//------------------------------// // Well This Is Just Weird, No? // Story: Fauna of Mirrors // by Eggtaro //------------------------------// "Isn't it marvellous?" Creme stared at the thing he was holding in his hands with a raised eyebrow. He bit his lip as he turned it around, wanting to get a better look at the rest of it. When Twilight told him that Rarity was the best at what she did he believed her without question. He shot a quick glance at the white coloured unicorn, who was busy distracting herself by playing with her indigo coloured mane. But now that he has the chance to actually look at the piece of... clothing with his own two eyes, he was beginning to have second thoughts about Rarity's skills. "I truly have outdone myself once again!" That's one way of putting it. "I must say --- for my very first piece of clothing for a human --- I believe I did a very good --- no, excellent job on it!" As he studied the piece of... clothing, Creme's raised eyebrow slowly dropped back into place, which was then slowly replaced with an unamused frown. "Is something wrong, dear?" Creme looked up from the thing he was holding in his hands. Rarity was looking at him with a smug look on her face; no doubt the fashionista unicorn was swelling with immeasurable pride at her latest creation. The frown held its place on Creme's face, however, without so much as even twitching or budging. "I hope you don't mind the simplicity of it." Rarity continued without waiting for him to reply. Creme's eyes returned to the creation which would soon be his means of covering his body, well, half of his body anyway. 'Simplicity' was one word he would not use to describe this thing; he could think of all the worst clothing designs he'd seen back on Earth, but none of that will be able to compare with what his holding at the moment. This is far from just being 'simple'. "I assure you, dear, that I only use the most suitable of materials and fabrics for all my designs --- this one included as well." Rarity said, gesturing at the supposed... clothing with her hoof. "Why don't you put it on and see if it fits?" Rarity urged, flashing a smile so bright at Creme he quickly covered his eyes with his hand. He sighed. No matter what he thought of it, he couldn't just say no and reject Rarity's hard-work straight to her face. Besides, complaining and whining about it won't do him much good; Rarity was generous enough to make this for him without any prior warning beforehand and without charging him a single dollar --- or whatever currency that the ponies use around this strange new world. Well, he wasn't quite sure for that last part, though, but he's still holding on to the hope that it might be true. Not to mention that Creme was undoubtedly completely cashless right now; he arrived here in the land of Equestria without anything except the hair on his head and the pubes on his--- In other words, last thing Creme wanted right now was being in debt with someone he'd only until recently talked with through a magical mirror. He wasn't sure exactly how much this creation might cost him, but he just can't imagine himself being stuck sewing dresses and bonnets for the rest of life until his debt was paid in full. "Go on." Rarity pushed, taking several steps closer towards him. "There's no need to worry if you do find it uncomfortable --- not that you will, but I can easily make adjustments right away!" her horn illuminated a light blue glow and --- from out of nowhere --- she levitated out a small sewing kit which was also covered in the same glow as her horn; unicorn magic in action. Creme's knowledge and understanding about the different types of ponies in Equestria was still pretty elementary. But he believes that he knows enough to not make a fool of himself in front of anyone. He had seen Twilight use her 'horn magic' --- as Creme called it --- plenty of times during the chats they had back when the mirror was still... well, just a normal see-through-another-world type mirror. But nevertheless, seeing horn magic directly in front of him was still amazing. "I've made sure to pack all the necessary things just in case some last minute changes are needed." Rarity said, opening the sewing kit with her magic and browsing through its contents. "It is important to always be prepared in case of emergencies, am I right?" she brushed and shook her mane back, which sparkled and glowed like the women in those exaggerated shampoo commercials they showed on television back on Earth. Creme's mind wandered off for a moment as he pondered what sort of shampoo brand the ponies of Equestria were using. Who goes around carrying a sewing kit with them anyway? Creme thought. He smacked himself on the forehead a few seconds later. The look on Creme's face and the sudden smack to the head must had been alarming, for Twilight trotted over to him, tilting her head to one side with a concerned look on her face. "Is everything okay?" she asked, but not loud enough for Rarity to hear --- who wouldn't be able to anyway. For the unicorn had turned around and was now busy showing off the different type of threads she brought with her to Applejack. "You should really put that on." Twilight added, her cheeks pink. Creme glanced at the royalty standing next to him. "Princess," he started, leaning in closer towards her. "I have worn my fair share of shirts back in my world, and let me tell you one thing." his eyes darted over to Rarity, who was slowly closing in on a hastily retreating Applejack, and refocused them back on to Twilight. "This. Is. No. Shirt." "What? What do you mean?" Twilight questioned, lowering her volume to the same level as Creme's and staring at Rarity's latest work. "Of course it's a shirt. What else would it be?" "I'm positively sure this ain't no shirt." Creme poked at the soft fabric with a finger. "Are you sure you got my measurements right, Princess?" he asked, pointing at his half-naked body, which made Twilight blush for a split second. "'Cause I'm pretty sure these aren't the correct measurements." he continued, ignoring her reaction. Twilight cleared her throat. "O-Of course I d-did!" she defended. "I made sure to measure every single part of your anatomy with the correct tools and methods." Creme raised an eyebrow. "Every single part?" he gave her a bemused look, wondering if she understood what he meant by that sentence. "With pinpoint accuracy and precise precision." Twilight said with a proud nod of her head. "I may not be the best in creating new fashion designs or setting the latest trend. But I am quite confident when it comes to taking simple measurements, Creme." "Oh, I have no doubt about that." Creme agreed half-heartedly. "So you're telling me that you even took measurements for my...er, heat-seeking moisture missile?" Twilight stared at him. "What's a heat-seeking moisture missile?" she asked innocently. Creme knew he shouldn't be asking about this right now and he knew that there were other important matters to focus on. But he just has to know if the princess really did what he think she did. He was also rather curious as to what was the precise measurement for his throbbing python of love. Not desperately, but still...just a little curious. He sighed, and pointed at his obscured purple-helmeted warrior of love; sending the message to Twilight as clear as an open cloudless sky. Twilight's face immediately heated up to a million degrees. Her face was so hot, steam could be seen rising from her reddening face. She let out a loud yelp and fell on her butt. She pushed herself back with her hooves, putting as much space between the two of them. Creme couldn't help but to chuckle at the alicorn's reaction. Rarity and Applejack both turned their heads to look at Twilight. "Everything okay over there?" Applejack asked, staring at them with her eyebrow raised. "Oh, just a bug." Creme quickly replied in Twilight's stead, trying his best to stop chuckling. "Everything's fine!" "Is everything all right, darling?" Rarity asked, her question directed at Twilight. The princess replied with a flurry of quick nods. "A-All right? Everything is all right, all right?" she blurted out while getting herself back up. "It was j-just a b-bug, you know! Those pesky little things sure can give you a scare!" she let out a laugh that sounded like nothing but pure awkwardness. "D-Don't worry about me, I'm absolutely one-hundred percent all right!" Rarity and Applejack didn't seemed to be convinced, but they said nothing else and went back to what they were doing. Twilight face was still flushed a deep red when she went back up to Creme, who shook his head, laughing silently. "It was just a question you know." Twilight shot him an adorable glare. The kind of glare which was impossible to be taken seriously by anyone. "You don't go around asking anypony if they measured your...your..." she pointed a shaky hoof at Creme's crotch. "Single barrelled pump action bollock?" Creme suggested, wanting to help her find the least direct way of saying the actual name for it. "Anyway!" Twilight exclaimed, shaking her head. "S-S-So what if I did?" she demanded, eyeing Creme in the eye. "It was... it was right there! and looking at it just made me...made me..." "Interested?" Creme said with a sly smirk. "Curious!" Twilight nearly shouted, the red in her cheeks spreading. "Stop making unnecessary suggestion on what I really want to say!" she sighed and took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "If you must know, I did it all in the name of scientific study." she said with a steady voice, although her face looked nothing like it. "Y-you are the first human I have ever seen, and I wanted to gather as much data as I possibly can on and about your species." "Hey, I don't really mind you studying my human body and everything." Creme said with a shrug. "But I just don't see how my baloney pony has anything to do with it. I mean, it can't be that different when compared to the ones available here." "T-They are different!" Twilight argued, frowning a little. "The shape, the size! Even the process of it changing from limp to full erec--- w-wait! That's not what I'm trying to sa--- I mean, erm... e-enough!" Twilight cried, shutting her ears with her hooves. "Why are there so many names for something like that?" "Well, I could name a few more if you are interested---" "No! Can we please just talk about the shirt?" Twilight pleaded, looking at Creme with moist in her eyes. "Yeah, about that." Creme placed the piece of clothing on the floor and spread it open. "You should take a look at this." Twilight approached him slowly, as if afraid he might start dishing out different ways to call a meter long king kong dong. "What is it?" "This shirt only has one hole" Creme said, showing her the aforementioned hole. "As you can clearly see, there is just no way my head is going to fit through that hole, Princess." The both of them stared back at the sad little hole which was in middle of the entire 'shirt' Rarity had made him. Twilight rubbed her eyes with her hoof, a wave of disbelief rushing all over her as she stared at the shirt before her. "But... but I am sure I gave her the correct measurements according to your build." she said, glancing up at Creme, a hint of panic in her face. "Unless there was some sort of a mix-up in the delivery from Spike, but that can't be right." "This shirt is the one that ain't right." Creme picked the piece of clothing up and let out a tired sigh. He wondered if Rarity had made some sort of mistake when sewing the... shirt. But he was quite sure Rarity could tell that his head was much larger than the one on the... shirt. So why would she create something that has only one hole in it? And in the middle of the entire...shirt for that matter. Now that he thought about it, and after a more closer inspection. The hole in the middle kinda looked as if it was the right size for his... Oh, no. "Twilight..." he said slowly, turning around to face her. "Did you by any chance also gave her the measurements of my---" Twilight let out a loud groan, letting herself fall to the floor in shame. "Oh, by the way, dear." Rarity said, turning around. "I've wanted to ask you this since my arrival, but... urm, not that I question how you humans dress and all but, is the Earth's term of 'shirt' that different from what we call here?" Rarity asked. "I know there are still several other pieces in the set which have yet to be completed but, I must say, I find that particular piece over there to be rather odd." Creme shook his head dejectedly. "You and me both, sister." he muttered softly. Creme now fully understood why this... shirt turned out so weird looking and brain-shattering. It wasn't because Rarity made a mistake. And it definitely wasn't because she couldn't get the job done. What he has with him at that moment wasn't exactly a shirt, but what one would call a crudely made underwear by pony hooves. Underwear that has only one entrance. An entrance that only his mayonnaise gun could fit through. Of all the things she could have made first. She just had to go with the weirdest one. "May I know just how exactly are you going to put it on?" Rarity asked, her voice filled with curiosity. Twilight let out a embarrassed whimper, hiding her face behind a huge book.