//------------------------------// // Part 20 - The Lawyer and the Tailor // Story: Phoenix Wright - Turnabout Storm! // by Firesight //------------------------------// Carousel Boutique June 10th, 2:20 PM Phoenix was no slouch at running, having made it part of his weekly exercise routine and regularly participating in 10k races in and around the city. But, despite his best efforts and constant calls for her to slow down, Phoenix fell well behind Pinkie Pie as she bounded along, finding it all he could do to keep her in view. Spotting her as she entered a circular two-story building that he couldn’t tell from the outside was a home or business, Phoenix finally stumbled inside a minute later to find Pinkie already there, a bell going off as he opened the door. “What took ya, Feenie?” a smiling Pinkie asked in perfect innocence while lounging on a plush purple chaise couch reading a fashion magazine, leaving Phoenix no idea whether she was playing a joke on him or not. As he caught his breath, he scanned the interior, realizing it was a place of business—a dressmaking shop of all things. On the periphery of the room, he saw several carousel ponies stuck on iron poles like on a merry-go-round back home—clearly the inspiration for the name of the shop—and that the entire interior was very tastefully appointed in a pink-and-purple motif, filled with mirrors, frilly decorations and dressy décor. Wow, this place is really… posh! Probably reflects the owner’s personality! Phoenix gawked, gazing upon the well-appointed and even opulent setting before him. To his surprise, he also noticed entire chests full of what appeared to be precious stones, containing everything from rubies and emeralds to diamonds and other valuable gems that were very rare back on Earth. Remarkably, whoever ran the business appeared to actually use them in her dressmaking, judging by the displays in the front window, leaving him wondering how anyone—anypony, he’d get it eventually, he promised himself—could afford to be so generous. Just then, a white-coated unicorn mare with a styled violet mane and tail entered the parlor from an adjacent room, carrying some fabric rolls in front of her with her magic, blocking her view. “Oh? Visitors,” she recognized with what he could only describe as an upscale, cosmopolitan accent and a friendly smile. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique! My name is Rarity. Give me but a moment to stow these supplies, and I would be delighted to assist you with all your fashion needs!” Phoenix’s eyes widened when he got a good look at her. WHOA! A marshmallow pony! was the only description he could come up with of the unicorn mare in front of him, admiring her immaculate white coat that had the exact same color and texture of one of his favorite childhood confections, her impeccably groomed and curled violet mane and tail, and the blue three-diamond cutie mark adorning her flank. The unicorn mare’s smile disappeared as she put the fabric away and recognized Pinkie, almost looking disappointed. “Oh. It’s just you, Pinkie Pie. Hello, dear. What brings you to my—” her sapphire-blue eyes widened and she froze in her tracks when she spotted Phoenix. “Oh!” “Hi, Rarity! Meet Feenie!” Pinkie introduced him with a nod. “WAAAHHAHHAHHH!!!” the mare named Rarity shrieked at Phoenix, taking a step back from him as if recoiling in fear. Phoenix stiffened at that. “Wh-what’s the matter?!” he asked, uncertain what set her off—he’d been gawked at plenty, but he hadn’t yet encountered a pony actually afraid of him! “That… that hair!” she said, gaping at his head, stumbling about like she was all but reeling. Phoenix sighed. His shoulders slumped as he decided there was no point in fighting it. “Go ahead. Just make fun of me and get it over with. I’ve actually gotten used to it,” he told her in resignation. “So what’s it going to be this time? ‘Why is there a hedgehog sleeping on your head?’ That one’s always a classic,” he suggested bitterly, remembering a particularly hated insult he heard constantly from his law school classmates in college. To his surprise, she batted her long eyelashes at him and gave him a delighted look. “Make fun of it? Why, whatever do you mean? I think it’s FABULOUS!” she proclaimed with a starry-eyed smile, leaning forward and stretching her neck out as if to get a closer look. “You have an absolutely magnificent mane!” Phoenix fell speechless for a moment, his jaw dropping open. “Huh? Y-you mean… you like it?” he asked her, certain he’d heard her wrong. “Like it? Like it? I love it!” she announced, rearing up and raising her hoof to her head as if to shield her eyes from being blinded by its dazzling glow. “Forgive me if I gave you an impression that seemed to say otherwise, but I was just so taken by its majesty! It’s so dynamic! So intense! So daring! It just screams at me… um… what’s the phrase I’m looking for?” she pondered while examining Phoenix, visibly searching for the right superlatives. “Uh… ‘Take That’?” Phoenix offered the phrase, feeling almost heady. She blinked. “Take that? Yes! It screams ‘TAKE THAT, world! I can handle anything you send my way!’ she proclaimed with a puffed-out chest, and Phoenix all but swore he could hear a dramatic musical score playing in the background, standing up a little straighter himself for it. “Why, you simply must tell me who does your mane! I’d like to use the style on some of my customers!” the white mare implored him. “I sort of just style it myself in the mirror,” Phoenix replied with a goofy grin and hand behind his head, feeling his cheeks warm at the praise being heaped upon him. And no, Maya, I don’t keep entire boxes of hairspray around; it’s just naturally spiky! “Then you not only have natural beauty, but a natural talent for this!” she told Phoenix, all but fawning over him. “Heh… Wow, thanks! You know, you’re making me blush!” he told her giddily, his cheeks now fully flushed from her constant compliments. “I should hope so! Oh, and that absolutely exquisite royal blue suit of yours! I’m more partial to purple myself, but after setting my eyes on such a sophisticated, elegant ensemble such as this, I might just change my mind!” she told him, circling him to look at it from multiple angles. “It is so simple and yet so bold! It has so much character in it! As distinctive as it is dapper! It proudly proclaims to the world…” she trailed off again. “Uh, help me out here! What’s the way to say it?” she again asked Phoenix for advice. “’Hold it’?” Phoenix suggested humbly, enjoying every compliment she gave him. Her sapphire blue eyes widened. “Why, yes! THAT’S IT! ‘HOLD IT! I’m a figure of great importance and you WILL listen to what I have to say!’” Phoenix felt his chest puff out and heart swell in pride at her endless flattery, seeing himself just as she described—a righter of wrongs and a finder of truth; a defender of justice and protector of the innocent. Without thinking, he put his hands on his hips, baring his armpits just as Rarity was walking around his left side. Her practiced eye immediately saw it. “Wait! WHAT’S THIS?!” she gasped. “What’s wrong?” Phoenix asked, worried he’d somehow offended her. “THERE’S A GIANT HOLE IN YOUR SUIT!!!” she realized in horror, pointing with a hoof at his armpit. “Yup-Yup! That’s what we came here for, Rarity!” Pinkie replied. “I mean, I don’t think it’s a big deal, but he did, so…” “Not a big deal? Not a big deal???” Rarity repeated twice, starting to pace back and forth, all but fuming. “This will not do! This will simply not do at all! We can’t have you walking around with this gaping gash in your suit! It’s an undignified affront to the very face of fashion!” she pronounced imperiously. It was at that moment Phoenix decided that her name certainly suited her—between her looks and personality, she’s a rare one indeed! Nevertheless, her vehemence caught him off-guard. “Really? I don’t like it either, but it isn’t that big,” Phoenix suggested, but the dressmaking mare shook her head sharply, her jaw set in a determined line. “No! No! It’s positively glaring! Give it here this instant; I simply must fix your suit! No, not just fix; I must save your suit!” she demanded, her horn flaring in her own distinctive sapphire-blue aura, startling Phoenix by beginning to undress him, popping the buttons on his suit front and all but yanking the jacket off his back. For a single, panicked moment, he thought she wasn’t going to stop there, but once the jacket was off she merely floated it away, positioning it over an elevated work area in the corner. “And since you’re such a sharp dresser and a fantastic stylist, I’ll do it free of charge!” she announced, yanking several drawers and containers open with her magic, pulling out various sewing implements and assembling them by his waiting jacket. “Really? That’s quite generous of you!” Phoenix flattered her back, not about to argue with someone who could unclothe him with a mere thought! Good thing I hadn’t torn my pants as well! he thought a little nervously, having sudden visions of himself stripped naked in her zeal to repair his clothes. “It is my pleasure! Now then, Mister Feenie, let’s talk! I have never met a human before, and would very much like to know more about you! I do so enjoy some friendly discourse while I’m working, after all,” Rarity offered as she got started on her sewing, Phoenix watching in fascination as she expertly threaded a needle with her magic, even though her eyes were on him and not on her work. “But you’re sewing. Don’t you need to concentrate?” he asked, concerned she’d butcher his suit if she wasn’t giving it her undivided attention. She gave him a reassuring grin. “Fear not, Mister Feenie. Stitching is second nature to me, and this is such a simple job. Multitasking is my middle name, after all!” “Really? I always thought it was ‘Tabitha’,” Pinkie corrected in what for her was pure deadpan, though her giggle suggested she knew she was making a joke. “Figure of speech, darling,” Rarity rejoined quite easily. “So, Mister Feenie, fret not as I will have your suit repaired in a matter of minutes. In the meantime, please tell me all about yourself so I may better know such a superbly-styled customer!” “Sure, why not?” Phoenix found a low stool and sat down on it to watch the show, amazed at the display of choreographed needlework he saw before him, the unicorn mare seamstress simultaneously holding up and moving his jacket and several sewing elements independently at once, repairing his suit with a practiced, precise dance of needle, fabric and thread. He noted that her magic’s aura had the same sapphire-blue color as her eyes and cutie mark; it struck him as odd but apt how the apparent ‘color’ of unicorn magic tended to match their appearance in some way—in Rarity’s case, her eyes. “Oh, but if I could ask one thing? Please don’t call me ‘Feenie’. One pony calling me that is more than enough,” Phoenix winced, wishing he never had to hear that nickname again. Well, maybe it’s okay coming from Pinkie? Rarity gave him an inquisitive look. “My apologies. What shall I call you, then?” she asked. “My name is Phoenix Wright, Attorney at Law,” he introduced himself formally, giving her a short bow but resisting the temptation to give her a business card. Her eyes went wide in recognition. “Oh, I see! So you must be the human attorney Twilight hired to defend Rainbow Dash!” Rarity guessed. “I must say, it sounds just like my friend that she would go to such lengths to find the perfect pony—or should I say human—for the job!” “Yeah, that’s me,” he confirmed, wondering again how ponies even knew of humans or his world. “I thought so! I must say, you have been quite the talk of the town since this morning,” Rarity told him, looking him over with great interest. “I have?” He held his breath, certain it wasn’t in a good way. She nodded. “Very much so! News around Ponyville travels exceptionally fast, being so small. I’ve heard that Twilight actually summoned you here all the way from the human world!” Rarity recalled in excitement, leaving him hoping she hadn’t also heard what he’d done to Fluttershy, lest she take it out on his suit… or on him! “Yeah, that’s also true,” Phoenix confirmed neutrally with a cautious nod, watching in rapt fascination as the needle continually darted in and out of his jacket armpit, already having worked halfway through the length of the tear. “Though after being summoned so suddenly, I’m afraid I wasn’t at my best in court this morning,” Now there’s the understatement of the century! To his surprise and relief, she shrugged it off. “Fear not, Mister Wright. I fancy myself a very good judge of character, and for such fine tastes in fashion, I do not find yours lacking. I hear you successfully bought Rainbow another day, so I am certain you shall do better tomorrow. I will do my part by making sure you are looking your best,” she favored him with a warm smile. “Appearances matter, after all—how we look affects how we feel, and how we feel affects how we perform. Don’t you agree?” His cheeks warmed once more at that, taking an instant liking to her. A lady after my own heart! “Absolutely, Miss…?” he railed off, uncertain how he should address her—was ‘Rarity’ her preferred name, or did she have a surname? She read his mind. “Ah! How rude of me. I just realized I haven’t formally introduced myself yet! I am Rarity Belle, owner and founder of Carousel Boutique, Ponyville’s premier fashion emporium. Or simply ‘Miss Rarity’ if you prefer,” she said, sketching a bow to him in return and offering her hoof in greeting. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Mister Wright, and to be able to help you.” Charmed by her manner and unending flattery, to say nothing of so easily forgiving him for his poor courtroom performance, Phoenix thought she deserved more than the typical pony greeting. So instead of simply bumping her hoof, he grasped it gently and bent over to lay a kiss on it, deciding that was the far more apropos greeting for the pony—no, the lady before him, he quickly corrected himself. “The pleasure is all mine, Miss Rarity,” Phoenix told her following his kiss, giving her manicured hoof a squeeze before releasing it. He was momentarily worried he’d gone too far with the gesture, but to his relief, Rarity looked both surprised and charmed at his actions, a hint of a flush in her white cheeks. “I have to say, of all of Twilight’s friends I’ve been introduced to, you seem the most mature,” he admired her, noting her effortless elegance and poise, to say nothing of her passion for her work. She’s certainly easy on the eyes too, even for a pony! Her blush deepened at that—how did ponies actually blush through their fur, the question finally occurred to him? “Y-you don’t say.” She found her voice again, still getting over the shock and delight of being given a royal greeting—by a human from a different world, no less! “Well! I must admit there’s no surprise about that. While many of my friends may act uncouth and immature—no offense, Pinkie Pie—” Rarity said in aside to her earth pony friend. “None taken!” Pinkie replied from the sofa with her signature smile, giggling a bit at her friend’s reaction, knowing that by treating Rarity like a princess, Phoenix had just made a friend for life. “—Rarity, on the other hoof, conducts herself like a proper lady!” the elegant unicorn mare finished, taking on a regal pose. And it’s so her! Phoenix couldn’t help but think, having no trouble seeing Rarity as the talk of the town, a girl on the go. The type of pony everypony should know! the phrase somehow suggested itself, leaving him surprised that he could come up with such a smooth-sounding rhyme. Huh. Is Derpy rubbing off on me? “But back on the subject of this ‘other world’ you’re from—could you do me a favor, Mister Wright?” Rarity asked her otherworldly guest. “And what would that be?” Phoenix asked curiously, thinking that he certainly owed her one for her flattery and generosity in fixing his suit. “I admit I do not know much about your world—aside from what little I have overheard from Twilight and another pony named Lyra Heartstrings, that is—but are there ponies where you come from?” Rarity asked. He blinked at that, uncertain why she would be asking. “Yeah, there are.” “Excellent! Before you go back—to your world I mean—I want you to give them some of my concepts!” Rarity stated. “I’m sorry. Concepts?” Phoenix gave her a slightly sideways look, waiting for her to elaborate. She nodded. “Yes. For you see, I am a designer and an entrepreneur of sorts. I would like you to give my work to some of the ponies you know and ask for their opinions on my latest dress lines. This could really help me expand my reach, if I could do business across two worlds!” she explained, touching a hoof to her chest. “Please do tell them to be honest though, I really need some constructive criticism,” Rarity requested, her manner suddenly equal parts nervous and excited. Phoenix hesitated. “Uh, I’m sorry to tell you this, but your designs might not go over so well.” “Oh? And why not? Are you saying they aren’t any good?” Her expression dropped as she went crestfallen. “I’m sure they’re wonderful, Miss Rarity. What I mean is that there’s no point in me showing your designs to the ponies of my world, because, well—” he grimaced, but finally decided there was little point in hiding it. “—they can’t talk.” Rarity looked shocked at the news, raising a dainty forehoof off the floor, looking frozen in mid-step. “They can’t talk? My word! What a strange world you come from, Mister Wright. Your ponies—none of them can talk?” she asked again. “Or fly or use magic, sorry.” Phoenix hated to burst her bubble, but also didn’t want to make promises he couldn’t keep. Rarity looked like she wasn’t certain what to think. “So you have ponies that are not touched by harmony and are mere horses? Astonishing! Though also a bit disconcerting. But then again, perhaps they just need a highly cultured pony from Equestria, such as myself, to teach them some proper manners and etiquette!” she suggested, taking on a regal pose again. “Or a rockin’ party to liven ‘em up!” Pinkie suggested as well, a sudden explosion of confetti erupting from somewhere behind her. “Yeah, sure.” Phoenix realized he wasn’t going to be able to make them understand how the horses of his world weren’t sapient without a lot of additional and occasionally uncomfortable details, so instead of trying to explain, he simply changed the subject. “So if you’re friends with Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie here, I'm guessing you must also be friends with Rainbow Dash?” he asked Rarity. Her expression dropped a bit. “Why, yes. Yes I am, Mister Wright,” Rarity answered, sounding suddenly subdued. “And you’re aware of what’s happening to her right now?” “Indeed, I am,” she confirmed with a slightly sad look on her face. “I heard all the details of this morning’s proceedings from our friendly neighborhood mailmare, Mister Wright. And I must say, her report was not encouraging.” She came as close as she had yet to issuing him a rebuke. “Don’t worry Rarity! I’m helping investigate! And right now, Feenie and I are hot on the trail of ‘Wob Niar’!” Pinkie announced, standing up and saluting like a soldier. “’Wob Niar’?” Rarity tilted her head while Phoenix facepalmed. “Yeah! It’s Rainbow Dash’s evil twin sister that nopony knows about!” Pinkie further claimed, making Phoenix suddenly wonder what Miles Edgeworth would think of Pinkie Pie. Would either his logic or his sanity survive the experience? He had a sudden image of his friend curled up in a fetal position and sucking his thumb afterwards. Unaware of his thoughts, Rarity looked surprised. “Rainbow Dash has a twin? I didn’t know that!” “Of course you didn’t! Didn’t you catch the ‘nopony knows about’ part? You’re a pony and you don’t know, see?” Pinkie said, trying to make more sense of it than she possibly could. “Pinkie—there is no evil twin sister!” Phoenix insisted before turning back to her fashionista friend. “But Rarity, I don’t recall seeing you at the trial today. If she was your friend, why weren’t you there?” he asked, certain he’d have remembered seeing such a striking pony in the gallery. The unicorn mare suddenly wore a chagrined look. “I fully intended to go to the trial, Mister Wright; really I did. But I regret that a… series of unfortunate events conspired to ensure I couldn’t make it,” she told Phoenix, going downcast. “Why not? Pinkie Pie had to stay and help out the Cakes, but what kept you?” Phoenix wanted to know. Rarity smiled a bit more wanly, but only briefly. “Well, you see—I was told several days ago to expect a delivery this morning; one I had to sign for. An item I’ve been very anxious to get my hooves on,” she began. “What was it?” he asked, genuinely curious—given her obvious generosity and fastidious attention to detail, she didn’t seem to him the type to neglect her friends. “A rather expensive package I ordered a week ago, before all this unpleasantness happened—a shipment of imported perfume. Delivery was scheduled for first thing this morning, leaving me plenty of time to go to the trial after, but it never arrived. So after waiting an hour, I went to the post office to ask where it was, expecting to be in and out in two shakes of a lamb’s tail and on to the trial from there,” Rarity explained. Phoenix winced, guessing he was about to hear the Equestrian equivalent of a post-office horror story. “And it didn’t go that way, I’m guessing.” “No,” Rarity fell silent for a moment, only to slowly begin to turn red in the face; Phoenix had a sudden and very uncomfortable feeling like he was staring down the throat of a volcano about to erupt. But even forewarned, nothing in his entire life or career as an attorney had prepared him for what happened next: “THE LINE WAS SO LONG! THEY HAD SIX CLERK STATIONS BUT ONLY ONE WAS OPEN! THE LOBBY WAS SO HOT AND STIFLING, NO AIR CIRCULATION WHATSOEVER! AND WORSE, SOME FOAL WAS CRYING AND BLUBBERING THE ENTIRE TIME! THE ENTIRE TIME! ‘WAHHHH! WAHHHH!!’! I TRIED TO LOVE AND TOLERATE IT, BUT IT WOULDN’T STOP! IT WOULDN’T STOP!!!!!” Phoenix was nearly knocked backwards off his stool from the sheer force of her verbal explosion, listening in aghast amazement as she continued—he had never heard any person or pony whine as loudly as that! “SO AFTER AN HOUR I GOT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE, BUT THEN THEY TOLD ME THAT I HAD TO FILL OUT A FORM FIRST! BUT THERE WAS ONLY ONE QUILL PEN, AND THE PONY IN FRONT OF ME WAS WRITING A NOVEL OR SOMETHING WITH IT! I WAS SITTING THERE FOR HALF AN HOUR WAITING FOR HER TO FINISH SO I COULD FILL OUT THE POINTLESS PAPERWORK THEY WANTED ME TO, ALL SO I COULD GO BACK IN LINE FOR YET ANOTHER HOUR! WHY AREN’T THERE MORE PENS!? TELL ME, MISTER WRIGHT, WHY… AREN’T… THERE… MORE… PENS!!?? IT WAS ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL! I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT HORRID ILL-RUN EXCUSE FOR A POST OFFICE EVER AGAIN!!!!!” I think I’m gonna need to change my pants now… Phoenix thought weakly as Rarity finished her rant. He was in a state of shock and terror at the intensity of her outburst, fearful not just for himself but for the fate of his suit, noticing the needle was darting about and through it more sharply and rapidly now. But as quickly as Rarity had lost her temper, she regained it, clearing her throat and continuing on calmly. “*Ahem* Please excuse me, Mister Wright. I’m afraid I got a tad frustrated and lost my composure while waiting in that line. All I wanted to do was inquire where my package was and then be on my way.” A TAD?! It sounded like you were having an ANEURYSM! Phoenix sat frozen in place, afraid to move, not certain the coast was clear. He glanced over at Pinkie, who looked remarkably unperturbed, even nodding in mild amusement like she’d seen this from Rarity before. The fashionista began to pace again, her hoof-falls coming sharper in reflection of her anger. “But once you’re in that line, there’s no going back! It’s like they intentionally trap you! Forced to endure that tedious slow-moving line, watching ponies write their life stories with that one pen—WHY DON’T THEY STOCK MORE PENS?!” She began to rant again, stamping her hooves down and making Phoenix cringe as her aura picked up a pair of sewing scissors, certain his beloved blue suit was about to get cut up into ribbons. “But the worst was yet to come! When I finally got to the front of line for the second time, three entire hours after I arrived, they said they didn’t receive my perfume! Meaning my entire trip was all in vain!” Rarity announced with a dramatic facehoof, rearing up into an bipedal standing position. “Wh-what do you mean by that?” Phoenix asked warily, a trickle of sweat going down his cheek as he watched the scissors cut off the end of the thread right against the fabric of his suit. Rarity took another deep breath before continuing. “The perfume was imported from across the Antlertic Ocean, Mister Wright, at very great expense. But the post office said the shipment never arrived in Ponyville, and thus, they could not deliver it,” she explained. “That’s a shame,” Phoenix said, not sure whether he felt more sorry for her or whatever hapless mail clerk she’d berated for it—Maya and even Pearls sometimes whined to get their way, but Rarity was clearly in a class of her own! She gave him an incredulous look. “A ’shame’? A shame? I wasted my entire morning at that horrible post office! That is why I missed the trial! Naturally, I gave the postal manager a piece of my mind; I was so utterly infuriated! I can’t believe them! The nerve! The unmitigated gall! Nopony should ever have to be put through the ordeal I have to suffer! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy!” “Are you at least getting some form of compensation for this?” Phoenix hoped, if for no other reason than to defuse her still-simmering temper. To his relief, she deflated at that, though not for the reasons he first thought. “No, not at all. At the very least, they said they’d put in another shipment for me at no cost. It will take another week to get here, though,” Rarity frowned at her misfortune, but then her eyes lit up as she got an idea. “Oh! I know! Mister Wright, how about I give you a copy of my invoice?” she suggested, floating something off a random pile of papers on a table that almost looked like some kind of arts-and-crafts area for children, slightly out-of-place in the otherwise impeccably organized store. Already on edge, Phoenix tensed further upon hearing the word ‘invoice’. “What? I thought you weren’t charging me?” he started to panic, certain she wouldn’t accept his world’s currency and not even knowing what passed for money in this one. She looked startled. “Oh! No. No, no, no. I mean the invoice for my perfume.” That just confused Phoenix even more. “Why would I need that?” “You are a lawyer, correct? Perhaps once you have freed Rainbow Dash, you can use it to sue that horrible post office for the severe emotional distress I was put through today!” Rarity suggested as she floated the invoice to Phoenix, letting it settle in his lap. “And that, Mister Wright, is something I will quite happily pay you for!” “Uh… sure.” Phoenix decided he had best take it, lest he get assaulted with another terrifying rant. Then again, I do have constant money issues and civil litigation seems to be where the real money in the legal business is found! “You’ll show them, Mister Wright! That will teach them to put out more quill pens!” Rarity stated in satisfaction, making Phoenix give her a placating smile. “Right,” he said agreeably, trying to mollify her. “So, tell me more about this perfume you ordered?” he asked her, suddenly thinking that if he did need money before leaving this world, perhaps he could negotiate a settlement with the shipping company for her and settle his debts that way? The fashionista pony perked up at that. “Oh, by the sun and moon above, by all reports it is simply to die for, Mister Wright!” Her expression turned dreamy. True to his profession, Phoenix immediately picked up on a contradiction by omission. “’By all reports’? You mean you don’t know?” Strike the witness statement as hearsay, Your Honor! “Oh. Well, admittedly, I only know it by reputation. It’s a rare fragrance after all. ‘Like morning dew on a blooming rose’—that’s its slogan!” Rarity proudly announced. Well, it’s certainly better than the slogan Maya thought up! Phoenix conceded. Los Angeles, California In-N-Out Burger June 10th, 2:36 PM Maya’s ears started burning while she ate her animal-style hamburger for a late lunch, strangely certain Phoenix was thinking ill of her advertising ideas. “So, you don’t like my ad campaigns, Nick? We’ll just see about that!” The teenage spirit medium immediately vowed to march down to his office and give him a piece of her mind for it, and then channel her big sister Mia so she could as well! Carousel Boutique June 10th, 2:37 PM Back in Equestria, Phoenix shivered and wondered why he had a sudden ill feeling about back home. “And you’re getting a whole shipment of it?” he asked Rarity, thinking she would have to be quite rich to be able to afford so much of that rare perfume. Then again, she does have all these gems? “Just one bottle, actually,” Rarity corrected. Phoenix was surprised at that. “I’m looking at the invoice here, and that’s a lot of zeroes for one bottle,” he told her, tapping the piece of paper, wondering what the Earth/Equestrian exchange rate would be for a ‘bit’. “Not surprising. It’s very exotic, hard-to-make and it’s very long-lasting, you see. The aroma lingers for days and is said to leave a lasting impression in the noses of all who encounter it! In fact, it’s said that one bottle can easily suffice for a year’s worth of use,” Rarity explained. “You wanna wear perfume, Feenie? You know that’s for girls, right? Then again, I guess it would go with that badge you have,” Pinkie teased him, causing Phoenix to groan again. Rarity’s blue eyes locked on to his left jacket lapel. “Badge? You mean… this thing?” she raised his collar enough from her workbench to present the heart-shaped badge pinned there. He looked at it and sighed. “Yeah. That’s my Equestria Defense Attorney Badge. Please tell me at least you think it looks good?” Phoenix all but pleaded with her, hoping that if she loved his suit and hair, she might actually compliment the badge as well. His heart sank when he saw her hesitate. “Compared to your suit and hair…” she trailed off, trying to find the right words only to realize there really were none. “Eh… the pink is too much, honestly,” she finished tactfully, shaking her head apologetically. “And the lace clashes with the crispness of your suit. I understand you must wear it, but that badge is not any sort of fashion statement I would be willing to make, Mister Wright. I would be more than happy to design you a new one, if you wish?” “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think they’d accept it in court.” Phoenix ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. Even the citizens of this place can see this thing looks embarrassingly stupid! he growled to himself, vowing that before he left Equestria he’d have some choice words with whoever had made it for him. “And no, Pinkie, I didn’t want to wear the perfume! I was just wondering why it’s so darn expensive!” “It set me back considerably, but as they say—quality has its price! And I’m hoping wearing such a rare and exquisite scent might get me some more favorable attention when I mingle in certain circles,” Rarity explained. “Every little bit helps, after all! And here you are, Mister Wright! Your suit is as good as new!” She snipped off the last sewing knot with a pair of small scissors and then floated him back his suit jacket, holding it up in the air like it was on a hanger. Relieved, he reached up to grasp it, feeling a slight tingling sensation as his fingers passed through her visible aura—it wasn’t unpleasant, just a little odd, almost like a low-level electric current playing over his skin. Her sapphire-blue aura dissipated as he accepted it, holding up the sleeve to study her work. “Oh, wow! You did a really good job patching it up, Miss Rarity! I can’t even see where you sewed it!” Phoenix praised her, knowing if he’d had the job done back home, his tailor would have told him to leave it overnight and royally overcharged him for it. She blushed a bit at the compliment, picking the jacket back up with her magic and opening the front so he could simply turn around to put it on. “It was my pleasure, Mister Wright! Please do take better care of your suit in the future, but if you have any more problems with it, don’t hesitate to come to me! I would be more than happy to take on such a fine work of art again!” she offered, completing her service by simultaneously running several lint brushes over his suit and slacks. He nodded quickly, wishing he could come to her for all his clothing needs at that point, idly wondering if Twilight could open a permanent portal between his office and Equestria so he could have all the good coffee, cupcakes, and suit-making services he needed. True, he’d probably have to endure an occasional rant from Rarity and plenty of sheer randomness from Pinkie, but as he thought about it, he realized they were good people—er, ponies—and their personality quirks really weren’t much different or worse than those of the folks he knew back home. Wow—I think I’m actually starting to like this place! he realized in some wonder. Of course, if I want to visit more, I’ll have to make amends with Twilight first... “Thank you, Miss Rarity. You really helped me out of a jam! I was brought here so abruptly I literally arrived only with the clothes on my back. This is the only suit I have while I’m here in Equestria,” he told her as she slipped his arms into the jacket, pulling it on. Her eyeridges shot up. “Your only suit?” Rarity repeated, then gasped. “IIIIIIDDDEEEEEAAAA!!” she exclaimed, making Phoenix start again. “How about I make you another one, Mister Wright? It would be my greatest pleasure! I have never designed stallion businesswear before, but perhaps it is time to expand my horizons into male human fashion as well! Oh! I know! I could start by encrusting the lapel with some rubies! Red and blue go well together, but a little topaz might bring out the deep brown of your eyes!” Phoenix was about to say no, insisting she’d been generous enough and courtroom attire was generally too conservative to allow for him wearing a gem-encrusted suit (Redd White’s outfit at Maya’s murder trial notwithstanding), but Rarity didn’t give him a chance. “But why stop with just a suit? Accessories are important as well! Maybe some sunglasses would match the, dare I say it, ‘pizzazz’ of that hair of yours! Royal blue really is your color, but maybe we can give you a suit of an equivalent purple or lavender with embedded amethyst! As I said, purple is my favorite color and you would look simply ravishing in it!” She kept going on and on, clearly lost in the world of her own imagination, leaving Phoenix wondering whether she was trying to dress him for a trial or a date. After a minute of non-stop stream-of-consciousness from the unicorn fashionista, he finally realized that she wasn’t going to stop and he wasn’t going to be able to get a word in edgewise. “Uh… she seems to have gone off on a tangent?” He turned to Pinkie, who at that moment seemed to him the saner of the two ponies. To his surprise, she gave him a rather wry and knowing look. “Yeah. She’ll probably be like this for the next hour or so,” his new earth pony friend spoke from what sounded like long experience as Rarity kept her monologue going in the background. “Oh. Well, I guess we should leave her to it, then. I'm not sure where we should go next, though,” Phoenix wondered aloud as he refastened his jacket buttons. Maybe the forest clearing from last night? “Fluttershy’s cottage!” Pinkie immediately answered, and in a surprisingly authoritative tone. Both the answer and the certainty with which she delivered it caught Phoenix short. “Fluttershy’s cottage? Why do you want to go there?” he asked her curiously. It wasn’t part of the crime scene, and—his accusation of Fluttershy aside—he didn’t expect they would find any evidence there; just tons of police trying to find if the feather he’d presented at the end of proceedings came from one of her exotic birds. “So you can meet somepony new!” she explained brightly. Yet again, Phoenix was caught off guard by her seemingly nonsensical statement. “Somepony new? What do you mean?” “Exactly what I said! My right front hoof itches! That means that somebody I know is thinking bad things about somepony else I know!” she informed him. “And since it’s my hoof nearest you, Feenie, that means that you are the one somepony is thinking bad things about!” “This again?” Phoenix rubbed his eyes, ultimately deciding to just go with it. “Fine, I’ll humor you, Pinkie. So what does that have to do with Fluttershy’s cottage?” he asked as Rarity continued on with her tangent in the background, now drawing furiously on some scrap scrolls. “Nothing, silly! But the fact that one of my eyelashes is quivering means that something strange will happen there!” I’m going to regret asking, but… “And how does that follow, Pinkie Pie?” “Because it’s the third eyelash on the bottom eyelid of my right eye! Duh!” she told him, then produced a scroll from somewhere in her mane that detailed all her various body quirks and twitches plus their meaning. Incredulously, he accepted the scroll and unrolled it, finding a handwritten—or is that hoofwritten? Muzzle-written?—note titled “PINKIE SENSE” in underlined large block letters and indexed by body part and type of motion. He scanned quickly down the surprisingly well-organized document until he found… “Third eyelash means unusual events… right eye indicates the location is a friend’s home you haven’t been to yet that day… and the fact that it’s the bottom eyelid means that a meeting will take place there…?” he recited in disbelief. “Okay. So how do you know it’s Fluttershy’s home? I don’t see anything in here for that, Pinkie!” he challenged, certain he had her, only to abruptly blush when he read a little further down and noticed what a knee wobble meant. She has body tics for… THAT? This time, she gave him a chiding look. “Seriously? By simple process of elimination! Rainbow Dash’s house is in the air, so neither of us could reach it! You’ve already been to my home—Sugar Cube Corner—so it can’t be there either! It’ll be raining on Twilight’s treehouse and AJ’s home soon, so nopony will be walking there, meaning there’ll be nopony there to meet! So all that leaves is Fluttershy’s house!” she told him. “I mean, come on, Feenie! Aren’t you a lawyer? I thought you were supposed to be good at logical deductions!” “Silly me,” a facepalming Phoenix replied, uncertain if she was teasing him or not. Starting to think she’s a lot smarter than she seems at first glance? “Fine, Fluttershy’s cottage it is. It’s on the way to the forest clearing anyway.” “That too! See ya there, Feenie!” With that, Pinkie took off, bounding out the door. “Pinkie Pie! Wait!” Phoenix called out, but she was already out the exit and halfway across the road. He had to sigh at that, wondering if he’d ever fully understand her. And why does she always run ahead of me like that? I better follow her though. If nothing else, she does seem to have a talent for stumbling onto stuff! he decided as he followed her out and immediately broke into a run, trying to keep her in view as she bounded her way out of town.