//------------------------------// // Bullet #3: You Will All Taste OBLIVION!!!!! // Story: RVB & MLP // by Kendall04082 //------------------------------// Doc's POV Welp, certainly wasn't expecting this to happen, but it happened. Hi, my name's Frank Dufresne, but people always complain about my name being too difficult to pronounce, so they ( and by "they", I mean a familiar team of blue-armored soldiers ) decided to give me the nickname "Doc". And when I expected for this name to not last very long, it seemed to just fit with me. I've been with the Reds and Blues for a really long time now, excluding the moments where I was absent, and have had some exciting yet dangerous experiences with these guys. For example, one time, an orange soldier by the name of Dexter Grif unintentionally threw an alien-built teleportation grenade at me when he was testing it out with a few crates that unknowingly sent me to another dimension ( that I won't be mentioning ). Ah, yes. The memories are just so gratifying. Oh, yeah. And that's where I "reunited" with him. Say hi, O'Malley! Hello, you incompetent stooges. I hope you have life insurance, because if you don't, your families are going to have to start working at Wendy's after you've faced OBLIVION!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! O'Malley! You're making a bad first impression of yourself! We rehearsed this! Oh, shut up, you fool! The audience loves it when I mercilessly insult them all! Can we please get back to the main topic!? Oh, alright. If you need me, I'll be muttering heinous words under your breath until you decide to punch yourself in the face. Yeah, good luck with that. Anyway, without any further interruptions, let's get on with the story, shall we? It all started when me and the others were about to go all out on a few black-armored soldiers when this white flash appeared out of nowhere and blinded all of us until we could see again. I had no idea what could've caused it, but I was a little preoccupied with my own preferred questions. What did it do exactly? Did it send us to another location or something else? And this is when I found myself dangling over an edge to ginormous gorge, probably about a few hundred meters in width and height. My hands were getting a little tired from keeping from falling to my doom, so now I tried to find any other things I could use to climb and luckily, this gorge acquired a few rock ledges that looked perfect to use. Oh, really? Because I would say those ledges look more rickety than useful. Anyway, I spotted the nearest long rock ledge to the right and reached for it until I successfully grabbed it and let go of the previous one. I may not be much of a climber than I am a track-runner, but at least, I hoped for me to get out this pickle with no difficulty whatsoever. OH GOD, I'M GONNA DIIIIIE!!!!! And that's when we found the lemon head. You do know he's actually orange, right? Of course, you idiot! Do you think I'm blind?! No? Let's just continue. As I heard that voice, I quickly recognized it as Captain ( formerly private ) Grif's own voice and looked further to my right to the point where I clearly saw him, hanging onto a branch. Quite frankly, I had no idea if I should be glad or be feeling...what's the word again? Doomed? Unlucky? Like you want to punch him until he cries like a grown baby? Uh,....something like that. The first thing I tried to do was to call him from where I was. "HEY, GRIF!!" Thankfully, the gorge helped my voice echo off the walls and to my out-of-shape comrade. "DOC!? DOC, IS THAT YOU!?" "YEAH, IT'S ME!! YOU NEED A HAND OVER THERE!?" "Do I need a hand over- OF COURSE I NEED A F**KING HAND OVER HERE! NOW!!" "OKAY! I'M GONNA CLIMB UP HERE FIRST SO I COULD PULL YOU UP LATER OVER THERE!" "HOLD ON! CAN YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT!?" "HOPEFULLY!" *Sigh* "ALRIGHT, BUT IF DIE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR MEDICAL SKILLS HAD NOT BEEN THE BEST! NOT AT ALL!" "IT'S OKAY! I'VE HEARD THAT MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT!!" After my little chat with Grif, I swung from ledge to ledge, slowly making my way out of the gorge. I kept reminding not to look down, otherwise, I would've passed out by now. "Almost there...." I was getting closer to what I say was the final ledge that lead up to the surface and grabbed onto the second ledge with both hands. But when I did, I heard a breaking sound and it turned out to be the rock which instantaneously broke itself apart ( hey, kinda like that ship we once crash landed ) which made me fall, "WOAH, NELLY!!" but fortunately, grasped a convenient branch in time with one hand. "Whew! That was a close one." My heavy breathing was hard to take control of and my heart literally skipped a beat when I fell. "DOC, ARE YOU ALRIGHT OVER THERE!?" "YES, I'M FINE! I JUST SLIPPED......A LITTLE!" "WELL THEN, HURRY THE F**K UP! I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS ANYMORE!" "OH, QUITE WHINING, YOU COCK SUCKER!!" "YOU QUITE WHINING!" With a sigh of minor aggravation, I made a second attempt and climbed to the top but with caution this time. I made sure to only test out the rocks' durability and how much weight it could carry by placing only one hand on the rock before confirming if it was safe enough or not. Eventually, my strategy surprisingly worked because once I've grabbed onto the final ledge, I pulled the rest of myself up and placed my soles on the green grass once I did. Man, I was glad to get out of that mess and whoever says I'm not capable of rock climbing? How about Jimmy Grandon from 4th grade? Or Tessie Almeida from college? Well, thank you, O'Malley. Now, I'll be sure to trust you in lots of more stuff than now. That better not be sarcasm....... Moving on, "Phew! Finally got outta that situation." my short-lived celebration reminded me of Grif for some odd reason, "Now, to help Grif." and hurried along to Grif's spot. Once I did, I could observe him, still dangling froma ledge which was not very far from several other ledges around him. I would've asked about that, but then I realized it was GRIF, so everything pretty much checks out. "GRIF, GIVE ME YOUR HAND!" I extended my hand to him and I could tell he was metaphorically urinating in his armor's lower half. "AND YOU'RE SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK!?" "CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES! Actually, now that I've said it aloud, I don't like making promises at all." *Sigh* "THAT'LL HAVE TO DO!" After gathering his seemed-to-be courage, Grif jumped a bit before grasping my hand and right before that rock ledge crumbled in pieces as well. But, here's where I wished I remembered who I was pulling up: I tried pulling him up to safe ground, but he was a lot heavier than I imagined. Man, Sarge really needs to whip him up in shape more, or else, Grif's gonna regret not taking those training exercises in his past years as a private. And maybe I should've taken arm exercises when I was still in high school because Grif's weight might be a little too, uh,.......much for me. Smooth. "Uh, Doc? Why aren't you pulling me up?" "I'm trying, but I think you're a bit too heavy for me to lift!" "Are you saying that I'm fat?" "What!? Nooooooooooo-well, maybe." "Ah, I don't blame ya'. People have always said that I'm fat and after hearing a lot of times over and over again, I've come to accept that I am indeed a little overweight." Wow, that's the most truthful thing he's ever explained since, I guess, forever? Maybe I should tell Sarge about this when or IF I'm able to find him in time. "Wow, Grif. That was the most honest statement you've ever made." "I know. I'm a really honest guy." I knew that wasn't true because he's lied many times to the soldiers back on Chorus. Once at Valhalla, Sarge was scheduling him to have a little chat with him which was undoubtedly about something not very pretty. Grif had no trouble figuring this out, so he asked Caboose for help and painted his armor from blue to orange. He could've also swapped his helmet for Caboose's, but he felt like painting was exhausting as enough as it was. And trust me on this one, the results were unbelievable! After a moment of thinking, I attempted my plan one more time and pulled Grif with all of my strength, but then, I soon noticed that Grif was using a rock grabbing point to boost himself up even more. He calls it excessive thinking, I call it ways to actually help someone who's trying to help you. And as I saw more of his structure emerging from the edge, his legs were eventually able to touch the surface as well and got out of the situation, at last. "Whew! Now, that situation could've gone bad!" "Yeah, but once again, we've somehow managed to get ourselves out of another one of mother nature's natural tests." "HA! YOU HEAR THAT, MOTHER NATURE!?!? YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR THE AWESOME ABILITIES OF SURVIVAL OF US HOMO F**KING SAPIENS!!" Wait, how does he know that? Ah, whatever. If I should be asking that to anybody, it should be Caboose. Now, that we got outta there, it was time to find our way around this place, wherever this is. "So, Grif? ......How's it goin'?" "Well, let me summerize: I was blinded by a white light, I was dangling onto a giant gorge, and I could've practically fallen to my doom if it weren't for you helping me out. As far as I'm concerned, it pretty much sucked a few seconds ago." "So, you good, then?" My ears picked up a growl from Grif and something told me he wasn't calming down as I wished. "Whatever, let's just go." He started walking away in a random direction. "Wait, where are we going?" "Where do you think, jackass? Into that forest!" He pointed his finger at the clearly spooky and dark forest. I couldn't tell if he was lazy AND insane or just plain insane. Either way, this was a bad idea. "Um, i-isn't there a safer path we could go?" "Well, you could always jump into the gorge and die." Okay, I know that I said I loved OBLIVION!!! But, not exactly when it happens to me. You mean us? Uh,....sure. "O-On second thought, Grif, maybe I'll just stick with your idea." I grew a nervous chuckle. I waited for him to respond, but then saw that he was already taking off into the depths of the woodlands. I didn't want to be alone again, so I ran for him. "Wait, Grif! Wait for me! I don't want to be left out again!" Church's POV After finally getting my annoying and perverted friend out of the wall, me and Tucker, along with the two horses and one alien- I mean, dragon, were explaining everything we knew about the life on Earth. Our traditions, our behaviors, our knowledge. Ya' know, basic crap and whatnot. Tucker was still having trouble understanding how life handles in this universe since that Twilight Sparkle horse or pony, as they mentioned it, said that we were on the planet Equis. I swear, is everything on this planet named after some sort of horse-related word?! "Hm, so I see." Twilight said after we told her about what happened before we got here. Let's just hope it was enough info for her. "You and your friends were defending yourselves against an army of black-armored soldiers, but suddenly, you all were blinded by a bright flash of light and came here?" "Okay, one: yes. And two: they're not exactly our friends, but we just follow them around for the hell of it." For once, he was right. We might not be friends at all, but that exactly doesn't stop us from having badass adventures all around the world. It's just in our nature. "Speaking of which, hey Tucker." He turned his attention. "How did you actually manage to get stuck in that wall in the first place?" "Well, why don't ask Twilblight Sparkle here who was RESPONSIBLE FOR BLASTING ME INTO SAID WALL!!" Yeesh, anger issues. Wait a minute,..... "Hey, it wasn't my fault! I didn't know you would so randomly show up out of nowhere!" "Tough tits, you horny horse!" I watched them butt heads with each other ( Hehe, butt heads ) and saw that Fluttershy and the little guy, Spike, were terrified at their actions. I, for one, was somehow enjoying seeing them fight, but suddenly felt the urge to help both of them out. I, of course, disagreed with myself, but came to an unbelievable conclusion to stop this at once. "Alright, you guys!" I yelled and pushed both of them away from one another. "Break it up! Break it up!" I knew this was a terrible idea. "Oh, c'mon, Church! I thought you liked watching friends fight!" Weeeell, that IS true. "Weeeell, that IS true." Oh, son of a-! "But, I think this time, I'll make an exception. You two need to apologize to each other right this instant, otherwise you both are gonna have a talk with my little friends!" I tried to threaten them by bringing my fists up in a boxing-ish kind of pose. Obviously, they weren't threatened, but after they gathered their thoughts, they decided to make up. I should be lucky they weren't THOSE kind of people who, after apologizing, ask each other if they want some - OKAY, NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT!! "*Sigh* Alright, well.......I'm....s-sorry, Twiblight." "Twilight." "What did I say?" Her growling wasn't scary at all, but eventually, they both shook hands.....or hooves or whatever. I'm just glad they made up with each other. Now, I'll have one less individual to worry about getting killed by. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna get killed anyway. Accident or not. "Alright, so we all cool?" I received nods from all five of us except me and I was relieved. "Cool! .......So, now what?" "Yeah, now what?" I had to agree with Tucker ( and myself, of course ). We were getting bored already. Boy, I guess being on wild and bull-crappy adventures all the time actually makes you forget how it feels to be bored and not having the adventures of a lifetime. Dude, boredom and not doing anything sucks. Like, really, REALLY sucks! "Well, we could always-" Twilight would have finished her full sentence if somepony ( Fluttershy taught me that too ) hadn't burst through the doors on the spur of the moment. Wait, am I using horse language now? *sigh* Anyway, the individual was a slightly lighter shade of pink than Twilight, also acquired a horn ( but no wings ), and had a hairstyle that probably Carolina or Sister would be jealous of. Y'know, if they were hair models. "Twilight! Twilight!" The unexpected individual called to her...."friend", I guess? Why do I still pause every time I want to say...."friend"? - Oh, goddammit! "There's an emergency down at town square! And not the normal type of emergency!" 'Yeah, like there even is such thing as a "normal" emergency.' I thought in my head, calling back all the times I had to deal with random daily bull-sugar back at our bases ( GOD, WHY CAN'T I STILL CURSE!!?? ). "Starlight, calm down! What is it? What's going on?" The pony ( who I will now name "Starlight" ) did as her friend told. Meanwhile,..... "Psst! Hey, Church! You think I've got a chance with that new horse chick over there?" "Don't even think about it, you jackass-pervert." "Ah, you're right. She's not my favorite color anyway." "Yeah-wait, what?" Back to these ponies,..... "Well, I was just trotting through Ponyville like always," Starlight began explaining her conundrum. "when all of the sudden, ponies started running away from something!" "Alright, then what was this 'something'?" Twilight asked. And y'know, something about these two make me feel.....familiar. Eh, it'll come to me soon, probably. "I-I didn't observe very clearly, but what I do know is that it stood on two legs-" Huh, kinda like me and Tucker. "-, was wearing some type of blue armor or something-" Hm, that sounds - wait, did she just say BLUE armor? "-, and had a weapon on its back! I didn't know what kind, it seemed alien almost!" A weapon? On his back? Okay, now I DEFINITELY remember something like this? But, what was it? Or WHO was it? "Can you give me any more details? Like if it could speak or-" "Wait, yes! I remember it could talk! But, what confused me was that it said something about......." Well, spit it out, woman! Spit it out, YOU SUSPENSION-LOVING BIT-!! ".......taxes?" .........I must be hearing things. I MUST be hearing things. I HAVE GOT. TO BE. HEARING. THINGS. "Taxes? Why taxe-?" "CABOOSE!!" "........" "........" "........" "........Uh, who are these two-?" We didn't even say a single word to Starlight because me and Tucker had already poofed out of there. And, of course, by "poofed", I mean we ran out of the room so fast that we left cloud copies of ourselves behind. Unfortunately, those two said copies vanished away as soon as we left. Rest in peace, Church and Tucker clouds. Oh, great! I just realized something! Those guys never even SAID "Rest In Peace" to me the first time I "died"! What is my life coming to!? *several calming breaths* Okay, Church. Just.....relax. You don't wanna start throwing up blood before you finish this narration. *calming sigh* Man, haven't had one of those in years. An eternity, maybe even. After enough staring at the doors which me and Tucker went through to exit the castle, Fluttershy decided to speak up. "Oh, dear. We should probably go after them to make sure they don't hurt themselves." "And to see if they know anything about that blue-armored-creature outside." Twilight stated. "MY NAME.....IS MICHAEL J. CABOOSE!!!" "Oh, God......." "This is even worse than we thought......" "AND I!!!" "HATE!!!" "TAXES!!!!!!" "......." "......." "Cliffhanger!"