//------------------------------// // Of Aristocratical Practices // Story: Hail Sombra! // by MisterNick //------------------------------// It was a simple plan. First, claim that the Equestrians had violated his borders with their settlers. Considering that most Equestrian settlers couldn’t even be bothered to figure out where the buffalo stampeding grounds were, much less international borders, this would be easy to fake with a few kidnappings and smashed homes. Second, claim that the Equestrians had captured and abused some of the crystal ponies. Well, the Crystal Empire had a dungeon full of the little buggers, so this wasn’t a big deal. Finally, all he had to do was declare sweet, delicious war and attack where Equestria was weakest, the west. All he’d needed was to shore up his troop numbers a little to ensure his victory. “Nobody appreciates good ideas,” muttered Sombra as he watched the Equestrian army slowly roll through the capital. The dragons hadn’t cared for his plans, mostly due to their hatred of ponies. The Griffons were locked in inner turmoil because a golden bauble of theirs had fallen into a crack in the ground. Even the Diamond Dogs were too busy chasing their own tails and looking for gems to listen to what it was he had to say. The last one really stuck in his craw. He could make all sorts of gems. He could make black gems, really black gems, coal black gems, ashy black gems, onyx, and if he hadn’t been drinking enough water the darkest of kidney stones. Admittedly he didn’t much care to create the last one. The wind picked up whipping Sombra’s mane into a cyclone of hair as he sighed imagining what could have been. His frustration continued to mount as he turned and stormed off his bedchamber’s balcony and marched through his castle kicking open every door that stood in his way. He checked to make sure the front door was barred, which it was and then proceeded to stomp his way down the long crystal hallway toward his throne room knocking over a few vases on his journey. Propriety be damned, it was clear his time as king was nearing its end. Upon reaching the entrance of his throne room Sombra paused and smirked. After all, it had been fun while it lasted. He’d enjoyed watching the previous empress, old what’s her name, beg to be spared, loved handing out his, “team spirit awards,” to deserving ponies and delighted in eating burgers or chicken sandwiches at the local Krystal’s. He’d enjoyed the family he’d made and even though he had to send them away it had been worth it. The king thought of these things a wistful smile crossed his face. It had been worth it. Slowly he opened the door to his throne room and bellowed, “Hearse, where are you? You were supposed to have hidden my bank and been in here an hour ago!” The approaching sound of a set of clattering hooves echoed from below and in a matter of moments a skinny white pegasus popped his head out of a trap door near the throne. “Begging your pardon my liege,” he stated as he gasped for air, “But it’s a really long flight to where you had me store your bank. I had to run the rest of the way up here.” “Don’t care. Punctuality matters, especially now,” said Sombra as he strode past his vassal. “Of course your highness,” responded Hearse as he followed behind him. “You made sure to send my family through that portal I crafted earlier didn’t you,” asked Sombra as they walked toward the front door. “Of course I did,” replied Hearse, “It closed behind them. We could open it again but there’s just one problem…” Sombra stopped dead in his tracks as purple flame slowly wavered from his eyes. A low growl slowly escaped his muzzle as he slowly turned toward Hearse, who backed up defensively. “What do you mean a problem?” “Well it’s just that…” “I have an army on my doorstep.” “I understand sir.” “No,” said Sombra as the doorbell rang, “Literally an army is on my doorstep. That’s them.” “Wow,” exclaimed Hearse, “They’re fast and polite. They even read the sign asking to ring first.” “Whoop-dee-do,” replied Sombra with a sigh, “What do we need to send me through.” “That’s just it my liege. It’s impossible. We are out of the Tears of the Innocent sir.” Sombra’s eyes widened, “Can’t you squeeze some more out of that old librarian?” “She’s all dried up!” Sombra growled and rubbed his forehead. It was always something. If it wasn’t a shortage of troops it was a shortage of ingredients. “So I can’t escape through time. What do I have the ingredients for?” Hearse shrugged, “Nothing that I know of really. I mean, you could brew a potion that if you drank it would give you floppy bunny ears.” “That doesn’t help.” Sombra sighed as he could hear the army begin to pound on the front door. “We’re not home. Go away,” he bellowed causing some of the soldiers to begin loudly arguing as to what they were supposed to do next since their target wasn’t home. “Well I don’t know what you want me to say,” groaned Hearse in frustration. Sombra exhaled sharply and shut his eyes as he thought of what his next plan of action could be based upon what he had available. After a minute the king finally asked, “Do I have Blood of Cerberus, windigo tongues, star jelly and tartarian salts still?” “Yes, but why?” A wide smile slowly crept across the dark king’s face. It was all too perfect. “I’m going to make my Empire disappear Hearse.” He put his foreleg around Hearse’s shoulders and extended the other out gesturing to the heavens, “It’ll be better than Copperfoal!” “But your highness in order to pull off that sort of curse for any real length of time you need a willing loyal pony sacrif-,” Hearse’s aqua eyes widened in realization as his lord and retainer stared at him, “Oh no! You’re not thinking of me are you?” “Hearse.” The pegasus pulled away, “No, absolutely not.” “Come on Hearse,” urged Sombra, “Be a team player.” “But we’re going to lose and I don’t want to die.” “It can’t be helped,” said Sombra quickly as his horn glowed, “It’s happening.” Hearse shook his head and began to tremble as he backed away, “I don’t want to do this.” Sombra sighed and his horn stopped glowing. Without warning a loud thud echoed against the large door startling both king and vassal alike. “That was much faster than I’d have thought those morons capable of.” Sombra shot a glance over at Hearse, “Tell you what; I’ll make you a deal. When this is all over I’ll bring you back from the dead.” Hearse frowned, “I don’t want to be a vampire or a zombie either!” “No,” growled Sombra, “I’ll make sure you are reborn. It’ll be like going through the time gate except you’ll veer left instead of right.” “What,” asked Hearse as his trembling slowly subsided, “Reborn? Like I can be anything?” “Whatever you want,” stated Sombra with a smirk, “You’ll even retain some of your previous memories. School will be very easy.” Hearse’s ears perked up as he considered the option, “Can I be royalty and maybe have a horn or retain my wings or something?” “You do this for me,” said Sombra putting his foreleg around Hearse once again, “I’ll give you both a horn and wings.” The front door began to split as Hearse cocked his head, “You’re not kidding are you?” “Freedom, Celestia’s weight and whatever is behind the green door I joke about. Not curses.” Hearse closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to be able to fly and use magic. He could envision having row after row of loyal subjects bowing before him and praising him as their king. They would revere him. “None would question the power or word of Emperor W. R. Hearse,” he muttered. “Not if they wanted to avoid the consequences,” said Sombra goading the pegasus along, “So, what do you say?” The white pegasus smirked and nodded emphatically, which was all that Sombra needed. Without a word he directed Hearse to stand in front of his throne. With a little magic he then summoned the necessary ingredients and encircled the pegasus with them before he hurriedly climbed up to his throne. “Not gonna lie Hearse,” he said quickly, “This will probably hurt.” “What,” asked the pegasus. Sombra shrugged as the ground beneath his feet cracked and gave way to a large crystal pillar that lifted the king toward the roof as his horn glowed ominous shades of purple and black. The ceiling split as the pillar rose ever higher lifting the king into the evening sky. Finally, with a few uttered words, Sombra loosed a powerful beam of magic striking Hearse within the circle. The pegasus shrieked as an inky blackness spread throughout the castle and across the land. Sombra watched as the Equestrian army broke and ran from the oncoming darkness. He smiled even though his horn throbbed in pain causing his knees to buckle. He continued to fire until every inch of the Crystal Empire was enveloped in darkness. Sombra panted and gazed into the darkness unable to see beyond its barrier when the crystal he stood on gave way and gravity took hold and pulled him to the ground below. “Nope,” he shouted as he fired off a much weaker beam of magic summoning a new pillar to rise up from the darkness quickly and catch him. Slowly the wicked vale cleared revealing a blank barren land below. Where a vast empire once stood sat nothing but snow and rock. Sombra tried to stand but found his legs unresponsive. His neck and back ached as if something very heavy was pressing down on him. He grunted utterly spent as a voice came from above, “What hast thou done to thine ponies?” Sombra looked skyward and snorted. The two rulers of Equestria, Celestia and her dark blue sister whose name he couldn’t recall at the moment frowned upon him. He watched Celestia, the white alicorn; slowly descend until she was mere inches from his face. “Can you give me like five minutes of recharge time,” whispered Sombra, “The spirit to fight is willing but the flesh is weak and sore.” Celestia huffed and pulled away before blasting the crystal pillar from under him causing Sombra to resume his previous fall. As he fell he noted that the dark blue one was positioning chunks of crystal under him. Unfortunately for the king they weren’t big enough to fully catch him and caused him to ping pong off of them. Each time Sombra hit a piece of the crystal he fired a weak beam of magic up at the sisters missing badly until he hit the ground with an audible thud. Sombra groaned as he lay on the ground, “I think I broke something or a hundred.” “King Sombra,” said Celestia, “You are a fiend.” “No. I’m not.” “You invaded the nation of Equestria. You sacked several cities leaving them nothing but ash and cinder, conspired to have us usurped, destroyed the rightful ruling family of the Crystal Empire, tortured your and enslaved your subjects and harvested their misery to enhance your power,” stated Celestia forcefully as she landed in front of him. “Let us not forget the pony he just sacrificed to make the empire disappear, the weaponizing of windigos, the baking of breezies, the harrowing of the Hearth’s Warming spirits and creation the of a strange adhesive made of bone and hoof in the place of simple wax,” chimed in her sister. Celestia leaned down to the fallen king, her nose once again practically against his as she glared into his eyes. “Tell me Sombra,” she stated coldly, “If that isn’t the work of a fiend what would you call it?” Sombra gazed back his eyes half shut. Slowly and painfully the smallest of smiles crossed his face. “The Aristocrats,” he said with a weak chuckle.