She’s My Little Pony
Erik sat at his desk, typing up another copy of his resumé, when the news reporter on the TV distracted him. Amongst the news about politics, economy, the war in Iraq, and the rising unemployment, My Little Pony would liven up the news...with more ridicule and mockery. It seemed that ponies kept coming up in the news more and more often in the media, and whenever they did, Erik couldn’t help but turn to the screen and watch. With little else in his cheap apartment to occupy his time, he would frequently turn to the TV for any and all times he needed to be away from his job hunts.
“It’s certainly unusual to find scientists gathering outside of a convention, particularly BroNYCon,” explained the field reporter. “Psychologists, biologists, and even spiritualists of various faiths have been drawn toward the brony fandom not just because of the strange idea of grown men watching My Little Pony, but another more unusual phenomenon.”
The camera panned to the left as if more interested in the convention happening behind her.
“I know the viewers at home probably believe that what they’re looking are just visual effects,” continued the reporter, “but let me assure you that all of what you’re seeing is real and a major part of why so many people have been drawn to the brony phenomenon. Just look out there.”
As the reporter pointed out to the scene behind her, the camera zoomed in. The TV screen showed the latest BroNYCon in progress, and like any convention, there were the typical cosplayers, booths, attractions, and shows, but this one was unique, and not just because of the fact that grown men and women were attending a convention about ponies, but the fact that they brought their own ponies to the convention. The effect was like something out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Each pony looked just like the flash animated characters from the show superimposed upon a live setting, but those ponies were no visual effect, they were real. Ponies of all kinds were wondering about in the convention, interacting with people and physical objects as if the ponies themselves were made of flesh and blood.
The field reporter approached one of the bronies: a muscular man wearing one of those pony themed WeLoveFine shirts. To Erik, it was certainly surreal to see such a large man wearing a shirt with a picture of a pink pony on it, not helped by the sight of a pony hopping up and down beside him. She was a little mustard-yellow earth pony with a braded red mane that bounced with each hop.
“Excuse me, how did you become interested in the show?” asked the reporter as she shoved the microphone into the brony’s face.
“I’ve been a brony since the early days of the community.”
“Yes, but how did you become a fan of the show?”
“Oh...well...I heard some of my friends actually liking the show so I decided to check it out. I watched through the first season and I really began to get into it. Then, just when I realized how much I liked the show,” he picked up his pony and held her up to the camera, “that’s when little Cotton Candy appeared.”
Cotton Candy waved at the camera. “Hi, every pony.”
“So just like that?” said the reporter, dumbfounded. “You just realized that you loved the show and the pony just appeared?”
“Yep, it’s been that way for all of my fellow bronies. It seems these ponies just materialize once someone realizes that he or she loves the show.”
The reporter looked at him as if he admitted he was a chicken. “That’s just plain absurd. Cartoon ponies don’t just pop out of thin air.”
With a loud bang and a flash of light, a unicorn stallion teleported next to the brony, startling the reporter.
“What’s up?” said Cotton Candy to the stallion.
“Tara Strong is signing autographs,” said the stallion, “you better get in line.”
“Oh, I gotta go,” said the brony, putting down Cotton Candy. And with that he ran off with child-like enthusiasm.
Erik watched the man run off, letting out a scoff of disgust.
Eventually, the footage cut to the news anchor in the studio. The anchor finally introduced to the viewers a guest on the set with him whom he identified as a psychologist.
“I must say, I don't think I would want to watch a little girls cartoon, let alone have a cartoon pony follow me around,” explained the anchor. “However, there seems to be a lot of adults who have embraced this strange situation. What do you think about all this?”
The psychologist cleared his throat before speaking. “Well, I know nothing about the...supernatural elements of this phenomenon. However, I do agree that this reflects a disturbing trend. These days, more and more fully grown people are watching cartoons, playing with toys, reading comics, and playing video games. I think this is a response to the hard times our country has been facing, made all the more evident that this phenomenon is only affecting people who are 14 years of age or older. They’re trying to regress back into their childhoods, but that kind of backwards thinking is not healthy. Such childish behavior is not good for them or the country and these people need to grow up.”
Erik let out a soft hum in agreement.
There was a loud rap on the door followed by the familiar voice of his neighbor, David. “Hey Erik, can I come in?”
Erik let out an annoyed groan. “Come in.” Although he wasn’t the most sociable person in the world, he wasn’t annoyed to have David come over. What did annoy him however came flying into the apartment as soon as the front door was opened. By the time Erik turned around, he came face to face with David’s pegasus companion, hovering in front of him like a bat. He nearly toppled over in his chair with shock. “Don’t do that! Haven’t you ever heard of personal space?”
“Is that some kind of physics question?” said the pegasus in a thick Irish accent. “I’m no good with physics since it doesn’t apply to me.” She did a summersault in the air as if to prove her point.
“Just back away from him, Shamrock,” said David. “He doesn’t like ponies.”
The little green pegasus replied, “And what nonsense is that? I mean him no harm.” Despite her objections, Shamrock drifted toward the TV, causing the glow from the screen to briefly illuminate the shamrock Cutie Mark on her flank.
Erik groaned irritably. “Why do you have to bring that pony in here? Ever since she first appeared, you’ve been taking her everywhere.”
“And why shouldn’t he?” insisted Shamrock, raising her hoof up in protest. “He and I are best friends and best friends hang out.”
“But you’re a cartoon. You shouldn’t exist.” Erik turned to David, spinning around in his chair. “Honestly, David, how do you live with this thing?”
“She makes me happy, just like the show,” said David in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. “By the way, I came here to tell you about a job opening that just came up.” David pulled out a newspaper that was open to the want ads and he left on the desk. “It’s a desk job, but I think it will satisfy you.”
“Ugh, yet another desk job. You’re the one who found the job, you should take it.”
“I could, but I thought you might be more qualified than me. Besides, you need a job more than I do. You’ve been living off of your parents for the past four months.”
“So? You’ve been unemployed for longer than that.”
“Yes, but at least I have Shamrock to keep me company.”
“Oh honestly. You talk about that pony as if it was a real person.”
“You disrespectful bugger,” said Shamrock with an indignant harrumph.
“There’s no need to be rude,” said David to Erik. “Why don’t you watch the show?”
“That’s because it’s weird to have a cartoon pony walking around and even weirder to watch a little girl’s show.”
David only stood by, looking at Erik with a smile on his face as if he knew a secret Erik did not. “You know, I used to be just like you, but then I caved in and watched the show, and I don’t regret it because the show does make me happy, especially during the recession.”
“It's just escapism.”
“True, but a little escapism can’t hurt. In fact, you might bring a little joy into your life too if you gave the show a watch. You can catch an episode off YouTube.”
“NOOOO WAY!”
“Suit yourself. Come on, Shamrock, let’s leave him alone.”
Erik didn’t even say good-bye as his visitors left his apartment. He slouched over his computer, muttering obscenities under his breath.
As the sun went down, Erik’s apartment fell quiet as he sat in the dim glow of his TV. With all his resumés sent out, there was nothing left for him to do but sit in front of his TV screen and watch the same news and sitcoms he had watched every evening for a year. With his finances limited, he couldn’t go out on vacations or hang out at the clubs or casinos. All he had to fill up his free time was that one single TV.
“Man, I’m so bored. Maybe there’s something on YouTube I could watch.” He opened his Safari web browser and opened up YouTube. However, listed among the recommended videos, dominating his attention like a zit on a face, was a My Little Pony fan video. He didn’t need to read the title of the video. Just seeing those ponies on the preview image ignited anger and hostility. “Oh those damn bronies are everywhere.” He felt tempted to just turn off his computer and go to bed early, but as he sat there, David’s words buzzed in his head. With curiosity and boredom finally getting the better of him, he typed My Little Pony Friendship is Magic into the search engine, and sure enough, he found the first episode. “I guess I might as well see what the fuss is all about.”
From the moment the beginning intro came on, he was prepared to hate it for every girly, cartoony, and marketable aspect it had. However, despite his lofty expectations, he found himself entranced by the animation. The show itself was so colorful, but not so much so that it seemed garish or overly saturated in pink. The animation was so fluid and detailed, even he was amazed at the visuals. By the time the first part of the pilot was over, he found himself actually liking the characters. Sure, it was cartoony and girly, but they weren’t as annoying as he expected. In fact, he really got to admire these characters for every little thing that made them fun to watch.
Despite his skepticism, he watched both the first part and the second part of the pilot together, and he found himself curious to see another episode...then another, followed by another.
The characters quickly grew on him, and before he knew it, he was sympathizing with their plights, laughing at their jokes, and feeling happy with their triumphs. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders began to grow on him. I too am going through life trying out all sorts of jobs just to find my place in life. He subconsciously reasoned in his head. I guess you can say I too am looking for my Cutie Mark.
He kept watching the first season, going through each episode with glee. By the time he finished watching the first season, he was curious to see more of the fandom. It started innocently enough. He would check out a few PMV’s off of YouTube, played a few of the pony related flash games, and looked at fan art off of DeviantArt. It wasn’t until he started looking at Equestria Daily did he start to become obsessed with the show. By the time his clock struck midnight, signaling the end of his first week immersed in the brony culture, he nuzzled under his bedcovers and fell asleep with images of ponies dancing in his head.
Erik awoke the next morning with the smell of cooking eggs wafting into his nose followed by the sounds of clanking metal on his ears. He sat up from the bed, his eyes blurred with sleep, wondering where the smell was coming from. Much to his surprise, the sounds were coming from his own kitchen, and with such a small apartment, it wasn’t hard to notice the origin of the sounds with his bed a mere few paces away. He turned the corner and right before him was a little unicorn at his stove cooking an omelet. She was so short, she had to stand on a stool to meet eye level with the pan.
The pony turned toward him and said, “Aw, Erik, you have awaken. Please, take your seat. I have prepared breakfast for you.” Her horn glowed an icy blue as she used her magic to control the frying pan. With a wave of her head, utensils flew out of the drawers followed by a plate. All of which neatly landed onto the table. The unicorn directed the frying pan toward the plate and gently placed the egg dish on top.
Erik could not help but gawk at the pony before him. Her mane was dark blue with sparkling beads in her hair. Her coat was a grayish white like the glow of the moon. On her flank was the picture of a brilliant white comet falling through space. It wasn’t until he noticed the pony’s impatient look did he finally realize he was staring. “Wh-Who are you?”
“My name is Holly Bopp, but you can call me Holly.”
“Holly Bopp? What are you doing in my house?”
“You summoned me here. Now, are you going to eat your breakfast?”
“I...what? What do you mean by ‘summoned you?’ You don’t mean...?”
“That’s right,” said Holly. “I’m your little pony.”
Erik shook his head in shock. “No, no, this can’t be. I can’t have a pony. I only watched the first season.”
“As well as spent hours last night reading fanfiction and looking at fan art. Why are you being so reluctant to believe what is right in front of you?”
Erik’s mouth flopped up and down like a carp gasping for air. He wanted to deny everything, arguing that the pony before him belonged to someone else or he was having a bad dream, but in his heart, he knew he had no way of escaping the truth before him. He reluctantly sat down in front of the plate of eggs in defeat and disbelief and took his fork.
With a flick of her tail, she trotted out of the kitchen. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Wait, where are you going?”
“Why do you need to know?”
“Well...I...I just don’t want you to be seen.’
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Holly with a sly smile. “I won’t be a bother.” She trotted off, humming the My Little Pony theme song as she left.
Erik reluctantly stabbed the omelet with his fork. “I can’t believe I got myself into this. What is everyone else going to think?”
As if fate wanted to find out, there was a knock on the front door. He nearly inhaled his egg, coughing in earnest as he shot up from his chair and ran toward the front door, opening it to see David and Shamrock.
“Oh hey, Erik,” said David. “I just stopped by to see if you applied for that job already.”
Erik let out one last cough. “Uh, yes...yes I did. You can go now.”
“Are you okay? You look a little nervous.”
“Nervous? Why would I be nervous?”
Shamrock hovered up to Erik’s face. “But I do smell something good.” She zipped passed Erik and into the kitchen.
Erik followed her, finding the little pegasus hovering over the plate of eggs.
“Hmm, I love omelets. Can I have a bite?”
“No, please, don’t touch that.”
As Erik tried to coax Shamrock out of the kitchen, David wondered into the main room of the tiny apartment. With such a small apartment, there was no place to hide and it was only a matter of time before...
“Hey, where’d this pony come from?”
With a shriek of horror, Erik hastily ran back into the living room, painfully banging his knee against the doorframe as he stumbled out of the kitchen. “I can explain.” Erik frantically looked around the room, but saw no sign of Holly Bopp anywhere. Much to his surprise, David was actually looking at a little plastic horse he held in his hand.
“Where’d this toy come from?”
“Uh,” muttered Erik, unsure how to answer. “Wait, where did you find that?”
“I got it from this box.”
Much to Erik’s surprise, he saw a cardboard box on the bed, open wide and full of small objects inside. “Uh, it’s personal.”
“Personal?” said Shamrock, shoving her face into Erik’s face. “Just what are you hiding?”
“Back off, Shamrock,” said David, politely. “If he doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t have to.” He carefully placed the toy horse back into the box. “By the way, do you still need my help to get to the interview tomorrow?”
“The what? Oh, the interview. O-Of course, I do.”
“Then I’ll meet you at the bus stop at noonish.”
“Yes, of course.” Erik lightly shoved David toward the door, egging him to leave.
“Okay, I’ll see you later then. Come on, Shamrock. We’re leaving.”
David and Shamrock casually left the apartment without another word.
Once he was certain they were gone, Erik let out a sigh of relief. “That was close. Now to figure out where this box came from.” He peeked inside and that was when he noticed a blue cylindrical object. He reached inside and pulled out an old toy telescope. He leaned over and saw that the box not only had old action figures but also junior astronomer toys. Nostalgia suddenly swept over him like cold water, and in an instant, he knew. “This is my stuff...when I was a kid.”
“That it is,” said Holly as she reappeared beside him.
“Where did you come from?”
“I teleported to your parents’ house and got you this old box.”
“But how did you know this was all my toys?”
“I know everything about your childhood. You used to love astronomy as a kid.”
Erik fiddled with the telescope, examining the cheap plastic and remembering the nights he spent looking up at the night sky.
“We could go through these old toys if you want.”
“No,” he said, shoving the telescope into the box. “I’m too old for that.”
“Well, you do have things to do, so how about I hold onto this box and when you’re done with your work today, we could look through it.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
With a flash of light, Holly teleported the box away. “Very well then, but remember, I will be nearby when you need me.”
Before Erik could utter an objection, Holly disappeared before his eyes. He leaned against the wall, clasping his forehead with one hand as he felt a migraine come on. “Damn it all, what have I gotten myself into?”
Whenever a man seeks redemption for his faults, he will frequently turn to the Good Book for guidance. However, since Erik didn’t have a TV Guide lying around, he just skimmed through all the channels his satellite dish provided. He spent the day folded into a feeble position like an armadillo, staring at his TV screen while watching every minute of schlock TV had to offer. Exposing himself to every bit of adult programming he could find was the only way he could think off to rid himself of the burden of his newfound interest in ponies. But after watching hours of news, T&A, and sitcoms, he quickly realized that it was as pointless as washing away a Cutie Mark with water. Made all the more so by how bored he quickly got of it all. By the time evening approached, he read 7:14 PM on the clock with dismay, and out of a compulsive habit, he reached for the remote control and switched the channel to another news broadcast in progress.
The little digital ticker at the bottom of the screen read: BroNYCon reactions and speculations. After spending the whole day trying to cleanse himself of ponies, the thought of watching another brony report made him sick to his stomach, but as he reached for the remote, he noticed it was gone.
As Erik searched for the remote, the field reporter was having an interview with a random pedestrian off the street. “Tell me, what did you think of BroNYCon and the brony community?”
“It was just a gathering of fags.”
Erik froze when he heard that damning statement.
“They’re just a bunch of annoying trolls and queers who enjoy that—beep—show,” the man said, the sensor beep awkwardly covering up the F-bomb he dropped. “It’s just a—beep—cartoon for little girls and any guy who admits to liking it needs to cut off their balls and burn ‘um because they’re technically not a man any more.”
Erik angrily scoffed as if he had just heard the worst blasphemy ever uttered. The feelings of a raving fan boy welled up in his chest. Every memory of joy and excitement he felt for My Little Pony came bursting out of him with one simple rebuttal. “Did he even watch the show?”
The TV screen suddenly went dark. Baffled, Erik turned around to see Holly telekinetically holding the remote control.
“But you have,” said Holly as she sat down on the floor next to him. “So how are you feeling?”
“Confused. I can’t believe that little more than a week ago, I was just like him. Ugh, what an idiot I was. Who am I kidding? I’m an idiot now thinking I could just rid myself of my love of the show.”
Holly affectionately nuzzled his hand with her horn. “Why do you like the show?”
Erik let out a long hum in thought. “I don’t know.”
“Is it because you want to be a kid again?”
“Of course not.”
“Are you some kind of homosexual or pedophile?”
“Hell no!”
“Are you a sexual deviant?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Are you—“
“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!”
“Then why do you like the show?”
“Because,” the room fell silent as Erik struggled to find the answer, his fingers drumming on the armrest in heavy contemplation.
“Well...”
“IT’S GOOD!” shouted Erik, angrily. “It’s a well made show, that’s all.”
Holly smiled, satisfied that she finally got through to him. “And what do you like about the show?”
“Well...it’s so much fun. The songs, the animation, the characters, the stories, even the lessons are well done and...it’s just entertaining and...positive.”
“Then why do you hide me?”
“I guess I’m afraid of what other’s might think of me if they find out. You’ve seen how the mainstream thinks of the brony community. They see bronies as perverts and retards.”
“What else would they think if they’re never given the chance to know a brony?” She telekinetically lifted the box of toys and placed them into Erik’s lap. “The only thing the haters have to fear is what they don’t understand.”
Erik reached inside and pulled out the stethoscope. “Are you suggesting that I play with toys and watch cartoons?”
“Why not? A little escapism wouldn’t hurt.”
“I suppose it wouldn’t.”
Holly telekinetically lifted the laptop into the air and gently placed it on top of the box. “Say, you haven’t seen season two yet. Let’s watch it.” Holly got up on her hind legs and fiddled with the touch pad with her hooves. “The first episode stars John de Lancie as the villain.”
“John de Lancie? Really?”
“Oh yes. Care to see?”
How could he refuse?
It was a beautiful day for a job interview, the kind of day that wasn’t too hot or too cold to wear a dress shirt and a tie. Although the interview was drawn out and dull like any other, Erik left it feeling more confident, a sign that showed on the smile on his face as he met David and Shamrock waiting for him outside.
“I take it the interview went well?”
“It was okay.”
“Just okay?” said Shamrock, hovering over him. “Something seems different about you. Normally when you leave a job interview, you’re stressed and unhappy that it didn’t go as you hoped.”
“I’m just trying to look on the bright side of things. In hard times like this, we sometimes need to get all the enjoyment we can get.”
“Well that’s good to hear,” said David.
“I don’t know,” said Shamrock. “It looks like you’re hiding something.”
“Not any more I’m not.”
From across the street, Erik saw Holly standing on the sidewalk, waving happily at him with one hoof. With a flash of light, she teleported across the street and reappeared beside Erik, much to the shock and amazement of David and Shamrock.
“Who’s that?” asked David.
Erik picked her up, cradling the little pony in his arms like a proud father holding his kid. “Her name’s Holly Bopp and she’s my little pony.”
The End