//------------------------------// // Chapter Sixty-Two: Breaking Friendship // Story: A Journey Beyond Sanity // by Darkwing Dust //------------------------------// The mares were distancing themselves from me. Which was fine, really, though God knows what I did to warrant that behaviour. What, for yelling at Rainbow Dash at the Academy incident? She deserved the lecture. Hell, they should be grateful that was all I gave her for almost killing our friends. But whatever, I guess. If those childish ponies want to play this game, by all means. I'm been winning from the very beginning anyway. Resting atop the hill, a heavy frown had stuck to my features all morning to now. The last few days - no, weeks - have been far from pleasant; the headaches have returned, occasionally appearing here and there, the nightmares grow worse than ever, and my friendship with the others was spiraling downhill. Again, not my fault. ...Wasn't it? A weary sigh escaped my slow breathing muzzle. I'm not even sure anymore. Everyday feels like I'm being pressured now, like something daunting was resting on my ponified shoulders. Responsibility unworthy to be carried by me. I just want to go home. Is that so much to ask for-? "Hey Stardust!" Tch. Well, apart from the mares, there was one who hadn't begun avoiding me as of yet. "Spike." I acknowledged without turning to glance at the panting dragon. "Knew I'd find you here." Good for you. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, 'cause we haven't done anything since that camping, and that didn't turn our so well so I thought we can try and fix that and... Are you alright...?" Am I? My hoof immediately clutched my temple. "Not in the mood, Spike..." "Oh..." Yet the dragon annoyingly persisted, prompting my eye twitch, "I just thought you might wanna hang out, because you've been rather distant lately and we're all worried that-" Ah. Of course. "So you're here because Twilight suggested the idea then, is that it?" "What? No!" Spike quickly denied the accusation, "This was my idea! I just thought it might cheer you up because-" My derisive snort cut him off, "Regardless, I'm not interested. I have more important things to do than bake a Goddamn cake." Why couldn't Spike understand? I just wanted some peace and quiet. And yet, in a world full of energetic irritating multicoloured sentient ponies, that can never be the case, can't it? "Oh... Are you sure-" "Yes. Leave me alone." "But I-" "[BEEP] off Spike!" Facing the dragon while commanding that, the infant lizard blinked, looking stunned at the infuriated yell... Before the corners of his eyes began producing tears, Spike frightfully stepping back down the hill. ...[BEEP], what have I done?! "Spike! Spike!" To no avail, the dragon fled, the sound of his sobbing accompanying him back to the library. Thus leaving me back here, alone and with silence, yet now I felt rather... Empty. Christ... What was wrong with me...? Shaking my tired head, I settled back down on the grass and laid my muzzle on my crossed limbs, attempting to get some more rest. I'm sure Spike will forgive me. After all, Twilight has been a heavy influence on the baby dragon. Which is more than what I can say for me... Don't ask me how. Now I'm back at the infamous Crystal Empire. Somehow, by some small margin, I was convinced by a rather scared Fluttershy to join the mares in visiting Twilight's sibling and in-law for... reasons. I'm sure they explained why we were here, but I hardly paid attention. What did it matter in the long run? Ugh... This headache was getting far more intolerable. My teeth gritted in frustration, eyes clenching at the growing pounding pain. The more we reach the throne room, the more this insufferable aching would increase in size. It didn't help that I couldn't resist glaring at the kingdom's residents upon passing them either. The cowards immediately scurried away from my gaze, to the other's worry and exasperation. "Twily!" "Shining!" As sister and brother reunited, I tore my gaze from the sentimental sight to the window beside me, far more interested in what the outside view had to offer. Though my ears picked up on the following conversation, Twilight and Cadence then immediately doing that Godforsaken little dance of theirs, prompting my eye roll. Honestly, these ponies have never heard of dignity, huh? "We're so happy you could visit! We wanted to show you how much the kingdom has flourished since last time you were here." Yeah I imagine the progression has been SO great with you two just sitting on your arses all day. "And we're happy to be here!" Twilight responded, as though she had any right to speak on my behalf- That's enough. I outwardly flinched at the growing headache, rubbing my temple in desperation. Please, for the love of God, just leave me alone already. It's as if something here in particular was inciting this pain to fester and travel all across my ponified head. Then I had the inexplicable urge to start emphasizing my frustration and anger by trashing the place and yelling at the innocent ponies before me. But why...? Glancing at the oblivious equines, I then noticed Armor regarding me strangely, inciting me to look sharply back at the window, finding myself unable to meet his gaze. Hell, I've been avoiding everyone's gazes recently. Most of the time now I just glared back; at the Mane Six, at Spike and even the passerbys of Ponyville who merely glanced at me. ...I need to be alone. Maybe this place had a library. I hadn't fully explored the place as of yet. Without alerting them to my departure, I turned around and quietly crept away from the massive throne room. They won't be mad, just ridiculously concerned as usual. But that wasn't necessary, I didn't need their help or their pity. I just needed to be alone, and to find a way home as soon as possible. Finding the library was easier than I thought. In fact, navigating the entire structure of the castle was a lot less frustrating than I originally assumed. Locating the room with ease, I set myself to read there while Twilight and the rest got on with whatever they were here for in the first place. Whatever it was, I'll have no part in it. Something about this world's equivalent of the Olympic Games, which prompted my disgust. Lovely. More sports. Time passed by, and as I was reading my fourth book, the growling sound of my stomach indicated it was time to seek out some food. Returning the books neatly where they belonged, I proceeded on my way to the castle's kitchen. Though I could just order a servant to bring me food... Yeah... That sounds rather appealing. May as well put the workers to good use. Cadence and Armor were probably too goody-two-shoes to properly have their servants do their jobs. Then I wondered... What else could I do with these ponies while I'm here? May as well have some fun, after all... Hehehehe... "You look amused." Gah! My posture shifted to startled at the unexpected presence of Shining Armor, who was regarding me curiously. What, did I have something on my face? "Sorry, just wanted to check up on you." "Well now you have." I retorted dismissively. Was I being too rude to the monarch of this castle? Perhaps. But the last thing I needed right now was another pony being overly concerned for my well-being. I'm fine, for [BEEP]'s sake. And yet, the expressive response was uncertainty, before Armor tried again, "I've heard there's been... Issues between Twilight, your friends and you." Have you now? "Is everything alright?" "Just peachy." I said sourly. "Aside from the fact they've been irritable as of late, everything's just fine." At that, the stallion's features frowned softly, "'Irritable?' That's funny, because that's how Rainbow Dash described your recent behaviour." Oh really now? Well I'll be sure to thank the blue mare for her gossiping later. "Look, if it's something you want to talk about-" "There is nothing I want to discuss." Least with you, Armor. I shook my head in annoyance, "They're the ones who are the problem, not-" ... "Stardust... Stardust, What's wrong?" And suddenly, at seeing something from the corner of my eye at the other end of the corridor, was a sight that fueled almost every negative emotion within me: Anger, disbelief, rage. Yet none of that compared to the feeling I held towards the pegasus clad in gold armour from the other end of the hallway. Hatred. Pure, unadulterated, justified hatred. The peachy-coloured pegasus, oblivious to my gaze, was conversing with one of the many guards this castle held, giving me plenty of opportunities to inflict the most torturous and harmful injuries I could bestow on this lowlife. This Jar Jar Binks of MLP. My teeth bared, hoofs clenched, body ready to charge forward and wipe that pathetic mule from the face of existence- "Stardust!" Huh? What? My vision then blurred a little, forcing me to shake my head wildly as someone roughly grabbed my ponified shoulders. My sight was pulled from the detestable stereotype towards the terrified yet stern gaze of Shining Armor, who blinked and stepped back at my heated glare. "Your eyes..." ...What? Then, without warning as I blinked, the white Prince began dragging me back, away from the curious-staring pegasus. What, did Armor sense my ill intentions? I'd be doing the universe a favour. Yes... I'd be doing good. Also, what did he mean by my eyes? My eyes were fine, I didn't feel an infection or anything, save for unbridled fury. Perhaps he was just keeping me away from one of his new guards. You're safe for now, boy... The hell did he bring me back here for? "Cadence!" Armor immediately said, attracting the attention of the pink alicorn, who was conversing with another pony about something. Twilight and the rest were absent, thank Christ. "What is it?" The mare asked, noting the urgency in her husband's voice. "It's worse than we thought." That said, he released me, finally. I had half an urge to bite his hoof off for man-coddling me like that. "Wait there." Excuse me? Who are you to order me around, Armor? I'm a God compared to you! I frowned heavily, waiting as Armor whispered something in his wife's ear for a moment, before her own eyes widened in shock and... Fear? Before she then nodded and walked towards mys till posture. "Stardust, stay still for a minute." Wha...? Yet any possible questions were interrupted as the alicorn's horn began lighting up, an azure brightness aimed in my direction. With instinct, I narrowly dodged the beam of light, inciting me to follow as it impacted harmlessly into the rug, before glaring incredulously at the frowning mare. "The [BEEP] Cadence?!" I shouted, emphasizing my disbelief at the alicorn who dared attack me. What the [BEEP] was that for? "Stardust, you must listen-" No, I'm not tolerating this bull-[BEEP]. "You think I'll just stand there and willingly accept one of your attacks?! The [BEEP] you on, pony? I should slap the [BEEP] out of you!" Gah! Let go, you [BEEP]! Now the taller stallion was holding me firmly in place, his limbs locking around my front own. Again, Cadence spoke, her horn alighting once again, "It's not an attack, Stardust, but I have to be sure." Oh what?! That this attack wouldn't hurt?! Though I wish it, I'm not invincible love! Oh Christ. Quick Stardust, instincts! "Whoa!" With my strength from balance, leaned forward and tossed the yelping stallion over my head, his back meeting the impact of the blue beam, releasing me and hurtling the white pony away. "Wasn't an attack huh? Clearly." I muttered sarcastically, glancing at the lying groaning stallion for a moment before resuming my heated gaze on the gaping alicorn. "You're got [BEEP]s thinking you can assault me like that, Cadence. You should know I'm not afraid of hitting a female." "It wasn't going to-" "Hurt me? Then what? A spell that forces me to be infatuated with another being; since that's what you're apparently capable of doing?" ...Wait a second... "No!" Cadence quickly denied, "That's not what my power does!" But I was no longer listening, as everything began making sense. I began liking Twilight that way at the wedding, the same royal wedding of these two incompetent ponies... And I became physically closer to Cadence than back then, and was even unconscious for a whole week... Could she have...? "You [BEEP]..." She looked stunned at the noise, clearly not expecting me to have figured it out or to have called her something that was censored. It no longer mattered. My hoof pointed fiercely, justified anger and rage leaking form my tone, "So when was it, 'your Highness,' when you decided to inflict this love spell on me? Before the wedding? In the mines? When I was sleeping?" "I don't under-" "Don't you play games with me woman!" I yelled, infuriated with this sickening mare, "Thinking I can just fall for another mare because I'm in the form of a pony. Well guess what? I'm above you. I'm above your husband. I'm above even Celestia, who is as evenly matched incompetence and pathetic as you." The hurt expression was comical. "I don't-" "Understand? Well let me break down the reality for you." I stepped forward, and give her credit, Cadence refused to step back in fear. "You are just as bad if nor worse at ruling a kingdom than that awful aunt of yours. Hell, I've seen villains run a stabilized monarchy than either of you. In fact, maybe Sombra had a point. Give the guy credit, he at least kept his citizens under control and free from danger." "Sombra was a tyrannical overlord who delighted in the fear and cruelty of others!" Cadence exclaimed rather desperately, eyes pleading. "Stardust please, can't you see that-?!" "I can see perfectly, my dear." Leaning forward, my burning eyes met her stern yet horrified own. "You, and the others, are nothing to me." "That's enough!" Smirking coldly, I didn't bother glancing behind me, "You don't get a say in the matter, Shining Armor. You haven't done anything to improve Equestria either; just a loyal lapdog hopelessly in love with this witch before us." As if Cadence's jaw couldn't drop any lower. "Tell me, Cadence, did you bewitch Armor to fall for you back then, in some twisted plan to become Twilight's sister? Are you no better than Queen Syphilis?" Yet before she could retort or pointless deny the accusation, another female voice piped up. "Jack! That's enough out of you!" Oh of course... "And she comes to save the day once again!" I announced, both fury and sarcasm leaking from my loud tone as I whirled to face the infuriated mares, while Armor finally got up and glared at me as well. "Twilight Sparkle and her teenage friends, the ones always having to fix other's problems with little-to-no reward, or reason as to why they should help others to begin with!" "Because it's the right thing to do!" I scoffed, "Ethics. Applejack? Don't make me laugh. Your world has a rather twisted view on morality, since apparently you six are always the ones who have to clean up the messes left behind from the darker side of this Goddamn world." They blinked at that, prompting my eyes roll, "Let's recount, shall we? Nightmare Moon. The dragon in the mountain. Discord. The Cerberus. Queen Mephiles. And recently King Sombra." "But, we didn't handle Chrysalis..." Fluttershy pointed out meekly, ducking behind the others at my glare. "The point stands." I said through bare teeth, "You allow yourselves to become pawns in Celestia's grand schemes. Why you respect that mare after all this time, I have no idea. It just makes you look pitiful and vulnerable to manipulation, as we've seen time and time again, no?" Their glares deepened, inciting my raised tone, "Don't you dare glare at me as though I'm in the wrong here! I'm not a slave to a monarch's wishes; I am the master of my own destiny! And you're just slaves to it!" "Now you listen here!" "NO!" Rainbow, who had spoken up, was then taken back by increased tone, "I am SICK of listening and obeying you! You think you can control me?! You think I'm obligated to do as you say just because I'm trapped on your Godforsaken world?!" Rarity denied it first, "No-" "I am above you in ways you can't possibly imagine!" I growled fiercely, approaching the rather unnerved mares. Hell, even Rainbow took the lead, ready to defend her friends, inciting my harsh laughter, "How cute. The egotistical mare thinks she can take on balance itself. Don't make me laugh, you stupid ripoff of a pony." At that, Applejack and Rarity stepped forward to defend their frowning friend, who was evidently hurt by the harsh truth. "What's this, the southern stereotype and whiny nitpicker? I'm having a field day here!" Both glared, but I could see the pain flashing through their eyes. "And let's not forget the cowardly pegasus hiding behind you lot, only showing bravery at convenience when the truth is she's as cowardly as the rest of you." Fluttershy's peeking head hid deeper at that, yet even I could see the tears leaking from her soft eyes. But I was on a roll. "And who can forget our dumb-[BEEP] friend over here?" Glancing at the stunned Pinkie Pie, I continued. "Who clearly can't comprehend how utterly annoying and obnoxious she is to everyone around her. It's a miracle she hasn't died walking into traffic yet." By now, some were crying silently, while others were repressing their tears. Oh please. Even Twilight was too shocked by my words to come up with a rebuttal or argument. Good, that makes thing easier for me. "But Star- Jack..." Rarity began again, "Does our friendship mean nothing to-" "DON'T ADDRESS ME BY THAT NAME!" Her muzzle snapped shut, fearful at my contemptible gaze, "You have no right to call me that..." That said, I inclined my head. "Now, get the [BEEP] out of my way. I have a million better things to do than waste my time with some overemotional, naive, sad, pathetic, useless, talking ponies." As they reluctantly cleared a path, I made my way, refusing to meet Armor's enraged glare or Twilight's saddened yet infuriated gaze. I don't need them... I never needed them... "Jack!" Oh good grief. Yet I obliged anyway, halting directly underneath the large castle towards the townsfolk, where some turned their heads at the noise. Without looking at Twilight, I braced myself for whatever came next. "I can't believe what you just did back there. That's low, even by your standards. How could you say such mean things towards your friends?!" Glancing over at the seething mare, I simply responded, "Because I can." That seemed to cause Twilight to be taken aback, followed by a deepening leer, "How could you say those awful untrue things? After everything we've been through, does all of that mean nothing to you?!" "It's not my fault you ponies can't seem to keep yourselves out of trouble." I retorted hotly, now fully facing her. Alright, now this mare was beginning to [BEEP] me off. Hope you're happy Twilight. "You want me to apologize for the truth, is that it?" "I want you to be honest with yourself and make amends-" "No." "Yes!" Twilight replied without delay, her glare evenly matching mine, enough to melt the crystallized castle above us. "Because I know for a fact you didn't mean anything you said back there; it's not you! I am sick of this new attitude of yours; ever since the incident with Trixie you've been behaving like a whole other pony. What is wrong with you?!" "Maybe I'm just sick and tired of interacting with your kind." We approached one another, eyes centimeters away in a glaring contest. I will not back down. "Is that so hard to believe?" "Or maybe you're the problem and you're simply irrationally lashing out at others near you." Twilight pointed out smartly, "I know you yelled at Spike earlier this morning, and at first, I adamantly refused to believe it. But now? Considering what happened back there, it doesn't seem so implausible anymore; you've been nothing but a jerk to us all recently, and you refuse to tell us why!" My snort was the first response, "Perhaps it's none of your business." "Then I'll make it my business!" ...Oh? "So you can decide whether or not to stick your nose in places it doesn't belong, is that it?" "Only when it concerns my friends." Indeed? A slight smug look enveloped my features, prompting Twilight to express confusion beside her anger. "Trust Celestia's pet then to interfere with the lives of others." "I- Excuse me?" Twilight said, evidently taken aback by the accusation. But I was far from finished. Taking a step forward, I proceeded casually, "So the great Twilight Sparkle deems it necessary to involve herself through anything, simply because she's the pupil of the oh-so wise Princess Celestia." "That's not what I-" "Despite the fact she isn't perfect, or has failed to accept that friendship is NOT the be-all end-all to every solution in life." As Twilight slowly backed away, I followed at an even pace, a triumphant grin on my muzzle. I have you now. "The mare so hopelessly gullible, making friends and completing tasks simply to please her mentor, desperately hoping to learn all there is until she becomes the greatest knowledgeable mare in all of Equestria!" "That's not-!" "You want to know what real friendship is, Twilight? Then all me to educate you." As bad memories arisen from my mind, the anger fueling my voice, "It's something that never lasts forever; there's no such thing as a 'BFF;' in time, those ponies you've grown with, interacted with and spent time with, will eventually leave your life for their own future. You'll be alone, then find some new friends, and the cycle will repeat itself. Friendship is a small trait in the grand scheme of things. But I suspect you're too stubborn and idiotic to know that." With every statement, the tears leaking from her eyes grew. "I..." Ignoring the pang in my chest, I nodded encouragingly, "Yes, go on. Cry. That's all you emotional ponies ever seem to do from even with the smallest of insults. Grow some dignity, mare, and take the truth at face value." "This- This isn't you, Jack!" Twilight then said desperately, steeping forward in vague hope, searching my eyes for something. "You would never say anything like that! Please, don't let whatever this is consume you!" Once again, trying to avoid the truth. "My heart closed off long ago, Twilight." I said in a then-subdued tone, turning back towards the town, where multiple enraged and saddened eyes were observing us. "I'm going back to Ponyville. And please, for the remainder of my time here, don't speak to me again unless it's important. You and the other ponies; Spike included." I only took a few steps forward before Twilight spoke out again, in one last pitiful attempt to make me see things her way. "Jack! We're your friends! No matter what you think; we always will be! Whatever's wrong with you... We won't abandon you!" ...Tch. Foolish mare. "As if that means anything to me." I said in finality, loud enough for Twilight and the bystanders to hear. As I heard her quiet hurt gasp, I continued onwards. Missions accomplished... So then why do I feel like I want to end myself for saying such things towards them? Towards her? Why did everything suddenly feel cold? And why did I feel so... Victorious over what I just said? ...It no longer matters. In the end, it's in the nature of an autistic to be ultimately and utterly alone.