//------------------------------// // Chapter 37 // Story: The Perilous Romance of Swans // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Even though the chair he was sitting in was one of the most exquisite pieces of furniture that Gosling had ever seen in his life, he could not get comfortable no matter how hard he tried. Everything felt hard, lumpy, and misshapen. He felt a dull headache settling in and thudding against the base of his skull. He reached up and massaged his right temple with his folded fetlock hoping to ease the pressure in his skull. His eyes darted to the left and he saw snatches of pink and white in his vision. Cadance and Celestia were sprawled out on a couch together, a massive, overstuffed couch that was big enough for Celestia to spread out and get comfortable on. Alicorns required much larger, much sturdier furniture. While having them both nearby helped, Gosling found that he wanted his mother. The thought made his mouth go dry. Sitting in her chair, Skyfire looked fearful, terrified even. Her eyes were glassy from heavy sedation. Her feathers were ruffled, mussed, and she hadn’t preened in quite some time. Her mane was matted and clumped from sweat. “Skyfire, I want to help you,” Gosling began, opening up the conversation with some hopeful words, “but my help comes with a price. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is. I’m only helping you because it is the right thing to do, not because I have any feelings for you. The only feelings I have left for you are disgust and loathing.” His voice cracked a few times and grew raspy as he spoke. Skyfire recoiled as if she had been struck, she flinched, her ears drooped, and she turned her eyes away from Gosling, unable to bear his stern gaze. When she spoke, her voice was a shrill whine. “So much for what we had together—” “I will not be manipulated again,” Gosling said in a low, wet, bubbling growl as he cut Skyfire off. “We never had anything… I see that now. I’ve come around and saw reality.” “How can you say that?” Skyfire asked. “Easy,” Gosling replied, “you made it so easy for me to say it.” His eyes narrowed and his ears pitched forwards in an aggressive manner. “For the longest time, you were the most amazing filly I knew… everypony wanted to be with you. In school, you were that girl. The girl. And you kept me parked right in the friend zone for the longest time, but I had high hopes.” He paused and swallowed, expecting to taste acid, but it seemed that his medication was working. He lifted his hoof and pointed at the filly across from him. “You kept me as your friend and you dumped all of your troubles on me and I listened, I listened and I hung on every word you said because I had hopes that one day, you would see me as more than just a friend. I had hopes that you would see me for who and what I was, and that you would know that I would treat you good.” Gosling shook his head and lowered his hoof as his lip curled back from his teeth in a snarl. “And then, then came the happiest day of my life… you noticed me. I thought you finally came to your senses. I was so in love with you… and you… you used that. You knew that you were pregnant even then, and you thought you could get a free ride out of me. You knew me, you knew my values, you knew what sort of pony I was, and you knew that I’d break my fronking back for you to give you a good life.” “I’m sorry, Gosling,” Skyfire said, shaking her head. “Not yet you’re not, but you will be.” Gosling’s ears stood up, stayed that way for a moment, and then folded back against his skull as his eyes narrowed even more. “I was just a free ride for you… that’s all I was… you got knocked up, you panicked, and you ran to the only decent colt you knew with the hopes of luring me into bed in a hurry, so you could say this foal you’re having is mine. And then when I turned you down, when I turned you away, the things you said about me. You dragged my name through the mud. You made what few friends I had hate me. The entire school hated me. The harassment got so bad that I had to leave home.” “I went a little crazy,” Skyfire admitted, still unable to look Gosling in the eye. “I was scared. I panicked. You ruined everything… you were supposed to be the colt that saved me.” “Well, good news, Skyfire… I’m the colt that is going to save you, but it is going to come at a price. I’ve negotiated for you a pardon, but you are going to have to work for it.” Gosling’s bitter words left behind a thick silence in the air that lingered and grew heavy. After several long moments that threatened to turn into minutes, Skyfire responded in a timid voice, “Shouldn’t a pardon just be given?” Lifting his hoof, Gosling covered his mouth, coughed, and then pulled his hoof away. He cleared his throat, which felt a little scratchy. “No. No, see, that’s the problem. You keep looking for a free ride. You want to go through life with no effort at all. No responsibility. You’re about to be a mother, Skyfire. A single mom by the looks of things, because once all of this settles, your name is gonna be mud and nopony in their right mind will want to be with you.” As he watched, tears slipped down Skyfire’s cheek. “A wise pony wouldn’t shtup you with a stolen putz.” “That’s a little heartless, dontcha think? I mean—” “Shut up,” Gosling commanded in a disgusted voice. “You don’t get to talk about or make accusations about being heartless, you soulless parasite.” He heard Cadance clearing her throat off to his left and he held back on saying everything that lurked in his mind. He choked back the rest of the angry words that wanted to spill out and tried to find his sense of calm once more. His neck felt hot, the thudding in the back of his skull had grown worse, and he could feel something gnawing in his guts. Skyfire was openly weeping now and doing nothing to hide it. She asked, “So what do I have to do to earn this pardon?” Leaning forward in his chair, Gosling’s ears stood up straight as he replied, “You’re going to learn to be responsible. You’re going to get some self worth. You’re going to be straightened out by professionals.” He drew in a deep breath and held it for a moment before finishing what he had to say. “You’re going to join the guard.” He heard two gasps from off to his left and then he heard Skyfire ask, “WHAT?” A hard, gritty smile spread over Gosling’s muzzle. “You’re going to join the guard. Just like I did. You’re going to get counseling. You’re going to learn discipline. You’re going to find a sense of self worth. You’re going to learn a trade.” “I can’t join the guard, I’m about to have a foal!” Skyfire protested. Gosling’s smile now had teeth. “The guard offers nursery services for single mothers. The guard is actually one of the best places for a single teenage mother like yourself. You’ll get medical care, the foal will have caretakers, and you’ll be earning an honest paycheck.” “But I don’t know even know if I’ll keep this foal,” Skyfire said as she shook her head at Gosling. She stared at him now, her eyes wide with disbelief as tears streamed down her cheeks. “If you give the foal up, the cost of its care will be deducted from your wages. One way or another, you are going to be responsible for the life you created. You’ll be paying foal support.” Gosling’s smile vanished and his face became quite stern. “But I don’t want to join the guard—” “Do you want to face the consequences for what you have done?” Gosling asked. “Do you want your parents to pay for what you have done?” The filly sniffled and a shudder went through her body. “Right now, my parents are disinheriting me so they’re no longer legally responsible for me or my actions.” “All the more reason to join the guard.” Gosling’s voice softened a bit and became a lot less harsh. “Otherwise, all of this will fall upon your back. You have no idea what is about to happen because of all of this.” “How long do I have to serve?” Skyfire asked. “Twenty years,” Gosling replied without hesitation. “Twenty years!” Skyfire’s eyes went wide. “Why so long? Why are you doing this?” “After twenty years of service, you get a huge benefit package, a chance to retire, and all of your foals that you have get to attend college or university for free.” Gosling sat back in his chair and resettled himself until he was comfortable. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this… I can’t do this and I can’t be a single mother—” “Skyfire,” Gosling said in a coarse, hoarse voice, “my mother managed and you can too. I’m trying to make it easier for you, honest, I am. In the guard, you’ll have access to stuff my mother didn’t. You’ll have nursery care. You’ll have housing. They have special barracks just for single moms. You’ll learn a trade—” “But I don’t want to be a soldier!” Skyfire whined. “Then do something else. I became a telegraph operator. You could join the civilian corps of engineers. Surveyors. Cartographers. Become a nurse. File a pacifist’s writ and everything you’ll be offered will be non-combat.” As Gosling watched Skyfire, he saw something glimmer in her eyes. Interest. He began to feel a small spark of hope that she would see reason. “It’s rough, Skyfire, but I’m trying to give you the chance you need. When that foal is born, he or she is going to love you, and let’s face it, not many ponies are going to love you after this. But that little foal is going to love you, and it is going to be the most magical thing in your life. Give it a chance. I’m giving you this opportunity to make it work.” Skyfire’s eyes narrowed and more tears rolled down her cheeks. “No combat?” “Like I said, file a pacifist’s writ.” Gosling gave the filly sitting across from him an encouraging nod. “Somepony is going to love you and think that you are the greatest pony in the world. And you’re going to be able to give them twenty good years of life. They’ll grow up with housing, food, and if everything goes right, a mother that loves them. You’ll be able to send them to college. You’ll be able to give them a good life. But to get this pardon, to get this opportunity, you’re gonna have to serve.” “This sounds awful,” Skyfire said in a low voice as she stared at Gosling with fearful, pleading eyes. “Why would you do something so awful to me?” “Awful?” Gosling rolled his eyes and snorted. “Please. I joined the guard. I’m not doing anything to you that I wouldn’t do to myself.” “Twenty years is a long time.” Skyfire closed her eyes and let out a whiny, nasal sigh. “With the sort of fines you are facing and all of the other trouble, you could potentially be spending more than twenty years in a penal colony paying off your debts. They keep the wages low, you see, so ponies have to stay there longer. And you wouldn’t get to keep your foal, either.” Now blinking, Skyfire looked horrified. She wrapped her wings around her body, giving herself a reassuring self-hug as she began to shiver with fear. She shook her head, not wanting to believe what Gosling had just said. “Without your parents to absorb the legal blow, you will be held responsible for your actions and everything will fall upon you.” Gosling took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and felt the first hint of real queasiness. He held very still and waited for it to pass. “Is prep camp hard?” Skyfire asked. “It’s brutal, especially for pegasi. They expect a lot from us. There’ll be lots of wingups and physical training.” Gosling thought about his own time in prep camp as he stared at Skyfire. “Being a single mom will make it a little easier though. At the end of the day, instead of the common quarters barracks, you’ll get to go and spend the night with your foal. The downside is, the prep camp for single mothers lasts a full month longer to make up for the shorter twelve hour camp days.” “Twelve hour days? What is regular prep camp like?” Skyfire asked. Relaxing a little, Gosling felt better that he had her interest. “I had sixteen hour days. Sixteen hours on your hooves, eight hours in your rack. If you’re lucky. Sometimes, the sergeant would decide that we had a surplus of rack time and he’d make us go midnight marching while he screamed in our ears.” “That’s awful.” Skyfire shook her head. “Why did you do that to yourself?” “Because, I didn’t know what else to do with myself after dropping out of school because of what you did. I was real messed up. Thought about killing myself. Thought about it a whole lot. Came real close to doing it, too.” Gosling heard a soft, pained gasp from his left and he knew it was Celestia. He felt a stabbing ache in his guts and thought about how she would have found out sooner or later. “When I hit my lowest point, the morning after the longest night in my life, I decided to give my life away because I couldn’t trust myself anymore. I knew that if I didn’t do something to get myself some help, I was going to kill myself. I joined the guard. In the guard, I was able to get the help I needed.” He pointed over at Cadance with his hoof. “I got the counselling I needed to fix all the damage done and get my head screwed on straight after everything that happened.” “I really am sorry, Gosling.” Skyfire squirmed in her chair. “Sorry don’t always make it so,” Gosling replied. “I’ll tell you what. You do a year in the guard and then, and only then, you come and you can tell me how sorry you are. We’ll talk. I promise. I give you my good word. Drinks will be on me.” “As much as I don’t like it, I can see what you are trying to do for me.” Skyfire sucked in a deep breath, held it for as long as she could, then let it out in a slow exhale. “Twenty years… that’s a long time.” “It is, but you’ll be taken care of, isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that why you planned to con me into marriage? To be taken care of? To have a roof over your head, your meals provided for you, to have everything available? You’re getting that. You’re just going to have to work for it, that’s all. Don’t pass this by, Skyfire. If you turn down my offer, there will be no mercy shown. Your life will be over. You’ll have nothing good to live for.” There was more throat clearing from Cadance and Gosling had to swallow more of his words. He wanted to drive home the importance of taking this opportunity. He was feeling thirsty and it was getting harder and harder to talk. Maybe it was better to save his words. “Can I have some time to think about it?” Skyfire asked. “Not sure what there is to think about, but okay,” Gosling replied. “The decision seems pretty straightforward to me. Say yes, and you’ll have a pretty decent life. At the end of twenty years, you’ll probably have a great life. Say no…” Gosling shrugged and said nothing else. “I just want some time to think it over. To clear my head.” Skyfire’s gaze dropped down to the floor. “Thank you, Gosling… I don’t deserve this. If it’s okay, I’d like some time alone so I can think.” “Then I guess we’re done here,” Gosling replied. His ears leaned forwards over his eyes and he gave Skyfire a pleading expression, even though she wasn’t looking at him. “Don’t pass this by, look, I know being a single mom is gonna be tough, but it’s worth it. Spend some time talking to my mother, okay? You can make this work. Just don’t give up.” There was a faint creak as Cadance got up from where she was sitting and then she walked over as Skyfire stood up and stretched her legs. Saying nothing, Cadance escorted Skyfire out of the room, walking beside her, and slipping out of the door, leaving Celestia and Gosling alone in the room together. As Gosling tried to sort out everything that had just taken place, Celestia got up and came over to stand beside his chair. He looked up at her and saw tears glimmering in her rose coloured eyes. She trembled, her ears twitched, and then, without warning, she moved with incredible speed. A wing slapped Gosling across the muzzle and left behind a stinging sensation that made his eyes water. He blinked a few times in confusion, not knowing what had just happened, and he stared up at Celestia in stunned surprise. “That’s for thinking about killing yourself,” Celestia said in a low voice as she folded her wing against her side. “Shame on you.” “But… but I…” Gosling stammered, “but… but I hadn’t even met you yet. I didn’t know we would end up together. I was pretty messed up… look, I’m sorry, but you’re being unreasonable!” “I am a mare that is madly in love with a foolish little colt! I’m allowed to be unreasonable if I feel like it! If you would have acted on that… that… that… selfish impulse, I would be alone… everything we have… everything I have hopes for… everything I want and dream about… and you… you almost took it all away!” Gosling felt an icicle rammed through his heart when he saw the tears begin to trickle down Celestia’s cheeks. He felt awful and didn’t know what to say. As he sat there, still stunned, his own eyes still watering from the stinging slap, Celestia turned tail and walked out. Spilling out of his chair, Gosling wobbled on his hooves as he went after her. “Wait!” But Celestia did not wait.