//------------------------------// // 02 - Full belly, hollow heart. // Story: Bridging Words // by The SideKick //------------------------------// Walking was what you were trying to do, but it would be more accurate to describe it as your slug impression. Your feet dragged across the tiled floors of the hall, one could reasonably compare your spine to the stem of a wilted flower, your arms would need to be tied to your torso in order to keep them from hanging so low that they practically touched the ground, and it would not be surprising if others thought your eyes had been moved to the top of your head with how low it was hanging, it was a wonder you could see ahead of you otherwise. If someone was able to get a clear view of your face they would see the shadows under your eyes, looking more like makeup with how solid the discoloration was. To top it all off your movements were slow and wobbly, seeming like you were ready to fall over at any given moment. After stumbling your way to the grand doors of the dining halls you take a quick detour to a bathroom nearby, thanking whatever genius decided to put the bathrooms in such a convenient place. Like other mornings, you repeat a routine developed out of your personal need to maintain your appearance of everything being fine. Waiting in a stall until you were sure you were alone you begin to work on getting yourself at least halfway presentable. Stretches to pop your muscles and help wake you up a little more, splashing your face with water and combing your hair, and using the flip comb you had gotten recently to straighten it out. Last you do a final check up to try and catch any lingering blemishes. Unfortunately, you had no real way to combat the dark spots under your peepers and would have to rely on good old truth bending to explain those at breakfast. Before going you took a moment to sit down and just think. You found yourself doing that much more than you ever had before. You weren't worried about being late to eat as being up a few hours earlier than even Celestia, the one who raises the sun itself, made sure you had plenty of time to do as you wanted. Being up this early did afford you some advantages. Namely being able to avoid ponies who would ask you questions if they saw how tired and tattered you looked, but also being able to avoid the awkward privileges being a prince allowed you for a little while longer. You hated waiting in line and crowded hallways, for sure, but having an entire hall of ponies split apart like you were Moses made you very uncomfortable. Being a prince was the least of your problems, if you could even really call it a problem, but it was something you wish wouldn't be made into such a big deal. Thinking you've had been on the pot for long enough you heave yourself up and with a small bit more energy and a lot less slouch you head to the dining hall, not stopping your thoughts from running around your mind. You figured it would be best to stick with what you have been telling Celestia for the last few weeks, that you were just getting really sucked up in those new Daring Do novels she got you and you couldn't sleep without finishing that last chapter, though ideally you will try to just avoid the topic altogether. Standing before the opened entrance flanked by one guard on either side you take in a deep breath and let it out slowly before walking in. Like always only the earliest of risers were there eating, barely a hundred in what would soon become just over a thousand were spread about in the many tables. Each table was set simply into long rows and loaded with various different breakfast items waiting for their ultimate fate, except for one table near the back. Aside from its position and slightly more ornate design this table was hardly any different from the rest. That's something you loved about Celestia. She never boasted her royalty, always trying her best to come off like any other pony, though even an alien like you could have seen how that could be difficult from day one. Speaking of Celestia, as you made your way to the table you could see her and your aunt Luna talking. Your aunt. She was your biggest problem. You don't mean to sound like you haven't grown to love her too, she's a great pony to be around, always with a story ready to tell or some good practical advice. But she could see into dreams. As the Princess of the Night she had a great amount of power over dreams and would help guide ponies through confusing dreams and protect them from nightmares. And with your recent nightmares it was natural that you feared she would get into your dreams. Thankfully for reasons they have yet to figure out she couldn't get into your head. You could barely understand most ponies as it was and the magical mumbo jumbo they tried to explain to you about the whole dream situation went right over your head, all you needed to know was that for now, you were safe. As you approached the table Celestia noticed you first. You saw her put on a caring, soft smile that you knew was trying to cover her concern. In your short lifetime you had gotten more experience in things than most of your age, most of all though being faces. Living in the orphanage you have seen many faces, studying them to try and read the feelings splayed across them, trying to figure out what they thought about you. You could see the worry in Celestia's, past the smile and happy eyes, her worries and doubts. It was easy to figure out why she felt like that, you had only been looking and feeling worse as time went, despite your best efforts to appear fresh-faced and bright-eyed. Throwing those thoughts away for the moment you smile back as she greets you. "There's my Sunshine! Good morning, sweetie!" No matter what mood you were in, Celestia's joyous demeanor always cheered you up. Smile growing a bit stronger, and a bit more sincere, you dig through your head for the right response in Ponelish. "Morning mom." Luna had noticed you by now and was smiling at you as well. As you took your seat you examined her face as you had Celestia's. Like her sister she had a smile that was meant to betray love and care, and again you could see the concern she held for you. Unlike Celestia though, there was the edge of doubt you could detect in her face. Neither of them really believed you about staying up late to read, but Luna in particular was set in trying to worm out the truth from you whereas Celestia tried to gently coax it out of you. This meant that at times it could become a bit of word based war with her as you deflected her invasive questions and you tried to subtly convince her that your dreams were of no interest and that she shouldn't bother with you. "Morning aunt Luna." "And an ever -~-~ta-~- morning to you as well, dear nephew." And of course you couldn't forget the fact that she liked to speak in that old-fashioned manner of hers. That by itself would have been manageable, but when it was also in another language altogether. You looked to Celestia for help. "Re-pu-ta-ble, dear." She sounded out for you. "Oh." Flashing an awkward smile at Luna you begin to dig into breakfast, trying to avoid more talking, her and Celestia sharing a look before following suit. The first few minutes of eating were quiet as more ponies filled the large room and began to eat as well, your own meal consisting of waffles, french toast, and scrambled eggs, all cooked to perfection. It was strange having to switch to a completely vegetarian diet, but the amazing cooking crew in the castle had just as amazing alternatives to make the change rather easy. Luna clearing her throat got your attention as you finished off a bite of egg. "So nephew, has "Daring Do and the Crystals of Mongdu" been an engaging read for you?" Letting a sigh out within your mind you get ready for a fight of the verbal kind with an enemy on their home turf. "Yes, each...chap-ter is better than the last." Your grasp on the Equestrian language was fairly decent at this point, but you still needed to sound out a word from time to time. It was getting easier for you to just speak in Ponelish rather than English, but you still found yourself slipping back and forth from time to time. "That is good to hear. Pray tell, what did you think of the seventh chapter, "Daring's Dare"?" That was one of Luna's favorite ways to try and trip you up, testing your actual knowledge on the books. "I liked it, though why Daring HAD to throw the Tome of Ragun in the fire I still don't know, but I guess I still have the rest of the book to go through." Daring Do wasn't your favorite series, not that it was bad or you didn't enjoy it, it just was not as interesting as some the other stuff you've found. Despite this, you've been reading it religiously every day to make sure you had the higher ground in these duels with Luna. Besides, they were a gift from Celestia, you couldn't just sit them on a shelf to collect dust. "I don't think she remembered to put why in the book, though I do recall her saying it had something to do with a curse." You looked back at Celestia who had just interjected, confusion clearly spread across your face. "What? Do you think she goes off on those adventures of hers to scrounge through ancient civilizations and save Equestria without running over the details with me? She just likes to leave out all the bureaucratic wish-wash to keep the books lively." She wore a small grin as she said this, but you could also see something like...hope in her expression as she looked at you waiting for your reaction. You just blink owlishly before looking back to Luna, Celestia’s brow curling into a confused frown as you went on like she didn't say anything. "But yeah, it's getting pretty good and I can't wait to get to the next chapter tonight." Giggling at her sister's expense Luna took the last bite of her food and began to get up. "I am sure you are, though please try and be -~-~ of the time, you need your sleep just as the rest of us do." You don't care to figure out the one word you couldn't understand, relief washing over you as Luna finally lets you be. You give a parting wave. "I'll re-~-~-~, I mean, I'll re-mem-ber. Have sleep good." Gah, stupid horse language. You were doing so good too. Luna just laughs at you good-naturedly, and you could hear Celestia joining her as she walks off to her chambers. Another saving grace, she was nocturnal, meaning you only had to talk with her in mornings and right before bed. As you watch her leave for the moment you get a heavy feeling in your chest, like it was somehow being squeezed from the inside. Guilt. You didn't like lying to Luna any more than to Celestia. She had been nothing but nice and welcoming, even when she tried discreetly probing you for answers, not once making a stink about you being human or Celestia’s adoptive son. The fact that she was even trying so hard to figure out what was wrong with you was such a kind gesture, and you hated having to shut her down every time. Before you could dwell on it too long Celestia grabs your attention. "Aware." "Huh?" The sound universal for representing that you have no idea what someone was talking about escaped you as you looked at Celestia. "She said aware." "Oh, okay." And that was that. She looked ready to say something else though and you waited for her to do so, neither of you saying anything else as you picked away at what little was left of your food. Soon Celestia would have to leave to start her duties as Princess, and you would be off to the library to meet with the specialized home teacher that had been hired for you. This is how most mornings started now, Luna looking for answers and Celestia being the passive loving mother, all ending in an almost crushing silence before you three went about your business. You hated it more than the nightmares. Plate clean and mug empty, you’re about to say goodbye and head off for another lecture on how to pronounce some random set of words with nickers and whinnies when Celestia coughs. "So, sunbeam, we haven't had a good chance to talk for a while." Oh god. If Celestia took a page from Luna's book and pushed you for information you know you wouldn't be able to lie to her for long. You quickly took a fake swig of your mug to cover you gulping before you replied. "Ye-yeah, you've been really busy." "Too busy. I can't say just how sorry I am for not making enough time for just us, sweetie." You were sweating ever so slightly from the nearly choking amount of nervousness building up inside you. You thought that was just a thing that happened in cartoons but, oh god, that sad look she had. Every little transgression you've ever committed was at the tip of your tongue just to get this godawful weight off your chest. Forcing yourself to make eye contact you suppress all the sins fighting to escape from your mouth before speaking. "It's not your fault! I mean it's not t-too bad, I'm used to being alone..." Thanking whatever benevolent beings of the higher power for Celestia not noticing your strange tone you try to calm down as she talks. "That's the very reason why I need to fix my schedule as soon as I can, you don't need to be alone anymore, you have a family now." Visions of the orphanage flash through your mind, the fears that held you silent when it came to your night terrors redoubling. "I may be a princess, but you're my son-" You beg her mentally to stop before you broke down. "-And I need to be there for you. Especially now more than ever." She brings a hoof to your cheek, her eyes staring right into your soul as one of the most caring and sincere smiles you've ever seen graced her face. "I know you like to do things on your own, I just want you to understand you don't have to anymore." You looked fine, and that was as close to actually being fine you were ever going to be in this moment. The monster known as fear held a blade of your ingrained independence as it bared down on your need to seek solace for all your troubles with Celestia. Grabbing her hoof harder than you wanted you pull it down and look away from her face sharply. "~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~!" "I'm sorry?" Celestia asks, confusion and worry lacing her voice. Face burning red and stomach turning you stand up abruptly, voice coming out just under a yell. "I said I get it and thank you and I'm done with breakfast so I'm gonna go now bye!" You make a hasty retreat, not bothering to look back and see the hurt look you know you'd find on Celestia's face. Walking briskly, refraining from breaking out into a full run, you don't look up at the looks of confusion all the ponies you pass have as you make it out the door. The second you make it around the corner into the next hall you go into full on sprinting, your mind screaming at you for not telling Celestia and Luna about the nightmares, as you raced between the high walls until you make it to your room. Slamming the door behind you and sitting down, back against the door, you finally let the tears stream down your face. You hated this, you hated this, you hated this! You hated the nightmares, you hated not knowing if they were real, you hated being tired all the time, you hated lying to Luna, you hated lying to mom... It hurt. It hurt that you didn't know. Were you asleep now, laying in bed back at the orphanage? It and this both felt so real. You wanted to tell mom about it so badly. You wanted her to come hold you and tell you it was all right and that it was just nightmares. You wanted Luna to be able to get into your dreams and tell you that it was all fake and you really were here in Equestria with a new family. But how could you honestly believe any of this was real? You, a random orphan, being transported to a magical world full of talking ponies of varying species and other mystical creatures and being adopted by a princess? Even having just talked to them, even having just run through almost a half mile of the castle halls, even though you could feel the tiled ground under you and the wood of the door on your back you couldn't say it was absolutely real anymore. It would make more sense that this was the dream, wouldn't it? And you were scared that the second you told anyone here about any of this you would wake up. That if Luna got in your dreams that she would tell you to wake up and be right back to waiting out the days until you were eighteen. That if you told your mom, the mare you have come to love so much, the mare you wish more than anything was holding you right now, that she would disappear. Why? Why can't you just be allowed to have a family? It was ten minutes later when you had calmed down, though calm and okay aren't the same. You picked yourself up off the ground, dried your face, and went to the bathroom. You had enough time to make it to the library before you would be considered late for your lesson to clean up. Washing up quickly you check yourself over to see if you're presentable before walking out of your room, closing the door slowly with a click.