“Are you quite finished beating up my royal guards?” Fast change turned with amusement to the three headed pony, who by this point was glowing quite fiercely.
“Uh, yeah...sorry… about… that?” the former human looked around in honest confusion that he wasn’t the one who had been beaten into submission, “Uh… they started it?”
“Yeah,” Fast rolled her eyes, “I saw that part. I’ve more or less got your friends account of what’s going on, but where are you from? And what exactly are you?”
“Well, I’m human, or I was,” Ki shrugged, “And originally I come from one of the worlds where humans come from. I apparently got sidetracked into an alternate timeline where Equestria was at war with King Sombra. Which is also the only timeline in the universe where trains have breaks.”
“Well, to be fair, the train TRIED to stop in time in the real world,” Swing Shift pointed out, “You’re just really bad at being in front of trains.”
“Well anyway, that was apparently the only possible timeline where I didn’t immediately get hit by a train when the text dropped me here,” the former human-turned-three-headed-monster confessed, “So Pi… I mean Surprise, came looking for me. I’m not sure why, but she gave me a card from somebody called ‘The Blind Goat’, who I assume is that Goat messing with those cards over there.”
The card depicted a man involved in deep planning before a set of maps and charts. On his back rested a laughing baboon, that cast his plans into chaos as they were drawn.
“The Monkey’s Uncle,” the goat supplied as he reclaimed his card, “Confusion, and a path to happiness plotted through misery, the card also represents transformation and reconciliation.”
“Anyway,” Ki continued, “The card let me slip outside the timeline and escape going back to just being dead when time reset. Things went kinda crazy, and Discord turned me into a three headed tazzle-corn which I guess is this.”
“Discord?” Fast Change raised an eyebrow in warning.
“What? LuLu turns humans into bat-ponies all the time!” Discord protested.
“Hey!” Sweet Tooth objected, “Don’t call us bat-ponies!”
“Did you at least ask the human’s permission first?” the changeling Princess pressed her inquiry, “You know Celestia’s gonna be pissed enough about this as it is.”
“Fine,” the draconequus rolled his eyes, “Well, monkey boy, what do you think of your new horse suit?”
“Not bad,” the former human admitted, “And I was just telling Jake how I wished I had taken the transformation option when I’d joined the army…”
“But?” Fast Change asked the hanging question.
“It’s the three heads… that just seems a bit much,” the creature shuffled uncomfortably, “And the wings… I really got no use for the wings.”
“Fine,” with a snap of his tail, Discord exploded the extra heads into geysers of taffy which struck two recovering changeling guards, sticking them to the wall, “But the wings stay. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m not going to let Starbutt the Bearded one up me. If you want to be a plain old boring one-headed tazzle corn, so be it, but the wings stay.”
“I’m deathly afraid of being off the ground,” Ki explained in annoyance, “I’m never going to fly. Period.”
“The. Wings. Stay.” Discord insisted testily.
“Ooookay,” Fast Change rolled her eyes, “So if you’re happy being a melon-headed blue monster, I guess that’s that. Now for you two.”
Switch Shift began to panic again as Fast Change turned her attention to her and her sister, until surprise stepped in, “Don’t worry, Fast Change is super nice in this timeline, I promise she doesn’t work for Queen Chrysalis.”
“The two of you are severely malnourished,” Fast kept her voice even and gentle, “and little Swing Shift is clearly corrupted by negative emotions. We’re taking you back to the hive. You both need some time in a healing pod, followed by more time with your fellow changelings.”
“No,” Switch Shift stomped angrily, “I’m staying with Train Wreck!”
“No, your not,” Fast gave a tired sigh, “First, you're not even old enough to even consider leaving you with a pony. Second, there’s a screening process. By your own account you don’t even know this pony. You’ve yet to even call him by his proper name.”
“I don’t care!” the little changeling was suddenly, briefly a parasprite, easily slipping the bounds of her magical tether and rushing over to perch on her monstrous friend’s back and assuming her natural form, “You can’t make me! Train Wreck, make them stop! Tell the nasty queen you won't let her take me!”
“I think she’s right, at least for right now,” the tazzle pony admitted with a sad smile.
“No!” the little changeling clung to his back desperately, her forelegs locked in an embrace that would have strangled most ponies, “Please don’t send me away! I’m sorry I let you die! I’m sorry I messed up the whole world!”
“It’s going to be okay,” Ki reached around with his left tazzle snake and gently pulled the changeling loose and held her in front of him, “Listen, Fast Change is right, you need help. Medical help. You and your sister both. And I’m homeless and unemployed right now…”
“But I have an apartment,” the little changeling sniffled, “And if I have to I know how to make bits…”
“NO!” everypony in the room answered in unison before allowing Ki to continue, “Look, I’ll visit you at the hive everyday. You get better. You take care of your sister, she’s been alone in a dark place worrying about you for a very long time.”
This seemed to get through to the little changeling and she looked back at Switch Shift, and then back to Ki, “O- okay, then, but you have to come visit us. Every day! You promised!”
“Well, now that that’s settled,” Fast Change turned to Ki, “Thank you for that. And look, it’s nothing personal, but I’m very selective about who I let my little changelings leave the hive with.”
“Yeah,” Ki gave a closed mouth smile, “And I am sort of a monster.”
“Actually,” Fast change returned his smile with genuine warmth, “You showed considerable restraint with my guards. I could tell you were trying not to let anypony get hurt or I would have stepped in. And what you did for Switch just now… I meant what I said, she’s too young to leave the hive, and if you have any funny ideas, don’t think being train-proof will save you, mister! That said, I don’t see any problem with you two being friends and letting you visit…”
“Alright!” Switch Shift cheered before Fast Change interrupted.
“Supervised visits,” the changeling Princess said sternly, “At the hive.”
“Well, now that that’s all settled,” Surprise smiled brightly, “I have a bakery to run. Ki, if you need a place to stay, I’ve got an extra room in the basement. It’s no Pinkie Cave, but it’s cozy enough.”
The mare fished a convenient map out of her mane with “Just Deserts” marked clearly in crayon and handed it to the tazzle corn as she bounced out the door behind the departing changelings.
“Well, now,” Discord smiled dramatically, “All’s well that ends well, I suppose. Now I have to show you off to the princesses.”
“Hey,” Candy apple protested, “Who’s gonna clean up this mess?”
With a snap of Discords talons, the draconequus, the tazzle corn, and the mess in question were gone.
“William,” Candy Apple turned to Tarot and said evenly, “Don’t EVER do that again.”