A cup of tea was set on the table in front of Crystal and pulled her out of a daze. "Thank you," she mumbled, wrapping her hooves around the smooth, warm ceramic.
Winterspear nodded and took the seat beside her. "It's the least I can do." She reached out to put a hoof on Crystal's foreleg. "It's going to be okay."
"Of course it is," Crystal said almost reflexively, flinching and wanting to pull away from the physical contact. She held her ground, however, and stayed otherwise still. Her defenses fell when she looked in Winterspear's eyes and saw her own uncertainties reflected there. "… At least, I hope so."
"It's not as bad as the papers make it seem," Winterspear said, shaking her head. "They're not going to the battle itself. They're just there to relieve the gryphon troops from having to defend the cities so that they can fight instead."
A pit formed at the base of Crystal's stomach as she struggled against the words at the tip of her tongue. She couldn't say it. She shouldn't say it. And yet—"Isn't that what they said about the war your father was in?" Crystal asked softly, instantly regretting it.
"That was different!" Winterspear snapped. Her ears folded back and she averted her gaze to not meet Crystal's. "They were too close to the fighting and got caught up in it. This will be different. Silent won't end up like our father."
This time, it was Crystal who reached out to offer Winterspear the comfort of a simple touch. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm not thinking straight. I shouldn't have said that. I just came here from fighting with my parents, so—"
Winterspear's gaze returned to hers, eyes narrowed with wary suspicion. "What happened?"
"Oh." Crystal withdrew her hoof and wrapped it around the teacup again, gazing down into the light brown liquid. She collected herself by taking a slow sip from it. "My parents don't understand much of anything outside of the show and pomp of high society."
"They said something stupid, didn't they?" Winterspear snorted. "I'm not surprised. No offense, but ponies like your parents have been saying some horrible things since the declaration."
Crystal sighed, shaking her head. "No offense taken. Though… I've thought some horrible things."
Winterspear hesitated, her wings tucking in tight against her sides as the gears visibly turned while she searched for words. "Like... what, exactly?"
After biding her time again with another slow sip of tea, Crystal muttered, "Like how he should have stayed. That if he truly loved me, he wouldn't have gone. He's my husband first and foremost, isn't he?" Her ears folded back and she sighed, her breath pushing the steam from the tea through the otherwise still air. "But then I remember my vows, and that he took his oath before he took his vows."
Neither of them said anything for a while. Crystal just sipped her tea to pass the time while a clock on the wall ticked the seconds that passed. Winterspear looked around the room as though the couch or the rug were supposed to help her.
Finally, Winterspear rubbed the back of her neck. "We grew up pretty different, didn't we?"
A giggle bubbled up from Crystal's chest. "Oh, I would dare say that is an understatement."
Winterspear gave a short laugh in response as she leaned back into her seat, then cleared her throat. "Stratus drilled it into our heads that it's the Guard or nothing. That if ponies don't dedicate themselves a hundred percent to the Guard, then they're going to get somepony killed. Of course, Stratus saw stuff most ponies never even think about or could even imagine."
Crystal watched the mare as she spoke. Her gaze was fixated on nothing in the distance, and her tone was void of emotion. The tightly clenched jaw, the rigidly set shoulders, and the light flare of her nostrils gave away all the emotions boiling under the surface, however.
"He was bitter," she continued. "Always so bitter. When he was overseas and under attack, everything was normal here. He didn't come back to the heroes' welcome he expected. 'They'll never be grateful,' he said all the time."
Winterspear shook her head and refocused her gaze on Crystal. "Just because Silent left doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I would have volunteered, but—" She sucked in a breath and just below the table, Crystal caught sight of her wrung hooves. "I knew Silent would go no matter what, so I had to stay for Mom's sake. I can't let her be alone again, not after what she went through with Stratus."
There was a light hitch in her voice as she continued and her ears folded back under the weight of some unseen guilt. "And I—Iridescence and I already struggle taking care of Dot, just the two of us. I can't abandon her." She looked down at her lap. "Who am I kidding? I'm just a big hypocrite."
"Oh, Winterspear," Crystal murmured, shifting in her seat to face the mare and reaching out to grab her hooves. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I'm not begrudging you for staying! You don't think I do, do you?"
"You should!" Winterspear tried to pull her hooves away, but Crystal held on tighter. "I'm sitting here talking about how you shouldn't blame Silent because of the way he was raised, but I was raised just the same way. What excuse do I have?" She glared at her. "Why aren't you mad at me for staying?"
Crystal didn't know a lot about Winterspear. The times they had spent together were never very long. She knew the unfortunate highlight, however: Stratus Knight had never treated her right, favoring Silent instead.
The shadow cast by Silent under Stratus's lingering light was still looming over Winterspear. Him volunteering for war while she opted to stay behind must have been gnawing away at her all this time. It wasn't fair—it wasn't her fault.
Finally, Crystal smiled and shook her head. "Because you're not Silent."
Winterspear blinked a few times. "Huh?" Her nose scrunched up and she frowned. "But—just like that? It's that easy for you?"
"Of course. The only pony I blame here is Silent." Crystal laughed, though it was half-hearted and quickly faded away. "I just… I don't understand." She heaved a sigh and withdrew her hooves. "If they haven't left for the Gryphon Kingdom, then why did he have to leave me right then?"
"Oh." Winterspear hesitated, then straightened up. "You wouldn't know, would you?"
Crystal's brow furrowed. "Know what?"
"Of course not. They don't include a manual or anything for ponies like—for ponies that didn't grow up like we did." Winterspear sighed and rested her hooves on the table, tapping them together. "It's not as simple as 'war declared, soldiers ship out'. Silent and the other volunteers have to be there as soon as possible. That way the Guard knows how many ponies they have so they can decide how to assign them."
Crystal looked down at her teacup as guilt seeped into her chest. "But I just—" Her voice cracked as the feelings bubbled up into her throat. "One more night couldn't have hurt. Just one more night…"
Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. Then one more night after that, and another, and 'just one more night' until the war was over and he had never left because she kept begging him to stay.
Winterspear reached out to set her hoof on Crystal's again. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you signed up for."
Those words pulled Crystal out of her downward spiral and she quickly shook her head. "No, no, this is exactly what I signed up for! I knew. When he was in a coma, I was terrified. I wanted to give up and run away, but I decided that the risk of losing him was worth the reward of loving him." She shook her head again. "It's just harder than I thought."
Another moment of silence fell on them until Winterspear broke it with a light laugh. "You know? Sometimes I underestimate you. I guess that's because you're… well, you're just a civilian."
Crystal smiled softly, waving one hoof. "It's all right. Honestly, you can do no worse underestimating me than my parents do."
"Right… right." Winterspear's ear flicked. "Do you want to talk about what happened with them?"
Crystal shifted in her seat. She both did and didn't. If she felt so much offense at her parents' suggestion, how would Winterspear feel? Not only was she a guard, but it was her own brother that they were suggesting Crystal leave. "Not particularly. Actually, I would much rather talk about your mother."
Winterspear straightened up and pursed her lips. "What about her?"
"Would it be possible for me to see her?" Crystal paused to sip her tea. "I think I could use her perspective on some things."
"Oh." Winterspear glanced at the clock, then stood up. "Why not right now?"
Crystal blinked. "Right now? As in, this very moment? I—" She smiled. "That sounds perfect."
After finishing what remained of the tea, the two mares walked out of the complex and into the open space between the buildings. Winterspear stretched her wings while Crystal prepped herself for the visit. What mood would Wallflower be in? Was this a mistake?
"Do you want me to carry you, or would you rather sit on my back?" Winterspear asked, testing her wings with a few strong flaps that rose her off the ground.
Crystal shook her head. "I don't have a preference. Which is easier for you?"
Winterspear stretched out her forelegs toward Crystal. "Carrying is easier, actually."
"Then carrying it is." Crystal stepped closer to her, unsure of how to help. Silent normally would just sweep her off her hooves, and—
Well, he swept her into his embrace just the same as Winterspear did right then. There were differences, of course—such as the way she smelled and the feel of her forelegs—but it was a little startling to be held like a princess by somepony other than Silent.
"And off we go!" Winterspear said, taking flight without much of a running start, given that she only had her hindlegs available. It was a slower ascent than a pegasus could achieve when they had the use of all four legs, but several powerful pumps of her wings got her soaring soon enough.
It had been a while since Silent had taken her for a flight. The experience was nigh indescribable: the feeling of wind whipping through her mane, the view of Equestria from so high up, and the sounds of the world fading away. It was like becoming one with the sky.
Neither said anything as they made their way toward Cloudsdale. Crystal assumed Winterspear knew the way, because a cursory glance at the view ahead revealed an endless sea of clouds drifting in grey-blue skies. How did pegasi know where to go to find their home that never stayed in one place, anyway?
Crystal tried not to hum while she mulled that thought over. Perhaps it was a whisper on the wind or some sort of internal compass that guided pegasi home. Did she have anything like that? Well, there was a song unicorns were taught as foals to help focus their magic…
Of course, she didn't know any spells that required enough concentration for it, so she could hardly remember the melody, much less the words.
"Are you okay?" Winterspear asked into the silence between them. "You're not nervous, are you?"
"Nervous? Oh, no." Crystal inclined her head to smile up at her. "Not about meeting your mother, anyway. I'm just thinking. Honestly, I wish I were a pegasus at times like this. It's so… peaceful up here, isn't it?" She breathed in the fresh air and sighed contentedly. "It's easy to forget everything up here."
Winterspear listed to the right to navigate around a stray cloud. "Yeah. It's nice to just get away from everything."
Crystal's head tilted the other way to look at the nondescript Equestria below, wrapped in a hazy shade of winter. It could have been any continent or land mass, really. She wouldn't have been able to tell from that high up. "It really makes you feel small, too, though, doesn't it…"
"Small?" Winterspear's ears wiggled. "I just feel free."
Free. What did that mean? Had she ever felt free before? Crystal nestled close to Winterspear as a gust of wind chilled her to the bone—or perhaps it was just her own thoughts that felt so cold. Of course she had felt free. The weight of the present was just clouding the past.
She had felt free when she moved in with Velvet. Free when Silent dropped her in the middle of their dance. Free on her wedding day and her honeymoon. The only thing that had threatened her feeling of freedom was the war, but she couldn't let it win. She just wasn't sure how to stay strong.
Wallflower would have the answer. Wallflower had endured more than Crystal could even begin to imagine, and yet she was still standing. If she could just impart some magic words of wisdom to make things easier, then that was all Crystal needed.
They came up over a large group of clouds to reveal the marvelous sight that was Cloudsdale. Crystal had only seen it in books and from afar, but both failed to capture the beauty before her.
Rainbowfalls cascaded off the sides of the picturesque cloud city that stretched out in all directions. Pegasi were everywhere, little specks of color against a mostly white canvas. It was a haven for the winged ponies, so different from Canterlot and Manehattan and Chicagoat that it almost didn't even feel like a part of Equestria.
"My mom's house is right over there," Winterspear commented as they neared, gesturing with a nod at a section of homes on one side of the city. "As a warning, she's changed since the last time you saw her."
"Changed?" Crystal blinked. "What do you mean?"
Winterspear grinned down at her. "You'll see." She leaned back to flare her wings at an angle, slowing down as she neared the clouds that served as a ground in front of a little cottage. There was a planter out front, barren of any greenery, and the windows were propped open to let music drift out through them.
Carefully, Winterspear kept herself balanced with gentle flaps of her wings, walking on her hindlegs toward the front door. "Mom?" she called in a loud voice. "I've got a visitor for you!"
"What?" the mare's voice called from inside as the music turned off. Wallflower poked her head through one of the windows, her pale blue pixie-cut mane a wild mess. "Oh, Crystal?" She disappeared and a moment later, the door opened. "Please, come in, before Winterspear falls and drops you through the clouds."
Crystal's eyes widened as that horrifying thought flashed through her mind. "O-Oh my word, I hadn't thought this through at all. How is this even going to work?"
"It's fine," Winterspear grunted as she half-walked, half-flew Crystal inside and set her on the couch. "The furniture has to be imbued with cloudwalking enchantments to stay on the clouds."
"Oh." Crystal blinked and relaxed into the cushions. "That actually makes a lot of sense."
"Just don't walk off the edge of the rug and you'll be fine," Wallflower said from where she jogged on a treadmill. Though she was moving at a steady pace and had been for a while—judging by the sweat darkening her muted pink coat and the messy state of her mane—she hardly seemed out of breath. "Winterspear will catch you if you forget. Isn't that right, Winterspear?"
Winterspear nodded, sitting down beside Crystal. "Yes, ma'am."
Wallflower looked over at them without breaking her stride. "Now, what brings the two of you here? Is this about my son?"
Her voice was different; there wasn't a guarded wall of ice around it like normal. Crystal didn't quite know how to react at first, so all she could do was nod.
"I see." Wallflower jogged for a few more moments before she hopped off and walked over to them. She stared at Crystal with a piercing gaze that seemed to be weighing her against some unknown metric. Finally, she smiled. "Dear, we need to stop meeting when the circumstances are unfortunate."
Crystal laughed behind a hoof and nodded again. "Yes, ma'am."
"Oh, would the two of you stop with that?" Wallflower lowered herself into a rocking chair. "Call me anything but ma'am. I'm not your superior officer." She crossed her hindlegs, one over the other. "Now, you've come all this way to talk, so talk. I'm listening."
"I—" Crystal choked on her words. What was she going to say? How was she going to say it? She sat up taller in a show of false bravado. "My parents suggested I divorce Silent."
"What?!" Winterspear practically shrieked, jumping to her hooves. "They told you to do what?!"
Wallflower didn't take her eyes off Crystal. She lifted a hoof and waved it in Winterspear's direction. "Sit down and calm down." The hoof lowered back to her lap. "And?"
Crystal maintained the eye contact as well, though one ear did flick back for a brief moment. "I have no intention nor desire to do anything of the sort, but I could use your help, ma'a—… Mom."
The corners of Wallflower's lips quirked into a small smile. "What for?"
"How did you do it?" Crystal's resolve wavered and her shoulders slumped. "It's been hardly any time at all, and I've already run the gamut of emotions. I already regret letting him walk out the door. I already miss him." She bit her tongue to fight back the tears. "How did you stay strong?"
For a while, Wallflower said nothing. She just stared at Crystal. Finally, just when it seemed like she'd never say anything, she looked over at Winterspear. "Do you mind getting something from the kitchen for us to eat? I'm sure you must be hungry after flying her all the way here."
Winterspear went to the kitchen without delay and without a word. Once she was gone, Wallflower returned her gaze to Crystal. "You want to know how I stayed strong?"
Crystal just nodded.
"I didn't." Wallflower shrugged. "I just pushed it all down. I stood there and did nothing as he tormented our foals. I stood there and did nothing as you fretted over my son in the hospital. Stratus never truly came back from the Gryphon Kingdom. He died a long, long time ago, and so did I."
This wasn't what she wanted to hear. She felt her throat close up and clenched her hooves to keep from trembling. "B-But, you said—the life of the wife—"
Wallflower snorted. "I know what I said. I said it to myself every time I didn't recognize the mare in the mirror." She leaned forward and reached out a hoof. When Crystal hesitantly took it, Wallflower continued, "Silent isn't Stratus, and you, dear, aren't me. The two of you won't make the same mistakes we did."
Crystal looked down at their joined hooves to try and keep some of her composure together. In a voice as fragile as she felt, she asked, "How do you know that?"
"Because you're here asking for help." Wallflower smiled. "I never had the strength to do that when I was in trouble." She squeezed the hoof she held. "There are support groups for ponies like you. You should join one."
Crystal's ears folded back. "Ponies like me?"
Wallflower gave a soft chuckle and nodded. "Yes, ponies like you. You're a military spouse, dear, and it's time for you to benefit from the services the military provides, such as support groups. I go to one now. You should, too."
For some strange reason, just being called a military spouse made Crystal feel suddenly better. Not 'a civilian' or 'a normal pony', but actually a part of the Guard she had married into. A smile started to spread across her face as she stood from the couch, took a few steps forward, and threw her forelegs around Wallflower in a tight hug.
"Thank you," she whispered, burying her face against the older mare's neck. "I will. I promise… Thank you."