//------------------------------// // Fry and the Slurm Factory // Story: Planet Express's Package Pony // by MrAquino //------------------------------// In the Planet Express Lounge, Late at night, Fry, Derpy, and Bender sat on the couch. Fry drank some Slurm they watch 'All My Circuits' on the TV. In the show, Calculon opens the door to his bedroom. "Honey unit, I'm home." He announced, followed by gasping "Monique!" Monique is in bed with Boxy. She pulled the sheets up around her. "Calculon!" She replied. Boxy beeps. "Bastard!" Derpy yelled "Oh, how I wish I could believe that." Calculon spoke "You may be my evil half-brother, but there's no law against murdering the other half!" He pulled a gun out and aimed it at Boxy. The screen changes to the 'All My Circuits' logo. "All My Circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm! It's highly addictive!" A hand takes a can of Slurm off the screen. The hand belongs to a surfing slug. Two babes on a beach watch him. "Look! It's Slurms MacKenzie!" A darker babe yelled "He's the original party worm!" The other, lighter babe added. Slurms surfs onto the beach between the girls and they stroke him. "Whimmy-wham-wham-wazzle! Let's party!" Slurms anounced. He and the babes dance on the beach and are joined by other dancing people. They all drink cans of Slurm. "Look at that worm go." Bender commented "Who says there are no more heroes?" "...Travis Touchdown?" Derpy asked. On the TV, Slurms surfs with the two babes. "Hey, dudes!" he spoke to the camera "You can win a chance to party with me, Slurms MacKenzie, at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormulon!" A still picture of Slurms playing a guitar with the babes and a crate of Slurm appears on the screen with the words 'Win A Trip' "Just look for the winning bottle-cap inside specially-marked cans of Slurm." Another announcer spoke. Back on the board, the babe shakes something out of her Slurm can and shows it to the camera. It is a bottle-cap with 'You Win!' printed on it. She gasped "I won!" She said to the camera "No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter the contest. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant." As he said that, disclaimers appeared on screen reading: Slurm Has Been Found To Cause Cancer In Laboratory Humans; Employees Of Slurm Corp. And Their Families Are Eligible To Enter And Will Probably Win; and something in alien. "I like those odds." Fry said to himself. "How come Space wasps, space beavers, any other animal with the word 'Space' in front of it, space chickens and the elusive yak-face, are ineligible to enter?" Derpy asked. The two stared at her blankly. "...What? I can read." Something rattles around in Fry's can and he gasps. He empties it onto his hand. It's a tooth. "Rats. Just another tooth." He said to himself. He threw his empty can onto a pile of other cans and drops his tooth onto the floor along with another nine that have fallen out. He opens another can, drinks from it and sighs. He smiles a big toothless smile. "...I'll get the fake ones." Derpy groaned, flying to the laboratory. In the Planet Express Meeting Room, the staff sat around the table watching Fry guzzle down another can of Slurm. Fry shakes the can upside-down and looks inside. "You're A Loser" is printed on the bottom. He groans. "I gotta find that golden bottle-cap." He throws the can behind him, opens another one and starts drinking it. "I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm." Leela commented "This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack." The door opened and Bender stood in the doorway clutching his door and groaning. His antenna is wilted and he is a slightly redder color. "Bender, what's wrong?" "I'm sick." He replied weakly, followed by him sneezing with his eyes popping out and back in again. "You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever." She puts the back of her hand against his head and it sizzles. She pulls it away quickly. "Ow!" Farnsworth opens Bender's door with his lab coat acting as a glove. "According to Bender's temperature gauge, which I suggest you use next time, Leela," He said "he's running a fever of ... 900 degrees." He closes the door and Bender groans. Hermes fluffs a cushion on a couch in the corner. "Bender, mon, lie yourself down." Hermes said. Bender laid on the couch and it bursts into flames. It burns away and leaves nothing but ash. Bender falls to the floor. "My couch!" Derpy screamed "You're paying for that!" Everyone stood inside Zoidberg's Office, though Derpy wore pillow cushions all over her. Bender sat on the examination table "I'll have a look, but I remind you, I'm an expert on humans not robots." Zoidberg spoke. "You're an expert on bullsh-" Derpy muffled, but fell onto her face before she could finish. Zoidberg shines a torch into Fry's eye. "I'm not Bender, I'm Fry." He said "Really? I though you were the robot." Zoiudberg replied in shock "Nope. Human." "Alright, alright, spare me your life story." He turned to Bender. "Now what seems to be the trouble?" "My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge." Bender answered Zoidberg runs a stethoscope across Bender's casing. "Hmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine." He turns to the rest of the staff "I didn't have the heart to tell him: It's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside-down by morning." He walks off tutting. Amy turned to Bender. "You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender." She said "Take some zinc." "I'm 40% zinc." Bender replied "Then take some Echinacea or a St. John's wort." "Or a big fat placebo. It's all the same crap." Farnsworth added Bender coughs and a sound comes from his chest cabinet. "Hey, what's rattling around in there?" Leela askes "It may well be the cause of Bender's illness." Farnsworth spoke "But more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory!" He shuffles off very slowly and the rest quickly pass him. "Uh... little help?" Derpy muffled In Farnsworth's Lab, Farnsworth held up a torch-like object to the rest of the crew. "I call this the F-ray." He said "It's like an X-ray, only it allows you to see through anything, even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous, so you'll all need protective goggles. Amy, Hermes, Fry, Derpy, and Leela put on some goggles, but gasp when they see Farnsworth putting on a full-body radiation suit. He picked up the F-ray and turns to Bender. "You may feel a slight stinging sensation... all of you!" Farnsworth turned on the F-ray and shines it on Bender's casing. He adjusts it and the beam lights up Bender's inner workings. Farnsworth points the beam at Bender's head showing his CPU number, 6502, then he points it at his arms, feet and back to his body. A watch is jammed into Bender's workings. "Aha! There's the cause of your illness." "Hey, that's my watch!" Amy yelled "I was wondering where I put that." Bender said. He put his hand down his throat and hande Amy her watch through his door. He turns from the reddish colour back to his normal blue-grey colour. "Hey, now I feel much better! Thanks, Professor. And, Amy, I'm sorry I took your watch." She smiles and hugs him. Bender steals her earrings and chuckles, along with Derpy, holding a sign that read '50-50'. Amy moved away and he tosses the earrings down his throat, followed by a cough. Fry,Derpy, and Bender stay with Farnsworth while the others leave. Farnsworth took off his suit. "Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators." He said. "You three lock up the F-ray and, for the love of God, don't let it fall into the wrong hands." He handed it to them. They look at each other and chuckle. In the streets of New New York City Street, Derpy laid on Fry's head as he and Bender walked down the busy street with the F-ray. "What should we point it at first?" Bender asked "I 'unno." Fry replied "Try it on me." Bender turned it on and points it at Fry's crotch. Fry doubled over in pain, though Derpy laughed. "Ow! My sperm!" "Wow, neat! Mind if I try that again?" "Do it!" Derpy cheered. He points it at Fry's crotch again but nothing happens. "Huh, didn't hurt that time." Bender watched a Fembot walk past. "Whoa, mama! Hold still, sexy lady." Bender said, pointing the F-ray at her. He and Derpy gasped. "What's wrong?" "That's no lady!" Derpy answered "Damn Chico!" The 'Fembot' replied "One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle! Why you so stupid, stupid?" "Hey! Bite my furry little ass!" "You couldn't afford it, honey." It snaps it's fingers and walks off. Derpy looked at her hooves. "If only I had fingers." Inside a 7^11 convenience store, The three use the F-ray to look inside products such as Mom's Friendly Robot Oil, Bachelor Chow, Robo Fresh, Tanning Butter, Mr Baked Beans and Glagnar's Human Rinds. Fry groaned. "All this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty." He said. They saw a stack of Slurm cans in the corner, next to a life-sized cardboard stand-up of Slurms MacKenzie and the babes, with a speech bubble comes from Slurms' mouth with "Win A Party With Me" written on it. Fry picked up a can. "Ah, if only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle-cap inside." Bender stops pointing the F-ray at some Hot Logs and turns to Fry. "Huh, w-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things." "Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. N-No, false alarm. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. Wait. No. Yeah. Yeah. No ... no. Ye-!" Derpy took the F-Ray and pointed it at the cans. "None are the winners, dumbass!" She yelled "Now come on! Let's cheat and win! Like Politics!" In the Planet Express Lounge, Leela and Farnsworth sit at the table playing 3D Scrabble. The door opened and Bender slams the F-ray onto the table, upsetting the letters.] "Ah, this thing stinks." Bender said "We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk." Fry added, pointing behind him to a cart full of Slurm merchandise including Slurm coats, a cooler of Slurm cans, eight Slurm blernsball caps, a Slurm motorbike and a Slurm jet-ski. Derpy held a Slurms MacKenzie plushie, snuggling it. "I'm fine with this." She said. "I never wanna see another can of Slurm again... Man, am I thirsty." He walked over to the fridge and takes out a refreshing can of Slurm. He starts guzzling it back and suddenly starts to cough and choke. "Fry, are you alright!?" Leela asked in shock. Bender picked up the F-ray and points it at Fry's neck. A Slurm bottle-cap with "You Win!" written on it is lodged in his throat. "You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle-cap! We won!" Bender cheered. Fry cheered and wheeze. "Heimlich maneuver!!!" Derpy yelled. She flapped her wings and, with one of her hind legs, kicked the back of Fry's back. The cap flew out of Fry's mouth and landed in Derpy's hoof. She stood up, putting on a red bandana, and did a kung fu pose. The head of John Claude Van Dam was present. "...Nice." He commented. The Planet Express ship flew towards the Slurm planet. The planet has a ring and the "Slurm" logo is painted on it. The ship landed outside the Slurm Factory with a banner reading 'Welcome Contest Winners!' above the gates. The staff walked out of the ship down the steps. Outside the gates are four worms. Two of them play a fanfare and the gates open. A path leads from the gates up to a building. On the steps of the building two worms roll out a red carpet. The end of the carpet reaches the gates and a worm dressed in a purple suit with tophat popped out. "Welcome to the planet Wormulon!" He greeted "I'm Glurmo, your golly-rific guide to the splend-tacular Slurm factory!" "Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now?" Fry asked, Derpy slapped him in the back of his head, "You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend, Slurms MacKenzie." He moved aside and behind him is Slurms with the babes. Slurms' party music plays. "Alright! Whimmy-wham-wham-wazzle! Lay some skin on me, dudes!" He cheered. Fry and Bender do, though Derpy fangirled out. "Wow! The original party worm!" She said "Are you ready to get down, get funky with us!? "He'd better be," Glurmo replied "that's what we pay him for. Right, Slurms?" Slurms cringed and waved his arms around. "Right!" He yelled "In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night, or he's fired!" "Rock on!" "But before the party, you're all in for a fun-derful treat: A VIP tour of the Slurm factory!" He slid back through the gates and everyone follows, Derpy behind. "Enjoy the tour, dudes!... I'm gonna go lie down." Glurmo and the staff gather near the Slurm Factory Entrance. "Welcome, my friends," Glurmo spoke "to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call "Slurms Centralised Industrial Fabrication Unit"." Behind him, some worms open some doors. The crew walk through the door and gasp. The room looks like the huge room where Slurm cans grow on trees and a river of Slurm flows down the middle. "...This feels familiar." Derpy said. "... Do they make clouds here?" They got onto a small paddle boat. They see some small, orange faces and green hair aliens across the river, carrying barrels of Slurm. "Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?" Farnsworth asked "Why, those are the Grunka Lunkas." Glurmo replied "They work here in the Slurm factory." "Tell them I hate them." "At least it isn't the Jersey Shore." Derpy said, laying on Leela's head. The staff all sailed down the green river. "As we sail down the river of Slurm," Glurmo spoke "you'll see our mix-ologists at work." He points to some Grunka Lunkas stirring cauldrons of yellow-orange stuff. "They take 900 of the finest ingredients, add a touch of child-like delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator." He points to a Grunka Lunka pumping water into a bucket from two containers labelled 'H2' and 'O'. "Why am I getting a weird vibe?" Derpy asked herself "Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive." A Grunka Lunka tips up a barrel labelled "Secret Ingredient" into a cauldron of Slurm ingredients but another pulls a curtain across before anyone can see anything. "So, what's the secret ingredient?" Fry asked "It's whatever your imagination wants it to be." "Oh. But what is it really?" "That's not for you to know. Now, over here, the Grunka Lunkas are inducing Wumpus berries to release their flavour, using sensual massage." He points to some Grunka Lunkas who rub piles of purple berries. "Psst, those berries." Bender whispered "Those are the secret ingredient, right?" "No." "You positive?" "Yes." "I'm just asking cause they look kind of secret." "Enough! There will be no further questions." Derpy raised her hoof. "Why?" She asked. Leela points across Fry. "Hey, look!" She said "The disgusting little men are starting to sing." On the river bank, six Grunka Lunkas line up and dance and sing. ♫Grunka Lunka dunkity-do, We've got a friendly warning for you, Grunka Lunka dunkity-dasis, The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis. Asking questions in school is a great way to learn. If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke. We once found a dead guy face down in the Slurm. It could easily happen again to you folks. So keep you head down, And keep your mouth shut, Grunka Lunka lunka dunkity dot!♫ Glurmo leaned over the side of the boat and waved his cane. "Hey, I don't pay you to sing!" He shouted "You just used up today's bathroom break!" The boat disappeared into a tunnel. "...Hard ass." One of the Grunka Lunkas muttered. "I heard that!" The tunnel is lined with large barrels of Slurm. "Now, on your right, you'll see the Slurm Master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet." Flurmo spoke, pointing as an old worm with a long, white beard, holding a glass of Slurm. Fry watches and licks his lips. "So thirsty." He muttered to himself. Derpy slapped the back of his head. "Don't talk about mom like that!" "Then he tastes it." Glurmo spoke "He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. "Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?" Fruy begged, rubbing the back of his head from Derpy's slap. "No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait until you're partying with Slurms MacKenzie." "When will that be?" "Soon enough." "That's not soon enough!" "Hey, what's behind that door?" Leela asked, pointing at a door with a "Keep Out" sign on it. It's guarded by two worms. "Nothing." Glurmo answered "LIAR!!!" Derpy accused "Is it the secret ingredient?" Leela added. Five Grunka Lunkas dance across in front of the door. ♫Grunka Lunka dunkity dingredient, You should not ask about the secret ingredient.♫ "OK, OK, we get the point." Bender groaned "I was just curious because of the armed guards." Leela said ♫Grunka Lunka dunkity darmed guards--♫ "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" Derpy yelled, throwing a bottle and knocking out one of the Grunka Lunkas. Derpy was weighed down with a muzzle on. To say she looked sad would be an understatement, as she was depressed; her ability to fly was now gone until it ended. Not even her attempted cuteness made Glurmo release her. However, she walked around, seeing Fry sneak to the back of the boat while Glurmo spoke to Hermes. Leela walked around and both watched Fry as he leaned over the back of the boat but can't quite reach the lake "What are you doing?" Leela demanded "I'm dying of thirst!" Fry replied "Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink." "No. That's moronic." Due to Derpy being muffled, we will use Near dark grey text for her dialogue. "Very Moronic." Derpy added "Unless you go for a swim, you won't get it." "I have no idea what you said," Fry replied "But I'll just let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want." Derpy groaned as he laughed, but tumbles in. He waves his arms around. "Help! I can't swim!" He disappears under the water. Leela sighed and dived in after him. Derpy, leaned over the edge, but quickly regreted it, falling into the lake, but was quickly rescued by Bender... who whistled as Fry & Leela gasped for air. "Bender, why did you jump in?" Leela asked "Everybody was doing it." He answered "I just wanted to be popular." "And I fell in." Derpy added. A whirlpool formed below them and they're sucked underwater. They scream and are pulled through a hole in the bottom of the Slurm river. The four fly out of a pipe and land on a grate. Slurm poured out of the pipe and into the grate. "Where are we?" Leela asked "And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer?" Bender added. Fry wringed some Slurm from his hair into his mouth and spits it straight out. "This isn't Slurm at all!" He yelled in anger "That's why you wash your hair, idiot." Derpy groaned. Even though she wore a muzzle, she went underneath the waterfall and took a slurp from the Slurm. Her ceeks perked and she vomited. "AHHH!!! IT TASTES LIKE INK!!!" Leela picked her up in one of Derpy's favorite craddles "Something's rotten on the planet Wormulon." Leela spoke. "Tell me about it. Look!" Derpy pointed at the other side of the cave they were in. There are two doors; One marked "Real Factory" and the other marked "Fake Factory". Leela quietly opened the fake factory door and they peer around it; It's the door from earlier that was marked "Keep Out". On the other side one of the worm guards smokes while another knits. A Grunka Lunka sleeps and two others play poker. She closed the door again. "This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient." "My God." Fry spoke "What if the secret ingredient ... is people?" "No. There's already a soda like that: Soylent Cola." Derpy's eyes widened "WHAT!?!?!?" "Oh. How is it?" Fry asked "It varies from person to person." Leela answered "... Hm, guess that's why vapors taste weird. Leela, Derpy, Fry, and Bender crept down the dark tunnels. They see torchlight up ahead. Bender gasps.] "Quick." Leela whispered to the group. They ducked behind a rock. Two guards slide along the roof of the cave with a torch and laser. They pass them without seeing them. "Look! Slurm! Finally!" Fry pointed at a conveyor belt with cans of Slurm on it. He walks over, picks up a can and drinks from it. "Oh, yeah! I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again." "It's the end of the line." Leela spoke "This must be where they put in the secret ingredient." Behind her is a door marked "Slurm Production Chamber". "Well, whatever it is, it's even better fresh." He takes another swig. "Mmm, still warm." "Frsh? Warm?" Derpy contemplated. Leela opened the door. They all walked in and gasp; In the middle of the room is a huge worm wearing a crown and scoffing handfuls of Wumpus berries. Some worms massage the middle of her body and the secret ingredient comes out the other end of her and into Slurm cans. Everyone was disgusted, and Derpy, again, puked. Fry gulps back some more Slurm. "Fry!" Leela yelled. Fry realised what he is doing and spits the Slurm out with a sigh of relief. Then he drinks some more. "Fry!" He spits it out again and they watch the giant, Queen looking worm produce the drink. "That's the secret ingredient of Slurm!?" Derpy asked "I don't know," Leela replied "But I think that's the only ingredient of Slurm." "Ew!" Fry added. He consoled himself by drinking from the can again. Leela knocks it out of his hand and the Slurm Queen turned around with a loud roar. She swings at them with her back end and they duck out of the way. She takes another swipe at Leela, and she jumps out the way to Fry, Derpy, and Bender. The Queen took another swing and they run out the door screaming. Fry ran back in to pick up the can of Slurm, but Derpy jumped onto the back of his head and delivered another slap. He groaned and ran out. The three (with Derpy riding & holding onto Fry's hair) ran around a corner and guards fire their lasers at them. They come to a ravine and nearly fall into it. "I'll save us!" Bender spoke. He extended his arms and legs over the ravine, allowing all of them to run across him. "Oh, that feels good!" They reach the other side and Bender retracts his arms and legs. "Thanks, Bender!" Fry spoke. Bender coughed. Fry and Leela reluctantly hand him some cash, though Derpyt held up a magnet. "Don't make me use this!" She threatened. They all ran around another corner. "The exit! We made it!" Leela pointed. The "exit" leads back to where they began with the queen looking worm still there. "Uh, Your Majesty, I brought the prisoners." Bender spoke. Derpy jumped onto Bender's head and attacked. "TRAITOR!!!" Bender held her, but they all saw Glurmo appearing from behind the Queen. "Well, my curious friends," He said "you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive." "You wish, you slimy worm! Hi-yah!" Leela yelled. She karate chopped Glurmo's head off. The decapitated head grows a body and the body grows a head, forming two Glurmos. A guard hands the new head a hat. The Glurmos pin Leela to the floor. Guards point lasers at Fry, Derpy, and Bender's backs. "Good work, Glurmo. You have pleased your queen." The huge worm spoke. "Thank you, Your Majesty." One of the Glurmos spoke with a high pitch voice "Thanks, ma'am." The other replied in a more nasally sounding tone "How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind!?" Leela demanded "It's disgusting." "Is it?" The Queen asked "Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a cow's behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?" "Whose behind does that come from?" Fry asked "You don't wanna know." "Look, we just came to party with Slurms MacKenzie." Derpy spoke "By the way, when is that scheduled?" "...I have no idea what it said. GUARDS!!! Take the Muzzle off!!!" Some of the guards took Derpy's muzzle off. "Yes! I can speak! Now, as I was saying-" "Look, we just came to party with Slurms MacKenzie." Bender spoke "By the way, when is that scheduled?" Derpy glared at him. "Never!" The queen shouted. "To the torture cave!" In the Torture cave, Bender has been tied to a conveyor belt, which moves towards a machine. "You, my metal friend," The queen spoke "will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans." "Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown." Bender spoke. "You think!?" Derpy replied, standing in the middle of a that slowly filled with Slurm. "At least you'll be usable after death. I'm just gonna be fossilized in Worm ass juice." "Correct!" The Queen replied before slithering to Leela, who is raised in a harness and suspended over a vat of purple goo. The Glurmos stand by a control unit. "As for you, you will be submerged in Royal Slurm which, in a matter of minutes, will transform you into a Slurm Queen like myself. "But, Your Highness," One of the Glurmos spoke "she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul." "Yes! Which is why we'll market it as New Slurm. Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm Classic, and make billions!" She and the Glurmos laugh. Small Glurmo #1 pushed a lever down and Leela is lowered into the purple Slurm. "You bastards!!!" Derpy yelled "You can't hurt my family like that, you coca-cola copycatteers!!! Fry, sick 'em!" "Uh... What about me?" Fry asked. Derpy groaned to herself. "Why do I even try?" "You are free to go." The Queen spoke to Fry "Yes!" He cheered "If you can resist this concentrated super Slurm!" The Glurmos grab him and sit him in a chair in front of a tub. The Slurm Queen fills the tub with a dark green slime. "It's so delicious, you'll eat until you explode! Oh, which reminds me, put a tarp over that sofa, will you? Bon appétit!" One of the Glurmos forces a spoonful of the Slurm into Fry's mouth. Fry struggles then smiles. "Farewell! Oh, and congratulations again on winning the contest." She and the Glurmos laugh insanely and leave. "Fry, untie us, quick!" Leela yelled. "I'm too young to die!" Derpy added "Here I come!" Fry spoke. He stops at the tub of Slurm. "Let me just-- One more taste." He takes three scoops "You pig!" Leela yelled "Stop stuffing your craw and save us." Fry walked towards her, then changes his mind and sticks his head into the tub. "I can't see what's happening. Are we boned?" Bender asked "Yeah, we're boned." Then, the sound of a machine was heard, with a door openeing. Derpy looked up to see the Stallion. "You!!!" She cheered. "You're here!!!" "I am." He replied with a smug. The other one appeared. "I'm here as well!" "Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you!? Stay inside!" "Oh, well excuse me! Two minds are better than one!... Say, is that Slurm? I love that stuff!" He ran off. "Wait! Don't-!" More eating was heard. The stallion groaned, turning to Derpy. "Why did I ever do that experiment?" "... I don't follow." Derpy replied. "Oh... right... different time. Hold still." He pulled out his screwdriver and the machine stopped. The stallion walked away, but threw a ladder down for her. She climbed up the ladder and landed next to him. "How did you know we'd be here?" "Like I said, I'm a traveler. This is my second time here, actually... kinda had the same adventure like you all. Now hold still." He used the screwdriver again and the weights fell off. Derpy stretched and cracked her bones. "Ahh! That feels good!... Wait! My family!" "We're alright." Leela spoke. Derpy turned to see Leela dried off, Bender with a single hole in the middle of his casing, and Fry with the other stallion suffering from rehab already. "Hold on, I got this." The stallion next to Derpy spoke, pulling out two huge needles. "You may want to close your eyes... and cover your ears." The group ran through the caves, though the smarter stallion was back in his box, no doubt, becoming more of a Deus Ex Machina in flesh. "We're close to the exit!" Leela spoke "I can smell those filthy orange guys." The not-so-smart stallion sniffed the air. "Hm... Axe Body Spray." He observed. Ahead of them is Slurms MacKenzie and the babes. "Stop right there!" He announced "Slurms MacKenzie!?" Bender, Derpy, and the stallion asked in shock "Shh! I want you to take me with you." "...Say what?" Derpy asked "I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?" "Forget it, pal." Bender replied, holding up the "You Win!" cap. "It says on this bottle-cap you have to party with us." "Alright, when we get to Earth. But please don't invite too many people, I wanna keep it small." "No can do, Slurms!" He pats him on the back. The cave started to shake and the Slurm Queen bursts through the wall. Everyone screams. "This way!" Slurms ushered them into another part of the cave. A sign above reads "Danger Cave-In Area". "She's gaining on us!" Derpy spoke "Quickly! We need C4s!" Slurms stops running. "Go on without me, I'll hold her off." He spoke Everyone else stops. "But she'll crush you like a worm!" Fry replied "...Crushing a smaller worm." "It's alright. I'm so tired of partying. So very tired." He took off his shades off revealing his bloodshot eyes underneath. "I'll save you the only way I know how: By partying!" One of his babes turns on Slurms' music and he starts to dance. "Babes?" "Yes, Mr. MacKenzie?" One of them asked "You've served me well these 40 years, but this time I've got to party alone." "But--" The other retorted "There'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go!" They run away and Slurms dances and the Slurm Queen closes in. The tunnel starts to collapse and Slurms turned the volume up to maximum. More rocks fall from the roof. Bender and Derpy turned around "Party on, Slurms." Derpy spoke with a tear falling down her eye. Slurm saluted. "Party on, contest winners. Party on." Bigger rocks falls from above and they pile up in the tunnel. Back in the ship's Cockpit, Hermes, Zoidberg and Amy sit on the couch, Bender relaxes at his station, Leela pilots the ship with Derpy snuggling on her head, all while Fry and Farnsworth use the phone. "Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery." Farnsworth spoke "It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm hiney!" On the screen, the commissioner sits in his office in front of a seal with "Bureau Of Soft Drinks, Tobacco, Firearms" written around it. "Hmm, "hiney", you say?" He asked "Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm." "Outlaw Slurm!?" Fry asked. He looked at a can and runs between Farnsworth and the screen. "Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir! Grandpa's making up crazy stories again." "I'm not your grandpa, you're my uncle!" Farnsworth replied "From the year 2000!" Fry made the cuckoo gesture. "OK, grandpa," The commissioner replied "we'll take care of the "bad worms", don't you worry." He hanged up. Fry opened another can of Slurm. "Ah, I just wish Slurms MacKenzie were here to enjoy this with us." Fry spoke. Then the machine whirring came. The box appeared and both the smart stallion and Slurms came out. "You really think that'll help?" Slurms asked, no doubt, the two seemed to have a conversation beforehand. "Of course it will." The stallion replied "I may be a traveler, but I'm a doctor at heart. Now, with these papers signed, you should have a great retirement ahead of you, but keep taking these pills, eat healthy, and... well... try to avoid Slurm." He handed Slurms some pills. "Ah, thanks brother." Slurms accepted and the two did a bro fist... or hoof... slime? Everyone just watched, though the other stallion that was with them snickered. "It's a placebo." He whispered to Derpy. Derpy blinked, but smiled. "Let him have it." She replied "PARTY!!!"