//------------------------------// // Manehatten // Story: Why Humans should never be allowed in Equestria // by Rainbow_Dashtruction //------------------------------// “I have a good feeling about this” said Scott, “As this adventure has progressed, I’ve bucked in the balls 1 less time per chapter, and this chapter is where is equals 0” Scott pushed open the exit to the Celestia State Building, only to encounter a hooded stallion, he wore a dark grey hoodie, had a yellow coat and his eyes and hair could not be seen. What could be scene however was the knife he was holding up at the duo, due to his species inherent shortness, he could only hold his arm up to Scott’s upper stomach area, but a knife to the stomach is still danagerous. “Give me all your bits” Said the pony, his voice was quite deep and threatening. “So you thought the two people in this entire fucking dimension who aren’t ponies would be the best target to attack, the also only two people who have guns holtered on their backs?” Said James, while intensely face palming to the point of hurting his forehead. “You know, I don’t think I thought this one quite through” said the pony, his voice now less angry, the knife in his hoof lowering. “Even more, how are you holding this thing, now that I think about it, how did Pinkie Pie operate a chaingun?” “We appear to be still surround by the traces of Pinkie Pie” said Scott. “Well I guess I will just leave” the pony turned around, seizing his opertunity, James quickly pulled the infinite ammo clip from the gun holstered in his back and threw it at the pony, hitting him in his back left legs back of knee. The pony suddenly bucked, hitting Scott in the stomach, then curled around on the ground, rubbing the hurt back leg. “Oooooh, aaaaaah, ooooooh, aaa… you guys can go, I’m probably going to be a while…oooooh, aaaahhh” said the pony. “Why did I throw the gun clip, instead of using the gun?” said James, “Wait where did the clip go” The clip had bounced, smashed through a window of the Celestia State Building, slid along the ground, knocked over a lamp, which caused the clip to slide to the middle of the room; the lamp knocked over a bookcase, which smashed an aquarium, causing a stupidly placed computer to get fried, causing it to explode, causing a nearby hanging light to smash and drop, landing on the clip, causing all “infinite” bullets to go off, and started rapidly smashing the inside of the building. “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” screamed James as the building slowly started to be destroyed, several bullets destroyed the door the clip had slid under, exposing the mugger pony to be torn apart in a hail of gun fire. “That’s why I threw the clip, totally intended that to happen” said James flippantly. “And I still get fucking bucked” “But this time in the stomach” James said happily. The group walking away from the pony corpse, or what remained, as there was a seemingly never ending wall of bullets flying over it. The duo walked for what seemed like hours (mainly due to James’s incredible lack of fitness), before stopping at a certain establishment. “Oh look, a “gentleman’s” club” said James, looking at what was clearly a strip club, “I have a hilarious idea” “Where did we even get these clothes?” asked Scott, as the duo entered the club wearing suits and top hats, James also sporting a monocle. “What are you talking about my dear friend, I think this was a marvellous idea and will be…err, quaint, yes I’m sure that makes sense old boy” Said James, speaking in a bad English Victorian accent. “You just used your entire list of wealthy Victorian gentleman slang in that one sentence didn’t you” Said Scott with a bemused smile on his face. “…I say boy you deserve a whipping, Well would you look at the derriere on that one, that’s all I had” said James as he pointed to a unicorn spinning on a strippers pole, she was blue with a white mane and light blue streak running down it. “I am the great and sexy Trixie!” she bragged, “Watch as I turn you on with my feminine charms. “Didn’t you use to be a travelling magician?” said Scott puzzlingly. “Well this is what happens when people destroy your home, all of your possessions, your reputation and because of my career choice, my career as result” said Trixie, now shuffing her posterior in Scott’s face, causing his eyes to widen heavily, his top hat falling off the back of his head. “All because I bucking bragged, which every magician does!” she was now getting louder, and angrier. “Scott, I believe you may of just sparked a shitstorm, I’d get your face out of her ass and run like fucking hell!” yelled James as he quickly walked out of the establishment. Scott tried to leave, be Trixie used her magic to hold him in place, leaving him in terror as she turned around and stared angrily at him. Finally, after what seemed like minutes, she let him go, and he ran out as quickly as could before half the club was blown off by a magical explosion. A group of black coated ponies angry stared at Scott, and started getting out magnums and Uzis. “GET IN GET IN GET IN!” Yelled James as in pulled up in front of Scott in a small car with back left door open, which Scott dived into. “Where did you get this car, and where did you learn to drive” yelled Scott. “A pony named Niko Bellic left it behind, and I learned from playing LA Noire” “That seems highly illogical” they smashed into a street pole which flew over them, “I stand corrected” the pole smashed straight through the windscreen of one of 5 pursuing cars’ drivers, causing him to swerve into two other cars, they could only helpless watch as their cars tumbled off the road, the middle car laid upside down between the wrecks of the others, before exploding in a brilliant fireball, killing all 3 cars residents. “Use your gun and shoot them off the road!” screamed James. The cars were close, a car was directly behind them, almost tailgating the car, while the other remaining car was within reaching distance of the cars left side, a blue pony pulled out a six-shooter and began to aim as he was torn apart by Scott’s gun, which proceeded to annihilate the enemy driver. His car lost some speed before it swerved straight into the duos car, which spun and flipped before resting upside down in the middle of an intersection. James opened his eyes, he was lying on his stomach next to the biggest piece of the burning car, he had been flung out, and was now covered in cuts and bruises, he looked to his left where Scott lay unconscious, his vision blurry. The final pursuing car parked nearby, and a black pagasus wearing a black fedora was slowly walking towards James, a gun help in one hand, completely unnerved by the burning chunks of metal he was near. He paused when he was 5 metres from James, bring his gun up, James did not have the strength to move and could only listen in fear as the stallion finally talked: “You were instrumental in the destruction of our main source of income, and for that, you die” he began to squeeze the trigger of the gun he now aimed at James, a shadow was looming over him. He looked up to see the remains of the Celestia State Building collapse on him. You see, when the “infinite” clip of ammo finally stopped having its bullets set off, the structure of the building had been badly damaged, and by pure luck, the building was finally about to fall as James was about ready to literally bite the bullet. James wanted to lie down, be wanted to stay on the road and sleep, but he knew more of the mafia would come, so he slowly got up and woke Scott. He turned towards the building which had narrowly missed him, and together the duo uttered three short words in unison. “Like a boss” (And so you reach the end of yet another insane chapter written by a terrible author)