from happening and connecting Twilight and her friends in the first place. Every time Twilight came back to try and remedy it, the future... er, present... would be completely different and she wouldn't have her friends as she knew they were meant to be. And it wasn't for lack of trying. While Starlight's bridge-smashing and beam spells couldn't hold a candle to Twilight's shield spells when they had first met, the sociopath had been jump-starting her magical studies and practice to the point of being able to do a bunch of different stuff. Floating herself via levitation, freezing her opponents in crystal blocks, force fields that can block an alicorn's magic, and beams that can cut through magical cloud rings -- the type that can somehow withstand a solid pegasus pony running into them. It took a peek at her past and a begging speech from Twilight Sparkle to finally convince Starlight to stop and try to give friendship another chance. Despite being brought back to the way of the Jedi, I mean good, Starlight still didn't quite get rid of her bad habits of being a control freak. This included magically transmogrifying appliances into other things, teleporting, and a spell that can force another throat into talking non-stop with a vocabulary that baffles even the speaker. Still, even if she doesn't like Christmas in May like the rest of the ponies, at least she got a nice haircut out of the Season's transition. Speaking of hair, I got a pattern shaped like something really cool under my hat... No, no, no, no, no! Never again! Leave that hat on! ... *Ahem* She started out relatively strong as a new force of good. Together with the alicorn princesses, they had enough magic to hold a shattered Crystal Heart together long enough for it to be restored and save the Empire from an impending freeze. At the same time, Starlight rekindled her friendship with Sunburst. Yeah! Now they both have hip tattoos! Conforming wins except when you're the one trying to force it. She was also able to become new friends with a slowly reforming Trixie, something even Twilight has yet to accomplish. If Starlight is like a Jedi now, does that mean she's good with Forced persuasion? "That seems a little extreme." "Says the pony who took away everypony's cutie marks and replaced them with equal signs." ---Death Battle--- Hanzo Hasashi -Codename: Scorpion -Formerly a demon that served under Quan Chi -Restored to human life by Raiden counteracting Quan Chi's sorcery -Current leader of a rebuilding Shirai Ryu clan -Ninjutsu, Hopkido, and a few other martial arts maneuvers -Weapon of choice: Kunai on a chain, twin katana -Retains his fire-based powers that he had as Scorpion, including a teleport -Resistant to peaceful negotiations after a life fueled by vengeance After disobeying his father and taking up the Shirai Ryu clan colors, Hanzo Hasashi became a ninja that would support his wife and child. But it wasn't long before tragedy struck and killed the rest of his clan along with his family. Wanting revenge, he struck a deal with the Netherrealm sorcerer Quan Chi and became his demon servent: Scorpion. "Get over here!" Eventually, Scorpion found the supposed killer Bi Han or Sub-Zero. Things didn't go too well for the blue palette swap upon his death in the pits of Hell. But later, Scorpion found out that it was actually Quan Chi who killed his family. He... took it pretty well. Quan Chi's head is separated from his body and rolls along the ground. But then a bunch of crap went down. The world was headed for Armageddon. Shao Kahn nearly destroyed everything left on the world. In a last ditch effort, the old thunder god Raiden decided to send a message back to his past self to try and fix everything. If Back to The Future and The Flash have taught us anything, it's that time travel never goes exactly the way we intend it. In the case of the rebooted Mortal Kombat tournament, several people ended up dead as Revenants: souls that are trapped in undead bodies and sworn to Quan Chi and Shinnok forever. Fast forward by about twenty years. Johnny Cage came near death at Quan Chi's hand and Sonya countered with the only appropriate response: stuck her high heels right into the sorcerer's balls. And while Quan Chi was, um... distracted... Raiden reversed Quan Chi's Revenant curse and not only saved Johnny's life, but also restored life to all of the Revenant people that were in the immediate vicinity at the time. These were the younger brother Sub-Zero, former marine Jackson Briggs, and Hanzo Hasashi. With another chance at living a human life, Hanzo became friends with the blind swordsman Kenshi. They decided the former demon would be a perfect secret ninja trainer to Kenshi's son. Hanzo trained the kid pretty well, considering it only took a few years for Takeda to reach Chunin level. And unlike his original timeline where he merely swore to protect the younger Sub-Zero, this timeline's Scorpion made a peace agreement with Sub-Zero and the Lin Kuei, both swearing to return their respective clans to honor. Though, it wasn't without a few death threats from Hanzo beforehand. Aww... so he's not a ninja from Hell anymore? That's really underwhelming. Maybe, maybe not. Returning to life may have actually given Scorpion quite a few perks. While no longer drawing strength from the Netherrealm, he can still utilize fire and teleportation in combat. No longer blinded by rage, he can fight with more precision strikes which nicely complement his ninjutsu and mastery of martial arts. Plus, that allows his kunai to pierce more thoroughly and his sword to swing cleanly through his enemy's neck with ease. I guess you're right. Besides, he managed to convince a growing number of people to wear his yellow clothing. So- What the *eff*?! The screen shows Hanzo performing his "Toasty" Fatality, pulling off his face and breathing fire from his skull. But he... how did that... huh? Well, DLC can't account for everything. "You are Scorpion no longer?" "Yet I maintain his skill." ---Death Battle--- Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. It's time for a Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- It looks like a beautiful day in Ponyville. Birds are singing. The sun is shining. It's the perfect weather for a picnic. There's... just one problem... and it's in the form of a pinkish-gray computer getting tossed out of a castle window and into a dumpster. The dumpster is then briefly covered in an aquamarine aura before the whole thing bursts into flames. The front door of the castle opens. An irritated unicorn with a long, front mane-hair stomps her hooves along the ground. Her horn glows and slams the door behind her. She lets out an exhausted sigh. "I can't believe I let Muffins talk me into doing a Merciless Restart," she mutters. " 'Easier than Paragon'? What the hay was she smoking and which druggie's cutie mark do I have to remove to cut off her supply?" She shakes her head. "No, I'm not going to actually do that. I just need to talk her down a bit. I'm allowed to vent a little when I'm upset, right?" She bumps into a yellow and black figure. "Oof! Sorry, Bumblebee." "That's alright," insists the Wonderbolt Reserve before she flies out of view. The unicorn trots along and then runs into a man. Well, at least he keeps insisting that he's a man. "Weeping Angels, Miss Glimmer! Don't startle me like that." "Sorry, Doc Nine," says Miss Glimmer as she continues her path of relatively quiet, emotional sorting. To keep the rule of three satisfied, the actual person we are having her meet today is approaching from the opposite direction. He rocks a solid beard and mustache combo and wears two swords on his yellow-covered back. Training tape is wrapped around each of his upper arms. A yellow headband adorns his head while sandals cover his feet. "I seek the princess," he declares. Glimmer points a hoof behind herself. "Check the castle down the street. You can't miss it." "Much appreciated." He bows slightly before walking. Something strikes Starlight as strange about this individual. It isn't the fact that he's human. Those have been passing through her slice of alternate, universal and/or romantic randomness more and more lately. No, her attention is on the weapons in the man's possession. Specifically, a sharp object drops just out of his hand's reach, but is still attached to a chain. "Wait!" she calls out. "What's that knife for?" The man stops, turning his head slightly. "It is simply a precaution, nothing to concern yourself over." In a flash of her magic light, she appears a few feet in front of him. "Like hoof it isn't! I won't let you assassinate Twilight. You'll have to go through me first." Slightly miffed, the man lifts his hands into fists. "You are delusional." "FIGHT!" Hanzo Hasashi runs forward and jumps. He holds his leg out to kick his obstacle. Starlight Glimmer's horn glows and a field of similar light spreads out around her. It pushes his foot along with the rest of him backward. But just as he's about to hit the ground, he disappears in a flash of flames. Starlight looks confused, trying to see where the attacker went. Hanzo appears behind her and kicks her in the tail. Another blaze teleports him in front. This time, he punches her in the head. He performs this attack rush a couple more times. Then, a light blue light causes her to vanish. When his foot collides with empty air, Hanzo is surprised. This confusion is quickly replaced with a pained yelp when a magic bolt hits him in the back. He turns around, but there's nothing there. Another bolt is fired and hits him in the back. He only glances in the general direction this time. A self-levitating Starlight grins to herself. "You're not the only one who can teleport." "So I see," admits Hanzo. He holds his fists apart slightly and releases a giant fireball in the unicorn's direction. She allows herself to drop a few inches out of the way before refocusing her levitation spell. The fireball zooms past her before blowing out. But the next moment, she has a kunai snagging her chest. A chain leads all the way back to Hanzo's arm. "Get over here!" She yelps as he yanks her toward him. He clenches his hand into a fist and crouches. As soon as she gets within range, he delivers an uppercut into her face. She goes flipping backward. He launches his chained kunai again. However, she casts a teleportation spell and vanishes out of the way. Grunting, Hanzo pulls out his swords. Starlight reappears a few feet away with eyes rolling around from dizziness. She shakes her head to clear her mind. The Shira Ryu runs in close to swing his blades. The unicorn concentrates her magic into a single beam. It makes contact with the right blade, sending it flying. She then sets up a force field, causing the impact with the left blade to break the sword in half. The first sword clangs against the ground a few feet away. Hanzo spins around with his foot out, tripping the unicorn onto her side. She gets up as quickly as possible. But he repeats the motion and trips her again. She stands on her hooves a third time, and gets tripped in the exact same way. Finally, she teleports out of foot's reach. But this time, Hanzo expects the back attack. In preemptive retaliation, he releases two kunai attached to chains from his short sleeves. "Come here!" In desperation, Starlight casts some magic that seems to curl itself in the air in a twisting motion. It forces itself down Hasashi's throat, causing his breath to pause and his eyes to go wide. After all of that spell is inevitably swallowed, his mouth opens and shuts at a rapid pace. "What sorcery is this? What have you infected me with? I feel an uncontrolled urge to speak even though I don't have anything I wish to say to you... and my vocabulary is stretching its verbosity beyond what is feasibly consistent with my cultural heritage..." Try as he might, Hanzo can't shut up. He even lets go of his chains and presses his hands against his lips. But he just keeps yammering on. There's even a bit of Einstein's Theory of Relativity in the vocalized mix. While he's busy fighting his own tongue, Starlight focuses her magic on lifting up the sword a few feet away. She swings it through the chains to shatter the connection between herself and her opponent. There is an eerie darkness that falls upon this makeshift battlefield. Starlight flings the sword forward. Its blade pierces Hanzo's cranium and cuts right through to his lower jaw, finally silencing the never-ending filibuster. The ninja falls onto his back, his body convulsing slightly before ceasing to move. "FATALITY!" Starlight groans before turning around and trotting back toward the castle. She knows better than to remove the sharp objects from her body right then and there. Else, she risks bleeding out too much before finding the right treatment. "I sure hope I can find the med-kit room." "K.O.!" ---Death Battle--- What? Scorpion! Nooooooo! This was a surprisingly close match. While he has fought his fair share of sorcerers and even gods as Scorpion, Hanzo Hasashi is not quite prepared to face magic users in the Equestrian universe. But the ninja skills! The teleporting! Everything! Technically, Hanzo has more formal combat training and experience, yes. But his superhuman abilities aren't that much compared to what Starlight is capable of. She had spells and the tricky improvisation to avoid and deflect some of Hanzo's deadliest techniques. Plus, her style of combat isn't as predictable as someone that charges straight into battle. I mean I guess... Scorpion seems to follow similar conduct to the likes of Ryu Hayabusa and Strider Hiryu when it comes to combat. Go in all flashy with swords swinging and fists coming head on; use very little of the stealth training. The forced speech spell in particular would be something that Hanzo had no way of knowing about or feasibly countering. Even if Starlight hadn't used his sword against him, all of that non-stop talking would have eventually led any man to fall unconscious due to a shortage of breathable air. Plus, she has those transmogrifying spells that could have transformed the sharper weapons into much safer objects like giant cakes and harmless crystals, and she can defend herself against magic users that are way stronger than her like Twilight. Coming back to life may have been a blessing for Hanzo, but it wouldn't save him from death against the unusual arsenal that Starlight wields. *Sigh* He shouldn't have gotten into so much skullduggery. The winner is Starlight Glimmer. ---Death Battle--- Moments later... "Starlight! What happened to you?" asks the Princess of Friendship. "Where did those knives come from?" After patching herself up, Starlight rips off the end of the bandaging roll with her teeth. "There was a human coming here who was going to try and kill you." "Uh... did this human happen to be wearing yellow and black in the style of an Eastern stealth warrior?" "Yeah... wait. How did you know that?" Twilight holds a hoof to her own chest, then exhales to calm down. "Starlight, I told you there was an ambassador coming from Earthrealm earlier today. You were locked in your room all morning, so I knocked. I wanted to let you know ahead of time so you wouldn't be unnerved by his arrival in any way... such as accidentally killing him." The memory of Starlight returns to where she was so immersed in her video game that she thought the knock on the door was a figment of her imagination. "Oh... um... oops?" Twilight gives her a disappointed stare. "Alright, alright! I'll go have a word with that world's Elder Gods or someone who can bring him back. Sheesh." Starlight teleports out of the scene. ---